What do you think about cheating/affairs?

[Precchio]

So, I went anonymous for this question...No flames, I'm not thinking of cheating, just wanted some honest opinions...a friend I know is really confused by someone that we both know.

What do you think about someone who "loves" their spouse and family, but is looking for something fun and convenient on the side? A once in a while friends with benefits, you might say. What does that say about that person as a man, a professional, a religious person even. What do you think it really says about his marriage and his feelings for his spouse?

This is something I've run into-He is well respected, by all appearances has a happy family, goes to church, but wants to have a fling, etc.

What does this say about him and his character? I'm having a hard time seeing him a bad light. He's known to be charming and flirtatious, but is not that attractive to look at. He's 49. I've known him for a while, but am now hearing these things about him and a friend is getting involved...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

He is not a "religious" man. So you can call him a hypocrite in regards to that. I can list the lying, breaking of marriage vows before God, 10 commandments, etc... as a laundry list to defend it.

And don't give me that "God forgives" carp. Spare me.

As far as a professional, I don't see that as part the equation.

And he may very well love is wife and family.

As a man, well, insecure, needs more sex, and the other assorted laundry list of why some men are not faithful.


Now if you want to talk about cheating in general, people cheat.

The person he is cheating with is being used, hopefully she is aware. Now there are some people that want what he wants and some people want more.

I would certainly be careful not to talk about it with other employees if this is a workplace situation. That can get you fired.

People that want to hide cheating can become "not so nice" when stuff is on the line. That is where all those crimes of passion come in.

It is naughty, dangerous, and secretive. Which can be very exciting to the man and the woman.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I take vows seriously. I believe that if you marry someone, you should be committed to them. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be married. And religion will not make a person stay faithful. There are immoral religious people. They just choose to hide behind their religion. But they are still scum-bags! It's that very type of person that turns so many people away from religion.

 

[AlleyKat]

He's known to be charming and flirtatious

He's a manipulative HY.PO.CRITE!!

Your friend needs to do some soul searching!

 

[Magic Mom]

So, I went anonymous for this question...No flames, I'm not thinking of cheating, just wanted some honest opinions...a friend I know is really confused by someone that we both know.

What do you think about someone who "loves" their spouse and family, but is looking for something fun and convenient on the side? A once in a while friends with benefits, you might say. What does that say about that person as a man, a professional, a religious person even. What do you think it really says about his marriage and his feelings for his spouse?

This is something I've run into-He is well respected, by all appearances has a happy family, goes to church, but wants to have a fling, etc.

What does this say about him and his character? I'm having a hard time seeing him a bad light. He's known to be charming and flirtatious, but is not that attractive to look at. He's 49. I've known him for a while, but am now hearing these things about him and a friend is getting involved...

How would you see him if he were your spouse? Would he seem respectable and charming and loving?
If a person cheats, it says they are a liar, a betrayer, self indulgent, selfish, inconsiderate, thoughtless....the list of negative words goes on.

 

[Princess Michelle]

.

 

[Nik's Mom]

How would you see him if he were your spouse? Would he seem respectable and charming and loving?
If a person cheats, it says they are a liar, a betrayer, self indulgent, selfish, inconsiderate, thoughtless....the list of negative words goes on.

Amen, sister! You are so right!

 

[luvgoing2disney]

OK, I'm an old fashioned kind of guy, but when I married my wife 24 years ago, I married her for keeps. The day she put the ring on my finger meant we were married to each other, and there would not be any need for an outside fling. The ring has never left my finger, and my love for her has never left my heart. Yeah, some days are not as much fun or exciting as others. That's part of a relationship and life in general.

For those who feel like they need a little extra something in their life, just remember, it's called cheating for a reason.

 

[MiniGirl]

I think such a man has a pretty mixed up definition of "love." I understand that things happen, but seeking out someone for adult playdates is just plain wrong. It shows a total lack of respect for is wife and the woman he wants to play with.

As far as "religious" goes, well, the pharisees very very "religious" but had no faith. Christian men (I am assuming by religious, you mean Christian.) are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, and we all know what Christ did for His church. He had every opportunity and means to cheat on his bride, and He never did. Now, I'm not saying that Christian men and women who cheat on their spouses and truly regret those actions and take action to ensure it doesn't happen again, are hypocrits. They're just human, but that is a far cry from seeking someone for that specific purpose.

 

[lovemygoofy]

So, I went anonymous for this question...No flames, I'm not thinking of cheating, just wanted some honest opinions...a friend I know is really confused by someone that we both know.

What do you think about someone who "loves" their spouse and family, but is looking for something fun and convenient on the side? A once in a while friends with benefits, you might say. What does that say about that person as a man, a professional, a religious person even. What do you think it really says about his marriage and his feelings for his spouse?

This is something I've run into-He is well respected, by all appearances has a happy family, goes to church, but wants to have a fling, etc.

What does this say about him and his character? I'm having a hard time seeing him a bad light. He's known to be charming and flirtatious, but is not that attractive to look at. He's 49. I've known him for a while, but am now hearing these things about him and a friend is getting involved...

I'm not going to really comment on the man you are speaking about. I'd like to know WHY your friend would do this? Is she looking for something fun and exciting to break out of the normal everyday boredom of her life? Is she that desperate to have someone in her life? If you are really her friend, you need to speak with her about this. Nothing good could possibly come from this.

 

[madcam]

My DH had a good friend who has been married for around 10 years, they have two kids, and what I thought was a very strong marriage. Recently this guy, who travels for work, started cheating on his wife. Not an affair, just random women. He told my DH that "men don't have an emotional attatchment to sex like women do. I am keeping that separate....it's just a game." (Really? What about the people your having sex with buddy? Aren't they women with emotional attatchments to sex?!?!?!)

I was so disgusted with this. Apparently DH was too because they don't really talk so much anymore.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Gawd, this sounds like "What's My Line?"


I think it's Ted Haggard.

 

[Castlebound]

How would you see him if he were your spouse? Would he seem respectable and charming and loving?
If a person cheats, it says they are a liar, a betrayer, self indulgent, selfish, inconsiderate, thoughtless....the list of negative words goes on.

I totally agree! If he wants "more" then he needs to have a heart to heart with his wife and be truthful. The advise that I've always heard that he needs to say straight out that he would like more than what he is getting and it is making him think about looking else where. It may hurt is wife to hear that, but cheating on her would hurt more.

 

[castleview]

I immediately think jerk if someone cheats. When I try and be compassionate about the cheater, I think pathetic, insecure, disturbed, selfish, needy, liar.

 

[Precchio]

To one of the above posters, I can't reply to PM's yet, but no, it's someone in real life who we work with. I think the part that has my friend confused the most is how charming and nice this guy is.

 

[Uncle Remus]

I immediately think jerk if someone cheats. When I try and be compassionate about the cheater, I think pathetic, insecure, disturbed, selfish, needy, liar.

There was an earlier thread about a woman doin' this kinda thing, the OP thought she was mentally ill.

 

[Buckalew11]

The man you are speaking of needs help. He is a lier, cheater and sneak. A married man who carries on with a woman other than his wife is wrong, religious or not. If I were the wife, I'd want to know what he is up to because I would not want to be married to such a creep--let alone plan for a future and grow old together.
So, it makes him a disobedient (to God) Christian and one who needs to rethink exactly what that relationship is all about. 2) it makes him a lousy husband and a bad role model for his children--and years from now it might manifest itself in his children, 3) it probably doesn't make him a worse businessman but definitely doesn't make him a class act. All aspects of life reflect on each other.

The other woman should understand exactly the fire she is playing with. He should have a "come to Jesus meeting" with Jesus and his wife, and probably see a Christian counselor because they have some problems in the marriage and both are probably to blame. Also, I think both parties need to grow up and stop being self trying to please themselves for a few minutes of fun. The results will be negative. Period.
JMHO.

 

[Buckalew11]

To one of the above posters, I can't reply to PM's yet, but no, it's someone in real life who we work with. I think the part that has my friend confused the most is how charming and nice this guy is.

Why is that confusing? Lots of men are charming and nice.

 

[JB111107]

To one of the above posters, I can't reply to PM's yet, but no, it's someone in real life who we work with. I think the part that has my friend confused the most is how charming and nice this guy is.

That's his MO. Trust me on this one, the friend is setting herself up for way more trouble than any affair is worth. Stick with the vows, and if there's something missing in her marriage, maybe thats what she should spend her time trying to find, not substituting her husband with a co-worker.

 

[lovemygoofy]

To one of the above posters, I can't reply to PM's yet, but no, it's someone in real life who we work with. I think the part that has my friend confused the most is how charming and nice this guy is.

I know alot of charming and nice people, that doesn't make me want to get naked and hump their legs.

Also, what happens when he stops being so nice and charming? At some point it will turn ugly. Very few women can have sex for the sake of sex without at some turning into an emotional entanglement, not saying love but having some emotions. Is your friend prepared fro such a thing?