What do you think about cheating/affairs?

[GoldieSaysMeep]

First of all I do not believe he loves his wife. You simply do not cheat on someone you LOVE. You just don't.

2nd -- he's the scum of the earth along with all kinds of other adjectives already used in this thread. As far as betrayals go this is just about the the worst of the worst. I hope he rots somewhere nice and toasty.

Yup. Pretty much.

My ex was a cheater. Physically AND emotionally. Ironically, he was not cheating with the woman he was was in love with (who he told me one day was NOT me but some chick he was with 8 years ago who to the best of my knowledge is married and living on the other side of the nation... )

So he had me.
And he had this bizarre obsession with a women he was sleeping with almost a decade ago.
And then I found out he had his flings
(he also had assorted women on his MySpace page stroking his ego online)

Just try to wrap your mind around that logic... I couldn't.


I kicked him to the curb as soon as I found out. It was 1 week after the return from our first vacation together that I paid for...

I found out everything when he told me he "still loved" the ex gf. He was truly puzzled when I told him it was over too. These people think they can get away with whatever. He didn't understand why I cared if he loved another woman.

Then he told me about the emotionless bar skank flings .

There was simply no discussion. I just took my belongings that I had left at his house and walked out. Got myself tested for every STD on the planet (all negative thank god) and moved on and found someone better.

We have not spoken since and I have more than moved on with my life.

But for what it's worth, he was very "charming". He really knew how to manipulate people. He was dashingly good looking, witty, smart, well read and generally easy to get along with. In fact, we never fought once during the time we were together until he told me about his love for the ex one night during a normal talk. I never would have known...

 

[Princess_Michelle]

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[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Sounds like this guy has had a LOT of experience fooling people. Does he sell used cars? because he is conning his "partners" into a relationship.

OP, I think to hear BOTH side of the story, you should ask his wife if that is an acceptable behaviour from him, within the context of his marriage vows.

let us know how that works out...



RUM?

 

[LadyEMT]

As one who was cheated on and blindsided by my (NOW EX) husband's affair, I can tell you it is absolutely devastating for the one left at home wondering what happened. If he is thinking about getting involved with someone else, the excitement from this challenge will make his wife and her efforts to be close to him as needy and annoying.

I have found that until their lives are destroyed by infidelity, people take a light view of cheating; "boys will be boys", or "everyone does it". It kills your soul and takes years to recover from.

 

[claudia]

To one of the above posters, I can't reply to PM's yet, but no, it's someone in real life who we work with. I think the part that has my friend confused the most is how charming and nice this guy is.

charming??? maybe.....NICE????? make no mistake....there is nothing NICE about anyone who would do this.....and I am including her in this. She knows this is a married man and she's confused....she's kidding, right??? This guy is the ultimate creep...see him for what he is.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Adulterer's are selfish morons who don't care about anyone but themselves. They will throw everything away and ruin everyone's lives around them just for fun, or b/c they don't feel appreciated, boo-hoo cry me a freaking river.

I honestly believe that one timers should be stoned half to death and repeat offenders should be stoned to death. I hate them. There aren't enough bad words in the world for me to call them. If DH ever cheated, I would destroy him. Yes, I am completely serious...

How in the world would stoning someone to death EVER be more acceptable than someone cheating on their spouse???????????????




Hm...... maybe I see it differently.


Cheating is not the end of the world for me. Don't get me wrong I do not, whatsoever, think it's ok but it's by far not the worst thing someone can do.

And someone getting stoned to death for cheating ARE YOU FOR REAL? I am a little frieghtened..... a lot actually.

I know quite a few people who have cheated and people who have been cheated on. The significant others- some of them know, most of them don't. It's entirely possible that someone who has replied to this thread has been cheated on.

It's never who you'd expect.

In perspective, you need to be a little open minded and look at it in a different light. To some people, including some of those I know, cheating on someone else isn't even as close to "wrong" as others think it is. It's more like cheating on your diet or something. I hope I am not flamed by this, it's just what I was told by one of my friends.

To her, it's not wrong. Nor is it right but hormones are very powerful. It's not that she doesn't love her husband, she told me she would die for him in a heartbeat. But for her and for many, you're not betraying your spouse by having sex with someone else, you're taking care of your needs. I just realized this is very hard to explain, especially to people who have formed a very strong opinion to begin with.

Again, I'm not saying it's ok to me. But to some it's not the end of the world, it's NEVER something anyone should be stoned to death for I honestly don't understand that statement.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I have 2 words for him, Lorena Bobbitt.

My father cheated on my mom while she was taking care of his children from his first marriage and I don't know how she put up with it. I couldn't/wouldn't have. First time I found out, he would have been gone. I told Dh from the beginning if he even thought about it, he needed to be gone and if I ever caught him, that would be it, he would be toast, and I mean it to this day.

Marriage is a commitment and that is all there is too it, you don't need to cheat to have a more exciting life, just change a few things about your situation and create fun together.

Suzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

How in the world would stoning someone to death EVER be more acceptable than someone cheating on their spouse???????????????




Hm...... maybe I see it differently.


Cheating is not the end of the world for me. Don't get me wrong I do not, whatsoever, think it's ok but it's by far not the worst thing someone can do.

And someone getting stoned to death for cheating ARE YOU FOR REAL? I am a little frieghtened..... a lot actually.

I know quite a few people who have cheated and people who have been cheated on. The significant others- some of them know, most of them don't. It's entirely possible that someone who has replied to this thread has been cheated on.

It's never who you'd expect.

In perspective, you need to be a little open minded and look at it in a different light. To some people, including some of those I know, cheating on someone else isn't even as close to "wrong" as others think it is. It's more like cheating on your diet or something. I hope I am not flamed by this, it's just what I was told by one of my friends.

To her, it's not wrong. Nor is it right but hormones are very powerful. It's not that she doesn't love her husband, she told me she would die for him in a heartbeat. But for her and for many, you're not betraying your spouse by having sex with someone else, you're taking care of your needs. I just realized this is very hard to explain, especially to people who have formed a very strong opinion to begin with.

Again, I'm not saying it's ok to me. But to some it's not the end of the world, it's NEVER something anyone should be stoned to death for I honestly don't understand that statement.

It happens, not in this country, but in foreign countries. I read an article recently in fact about a man that cheated with his brother's wife, somewhere in the Middle East and they were getting ready to stone them to death in the streets.

It happened alot many many years ago, people were put to death for Adultry, it is a SIN for pete's sake. It is right up there with murder in the Bible.

Suzanne

 

[Magic Mom]

I honestly believe that one timers should be stoned half to death and repeat offenders should be stoned to death. I hate them. There aren't enough bad words in the world for me to call them. If DH ever cheated, I would destroy him. Yes, I am completely serious...

Stoning to death for cheating? That's ridiculous. Cheating is wrong, cheaters are reprehensible, but they don't deserve to be stoned to death. That is beyond extreme.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

It happens, not in this country, but in foreign countries. I read an article recently in fact about a man that cheated with his brother's wife, somewhere in the Middle East and they were getting ready to stone them to death in the streets.

It happened alot many many years ago, people were put to death for Adultry, it is a SIN for pete's sake. It is right up there with murder in the Bible.

Suzanne

Well killing your wife if she doesn't dress properly is also ok in other countries................ so it's ok here too?

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Plus, aren't there stats about how some 40% of men and of women have cheated on their spouse??????

The numbers are usually slightly different but its generally around 40%.

Let's kill 'em all.






That's just ridiculous. But over-population wouldn't be an issue then.

 

[Bluestars]

How in the world would stoning someone to death EVER be more acceptable than someone cheating on their spouse???????????????




Hm...... maybe I see it differently.


Cheating is not the end of the world for me. Don't get me wrong I do not, whatsoever, think it's ok but it's by far not the worst thing someone can do.

I wonder if you would feel the same if your spouse gave you AIDS or an STD. Or if someone got pregnant.

It might not be the end of the world, but it would be the end of my marriage and my trust for my husband if he cheated on me. I don't want to be married to a liar and a cheater and won't.

OP, that man sounds like he has a lot of issues. Sadly, a lot of people cheat. I guess they don't feel like being honest and getting a divorce first. I don't understand it. It's simple to me. Either you want to be married and will honor your vows, or you should be honest and get a divorce.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Well killing your wife if she doesn't dress properly is also ok in other countries................ so it's ok here too?

Well, I don't know anything about that and it is not the subject of the topic, but no I don't agree with killing a woman over the way she is dressed that IS ridiculous.

BUT, cheating is a SIN, not just the run of the mill broken rule, so yes, I do think they should be punished, in some way or another. I didn't say I agreed that they should be stoned, I just stated that it happens. If Dh ever cheated on me, I would certainly feel like killing him first and asking questions later, and then I would head straight to a lawyer.

Suzanne

 

[Scurvy]

In perspective, you need to be a little open minded and look at it in a different light. To some people, including some of those I know, cheating on someone else isn't even as close to "wrong" as others think it is. It's more like cheating on your diet or something. I hope I am not flamed by this, it's just what I was told by one of my friends.

To her, it's not wrong. Nor is it right but hormones are very powerful. It's not that she doesn't love her husband, she told me she would die for him in a heartbeat. But for her and for many, you're not betraying your spouse by having sex with someone else, you're taking care of your needs. I just realized this is very hard to explain, especially to people who have formed a very strong opinion to begin with.

For people who think it's not a big deal to cheat on their spouse, there are "open" marriages. I don't see how they work, and I could never be in one, but apparently it does work for some people. If two people decide that it works for them, that's their business. For those people, there is no cheating - so fullfilling their needs with someone other than their spouse is not wrong.

For the people who cheat and say it isn't wrong - they are just trying to justify what they are doing. It is wrong. Unless the woman in the above example is in an open marriage and her husband is okay with what she's doing, it is wrong. She is a selfish and untrustworthy person.

Marriages don't always last, but cheating is always wrong. If you promise someone you will be faithful to them, then you at least owe them the courtesy of telling them if you aren't satified with the relationship so that you can both decide if you're going to try to fix it or not. Anyone who would cheat on a spouse is not someone that I would want to have in my life.

 

[Planogirl]

People seem to have a lot of reasons for cheating. Stoning them to death for it is completely ludicrous. It's wrong in all cases but it's not a capital crime as far as I can tell.

As for the OP's friend, that boredom thing seems to happen to a lot of people. I personally think that it's better to try to make life more exciting within the right parameters rather than gamble on hurting people. I also feel like a lot of communication with the spouse would be a good thing too. Cheating is just the easy way out, that is until you get caught. Plus you have to live with your own guilt that is assuming you feel any.

No, I've never even thought about cheating! It just seems completely pointless and counterproductive.

 

[SamRoc]

Yup. Pretty much.

My ex was a cheater. Physically AND emotionally. Ironically, he was not cheating with the woman he was was in love with (who he told me one day was NOT me but some chick he was with 8 years ago who to the best of my knowledge is married and living on the other side of the nation... )

So he had me.
And he had this bizarre obsession with a women he was sleeping with almost a decade ago.
And then I found out he had his flings
(he also had assorted women on his MySpace page stroking his ego online)
Just try to wrap your mind around that logic... I couldn't.
I kicked him to the curb as soon as I found out. It was 1 week after the return from our first vacation together that I paid for...
I found out everything when he told me he "still loved" the ex gf. He was truly puzzled when I told him it was over too. These people think they can get away with whatever. He didn't understand why I cared if he loved another woman.

Then he told me about the emotionless bar skank flings .

There was simply no discussion. I just took my belongings that I had left at his house and walked out. Got myself tested for every STD on the planet (all negative thank god) and moved on and found someone better.

We have not spoken since and I have more than moved on with my life.

But for what it's worth, he was very "charming". He really knew how to manipulate people. He was dashingly good looking, witty, smart, well read and generally easy to get along with. In fact, we never fought once during the time we were together until he told me about his love for the ex one night during a normal talk. I never would have known...

Goldie i am sitting here reading your post, and i know your story almost word for word. The same exact thing happened to my friend last summer. From her ex being in love with someone across the nation, who was married, to the myspace page, to the bar flings. I'm sorry you had to go through this. My friend has alot of pieces to pick up and to get her life back on track.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

I think you should talk to your friend. Tell her if she does this she will be hurting a lot of people. This won't be "fun" for his family or his wife and it won't be fun for her for very long. If you care about her you will find a way to talk to her.

 

[Rora]

What do you think about someone who "loves" their spouse and family, but is looking for something fun and convenient on the side? A once in a while friends with benefits, you might say. What does that say about that person as a man, a professional, a religious person even. What do you think it really says about his marriage and his feelings for his spouse?
, goes to church, but wants to have a fling, etc.

I think that's trashy, childish, ridiculous and wrong.

Cheating is never right, ever ever ever. I don't care the situation or if he's religious/professional.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Well, I don't know anything about that and it is not the subject of the topic, but no I don't agree with killing a woman over the way she is dressed that IS ridiculous.

BUT, cheating is a SIN, not just the run of the mill broken rule, so yes, I do think they should be punished, in some way or another. I didn't say I agreed that they should be stoned, I just stated that it happens. If Dh ever cheated on me, I would certainly feel like killing him first and asking questions later, and then I would head straight to a lawyer.

Suzanne

Well killing someone is also a sin so if the above situation ever happens (genuinely hoping it doesn't ) you'll find yourselves together in the after life also...

Hopefully, for everyone, you'll take a second to think about what you're doing before you go on.


Well, if I am hoping for anything, you'll never find yourself in that situation.... or anyone for that matter, but it could happen and it's sad.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Well killing someone is also a sin so if the above situation ever happens (genuinely hoping it doesn't ) you'll find yourselves together in the after life also...

Hopefully, for everyone, you'll take a second to think about what you're doing before you go on.


Well, if I am hoping for anything, you'll never find yourself in that situation.... or anyone for that matter, but it could happen and it's sad.

No worries, because my DH would NEVER cheat on me, so I wouldn't have to kill him

Suzanne