What was the meanest thing a family member ever said or did to you?

[Kallison]

Originally posted by danacara
My parents divorced when I was six, but my father had a total breakdown a few years later. We never spent much time with him before or after, but the loss of child support was a major hit, we lived hand to mouth for years. To him, I was always "the smart one" and my younger sister was always "the pretty one." When I got into his alma mater but couldn't attend it due to the fact that um, Dad, there is no money here because you are so far in arrears, I have to go to the cheapest place I can for the sake of my siblings - he was so angry, he FILED SUIT to dispute my paternity. He also provided the court with a list of men he theorized "could be" my father, pretty funny given that the legal reason for my parents' divorce was his own adultury, and he later married the woman he'd been carrying on with.

The whole thing was thrown out of court in fifteen minutes. The last ten were the judge, from the bench, just tearing into him. "This is a daughter that any man would be proud of," "what she has accomplished given the obstacles is so impressive," "this case is an insult," he went on and on and I don't think my father even fully understood until that point just how crazy he'd become. I have the transcript and it's great for my self esteem, I flip through it from time to time.

All's well that ends well, I say.

Wow Dana -- your Dad was angry because you went to Princeton?!!

 

[minnie56]

We don't get to pick our families and we get what we get!

When my Mum passed away in October 2002 there were disagreements between the girls (sister an I) and our brother. Silly things...just dumb...but when all was said and done, he said we were 'Null and Void"in his eyes. We haven't spoken since.

I often think our Mum must be looking down in shame at us....

 

[olena]

My sister broke my ring finger in high school. I was holding my bathing suit in my hand and the straps were around my fingers. She decided she was going to take it away from me and pulled with all her might. I couldn't release and the bone shattered into my joint. I now have a slightly crooked ring finger.

 

[LisaZoe]

When I was 14, my Mom, youger sister and I stopped by to visit my paternal grandparents after we'd gotten registered at our new schools (we'd just moved from one town to another). While there, my Mom asked if I was going to tell Grandma & Grandpa what classes I had. I, thinking I was funny, said "Do you think they're interested" and then proceeded to tell them.

I noticed that Grandma was crying just before she left the room. Grandma did things like that at times without us kids really knowing why so I didn't realize I'd hurt her feeling until my Mom told me. I immediately went to apologize to Grandma, in tears myself at the thought of having hurt her, and she said "Well, I've always known you don't love me but I thought you loved your grandfather." Of course I cried even harder and tried to say that I did love her but she'd hear nothing of it just telling me I should dry my eyes or my mascara was going to run (she did this in an oh so caring manner).

I have to say that my Mom went ballistic when she found out what her MIL had said to me. She sent my sister and I to the car and chewed Grandma out (Mom had always tried to be a good DIL biting her tongue over the many things Grandma said that hurt us and Mom). This time, though, Grandma had gone too far, I guess. We went home... and the Grandparents followed shortly behind because Grandpa let Grandma know that she might have just done something that would mean she'd see us less.

To be honest, I never quite forgave Grandma for lashing out at me like that. As an adult, I can understand she had mental problems most of her life but the hurt kid in me still can't completely forgive the pain that was caused by someone who had meant so much to me.

 

[arminnie]

Originally posted by geffric
Lauri maybe you need to remind her and the rest of the family that you took care of your mother for the past 5-6 years, so you have done your part and done your weeks and it is now time for the others to step up...

Yes, I'd be real tempted to say to your SIL "That's a great idea about taking turns. Let's see - I have already taken care of her for 1000 weeks, let me know when you have taken care of her that long and then it will be my turn again."

 

[eek40]

When I was eight my cousin died, it was ruled as a suicide and I really didnt understand it all. My school was very...different and one of my teachers asked me if I told him how much I loved him before he died. I said no, I was mad at him because he threw me in the pool without my life jacket on and that I didnt kiss him goodbye or tell him I love him, she said maybe if you told him he would be alive. Well you know how an eight year olds mind works. I took that as I killed him. My family all arrived for Thanksgiving and I was running around trying to make everyone happy so that they wouldnt know that it was my fault that he died. My Grandma(fathers side) was sitting on the steps leading down to our basement and she was crying hard. I sat by her and asked her why she was so sad. She said that K was the only one who would have been able to carry on the family name. I said well Grandma I will keep the family name and give it to my children. She looked at me and said. "You are the last one I want carrying on the family name, your not even really a M anyways" I said what yes I am, she said no you are not really, you have none of our blood in you. I was adopted at 1 month old but never until then did I ever care that I was adopted, then I thought that it would mean that I didnt really belong. Years later the same Grandma had promised us all a special family ring when all us girls turned 16. My cousins were several years older than me and I could hardly wait until I got my special family ring. My birthday came and I got a card saying that since I wasnt family, no ring. Instead she sent me two hand towels with flamingos on them. To this day, I am now 33, this still bothers me, she has been dead for many years but I still feel the sting of her words.
Aimee

 

[nealymouse]

WOW Aimee, Im so sorry this happend to you.

I have 3 adopted daughters, Up intill the day my Mom died she loved my 3 girls as much as she loved my 2 sisters and my brother.

Now my MIL is different. She took years to except our girls as her own. My DH 1st 2 bio sons were treated so much better. Over the years she has mellowed. I think her seeing DH bio sons head over heels in love with their little sisters has helped.

My sister once said I was LUCKY. I know it does not sound mean but at the time I was working 20 hours a day (Not kidding) and we just bought our 2nd home. My sister was sitting at home having babies in a rented house and was mad at me because I had so much more then she did.

 

[arminnie]

This is just about the meanest thing I've ever heard - it was said to my Dad not to me.

My dad and his siblings were abandoned when my dad was two. He was literally in a "poorhouse" in rural Tennessee.

A family from Detroit was visiting in the area. They thought he was really cute, and took him home with them - sort of like a little puppy dog. This was over 80 years ago and there were no social services, etc.

They never told him about any of this, and he thought they were his parents. He was in his teens when they finally had children of their own.

When he was about 15 years old - in the middle of the depression - they told him "Oh by the way you are not really our child - you can leave now." And he did - no education, no job, no family and no name. He didn't find his siblings until he was in his 20s.

 

[bumcat]

My dad when I was 13 told me that my mother divorced him because she didn't want us kids. (He got custody). Truth was he was a mean drunk that beat her and caused her to lose two babies - one was almost 9 months old. Sad to say at the time he was the more "fit" parent, sorta. She was good to us but naive and ignorant. She committed suicide when I was 13.

My stepmother - when my sister was 5 and I was 8 drove us to an orphanage and told us that one day she was going to dump us there.

My dad told me that I was so stupid that I wouldn't make it into a (racial slur) college.

When I told him I was getting married he said, "do you really want to look at that ugly face across the breakfast table for the rest of your life?"



If I write all the names we were called I would probably get banned for using them so I wont.
Sometimes I think the verbal abuse was worse than the physical abuse as crazy as that sounds.
When my brother and I were little we use to plan ways to kill him.
I haven't seen him in 15 yrs and never will.
I told my brother not to call me when dear old dad dies because I would not be attending his funeral. My brother said he would go but he certainly wasn't going to cry over him. I can't even print the disgusting things he did to my brother when he was little.
My brother was born an asthmatic and my dad (God I hate that word dad) would beat him. Later when my brother was a teen he told him that the reason he beat him was so that he would be more scared of the devil than his illness???

 

[Amberle3]

Gosh, I had been thinking of the time my cousin tried to drown me, until I read some of these replies. Then I realized that my father must have said a thousand nasty things, and done a thousand more. I honestly didn't even think of him at first, because I truly don't count him as family any more.

When I was a toddler I had a bruise in the shape of his bootprint on my back for weeks, from where he literally kicked me across the room.

He used to call me fat, ugly and stupid. At the time I wasn't any of those - I was maybe 3 when he started saying that to me! By 3 I was already reading books. He didn't graduate high school. I think he was intimidated by the thought of having a child smarter than he was.

There are many, many more things that I couldn't possibly post here. For the most part I've left them in my past, and refuse to allow them any place in my present or my future. He abused me enough as a child, I don't see any point in allowing continuing negative thoughts to haunt me as an adult.

That being said, I went through a semi-disturbing incident last month. I had a notice that a courier had tried to deliver a package to me, kinda. I changed my last name when my parents divorced, my mother kept her married name. The name on the package was my OLD name, in other words it was my first name, my father's last name. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was, and my only thought was that perhaps he had died and I was being sent something as a result.

I was actually kind of relieved at the thought that he might be dead. Before we decided to have our wedding in Las Vegas I had feared that he'd show up at the wedding, although I (thankfully) haven't had any contact with him for 20+ years. Everytime I see a motorcycle I cringe and look at it hoping he's not on it (he loved his motorcycles more than anything). And then I began to worry that perhaps it said something really bad about my character that I was relieved that he might be dead.

The package turned out to be a computer part, they had my name and my mother's name mixed up in a couple of places. So I guess he's still around, and I have a few years left of hoping I don't run into him.

Oh, as for my cousin trying to drown me - was about 6, she was maybe 14 and she was playing around at a public pool. She didn't realize that she was holding me underwater a little too long, thankfully her older sister did.

 

[nativetxn]

My mother's parents were two of the most cruel people you could ever imagine. I don't know what hurt me worse, the physical abuse or the terrible things they said about their daughter (my mother) every day.

I had to live with them for two years. That was a tortuous time in my life.

 

[sandramaac]

My italian, rules the roost, MIL is the queen of the nasty one liner. About 8 years ago I had gained some weight--mommy weight. We were attending my brother in laws wedding and despite the fact of the extra weight, I bought an absolutely stunning pink pants suit. I had looked realy nice. However when the family pictures came back from the photographer, my mother in law was less than happy with my appearance in the pictures. She turned to me and said

"oh my god, you look like a great big fat polish princess in these pictures"

I was so hurt by that comment. She has had other gems through the years.

 

[chrissyk]

My dad's favorite thing to say to me was "you have no right...". That sentence ended with whatever he felt that I had no right to do at that moment. That included having friends, majoring in the kind of engineering that I wanted, buying a car with my own money AFTER college, driving, living on my own, getting married, buying a house...I could go on and on. In his eyes, I had no rights. It took me getting professional help to realize that I DO have basic human rights that he can't take away from me. Unfortunately, he has taken everything from my sister She still lives with him and my mother. As you might guess, whenever she tries to move out, he screams that she has no right

 

[bigbabyblues]

My mother--telling people that I had no business having a baby (I was 23, and married) because I didn't know how to take care of one, and that the baby might not even belong to my husband. Or was it before that, when she told a whole bunch of people I knew about my miscarriage and infertility issues and that I might never have kids, but that was ok, because I didn't know how to care for them anyway?

Yeah, one of those.

Steph

 

[Planogirl]

Is anyone else as amazed as I am that so many of us have gone through these things? I HATE that people have been made so miserable but I have to admit that it's almost a relief to know that I'm not alone. I'm so sad for everyone though.

 

[2BigKIdz]

It's sad to see how many nasty people there are in the world.

My father left my mother when I was 6 months old. We were supposed to be moving to Montana that day, he went out to run "errands" before we left. When he came back he announced that my mom and I were staying and he was taking his mistress and her 3 kids with him instead. He married her after divorcing my mom (my mom was his 3rd marriage).

I never had a lot of contact with him. He moved around, Montana, New Mexico, Wyoming and several moves back to VA in between. He moved back to VA for good when I was 14. He still lives here and is married to either his 5th or 6th wife. We're not sure how many wives he had out of state.

When I was about 10 he had a horrible fall and was out of work for a long time. My mother agreed he did not have to pay child support until he got back on his feet. He normally paid $125/mo. not much really. When I was 14 she found out that he had moved back to VA and was working and making over $100,000 year. So she took him to court to get her back child support and for him to start paying again, but not increase the amount.

He was furious, he came to our house and was fighting with my mom in the driveway and yelled "You should have had that abortion like I wanted you to." Yes, my mother confessed in tears, he never wanted me and had wanted her to have an abortion but she refused.

I have not had a conversation with him since then, and it's been 17 years. We used to bowl in the same league and would not speak to one another even while we bowled against each other.

He has told people the reason he has nothing to do with me is because I have been in a lot of trouble with the law (I have NEVER been in any sort of trouble), and that I dated and even married a black man (please don't take offense, this is not my opinion). I have been with my husband since I was 16 years old, he's really the only boyfriend I ever had, and he's as white as a sheet of paper. I don't know why he would make up lies except to make himself look better.

His 2 older sons both have 2 daughters, and he has nothing to do with them either. He must just be a really sad and miserable person.

I had a very difficult time growing up, to be rejected by one's parent is a hard thing to take. I thought there was something wrong with me for my own father to hate me so.

But I had a wonderful family. My mom's sister took us in and she was the greatest person I have ever known, had it not been for my father leaving I might not have had the relationship with her that I did.

Oh, and my MIL was wonderful. She told me when I married her son that he was mine now and could not be returned. She was never mean to me, even when her son and I had problems before we were marriend, she never blamed me or treated me unkind. Sadly, she passed away from breast cancer in 2001. My 2 SIL's are pretty cool too.

 

[txSleepingBeauty]

My God, it's absolutley amazing that all of you turned out to be normal functioning adults after the abuse heaped on you by sick parents. Makes any fat girl comments my dad or brothers might have said look like loving endearments! Icannot tell you how much readign this thread broke my heart, I feel for each and everyone of you.

Laurie, as for advice I can understand where you're coming from, but I can also understand your SIL's p.o.v too. We've been taking care of my grams for the last year, and even though she's in assisted living it's been hard financially, with none of her other children (with the exception of one) helping out either with time or money. It does get frustrating. I would just let your SIL know again that you wish you could help, but right now it sounds like your health is even more fragile than your mom's. Good Luck

 

[totalia]

What a really horrible thing to do to you. Some people are really mean.

The meanest thing someone has done to me...

There are two.

1. About 6 years ago, my sister almost died in a car crash. I lost two cousins in the same crash. My sister had to have 2 years of surgery and the doctors said she would never walk again or have children (happily, they were wrong). It took my dad 15 hours to get to the hospital (he lives half an hour away) when he was told that the doctors werent sure if my sister would survive for another hour. Then later, when she started getting a little better, we took my sister down to the cafeteria in the hospital. She couldn't sit up yet but she was there on a chair/gourney type thing to sit with us and get out of her room for a while. My dad came to visit and my mom (justifiably) refused to leave my sister alone. My stepmother called me later that night to tell me how horrible I was for not insisting that my mother leave while my dad was there. And that I should have taken her away. I hate that woman to this day for the things she said to me on the phone.

2. When my mother died, none of my family consoled me except my stepdad and my sister. NONE. No aunts, uncles, or cousins even talked to me (my biological father couldn't even be bothered with a phone call that lasted longer than 5 minutes and he didn't show up at the funeral to support my sister and I). They just looked at me and walked away. There were no kind words, no hugs, not even a card or flowers from my family members (my sister and my stepdad received all of those though). The people that consoled me were family friends. I think it really says that, at the time I most desperately needed them, they couldn't be there for me when I lost the single most important person in my life (my mom was my best friend since the time I was 10 years old. Losing her HURT and still does).

 

[delilah]

We had a situation similar to that of the OP with my grandmother. I was not one of the primary participants, so, my memory might be a little vague. My grandmother had three daughters, and as she got older, developed very severe dementia. She moved into our house when I was in 10th grade. We had four kids in our house, and really three bedrooms. My parents converted the family room downstairs to be their bedroom, and grandma got the master bedroom upstairs. My mom and her youngest sister alternated having grandma stay for a time with the families. This was necessary because both grandma and dad had very strong personalities and locked horns frequently. We lived in the Chicago area, and all lived within 20-30 minutes of each other. One disagreement with my dad resulted in my grandma wandering off and ending up sleeping on the floor of her childhood home in a dangerous neighborhood in Chicago.

My second year of undergrad, my parents decided to move to Gainesville, Florida, so that we older three siblings could attend Univ. of Florida. Grandma was coming with us. Dad wanted grandma to stay with her other daughters for a time so we could settle in. My mom's youngest sister wasn't able to keep her for any lenghth of time at the time we were moving, so Dad asked the third sister, who actually lived in Milwaukee at the time. She had suffered a "nervous breakdown" several years before, about six, and her husband told my dad no way she could stay with them. (We seem to have no shortage of bull-headed people in our family). So, grandma showed up by plane the Sunday after we arrived Friday (my aunt was able to keep her from Thursday to Sunday). Nobody in my family has kept any contact with the family from Milwaukee since then. I haven't heard from or seen my aunt or cousins since that time.

Now, you would think that with such stubborn people in my family that the worst thing somebody said or did to me would be one of my own. It wasn't. They all have said mean things, but don't compare to my in-laws. My in-laws somehow take issue with the fact that I am an intelligent and independent human being who would be competent and capable even if I weren't married to DH.
It's a long story. In summary, my FIL died when we were married about 5 months, in November. At Christmas time, my DH, MIL, DH's aunt, uncle and adult cousin were sitting around the dining room table, and they were discussing my MIL's financial affairs. It somehow came up that I wasn't a real member of the family, since I hadn't been born into the family, so when she made her will I should be written out of it, if by some chance my husband should predecease her. This was such a hateful, selfish thought that it still chills me, 26 years later. The irony of the situation is twofold. Ever since I finished medical school, we have given her regular monthly payments of about $200-600. We took out a second mortgage on her house, and made payments on the mortgage to make extensive repairs to her house (I haven't calculated how many thousands of dollars, it would make me sick).

And, irony of ironies, my brother was the attorney who drew up her will and her durable power of attorney, and we, DH and I, paid the bill for her. My husband is her guardian now. She is in a NH out of state. If by some chance, he should predecease her, I think I'll let her "real family" take over guardianship.

 

[Lorix2]

Christmas day 1997 our inlaws dog attacked our 5 y/o daughter on the head while my 6 week old son was on the side of her in his carseat getting ready to leave.

My inlaws never followed us to the hospital, never called for 4 days to see how she was because they were too upset by the fact that their dog might have to be put down. They acted completely selfish and we'll never forget it. That beast was put down 30 days later and my MIL had the nerve to call me and say "I hope you're happy now!". My SIL told me that the dog had bitten them several times before he got to my daughter.

THey never even offered to help pay the medical bill.