Well that sucked!

[monsterkitty]

Nasty response. Other people's misfortune does not negate the OP's feelings of feeling as if her DH doesn't really care. I'm quite sure she doesn't need one more person minimizing her existence or feelings.
.

And I apologized. I was venting as well.

 

[pat fan]

I don't agree with putting people down here because they vent. That's part of the charm of the Community Board. We share the good times, and we vent when we go through the bad times;

You have GOT to be kidding me!!! You must be on a different Community Board than the one I visit. Unless it's a lockstep with some people, you get ripped to shreds.

OP, I get it. My DH knows what I like and does a good job, but even if it's a miss, I know he loves me because he took the time to buy it, wrap it etc...The guy he goes shopping with is the opposite. Never knows where to find things (his wife gives him a list) so my DH helps him, LOL! Maybe you could suggest a guys night shopping trip with a buddy of his.

 

[luvgoing2disney]

My DW and I have a very simple plan. She'd marks in catalogs what she would like and I order them. She does not mind knowing what she is getting and I know the selections are correct. I, on the other hand like surprises. I know she will get just what I need or would like.

Of course I always purchase additional items that she has no idea what she is getting. And my favorite gift I gave her this year costs the least. I was in a store and saw a hand painted sign that says "I love that way your hand fits in mine". We have a different way we intertwine our fingers when walking so that sign just said "us" to me

BTW we've been married almost 31 years and are still on our honeymoon. I am a very blessed man.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

You have GOT to be kidding me!!! You must be on a different Community Board than the one I visit. Unless it's a lockstep with some people, you get ripped to shreds.

OP, I get it. My DH knows what I like and does a good job, but even if it's a miss, I know he loves me because he took the time to buy it, wrap it etc...The guy he goes shopping with is the opposite. Never knows where to find things (his wife gives him a list) so my DH helps him, LOL! Maybe you could suggest a guys night shopping trip with a buddy of his.

No, I'm not kidding. I am not saying that that doesn't happen here. I was addressing the poster who was putting the OP down. What I'm saying is that I do not agree with the people who feel that they have to put someone down when they post here on the Community Board. That is not what this board is about, but with so many personalities, it's hard to maintain that code of common courtesy. I try, and there are some who I know also take the higher ground. At least this is a safer place to post than many other boards out there in cyberspace. Anyway, I'm digressing from the point of this thread.

 

[ICF]

I don't agree with putting people down here because they vent. That's part of the charm of the Community Board. We share the good times, and we vent when we go through the bad times; even if they might seem petty to you or others, they aren't petty to the person who is reaching out. I think these forums are as great as the people who put an effort to make them be.

Would you (or others) feel the same, if the OP were a man complaining about the terrible gifts his wife gave him?

And I wasn't as you later said "putting the OP down" -- this type of thread appears every Christmas. Like death and taxes....the my husband sucks at Christmas is just something that is expected.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I don't understand your resonse to me. Maybe you misunderstood my post. Gidt giving isnt about getting stuff. Its about someone thinking of you. If I buy gifts for myself and pretend they are from someone else, its a lie. They aren't. The thought behind me having those things is the same as me buying it myself. I can't imagine someone complimenting me on something and pretending my DH have it to me when I bought it and wrapped it for myself. That seems silly.

To each his own really. There is no "right" or "wrong".

DH and I prefer to buy our own gifts for Christmas.

You may find it "silly" but we think it is "silly" to buy stuff for the sake of buying "stuff" we don't want.

 

[ckcnj]

Maybe you can tell a close family member or friend to pull him aside and "secretly" tell him what to get for you. Wink wink. When one of your kids gets older, they can take on that role.

 

[sunshinehighway]

To each his own really. There is no "right" or "wrong".

DH and I prefer to buy our own gifts for Christmas.

You may find it "silly" but we think it is "silly" to buy stuff for the sake of buying "stuff" we don't want.

Yes to each his own. I do feel like words are being put in my mouth though. I never said it was about buying stuff just to,buy stuff. I'm pretty sure I said its about the thought. Buying your own gifts and pretending they are from someone else seems much more about the actual stuff.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Would you (or others) feel the same, if the OP were a man complaining about the terrible gifts his wife gave him?

And I wasn't as you later said "putting the OP down" -- this type of thread appears every Christmas. Like death and taxes....the my husband sucks at Christmas is just something that is expected.

Of course. I'm not a man-basher. If a man were to vent on here and women picked on him, I'd stick up for him, too. I don't like attacks regardless of who the person is (and since you picked this thread and said the vent was petty, I took it as targeting the OP, though I realize you are really being general and not against the person, per se). I think men tend to keep these things to themselves, where us gals talk things out. It's how we sort things and get perspective.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Yes to each his own. I do feel like words are being put in my mouth though. I never said it was about buying stuff just to,buy stuff. I'm pretty sure I said its about the thought. Buying your own gifts and pretending they are from someone else seems much more about the actual stuff.

Rather than being about the actual stuff, I think it's more about being part of the festivities. Most people do not want to sit on the sidelines while their loved ones are opening gifts that they have taken great care to choose. And rather than the monetary value, I think the thought behind the gift goes much farther, if the gift-giver pays attention to what the recipient really wants. If not, then the next best thing is to get something for yourself that you know you'll use and enjoy. It's a chore to return things that cannot be used.

 

[BlovesC]

This was my seventh Christmas together with DH, fifth married. It took us about four years to figure out a gift-giving plan that makes us truly happy, and that plan wound up essentially being to not really give gifts. We set a $20 per person limit, which means we usually give each other one or two small (often silly) items, and we fill each others stockings with favorite treats. No stress! We both prefer putting most of our discretionary funds toward traveling. We don't buy each other birthday gifts, either; we just book trips away during our birthdays, even if it's just for a quick weekend.

I think you're perfectly within your right to be disappointed, OP. I don't think there's an excuse for being an inconsiderate gift-giver, but if this something you've experienced in the past and your husband shows no readiness to change, maybe you need to work out a different sort of system next year, something that you know will benefit you both.

 

[azdisneylover]

OP ((((big hugs))),
I just read through the whole thread and agree with many of the posts. I suggest, in a month or two, to sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel. Like one of the posters commented you sound empty and need someone to fill your needs, especially your hubby at a time you feel stretched beyond belief. Just a reminder when you do sit and talk, say what is in your heart, with kind words.
FYI, 32 yrs of marriage and hubby still doesn't listen to what I would love to have! There have been times I have circled the add, with the right color, etc written by the item and put on the fridge at HIS EYE LEVEL, along with telling him BEFORE handing over the remote to the TV. I love him dearly, but in the presents to ME department, he still needs work. This year, one of my daughters went shopping with him and told him what to get me and what NOT to even think about getting me. She listens to me and remembers all year long what I like, broke, etc. Husbands are notorious at blocking out their wives and only hearing every 10th or so word (if we are lucky).
I hope you can get time to relax and do nothing but focus on yourself. Even for one hour a day until you feel better. Sign up for a yoga class, and have hubby do more around the house. Perhaps he has unresolved feelings about you going to school. Once again, (((big hugs to you and anyone else who needs a hug))).

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

My hubby is 30 and I'm 29. We've stopped giving each other Christmas gifts about 4 years ago. Instead we go out for a nice dinner and put the money we would've spent on gifts into the bank. Win-win situation!

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Well, I don't buy the gifts, I give them to my dh to buy for me and wrap. It's just like writing a list and giving it to him. Instead of writing on a piece of paper that I would like a book, pajamas, and boots, I pick out the items when we are in a store and give them to him to buy for me. That way I know they will fit, I know I have not already read the book and I know the boots will fit too.

I have received waaaaaaay to many coffee mugs that I don't like, candy I don't eat, clothes that don't fit, trinkets that collect dust etc. Personally, I would rather pick out what I want rather than have a closet full of junk I don't like or use. DH appreciates it too. He does not have to figure out what to get me or guess on the sizes, and I don't have to spend a day returning stuff or exchanging it for the right size. I guess at my age, I don't need the "surprise" of a gift. I would rather know it is something I need and/or want. Different strokes I guess.

Love it! DH and I do stuff like that all year, for inexpensive things. I'd much rather do it your way than have to worry about returning something or having it just take up space in our house.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes to each his own. I do feel like words are being put in my mouth though. I never said it was about buying stuff just to,buy stuff. I'm pretty sure I said its about the thought. Buying your own gifts and pretending they are from someone else seems much more about the actual stuff.

Thought is nice, I agree.

At times in your life you may have to improvise and help each other out since you are unable to mentally put the thought into it.

It can be an act of kindness to the other person to not force "thoughtful gift shopping" on someone.

It is also an alternative to just giving gift cards.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

My husband likes to get a LOT of gifts so he wraps up just about anything and when he gets an idea he goes full force with it. Example I told him I needed more candles. He got me 12 all wrapped separately. I asked him to pick me up more DD Hazelnut K Cups as that's the only coffee I like. He got me two boxes then 8 more that he wrapped individually.... lol He also hates giving me ideas so I buy him a handful of things and then he just buys stuff for himself that he gives to me. He wanted a small Weber charcoal grill so he bought it for me and two bags of Kingsford light and go charcoal to go with it. I also got a new knife set, new cutting board, a keypad thing for the garage doors I wanted, a new smoker, new pots and pans I really needed so not all duds etc. He just likes seeing a huge pile for me to open, even if there's stuff he bought for himself in there.

 

[cijay]

My husband sucks at gift giving too. Last year I got $120 in gift certificates to get a manicure/pedicure. I've never done either. They are still sitting in a drawer.

Why don't you use it? It may not be something you would buy for yourself but it's there to be used. I got a free facial once (friend was in Esthetics class)...not something I would spend money on or go for again but it was there to be used.

Many years ago, I got my dad a gift certificate for having an auto-starter installed in his truck (we live where winter days can be -26C). He said "I hate these things" and never used it. I had two words for him and they weren't "Merry Christmas" and bought him nothing after that.

I'm just reading through all of these though and seeing how very easy it is to make someone angry, upset or disappointed, just by giving them gifts. I get a bit cranky when I get gifts but that's because I don't want ANY gifts, not because I've been given the wrong thing. Just not sure why people who have 'repeat offenders' in the house even bother with gifts at all.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

This was my seventh Christmas together with DH, fifth married. It took us about four years to figure out a gift-giving plan that makes us truly happy, and that plan wound up essentially being to not really give gifts. We set a $20 per person limit, which means we usually give each other one or two small (often silly) items, and we fill each others stockings with favorite treats. No stress! We both prefer putting most of our discretionary funds toward traveling. We don't buy each other birthday gifts, either; we just book trips away during our birthdays, even if it's just for a quick weekend.

I think you're perfectly within your right to be disappointed, OP. I don't think there's an excuse for being an inconsiderate gift-giver, but if this something you've experienced in the past and your husband shows no readiness to change, maybe you need to work out a different sort of system next year, something that you know will benefit you both.

I have to admit, I started doing math in the original post:

$400 on him
$400 EXTRA on the kids (after she shopped)
$400 I presume she was hoping to receive

I'm looking at that thinking, hmmm you could have gone to the beach for Christmas LOL

 

[ronandannette]

Why don't you use it? It may not be something you would buy for yourself but it's there to be used. I got a free facial once (friend was in Esthetics class)...not something I would spend money on or go for again but it was there to be used.

Many years ago, I got my dad a gift certificate for having an auto-starter installed in his truck (we live where winter days can be -26C). He said "I hate these things" and never used it. I had two words for him and they weren't "Merry Christmas" and bought him nothing after that.

I'm just reading through all of these though and seeing how very easy it is to make someone angry, upset or disappointed, just by giving them gifts. I get a bit cranky when I get gifts but that's because I don't want ANY gifts, not because I've been given the wrong thing. Just not sure why people who have 'repeat offenders' in the house even bother with gifts at all.

Your thinking here is actually pretty hard to follow. For the record, I'm not a person who puts a whole lot of importance on gifts either, and you've stated several times that you are not. Yet you seem to feel a recipient is obligated to use a gift they don't like or don't want. (Personally, I'll never get a manicure or pedicure or facial - those would get re-gifted immediately.) It must have been a pretty big deal when your Dad rejected your remote-start for you to have flung an invective at him and carried a grudge.

 

[rajak73]

Well DW makes a list of "my Christmas list" if she gets whats on the list great, if she doesn't get anything on the list great. I do try to surprise her with a few different things. You know, some of the best gifts we have given each other have been on the cheap side but were great gifts. We don't give cards for Bdays and Anniversarys, she knows how I feel about her without a card. Someday OP will maybe decide that it's not that important, DW and I have been married 42 years.