What was the meanest thing a family member ever said or did to you?

[cgcw]

Originally posted by arminnie
Yes, I'd be real tempted to say to your SIL "That's a great idea about taking turns. Let's see - I have already taken care of her for 1000 weeks, let me know when you have taken care of her that long and then it will be my turn again."

This is exactly how I would respond too.

When I was 3 months pregnant with my DS10, my mom had a stroke. Two months later she was ready to get out of the nursing home but no one in our family offered to help her or made any suggestions. DH & I took her into our home. We became her only care givers even though I come from a family of 6.

When I was 30 weeks pregnant, I was hospitalized with complications (big surprise, huh?? high blood pressure??). Anyway, DH was left with my mom to care for. No one in my family stepped up to help. DH was calling agency after agency looking for a caregiver. In fact, my one sister was going behind his back and saying that we didn't really want a caregiver. They left the whole entire care of my mom in my DH's lap. Not only was he concerned about the health and well being of his wife and unborn child, he had to worry about my mom too.

Finally, DH couldn't take it any more and said something to one of my sisters. They finally found my mom a place of her own with a caregiver. As I was still in the hospital, I knew nothing of what was happening in the "real world".

It's sad, but I have said many times over, when the rest of my family steps up and does their share, as DH & I did for the 2 months my mom lived here and we cared for her day and night, then I would begin helping again. Two months may not sound like a long time and it isn't compared to some who have cared for others, but when there were other very capable adults who could have helped out, I am very bitter about it all. It sounds very cold and is nothing against my mom. Amazingly in the end, when they have had to, my family has contributed towards her care.


As for the original question, there have been many, many things over the years which have been very cruel. I am much better off emotionally not rethinking those events.

 

[Kristi1357]

First of all, to all of you! Lauri, don't let this SIL get you down - take care of you first!

I have a couple things from the ex's family that are funny, now they are anyway:

Ex-H (not dh, ha!) became somewhat abusive when he knew I was catching on to his cheating, drugs and alcohol abuse. We had a fight which ended with him throwing me up against a door and biting my upper arm. I didn't tell anyone at first, but took pictures of it the best I could by myself (very helpful during the divorce!). Sometime later ex-MIL was berating me for "nagging" ex-DH to stop smoking. I finally lost it with this woman who would do anything to cover for her 6 deliquent sons. I pulled up me sleeve and showed her the circular black & blue on my arm and how it go there. She told me I probably deserved it since I was always "nagging" him not to drink, do drugs, stay out all night, etc. HELLO?! This woman abused her sons all their lives, although I never knew until I was getting divorced and another ex-DIL told me. Not to excuse his behavoir in any way, but there was an underlying reason for it.

Again, told to me by another now ex-DIL of this "family:" When ex-MIL saw my wedding announcement to DH in the local paper, her and ex-BIL commented, "wonder how long this marriage will last?" As if, again, the demise of my first marraige was my fault. Yeah, I pushed him out the door and his pants mysteriously fell off around his subordinate at work, force-fed him alcohol & drugs, etc... I've been HAPPILY married to DH now for 5 years - your son didn't even last 2 with me without cheating and going bezerk!

I know these things aren't nearly as bad as most have gone through. But, I have learned that being happy & having a good life really is the best revenge with these types of hateful people!

Ex-H is now married to one of the much younger girls he was cheating on me with. She really is pure evil and he got what he deserved in the end. She used to harrass me at my 2nd job, egged my car, made prank calls for 1-2 years, etc. But he wanted "someone he could party with." God help him if he cheats on her - which he will do eventually (if not already)!

 

[llij]

Originally posted by eek40
When I was eight my cousin died, it was ruled as a suicide and I really didnt understand it all. My school was very...different and one of my teachers asked me if I told him how much I loved him before he died. I said no, I was mad at him because he threw me in the pool without my life jacket on and that I didnt kiss him goodbye or tell him I love him, she said maybe if you told him he would be alive. Well you know how an eight year olds mind works. I took that as I killed him. My family all arrived for Thanksgiving and I was running around trying to make everyone happy so that they wouldnt know that it was my fault that he died. My Grandma(fathers side) was sitting on the steps leading down to our basement and she was crying hard. I sat by her and asked her why she was so sad. She said that K was the only one who would have been able to carry on the family name. I said well Grandma I will keep the family name and give it to my children. She looked at me and said. "You are the last one I want carrying on the family name, your not even really a M anyways" I said what yes I am, she said no you are not really, you have none of our blood in you. I was adopted at 1 month old but never until then did I ever care that I was adopted, then I thought that it would mean that I didnt really belong. Years later the same Grandma had promised us all a special family ring when all us girls turned 16. My cousins were several years older than me and I could hardly wait until I got my special family ring. My birthday came and I got a card saying that since I wasnt family, no ring. Instead she sent me two hand towels with flamingos on them. To this day, I am now 33, this still bothers me, she has been dead for many years but I still feel the sting of her words.
Aimee

Aimee,

I'm am so sorry to hear how your grandmother treated you. It absolutely broke my heart. I had a grandma like that. Hugs to you.

 

[gr8tpanther]

My dad tells me that he doesn't have any kids! And has always said that I should never have been born!

 

[missypie]

Originally posted by Planogirl
Is anyone else as amazed as I am that so many of us have gone through these things? I HATE that people have been made so miserable but I have to admit that it's almost a relief to know that I'm not alone. I'm so sad for everyone though.

Playing amateur psychologist, do you think that is why the folks are all big fans of The Happiest Place on Earth???

 

[arminnie]

Originally posted by missypie
Playing amateur psychologist, do you think that is why the folks are all big fans of The Happiest Place on Earth???

Yes, I really do believe that. I fortunately did not suffer the terrible abuse that so many did here, but I did have to grow up way too quickly. Due to grinding poverty I started working at 11 (babysitting) and then proceeded to work practically every waking moment I was not in school through my teens.

No play time, no vacations. And this continued for most of my working career. I could count on one hand the number of vacations I took (other than visiting family) in my 35+ years of working.

I went to WDW in 1980 for a long weekend and really wanted to go back but never seemed to have the time or money to go. In the early 90s I had 7 business trips to Orlando in one year. I bought an AP and would go at night or go a day early - I still never went for more than 2-3 days.

I took early retirement almost 3 years ago after some major medical problems. I spent months barely able to move. My first trip almost a year later was to WDW. I could only walk so far and then I had to rest.

Fast forward to the present. I just got back, I'm going next month for a week and again in December for two weeks. I love being a child again there. I'm making up for lost time.

 

[missypie]

Arminnie, your story reminds me of my mom. The eldest girl of 7 kids, very poor, she'd be kept home from school to help her mom with housework and the younger kids, never ever ever had a vacation until she was an adult. And yes, on our family trips to DL, WDW, Six Flags, SHE was the one who kept us there 'till closing. (As an adult, she also went though a phase where she bought Madame Alexander dolls for herself. Of course I have them now, because she got tired of how much space they took up. )

 

[momof2inPA]

These stories make me feel fortunate that my parents were mean to each other but pretty nice to me and my sisters.

MeanLaureen, I think your beef should be more with your brother than your sister-in-law. My disabled sister had lived with us off and on since my mother died, and I would not dream of having my husband be responsible for her care each and every day. Your mom is not your sil's mom, and your brother needs to realize that. Sadly, respite care costing $25/hr is sometimes necessary when caring for an adult dependent relative.

Obviously, if you are too ill to care for your mom and your siblings are not willing to do so, someone should look into long term care for your mom. It's better to do it early so that you have more choices.

My sister currently lives with my other sisters, but they have been fortunate to receive phenomenal help from the state. I take her for weeks at a time when I can and help and anytime my sisters ask, but if I were ill, they would not ask.

I hope this all works out, and your family supports each other. As the baby boomers age, so many families will have to deal with this situation.

 

[miche61]

I'm so sorry for everyone and their stories. But, we wouldn't be who we are now if it weren't for some bumps along the way.

Now, for my side:
In July 1999, my mother had a stroke. We all took care of her, she recovered very well. Fast forward to Dec. 2000. We were just back from Russian in Oct. 2000, with our two new additions DD4 and DS4. There were so many new things, overwhelming adjustments for them, we thought that having Christmas at our house not my mother's would be better for the kids. They would be more familiar with their surroundings, and there would be a comfortable place for them to get away from all the stimulation of Christmas- new sights, sounds, smells, etc. DIL's were very okay with that. My mom wasn't real happy about it. Christmas should be at her house. I told her we would be at our house, everyone was more than welcome to come (The protective Mom side of me came out). Mom called my Brother, he was dead set against having it at our house. Mom started crying, Bro's wife called me up and yelled at me. "How dare you make her cry. She doesn't need that." I was so mad, and still am very upset about it to this day. I was never mean or cruel. I just stated the reasons we needed this Christmas to be at our house, and everyone was welcome to visit. In the end, everyone did come to our house, but I still am not happy with SIL.

Now, summer of 2003, my three kiddos are playing on the swingset at my mom's with SIL's son. My kids are more daring than her son. SIL makes the comment, "Oh, well, if something happens to one of them, you still have two more." It was all I could do to stop from saying, "Well, if something happens to your son, you can MAKE another one?"

Ahh, now I'm all wound up again. Life's too short to worry about people saying stupid things I guess, but we do.

 

[eek40]

Thank you. I dont know why it still hurts when I think of it, but I am a adult survivor of many kinds of abuse and think that I came out ok I think that the theory on why we are wdw fans is correct. It was the one place where nothing bad could happen to me, it was the one place where I could be a child again. It was the place that had magic in it and put the magic in me. Ok now I want to plan a trip to wdw, anyone else?

Originally posted by llij
Aimee,

I'm am so sorry to hear how your grandmother treated you. It absolutely broke my heart. I had a grandma like that. Hugs to you.

 

[MELSMICE]

Wow - some of you have been through so much. My heart goes out to you.

My stories (nothing in comparison to some of yours, but mean just the same).

I own my own dance studio so I teach in the evenings & on weekends. During the day I do paper work, lesson plans & run errands for my business. During a family get together with the in-laws my BIL & SIL (DH's bro & his wife) said to me "well, you only teach dancing, you really don't work anyway". I was so angry that I walked away. When we got in the got car I didn't say a word - DH just looked at me & said "I know, I heard it all, you were definitely the bigger person by just walking way". I still get annoyed by it.

Another time my FIL made a rude comment. We were at in-laws house with my 3 DD's - about 3, 1 & 1 at the time. My SIL (same one as above) was pregnant with their 1st baby. FIL said "Well, I sure hope that this grandchild has some outdoor plumbing". I was floored that he would say this - especially in front of me & my DD's - well, I know my DD's were too young to understand (thank goodness). That one still bothers me. I really don't think it was intended the way it sounded, but it still shouldn't have been said.

 

[Mary Ellen]

mother told my 2 DBs & me innumerous times while growing up, basically how we had made her life miserable and that she couldn’t wait until we had children of our own so we could see how miserable she was. Now, I realize many parents tell their children that they can’t wait until they have children of their own, but we heard this SO many times – and with such venom, I don’t find it surprising that none of us had children. (We’re all late 40s, early 50s so it isn’t going to happen).

Of course, we’ve been told that by not providing her with grandchildren, it just goes to show how selfish we truly are. Like any of us would let children near her - IF we did have them, as she was also physically abusive.

Actually my brothers have nothing to do with her – one of them by his MDs orders. He has physical problems and the stress of being around her aggravates his problems and he was hospitalized with life threatening problems after the last 2 times he saw her.

We are all happy adults and all happily married. She is alone and miserable.

 

[ellyn2000]

I really thought I had something to add to this until I read all of the terrible things other posters have had to endure during their life. I've certainly had some hurts in my life, but never the kind that leave the kind of scars some of you have had to rise above. Bless you all.

 

[Cocamami]

My family's (and extended family's) issues are way too crazy to get into here, maybe I'll start another thread about them.

To all who have had people comment on their weight, I feel your pain. I never lost the weight after my son (He was my third kid in 4 years time), and my family has never let me forget how thin and pretty I "used to be".

At family reunions, I'm constantly reminded of how fat I've gotten. My mom, grandmom and others have tried to let these people know that it's hurtful to me, but to no avail. I used to get really bothered by these comments, but I learned to thicken my skin and not let them get to me. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood and I take the low road and snap back "Yeah, I'm fat but you're ugly I can lose weight if I want".

...I know, I know I shouldn't stoop, but after 6 years of the same people saying the same things, I can't always keep quiet.

Another comment-

I do think that some of my childhood (and adulthood) experiences helped contribute to my obsession with "The Happiest Place on Earth". I do not apologize for my extreme love of all things Disney, I embrace it. Disney is a safe haven for me, a place where I can escape from reality, be a kid with my own kids, and skip without feeling weird .

To all those who were hurt by those they loved: I really do believe that laughter and success (however you measure it) are the best revenge. We've all been fortunate enough to come to the DIS and find friends who understand us and support us through good and bad times. Having great friends makes me feel successful. I am grateful to you all for contributing to this success.

Now, off to find a fluff thread so I can laugh!



Note: Corrected for grammatical errors

 

[micki7337]

See, it really is a small, small world. Unfortunately, I wish we didn't have all these scars in common. I have thought long and hard trying to understand how a family members can say and do things that are so hurtful.

For years, I believed I must be a horrible person if my own mother couldn't/wouldn't love me. But over the past few years I have convinced myself that she had/has the problem, not me. She left when I was 18 - and basically told me and my 3 DBs that she didn't want to be a mother anymore. Altho, she did offer to stay if the 4 of us agreed to "never grow up and never leave me." Fortunately the 4 of us refused that offer and she walked out the door. The last time I saw or heard from her since was in 1988 - at my DGram's (her mother) funeral when she attempted to remove jewelry from my DGrams fingers while she was lying in the coffin! Later that day she cursed "us" all to h*ll. So that's my lasting memory!

I have had times when I wanted my mom. Especially when I was expecting my daughter. Fortunately, I realized that I wanted someone that didn't exist and that she would probably rejected me again - so why bother.

The thing that totally baffles me is that there are 15 beautiful grandchildren (including a set of twins and a set of triplets!) that call someone else MomMom! My DD4 knows I have a real mother out there somewhere and that her MomMom is my step-mother.

I doubt we will even know when she passes away since she has no contact with any family - including her DSs and DB. On the brighter side, while the scars are there they have faded over time. I just wonder if she regrets saying/doing the things she did and I hope someday I get to hear her say she's sorry before it's too late.

 

[depplyinluv]

wow, mine doesn't really compare to more of the heavier ones here...


my dad calls me 'ruben' after the singer, ruben studdard. if you've never seen what this guy looks like, he is well, rather large. Not a day goes by without me being called fat in some way, shape, or form. but really it's my mom who is worse. she tells me that i am an ungrateful little 'bleep' nearly every day, among other things, and it's always been like that. If there is a swear word out there, it's been uttered on more than a few occasions.

my (younger) brother is 4 years behind me. You would think that would influence him maybe a little not be excessively rude to me, but no. I honestly believe that he calles me fat over 10 times a day. I never knew why my family got the notion that i was fat, but with all due respect maybe they need to rethink what their definition of that awful word is. My brother thinks im fat because i don't play sports like he does and im bigger than him...but he makes the fat jokes just like my parents. According to him im lazy too, and im stupid.But what really gets me is that my parents do nothing to stop him, they never have. It's funny how sometimes the influence that parents have on their kids is probably never meant.

to the rest of you- you stories are heart wrenching, and my heart goes out to all of you!

 

[Amberle3]

Originally posted by Cocamami
Sometimes I'm just not in the mood and I take the low road and snap back "Yeah, I'm fat but your ugly I can lose weight if I want".

I've become rather fond of things like:
'I can always lose weight, it'll be much harder for you to find some class"

I also know, I shouldn't do it. For the most part I just ignore them. Thankfully virtually all of my family is overweight so I don't get any comments from them.

 

[depplyinluv]

Originally posted by Amberle3
I've become rather fond of things like:
'I can always lose weight, it'll be much harder for you to find some class"

I also know, I shouldn't do it. For the most part I just ignore them. Thankfully virtually all of my family is overweight so I don't get any comments from them.

those are great comebacks!

 

[Tinkbell]

My mom took me on a weekend vacation when I was 6 years old. When we came home, my dad was completely moved out. Neither of us saw it coming. That was pretty traumatic and confusing to a six year old.

 

[Cocamami]

Amberle, I'll have to try that one next time I feel like stooping.