What are the rules on bridal showers ?

[raysnkaysmom]

And...what exactly IS a bridal shower??

If we already have children and a house together, is it wrong to have a bridal shower before our wedding? I'm just being a girl, and would love the whole experience, particularly since only family and my best friend are actually coming to Florida for the wedding...

Take?

 

[JerseyKate]

I've never heard of any specific rules although I'm sure some might believe there is some kind of bridal shower etiquette. The shower though in your situation can have a unique theme such as lingerie, cooking, gardening.... You're still the bride so I think you should have as much fun with it as you want.

 

[Disney9.9.10]

Typically whoever is invited to the shower has to be invited to the wedding - are you having a home reception as well? If so, you could have a shower and include those people as well as your family and good friend. Another important thing is that you don't throw the shower yourself - and some prefer that it is not even a family member. So if a friend throws it for you, that is alright. I think a lot of the time the showers have a theme and everyone brings a gift for the bride (and groom hehe) and there is food to eat and games to play.

But I think that today, showers are going away from the traditional etiquette. If you want to have a shower, by all means go for it. If you are worried about people giving you gifts because you already have a house and children, you could write on the invitation that it is best wishes only. This way you can still invite everyone you want (even people who cannot come to the wedding), you can still have a great time, and nobody will feel pressured to buy you a gift.

We already have a house, but we are still having a shower that my good friend is throwing for me. However, we are having a home reception that everyone who cannot make it to Florida is invited to.

Etiquette is a tricky thing and everyone has their own opinions, but this is my take on it, so hopefully it helps you even a little bit!

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Thanks guys!!
We had not decided on a home reception...but it is my bestfriend who was wanting to do the shower (and the bachelor/bachelorette party).
I like the theme idea...maybe even picture frames, since we are about to have a ton of pics...lol
Or..maybe gift cards...

I know people on the DIS are all about etiquette, so am braced for the 'OMG, can't believe you are so selfish to want a shower having children out of wedlock'
lol

 

[29apr00]

It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you already have kids. It's called a Bridal Shower because your guests are supposed to shower you with gifts to set up your new house. If you and your DF are already living together, chances are good you already have your house set up. That isn't to say everyone couldn't always use new stuff, but you shouldn't rely on your guests to give you stuff just because you are having a wedding.

I'm all for party's and celebrations! But if I were in your situation, I would have whoever it is that is throwing you shower, typically a MOH or BM, make sure that it was thrown as a celebration of your marraige, not a shower where gifts are expected. You could do it as a guys and girls night with finger foods and drinks, but without the typical shower games and bridal shower decorations. Just my thoughts on it.

 

[MsEsty]

Thanks guys!!
We had not decided on a home reception...but it is my bestfriend who was wanting to do the shower (and the bachelor/bachelorette party).
I like the theme idea...maybe even picture frames, since we are about to have a ton of pics...lol
Or..maybe gift cards...

I know people on the DIS are all about etiquette, so am braced for the 'OMG, can't believe you are so selfish to want a shower having children out of wedlock'
lol

I don't know about other sections, but everyone here has different backgrounds and we're only about giving our opinions. Some are on their second marriages, some with kids on their first wedding, some planning the wedding they always wanted after already being married...I haven't seen anyone quote Emily Post or Martha Stewart yet on etiquette.

If your friend wants to throw you a shower, then by all mean have one and enjoy the hell out of it. I'm not having one because we just don't need one, we've been living together for three years and don't need to register for another toaster...but that is just us.

 

[Ember]

I don't know about other sections, but everyone here has different backgrounds and we're only about giving our opinions. Some are on their second marriages, some with kids on their first wedding, some planning the wedding they always wanted after already being married...I haven't seen anyone quote Emily Post or Martha Stewart yet on etiquette.

If your friend wants to throw you a shower, then by all mean have one and enjoy the hell out of it. I'm not having one because we just don't need one, we've been living together for three years and don't need to register for another toaster...but that is just us.

I can quite Miss Manner's if you like. I find her writing more entertaining than Emily Post.

The etiquette of bridal showers is (according to Miss Manners):

#1 Bridal showers are supposed to be thought up and thrown by the hostesses, never by the guest of honor or her intimidate relatives. Hostesses are usually your maid of honor or your bridesmaids or any good friend.

#2 Presents should be mere tokens of congratulations, not expected and definitely not a right. Registries should be provided only when asked. (Even with themed showers, gifts should not be mentioned on invitations.)

#3 Never invite anyone to the bridal shower who hasn't been invited to the wedding. There is no way to do this that doesn't come off as a gift grab.

#4 Send out thank you notes promptly.

 

[robinb]

I can quite Miss Manner's if you like. I find her writing more entertaining than Emily Post.

The etiquette of bridal showers is (according to Miss Manners):

#1 Bridal showers are supposed to be thought up and thrown by the hostesses, never by the guest of honor or her intimidate relatives. Hostesses are usually your maid of honor or your bridesmaids or any good friend.

#2 Presents should be mere tokens of congratulations, not expected and definitely not a right. Registries should be provided only when asked. (Even with themed showers, gifts should not be mentioned on invitations.)

#3 Never invite anyone to the bridal shower who hasn't been invited to the wedding. There is no way to do this that doesn't come off as a gift grab.

#4 Send out thank you notes promptly.

I think if the OP has an at-home reception planned she can get away with it. Otherwise, I don't really see how having any kind of party (bridal/bachelor/bachelorette) that includes guests that are not invited to the wedding itself (or an at home reception) is quite right. I know that I would feel something akin to "I'm good enough to spend money on the bride but not good enough to be invited to the rest of the celebration."

 

[raysnkaysmom]

My oldest daughter (14) is my MOH, but my BFF who is a bridesmaid was asking if she could throw me one..and I wasn't sure the 'etiquette'... but it sounded fun and great

We are doing a bachelor/bachelorette party for all the friends before hand.. we got to thinking a shower would be nice for the family and friends who aren't making the wedding. We are only inviting family and close friends (keeping it under 25) so I'd hope invitees of the parties would understand that this is our celebration with them....

Maybe it can be a 'food themed' party then... since we obviously have our house set up and people can just bring food

ETA..I was only baseing my fear of the manner/etiquette police on my previous observations on the Community Boards.. I dont visit much anymore, so glad to know its calmed down

 

[Ember]

The easiest solution to celebrating with people not invited to the wedding is to host a non-gift giving event. Have a bridal tea, a barbecue, or some such. A shower is specifically for giving gifts, so host a different type of party. Or after the wedding, have a gathering and show off your wedding photos.

 

[robinb]

The easiest solution to celebrating with people not invited to the wedding is to host a non-gift giving event. Have a bridal tea, a barbecue, or some such. A shower is specifically for giving gifts, so host a different type of party. Or after the wedding, have a gathering and show off your wedding photos.

Exactly. If you want to celebrate your marriage with people not invited to the wedding then you should be footing the bill. Neither you nor your bridal party should ask people to have to pay to celebrate with you. The bach parties and the showers are all about the guests paying for the bride & groom's fun.

My DH and I were married in a small park building that was once a synagogue. It held just about 75 people and we knew A LOT more people than that. But, we really liked the venue and we wanted to keep the actual wedding & reception small since we were adults and paying for it ourselves. So ... we invited people we knew (but not invited to the wedding itself) over to our house for a BBQ. It was on the Friday night before our wedding so out of town guests were invited too. We paid for the party and the celebration.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

The easiest solution to celebrating with people not invited to the wedding is to host a non-gift giving event. Have a bridal tea, a barbecue, or some such. A shower is specifically for giving gifts, so host a different type of party. Or after the wedding, have a gathering and show off your wedding photos.

I like this
Maybe we'll do a BBQ at our house, for kids and family and all... since we're basically having the bachelor/bachelorette party for our friends to go out...

Thanks!!

 

[LovesHerTaurus]

We're throwing our own social 2 months before we go, but have a lot of friends who are helping and selling tickets for us - a little non traditional but I'm 32 with a 10 and 12 year old marrying my Prince Charming so caution thrown to the wind This is totally for the adults!

2 weeks after we come back we're throwing an end of summer/post wedding BBQ for all the people we wish we could fly out to DW to be with us! It is at the beach and we're providing the food but getting people to bring some desserts if they want. This is more for the family/children side of the party.

Since it is just the 4 of us going and I'm pretty sure my 12 year old daughter is my fiancees best "man" (she's kind of become his wingman since she is a tomboy) and my 10 year old is my flowergirl/MOH (wearing a mini bridal version of my dress!), regular tradition has been tossed out the window.

 

[tammyparker]

I've never heard of any specific rules although I'm sure some might believe there is some kind of bridal shower etiquette. The shower though in your situation can have a unique theme such as lingerie, cooking, gardening.... You're still the bride so I think you should have as much fun with it as you want.

I agree on this one your the bride so have fun
with these decisions dont make it a job!

 

[pixie921]

We're throwing our own social 2 months before we go, but have a lot of friends who are helping and selling tickets for us -

Just wondering ... what are they selling tickets for?