What to do with unwanted/unwelcome gifts??!!

[ready123go]

Although we have asked them numerous times not to, we have two relatives (my DF & hubby's DM) who insist on getting us gifts. Unfortunately these gifts are not anything we can use. They are also not anything anybody we know can use.

My DF lives several states away and I've spoken to him three times in the past thirty+ years. So that one isn't so hard. I just wish he would use his money for himself, as he has very little.

My DMIL, OTOH, lives 45 minutes away. She looks for her gifts each time she visits and was complaining the last time she was here that I have "Given away so many of the things she's given us."

She has given us things from her "collection" she doesn't want anymore, but she can't bring herself to throw away or donate. Or things that she really buys for herself, but then doesn't like or feels guilty keeping.

I really don't want her collection of artwork, clowns, nutcrackers, Christmas ornaments, enormous stereo cabinet from the Sixties, knock-off Cuckoo clock, Formica table, arcing/arched floor lamps, etc. etc. Although she has a fondness for these items, often neither her son (nor I) have. Even if we do like some of the items, we can't possibly fit them all into our house.

Just as an example, this past autumn, we got rid of a fire pit that was sitting in our backyard, but we haven't actually used in years. So guess what we received as a present last week? Yep. Brand-spankin'-new fire pit.

Of course we can (and will) just throw the new one together and put it in our backyard to let it rust for a decade - no biggie. But, I'm thinking of the bigger picture - she has always been a bit of a clutter-bug and I am not. And this situation is just escalating as she ages.

How have you (or others you know) dealt with this? I cannot seem to figure it out, as telling them outright hasn't worked.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Although we have asked them numerous times not to, we have two relatives (my DF & hubby's DM) who insist on getting us gifts. Unfortunately these gifts are not anything we can use. They are also not anything anybody we know can use.

My DF lives several states away and I've spoken to him three times in the past thirty+ years. So that one isn't so hard. I just wish he would use his money for himself, as he has very little.

My DMIL, OTOH, lives 45 minutes away. She looks for her gifts each time she visits and was complaining the last time she was here that I have "Given away so many of the things she's given us."

She has given us things from her "collection" she doesn't want anymore, but she can't bring herself to throw away or donate. Or things that she really buys for herself, but then doesn't like or feels guilty keeping.

I really don't want her collection of artwork, clowns, nutcrackers, Christmas ornaments, enormous stereo cabinet from the Sixties, knock-off Cuckoo clock, Formica table, arcing/arched floor lamps, etc. etc. Although she has a fondness for these items, often neither her son (nor I) have. Even if we do like some of the items, we can't possibly fit them all into our house.

Just as an example, this past autumn, we got rid of a fire pit that was sitting in our backyard, but we haven't actually used in years. So guess what we received as a present last week? Yep. Brand-spankin'-new fire pit.

Of course we can (and will) just throw the new one together and put it in our backyard to let it rust for a decade - no biggie. But, I'm thinking of the bigger picture - she has always been a bit of a clutter-bug and I am not. And this situation is just escalating as she ages.

How have you (or others you know) dealt with this? I cannot seem to figure it out, as telling them outright hasn't worked.

Donate the unwanted gifts to charity and be done with it.

 

[eliza61]

I have an elderly aunt. women is 90, she is the joy of the family and my siblings and I make it a point to visit and involve her in the family.

Anyhoo last year we took her shopping in Manhattan, I saw a pair of jeans that I thought were cute but those suckers were 200 bucks. Let me say that unless those jeans turn me into Beyounce, no way no how would I spend 200 bucks on the jeans.

as much as we tell her not to buy us gifts the more she does. I'v e spoken with her 2 sons my cousins and lol, they said "I am not getting cursed out because of you, we've had this discussion a thousand times, you're on your own".

I accept the gift, tell her I love her and keep it moving.

It's a gift. donate it, appreciate it in the spirit is was intended and let it go.

 

[ready123go]

What do you tell her if she were to complain after you have donated it? My DMIL is always so 'fragile'. She takes our not keeping her every household item so personally.

I am really scratching my head over how to handle her.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

We are the clumsiest people ever. Seems like uneeded stuff that is given to us is always breaking or getting lost. Maybe the dogs chew it, maybe the kid draws on it, maybe a bad painting mysteriously falls off the wall. Could even be a leak damaged a whole box of stuff in storage. Whatever it is, we just have the worst luck with unwanted gifts.

 

[ready123go]

@Happyinwonerland - that is exactly how I have managed up 'til now - lol!

 

[kimblebee]

Regift it back to her the next year..

 

[ready123go]

I really think the only thing that would make her happy, is if I decorated exactly like her.

She got us matching velour sweatsuits one year - hers in rust, mine in mauve (move over, Tony Soprano).

 

[NewRVLady]

I hear you ready.....luckily now my MIL seldom comes here and her memory is failing
I kept some things for a while then threw away...the worst was a plate with our wedding date painted on it...the bride and groom painted on it was simply ugly...I put in a drawer...we are big wine lovers and have simple wine glasses....she gave us some that has gold leaves around the goblet and green stems- like a prop from a Cleopatra movie in 1960.....those lived in my china cabinet a while ...

And I Know when we get old that my sons and wives have very different taste than us - so I won't do same to them!!

 

[Mizzoufan]

be grateful. When they are gone you will treasure them more than you will ever know.

 

[low-key]

keep them in a box in the basement, and pull out her unwanted junk when she stops by

 

[clh2]

love the regift it back to her idea!

 

[bsblady01]

put the stuff in a yard sale or donate it

 

[ronandannette]

be grateful. When they are gone you will treasure them more than you will ever know.

Not necessarily, but you will be glad you were at least kind and gracious. We and DH's siblings made an agreement regarding his DMom several years before she died. Whatever she tried to give us (and we're talking about eclectic old stuff she'd accumulated over the years; not heirlooms or gifts she'd purchased) we'd take and thank her sincerely. We then pretty much immediately disposed of the junk; it gave us a jump on the big purge that was needed when she passed away and we had to clean out the house. It always seemed to please her much more than our previous efforts to decline the items and say no, we really didn't want or need that thing.

 

[Jennasis]

Goodwill!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Donate the unwanted gifts to charity and be done with it.

This.

Sadly, she may complain, but OP--you are not obligated to become her de facto display arena of her clutter.

Of course--I wonder if you have ever told her that it is not necessary to give you gifts.

 

[TLSnell1981]

It's a gift. Be gracious and accept it in the spirit in which it was given.

 

[elphaba91]

It is a gift. Therefore it is your property and that means you can do whatever you want with it - you can use it, give it away, sell it, throw it out. It's yours and you should not feel guilty for doing what you want with your stuff. I think if I were you, however, I would try suggesting alternative gifts that you actually would like, even vouchers or charity donations. Or you could act like Emily in Gilmore Girls and frantically unpack it all from storage when she's coming over!

 

[cijay]

First thing I did was ask people to not give me anything. I was very clear about this that I don't have the space for things and if I need something, I will buy my own...please don't give me gifts. It's the thought that counts so just please think of me.

Next thing I did with the people who kept giving me things was thank them and let them know that it will be loved and enjoyed.

Then I would leave it out for someone to either break or say 'this is nice' and I could give it to them.

When the original person asked "where's the _________ that I gave you?" I would tell them that it is being loved and enjoyed by someone.

Eventually, people stopped giving me things. I don't feel guilty giving things away, I have asked them not to give me things. I have especially asked them not to give me valuable things.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Return for a refund or store credit if you can determine where it purchased from.

Otherwise, Regift, donate, or yard sale.

I like that "accidentally" damage it suggestion.