What to do in Disney when your husband hates Disney....

[stsomewhere]

After a few WDW trips, my husband and son decided that they did not want to go anymore except for an occasional visit to Epcot. (usually before or after a cruise). My daughter really wanted to go for Spring break last year. My husband chaperoned my son and his friends (college freshmen) on a cruise and I took my daughter (16) to WDW.
The guys had a great time and my daughter and I had a great time.

My daughter and her boyfriend wanted to go to WDW this year for Spring break. He heard what a terrific time we had and has never been there. There was some debate on who would go with them. I told them that I was willing to take them. Then, My husband decided that he wants to go this time. Go figure.

 

[LSUmiss]

Do you both go to things you hate?

I can’t see anything that involves being together as a family as something I “hate”. It might not be my favorite thing to do, but if DH or DS gets a lot of enjoyment from it, then I don’t hate it.

 

[LSUmiss]

It's curious how you're demarcating what OP didn't say -- all the while making assumptions about things also not said.

She said he said they can go alone.

 

[cabanafrau]

Op didn’t say that. I think that would be fine to compromise. I think it’s selfish that they want to be with him & he can’t get over himself enough to be somewhere he doesn’t like. If they’re talking about all going to a different destination instead that’s different. Op said they were going alone.

I didn’t say they need their father in WDW. I think it’s a need that they want to be with their father. No one ever said that going somewhere else was an option. Op said they were going alone.

To be fair, how much does OP's own desire to go to Disney factor in? I think that merits consideration when evaluating the situation.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I just think it’s selfish for the father to rather stay home alone than not want to be with his family. However you want to categorize it. If they’re discussing going somewhere else so the whole family can be together then great. But that’s not what op said.

You don't think it's selfish for the family to try to force the father to go somewhere he hates? He is an adult. He pays, I'm sure, at least half the bills for these kids and probably this vacation as well. Not every activity or vacation has to be done with every family member. What an insufferable way to live.

 

[mjkacmom]

Don't tell anyone but my husband and I used to flip a coin to determine which one had to go and watch my some of son's band concerts.

Don’t tell anyone, but if it’s something both of us would rather skip, DH goes! And if his entree is better than mine when we go out to eat, he will switch. Just last night, somehow dd14 ended up removing her brand new ear piercing at midnight, guess who managed to get a safety pin in it to keep it open until morning? I found out about it this morning (he’s also in charge of splinters, vomit, and dog poop).

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I merely selected Nascar because OP's husband likes cars. We only have girls here too. Gender isn't a guarantee of a shared interest either. My husband never enjoyed hunting or fishing despite growing up with a father who loved both. My husband wound up with daughters who danced for years. He wound up working stage crew for years. He ended up having a lot of fun, even if he would have rather have been home brewing beer.

My wife has enjoyed NASCAR with me, and my oldest daughter hunted for several years before losing interest.

The biggest thing for me is just a lesser connection, especially with DW having a decade of Summers off and all the time they spend together in the car. I’m the one who takes them to their weekly bowling & I coached DD12’s volleyball team. But, the kids just aren’t interested in doing things with me as a group unless DW goes along.

 

[morgan98]

I didn’t say they need their father in WDW. I think it’s a need that they want to be with their father. No one ever said that going somewhere else was an option. Op said they were going alone.

The way I read it is that OP presented her husband with the idea of going to Disney and he said no thank you, you all can go because I do not like it. We are saying maybe they should discuss another option. I don't understand why you would assume Disney is the only possible vacation destination?

 

[LSUmiss]

The way I read it is that OP presented her husband with the idea of going to Disney and he said no thank you, you all can go because I do not like it. We are saying maybe they should discuss another option. I don't understand why you would assume Disney is the only possible vacation destination?

And maybe I just interpreted differently.

 

[Nancyg56]

He can have a say & shouldn’t be made to go. But I would still say it’s selfish that he doesn’t want to of his kids want him there. Op didn’t say he wants to go somewhere else. She said he wants them to go alone.

I think this is silly. The man does not want to go. He is not denying his kids a trip, nor is he telling his wife that they cannot go. I parented three kids to adulthood and they all knew that Bud would rather chew glass and die then go to Rydin-Hy Ranch. My kids loved it there. WE went with my DH blessings. He stayed home and enjoyed some calm with all of us out of the house. My children would have liked to have him with us, but honestly, they understood that this was not his thing.

I could see if a Dad refused to interact with his kids or acknowledge their activities ...that is selfish. Not wanting to go to Disney after having been? Not in my book

I didn’t say they need their father in WDW. I think it’s a need that they want to be with their father. No one ever said that going somewhere else was an option. Op said they were going alone.

Well, what if Dad said no to Disney, but offered a trip to the mountains to fish? They are all together. That seems to be the criteria here.

But I don’t have any to drag anyone. We both go to things we don’t love.

WE do as well, but we both accept that there are places one of us does not enjoy. We figure it out and do not guilt the other.

I am a little confused that this Dad is being called selfish. My coworker just left early after having a week off of work. Hubby "cannot" get his kids off the bus. Again. He "can" stop for his coffee, however not his children.
Mom cannot go to the hairdresser unless she hauls her kids.
Mom must take them shopping with her.
He "cannot" "babysit" them.
They do not have meals he does not enjoy. They eat the food he wants, drink the beverages he wants them to drink.
He has his cigarettes, lottery, and beer money. They have no extras.
They go boating every weekend in the summer. She cooks to be ready, and they all go. He insists they be "together" for the entire weekend.
Mom cannot spend the $10 a week to follow weight watcher, although since she must cook his meals and nothing else, it would be of no value anyway.

The OP DH selfish because he chooses to opt out of a Disney vacation, but sends the rest of the family? Seriously? I know selfish, and this is not my definition.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I can’t see anything that involves being together as a family as something I “hate”. It might not be my favorite thing to do, but if DH or DS gets a lot of enjoyment from it, then I don’t hate it.

What if it was hunting? Would you go? Maybe you would but not me.

My husband HATES Paris. He's been there and done that. There is no "good" reason that he hates it but he does. My daughter wanted to go for her high school graduation gift and although I did try to talk her dad into coming with us he gave us a firm no. So instead of guilting him into coming we went without him and had a wonderful time. I didn't guilt him by saying this could be our last trip with our daughter etc. I respected his wishes and he respected ours. That's how families compromise and it's a win win.

 

[Nancyg56]

And maybe I just interpreted differently.

How? The OP said her DH has been before and he does not like it. The rest of the family wants to go. He said go.

Personally I feel that if the man was selfish he would tell the family he wants to choose the destination rather than opting out and still sending the family. My husband does this often. He likes Disney, just not as much as we all do. He enjoys the time he has when we all clear out, and he enjoys that we are having fun. His family says I am selfish because I go and he does not. it is perception

 

[Nancyg56]

My wife has enjoyed NASCAR with me, and my oldest daughter hunted for several years before losing interest.

The biggest thing for me is just a lesser connection, especially with DW having a decade of Summers off and all the time they spend together in the car. I’m the one who takes them to their weekly bowling & I coached DD12’s volleyball team. But, the kids just aren’t interested in doing things with me as a group unless DW goes along.

My DH took the kids to the races while they were growing up and even as young adults. Now, he would love to take my DGD. She went with him once, hated every minute, and does not want to go back. She would go if she knew how disappointed he is, but he won't tell her, and neither will her Mom or I. She also does not do as much with him alone anymore, and like you, he misses that time.

 

[sk!mom]

Idk. There are some things like work & school that can’t be planned around DS. But, I absolutely believe that part of being a parent is to sacrifice my likes for his at least while he is young & they don’t interfere with things that have to be done. My DS has always been “precious” to me so that’s not something that’s changed. And my parents made many sacrifices for me so I don’t feel like it’s a new sentiment. Sure kids aren’t suffering if they can’t go to WDW or on vacation at all even. But, if we can’t afford something that’s one thing. But, not just b/c one of us doesn’t like something especially if it’s something like a WDW vacation that her kids really enjoy. I can understand him not liking it & expressing that. But, once I told him the kids were disappointed that he wasn’t going, I can’t imagine him just saying oh well?! Also, OP, why is it your job to delicately explain that dad is too selfish to suck up a vacation he doesn’t love just to be with them? Let him tell them.

My kids are precious to me too. Our most recent sacrifice is curtailing travel for 3 years so that we could pay for DD21's college without her taking any loans. She graduates in May and it was certainly worth our sacrifice.

However, I do not think that kids are in any way deprived and certainly not "suffering" if a parent doesn't take them on a vacation to Disney or anywhere else for that matter which was what the comment I was commenting on was about.

I do not think it is wise to set your children up as so "precious" that everything revolves around them.

 

[LSUmiss]

You don't think it's selfish for the family to try to force the father to go somewhere he hates? He is an adult. He pays, I'm sure, at least half the bills for these kids and probably this vacation as well. Not every activity or vacation has to be done with every family member. What an insufferable way to live.

Not for us. Perhaps I’m lucky that DH & I have similar interests so we have not been faced with anything like this. It also helps DH’s opinion on life that his dad died when he was 11 & was sick since he was 6. So, to him, time is more precious than anything b/c it’s the one thing you can never get back. It would never occur to him to stay home rather than be with his family b/c it’s something he didn’t get. Hence the reason I never have to “drag” him anywhere. For me, my dad died this past yr. Although I was an adult, it made me thankful that we had been a close family who did most things together. We find it more insufferable the idea of wasting precious time with each other being selfish. That doesn’t mean I don’t think the family shouldn’t try to go somewhere they all like. But, for us, being together is more important than being places we don’t love.

 

[cabanafrau]

My wife has enjoyed NASCAR with me, and my oldest daughter hunted for several years before losing interest.

The biggest thing for me is just a lesser connection, especially with DW having a decade of Summers off and all the time they spend together in the car. I’m the one who takes them to their weekly bowling & I coached DD12’s volleyball team. But, the kids just aren’t interested in doing things with me as a group unless DW goes along.

Hang in there. These kinds of things ebb and flow. My husband has had some real surprises out of our daughters as they've gone through their college years. You'd be surprised as the time marches on you'll suddenly find them at your elbow to go with you someplace or do something when they've never shown a lick of interest their entire life. This past summer found DH teaching each of them the basics of furniture refinishing for completely different reasons and at different times. Not really his hobby per se', but he was happy to walk them through it. At some past college moves he's found himself chatting at lunch with groups of their friends about either his professional interests or some of his hobbies they've heard about and found cool. A couple of the former high school boyfriends are in contact with him from time to time about different projects or common interests, too. Don't be surprised if your daughters think highly of and appreciate your interests even though they may not be their particular favorite pursuits.

 

[Lori74]

To be fair, how much does OP's own desire to go to Disney factor in? I think that merits consideration when evaluating the situation.

I agree with this. Children are at our mercy to pay and take them places. My children want a lot of things, but doesn't mean they get them. I think it boils down to, the OP wants to go to Disney bad enough that it is a conundrum for their family, when she could very well say, oh ok, we can find something we all would enjoy together; or she could just go with just kids and enjoy. It's ultimately in the OP's hands, kids aren't paying. I didn't get to go to Disney World until I was an adult and I feel I turned out all right.

 

[Mizzoufan]

Let me clarify BOTH men and women both do things they hate daily.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Not for us. Perhaps I’m lucky that DH & I have similar interests so we have not been faced with anything like this. It also helps DH’s opinion on life that his dad died when he was 11 & was sick since he was 6. So, to him, time is more precious than anything b/c it’s the one thing you can never get back. It would never occur to him to stay home rather than be with his family b/c it’s something he didn’t get. Hence the reason I never have to “drag” him anywhere. For me, my dad died this past yr. Although I was an adult, it made me thankful that we had been a close family who did most things together. We find it more insufferable the idea of wasting precious time with each other being selfish. That doesn’t mean I don’t think the family shouldn’t try to go somewhere they all like. But, for us, being together is more important than being places we don’t love.

There's nothing wrong with doing things that work for your family. Families need not be attached at the hip at all times to be close.

If I told you how many hours a week my husband works you probably wouldn't believe me. My kids, now adults, worship the ground my husband walks on and always have. Even more than they do me and I can assure you I've been to far more of their activities than their father and spent far more time with them. He would do anything for them. We are a very close and loving family however there are 5 of us all with our own wants and needs and compromise is a good thing and will serve your children well in life.

 

[LSUmiss]

I think this is silly. The man does not want to go. He is not denying his kids a trip, nor is he telling his wife that they cannot go. I parented three kids to adulthood and they all knew that Bud would rather chew glass and die then go to Rydin-Hy Ranch. My kids loved it there. WE went with my DH blessings. He stayed home and enjoyed some calm with all of us out of the house. My children would have liked to have him with us, but honestly, they understood that this was not his thing.

I could see if a Dad refused to interact with his kids or acknowledge their activities ...that is selfish. Not wanting to go to Disney after having been? Not in my book



Well, what if Dad said no to Disney, but offered a trip to the mountains to fish? They are all together. That seems to be the criteria here.



WE do as well, but we both accept that there are places one of us does not enjoy. We figure it out and do not guilt the other.

I am a little confused that this Dad is being called selfish. My coworker just left early after having a week off of work. Hubby "cannot" get his kids off the bus. Again. He "can" stop for his coffee, however not his children.
Mom cannot go to the hairdresser unless she hauls her kids.
Mom must take them shopping with her.
He "cannot" "babysit" them.
They do not have meals he does not enjoy. They eat the food he wants, drink the beverages he wants them to drink.
He has his cigarettes, lottery, and beer money. They have no extras.
They go boating every weekend in the summer. She cooks to be ready, and they all go. He insists they be "together" for the entire weekend.
Mom cannot spend the $10 a week to follow weight watcher, although since she must cook his meals and nothing else, it would be of no value anyway.

The OP DH selfish because he chooses to opt out of a Disney vacation, but sends the rest of the family? Seriously? I know selfish, and this is not my definition.

I absolutely agree with those examples, but in MY experiences, these are the same dads who are staying home from vacation b/c they don’t like it. I don’t know that to be true of OP’s DH, of course. But, I can say that’s where my opinion of the situation is coming from. Knowing parents like this.