What do you think is an appropriate CASH wedding gift a/k/a HOW MUCH TO GIVE??

[frndshpcptn]

I can't imagine giving a gift at a shower and having that count as the wedding gift as well.

That would be considered very tacky and cheap in this part of NYC.

 

[OKWAnneMarie]

I'd say that collecting china, which can be used for gracious entertaining for a lifetime, then passed on to another generation is less greedy than expecting large cash gifts!

Once again, it is NOT greedy to receive cash gifts at a wedding in the New York City area (especially for Italian families). This is the norm. It has been tradition for many generations. My parents received all cash gifts when they married, over 65 years ago.

 

[OKWAnneMarie]

Interesting. Southerners tend to look at all the wedding festivities -- showers, bridal luncheon, the wedding itself -- all as a way to help the new couple start their life together, but I've never heard the term "boost".

Yes, the Italians would call the bag that the bride carried in order to collect the envelopes in the "Boosta Bag". Years ago the boosta bag was even made out of the same material as the brides dress. I actually still have mine with the wedding cards still in it. (I'm married 25 years.)

The bride and groom would stay at the dais and people would form a line and bring up the envelopes and wish the couple good luck and then the couple would give them a wedding favor. In Italian families the favor is a gift that is wrapped with candied almonds as a decoration. The candied almonds are also called confetti.

Today the favors are usually already on the guest's tables and the couple walks around to greet their guests, and that's when the guest usually gives them the envelope. Or they have some type of basket or birdcage for putting the envelopes in.

By the way, why do you think Hallmark sells wedding cards that are "money cards", you know the cards that hold cash or a check? Because people DO give cash gifts for weddings. It is VERY common.

 

[snomofinn]

Yes, the Italians would call the bag that the bride carried in order to collect the envelopes in the "Boosta Bag". Years ago the boosta bag was even made out of the same material as the brides dress. I actually still have mine with the wedding cards still in it. (I'm married 25 years.)

I was brought up in a Polish family with many close Italian friends. I had the same thing at my wedding, but we just called it the "money bag" Iam sure some of my old polish family could come up with a polish term, but that's what we called it. I've been married 23 years. Ah...those were the days..

 

[redmomof4]

I am in the Midwest (Iowa) and it is common to give around $25. I was married in 1995 and the most I received was $25 (except from parents and in-laws). I don't believe much has changed since then. I just can't imagine giving $200 or more

But that isn't all of us here in Iowa. While I wouldn't give $500 for a niece, I gave my cousin $50 cash + a shower gift this summer and my brother just two weeks ago, approx $50 shower gift + $150 wedding gift. However we didn't give cash to him instead got things off of their registry because I know how my mother feels about cash gifts, "They are impersonal". I got married in 1996 and recieved many registry gifts and quite a bit of cash ranging from $25-$500 from friends and relatives. I think we ended up with over $3500 cash from the wedding itself + gifts and had approx 150-170 people there.

 

[DisneyHumbug]

OKWAnneMarie - thanks for the memories! I still have my "boosta-bag" too. DN got married last summer and my s-i-l and I tried to talk her into using one of our boosta-bags. Buy she opted for a mail box instead.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

See, we don't give TWO gifts as a rule. A person who's invited to a shower and gives a nice gift there isn't expected to give a wedding gift as well. Someone who's invited to multiple showers (mothers, sisters of the bride perhaps) usually give a nice gift at the "family shower" and a small token gift at the secondary showerse (work shower, church shower); no one would be crass enough to point out that "so and so's own mom gave her only a blender" -- it's assumed that close family has given something nicer at other showers. Except for family, ONE GIFT is given to celebrate the marriage.

Oh my god I would rather die than do this! Each event one is invited to and attends requires a gift.

 

[disneygal2007]

Hey I was a wedding planner for a few years and still do it from time to time. The proper way is send cash but sent it to the home of the bride. And maybe send a plant not flowers but a plant and put on the note that say something like for your new home. I hope that helps.

 

[madge]

Oh my god I would rather die than do this! Each event one is invited to and attends requires a gift.

It's so interesting how cultures and customs vary in this country. Because I'd rather die than carry a big gift into a church or wedding reception. LOL!

 

[ICF]

Hope none of you actually start dying or were gonna see a "how much do I bring to the funeral" thread based on earlier discussions in this one!!

 

[gina2000]

Large cash gifts are greedy.

Large non-monetary gifts are not.

That's where this makes no sense. If a bride is expecting ANY sort of large gift.....or inviting you based on your gift.....or insinuating that your gift isn't up to snuff, that's greedy. If you are GIVING the gift, it's not greed that motivates. You can view the situation as the giver or the givee. Most of us are discussing it as the GIVERS. I don't know what a bride expects if she expects anything at all. Assuming that she is expecting something based on custom is wrong whether it's a monetary or non-monetary gift.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

It's so interesting how cultures and customs vary in this country. Because I'd rather die than carry a big gift into a church or wedding reception. LOL!

No one brings an actual gift to a reception. You just bring an envelope. Very easy to have husband tuck into his suit/tuxedo.

 

[madge]

No one brings an actual gift to a reception. You just bring an envelope. Very easy to have husband tuck into his suit/tuxedo.

that's easy for you to say... you're an envelope person! I don't think my place setting of china would fit in DH suit

 

[C.Ann]

No one brings an actual gift to a reception. You just bring an envelope. Very easy to have husband tuck into his suit/tuxedo.

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I've never been to a wedding reception where there wasn't a table piled high with gifts - and I've been going to weddings for close to 40 years now.. Of course some people bring envelopes too - but it's never been a case of only envelopes being "expected".. That would be....well..rude..

 

[IDoDis]

I think people are misunderstanding what we do. People here don't charge their guests for their dinners. But some people have the idea that you should at least cover the cost of your plate. Which, by the way, I do not agree with. I give what I can afford or what I think is appropriate for the occasion.

I've been to weddings in other states where they had the money dance. You would dance with the bride and pin money on her dress.

I've never heard of a money tree before. That's interesting.

I do understand the concept of "cover your plate" vs actual charging. That isn't what I meant. What I DID mean was that the nicer the reception was, the nicer the gifts or cash the couple receives. To me, this is wrong. The cost of the wedding should not influence the cost of the gift. If the couple chooses $150 a plate, that is their choice. Guests should not feel compelled then to give that much back in cash.

 

[frndshpcptn]

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I've never been to a wedding reception where there wasn't a table piled high with gifts - and I've been going to weddings for close to 40 years now.. Of course some people bring envelopes too - but it's never been a case of only envelopes being "expected".. That would be....well..rude..

That's so interesting! I have never seen a gift table in NYC - area. I only see the box for envelopes (usually decorated in white satin and pearls) and it's on the couple's sweetheart table or dais.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

That's so interesting! I have never seen a gift table in NYC - area. I only see the box for envelopes (usually decorated in white satin and pearls) and it's on the couple's sweetheart table or dais.

Me either! How horribly inconvenient for the bride and groom. You would have to haul all those gifts somewhere on your wedding night - I can just see it - beautiful bride arms full of gifts making 12 trips to the limo. Or imposing on your guests to help. Just doesn't seem like a nice thing for a hostess to do.

 

[C.Ann]

You would have to haul all those gifts somewhere on your wedding night

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LOL.. I have never seen a bride and groom "hauling" their gifts anywhere.. Normally the bride's parents take the gifts home until the happy couple returns from home from their honeymoon and they have the time to savor opening each gift.. Once they have done that, they can sit down and write thank you notes for all of the gifts received (including the envelopes ).. It's really a "fun" thing for the couple to look forward to..

 

[madge]

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LOL.. I have never seen a bride and groom "hauling" their gifts anywhere.. Normally the bride's parents take the gifts home until the happy couple returns from home from their honeymoon and they have the time to savor opening each gift.. Once they have done that, they can sit down and write thank you notes for all of the gifts received (including the envelopes ).. It's really a "fun" thing for the couple to look forward to..

that's exactly what we did

That's also another reason why you bring your main gift to one of the showers, so you don't have to take it to the wedding and then no one has to "haul" it anywhere

 

[C.Ann]

That's so interesting! I have never seen a gift table in NYC - area. .

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Are you including Manhattan in that area? DD and her DH attended a very, very "swanky" wedding down there (the cousin of DD's DH) and there was in fact a gift table - with gifts on it.. There was one gift that my DD said the bride later absolutely raved over.. It had something to do with a "grandmother" and some fairly heirloom or something.. Whatever it was, it meant far more to her than a gift of cash would have (although there's nothing wrong with that either).. I think a lot depends on the expectations of the "receiver"..