Well that sucked!

[Kitty 34]

I like the casino....... DH gives me money.
DH likes tools..........I give him a hardware store certificate.

It took 30 some years to figure this out but all is good now at Christmas.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

I'm sorry that your DH picked out the wrong size. Maybe your DH picked up the wrong size by accident? I have gone to get a shirt and grabbed the wrong size. I thought I was grabbing a medium and I grabbed an X-large.

My DH is not good at a lot of things and I am not perfect either. My DH didn't get me a gift this year, and that is okay. I look at other ways he shows me that he loves me.

I don't know what your marriage is like, but it seems that communication might be an issue (as with most people). I think you should sit down and have a polite conversation (no blaming) with your husband. He might not have known your expectations on gift giving.

 

[Stacy's a freak]

Another vote to have a calm conversation about it. I think it was OP who said that DH bought her a new stove in the past instead of an exercise bike. Maybe you could have said to him "babycakes, I was really hoping for the exercise bike I talked about" instead of being passive aggressive and calling the new stove the "trainer". Communication is hard - it means you have to attack a problem head-on. But maybe it's better ...

 

[kamik86]

See I'm actually the one that sucks at giving presents in our relationship. What I have learned is:

1) We have a set budget for each other... no going over even with your own fun money account. This is because DH never has money in his fun money account but would go negative buying me presents which would just make me mad. The guy can't save money to save his life. Then he would whine for months because he wants something that I won't let him buy because his account is negative and I won't let him go more negative.

2) He helps me with my shopping. I hate shopping. I suck at shopping. I hate shopping so much that I am likely to pay more for something then I could because I just want to be done with it. DH loves shopping he is good at it. (in our every day life I set the budget for stuff and let him pick it out and get the best price works great) I will get him a few surprise items but most of the things on his list or things he mentions wanting comes with where to get them...

3) I suck it up and deal with this arrangement although I find it all stupid and could just as easily put $150 in each of our fun money accounts and call it a day. He could get more stuff that way (as I wouldn't mess up and overpay for anything). I would still have his help on things to buy (because the upside to me sucking at shopping is I don't do it often. I dont' want stuff often and am just content without alot of stuff)

Due to this things work out fairly well. He got much less presents this year but he got more expensive items... I got a ton of stuff (but nothing over $50 and that one was a loot crate full of stuff)

 

[TLSnell1981]

hit him in head with frying pan

If we're talking cast iron..I'm with you!

 

[kamik86]

As for the size... clothing is hard. DH got me the wrong size of something last year... you would think pajamas would be easy (I always get christmas pjs) but he bought two pairs from the same brand from the same store in the same size on the label. One fit awesome, one didn't fit at all. I don't get it either. I would have made the same mistake if I didn't try them on.

I have also bought myself the wrong size thing by getting something that said my size on the hanger but not looking at the tag and someone hung it up on the wrong.


So if he really did it on purpose that sucks. I would have a frank discussion on why he does that. However he may have just messed up on accident.

 

[TLSnell1981]

I always feel like I'm the DH of this story even though I'm the future wife. Our problem is my fiance can never stay with the rules we set up. One year we said no gifts at all because I had 0 extra money and he makes a ton more than me (still does even though I make a livable wage now). He went out and bought me a charm bracelet. I thought the bracelet was pretty but it wws chunky and something I would never wear. Then one year we said a small stocking. Well I filled his stocking with small things I thought he would enjoy like a book, some candy, a video game, and some kiddy desk stuff. He gives me mine and it has a nook and a bunch of other stuff in it. Then finally this year we said lets just get each other exactly whag we ask for. This also happens to be the first Hanukkah for me as I converted. We agreed 1 big gift not 8 gifts. Of course what happens? He still gets me 8 gifts even though I only got him 1 (that still hasn't come). I really shouldn't complain because he loves to shower me with gifts but I feel bad that I don't have the extra income to go above and beyond and this year I thought I was until the surpises kept coming every day.

He can and does splurge on gifts for you (probably enjoys it immensely) I'll bet, he doesn't give a whit about the price tag on the gifts, that he receives for you. Everything isn't "equal" and doesn't have to be dollar for dollar.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

See I'm actually the one that sucks at giving presents in our relationship. What I have learned is:

1) We have a set budget for each other... no going over even with your own fun money account. This is because DH never has money in his fun money account but would go negative buying me presents which would just make me mad. The guy can't save money to save his life. Then he would whine for months because he wants something that I won't let him buy because his account is negative and I won't let him go more negative.

2) He helps me with my shopping. I hate shopping. I suck at shopping. I hate shopping so much that I am likely to pay more for something then I could because I just want to be done with it. DH loves shopping he is good at it. (in our every day life I set the budget for stuff and let him pick it out and get the best price works great) I will get him a few surprise items but most of the things on his list or things he mentions wanting comes with where to get them...

3) I suck it up and deal with this arrangement although I find it all stupid and could just as easily put $150 in each of our fun money accounts and call it a day. He could get more stuff that way (as I wouldn't mess up and overpay for anything). I would still have his help on things to buy (because the upside to me sucking at shopping is I don't do it often. I dont' want stuff often and am just content without alot of stuff)

Due to this things work out fairly well. He got much less presents this year but he got more expensive items... I got a ton of stuff (but nothing over $50 and that one was a loot crate full of stuff)

Your DH & my DW sound a lot alike, although DW generally hates grocery shopping. BUT, she's good at it, and other shopping in general. If there's a bargain to be found, she WILL find it and then she'll figure out how to save even more via coupon or rebate. But, when it comes to setting money aside, well she sucks. Ideally, I'd control all the money spent because I'm good at budgeting, and she'd control HOW it's spent because she's so much better at stretching the buying power.

 

[kamik86]

Your DH & my DW sound a lot alike, although DW generally hates grocery shopping. BUT, she's good at it, and other shopping in general. If there's a bargain to be found, she WILL find it and then she'll figure out how to save even more via coupon or rebate. But, when it comes to setting money aside, well she sucks. Ideally, I'd control all the money spent because I'm good at budgeting, and she'd control HOW it's spent because she's so much better at stretching the buying power.

That is how we do it.

So for example I budget how much we can spend on presents. He helps figure out what we get for that. If we need something new for the house I'll have him find some and show me... then I determine if we can fit that in the budget or have to save some more. If I know we will need something soon I'll tell him to start looking out for sales... he will find one.

With our fun money he gets more for his money because he will shop sales... but never has any left he will buy until its gone. Me I may overpay for some things... but have money left over as I buy alot less. Although we are both getting better. I now have him help me buy my things (like when he discovered Michaels has online coupons and I learned that I should never go into that store without one)

 

[LinderInWonderland]

OP, I feel for you. I think the lack of effort hurts worse than the amount not spent, especially when he likes to have a big Christmas - but that doesn't seem to extend to you? Like others have said, I would definitely be having a talk with him.

My DH used to be an incredible gift giver when we were dating and in the first couple years of our marriage. Then, he discovered online shopping and we went through some bumps. For example, he bought an absolutely gorgeous nightie that I would normally love, but it's a size 0 and I am decidedly not. He thought the 0 meant that it was one size fits all. I explained that if it was the only size he could select, it meant they were out of the others. Then he started buying things on Etsy, but he was buying the stuff from resellers, not the actual handmade items. Even then, it was totally something I would normally love, but it turned out to be cheap plastic and he was so disappointed. After the last necklace that he was SO excited to give me and it turned out to be a choker-style that would be tight on an 11 year old, I finally put the kibosh on major gift giving at Christmas. He does so much better when the pressure of the holidays is off and buys me stunning surprise gifts throughout the year. This year, we got a gift for 'us' and a toy each (we are Star Wars nerds and Christmas means toys still). It was awesome.

 

[clori]

(like when he discovered Michaels has online coupons and I learned that I should never go into that store without one)

If you don't know about it yet, try getting the retailmenot app - I just bring it up and check for coupons in the store without worrying about printing them out. I've used it at stores like Michaels, children's place, famous footwear etc.

 

[Nennie]

My husband is the greatest guy ever! He is loving, and kind, and an amazing father. BUT.....he stinks at gifts!!! Really stinks!!! For his 40th birthday, I arranged for a weekend vacation where he flew to Tampa for spring training, had a behind the scenes experience with the Yankees and got to meet Derek Jeter (his favorite baseball player), and for my birthday....well he did say "Happy Birthday," but no gift and not even a card. I was hurt, and I told him, and he did make up to me a few weeks later (not to the extent that I went out on for his birthday, but still a nice gift). But, I learned from it. I learned that he's a great guy that just doesn't have a creative bone in his body when it comes to gifts, and just figures that if I want someone, I'll buy it for myself. So now that I know that, we just don't exchange gifts anymore! I didn't tell him it's b/c he sucks (LOL!), but just that Christmas is about the kids, and lets just get them lots of presents, and if we really want someone, we can always just buy it for ourselves. Now, everyone is happy! Just an idea for the OP!! Good luck!!!

 

[gottaluvPluto]

A bit dramatic answer to a vent, don't you think? Yes, we all know that there are people worse off but does that mean nobody is allowed to vent here?

I don't think it was a bit dramatic at all. And yes, people can vent. However, people can also try to get the OP to see a different perspective on the issue. I agree with the poster that mentioned a child fighting terminal cancer or just cancer. When things don't go my way, I think of my friends that have lost their spouse or child. They would do anything for their love ones to be there to give them a horrible gift. Then my pitty party turns into - I am very thankful for what I have and who I have with me. Even when they piss me off.

 

[kamik86]

If you don't know about it yet, try getting the retailmenot app - I just bring it up and check for coupons in the store without worrying about printing them out. I've used it at stores like Michaels, children's place, famous footwear etc.

hmm will have to try that one.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I don't think it was a bit dramatic at all. And yes, people can vent. However, people can also try to get the OP to see a different perspective on the issue. I agree with the poster that mentioned a child fighting terminal cancer or just cancer. When things don't go my way, I think of my friends that have lost their spouse or child. They would do anything for their love ones to be there to give them a horrible gift. Then my pitty party turns into - I am very thankful for what I have and who I have with me. Even when they piss me off.

Or we can upstage the children in hospitals with cancer vents by reminding those parents that third world cancer children don't even get medical care so stop whining. Ridiculous right?

People are free to vent about small things. One person's vent does not negate another's so people need to stop trying to upstage each other.

Edited to add: You also must have missed that the OP is an oncology pediatric nurse so she certainly needs not a different perspective on the subject. She lives it.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

Or we can upstage the children in hospitals with cancer vents by reminding those parents that third world cancer children don't even get medical care so stop whining. Ridiculous right?

People are free to vent about small things. One person's vent does not negate another's so people need to stop trying to upstage each other.

Edited to add: You also must have missed that the OP is an oncology pediatric nurse so she certainly needs not a different perspective on the subject. She lives it.

I don't think anyone was upstaging anyone. I didn't miss that post. I saw it. So what? I have friends that are oncology nurses and sometimes they just need someone to remind them of the bigger picture. Yes, you can vent and yes someone can remind you of more important things. When people vent, they get their release and then they might need the kick in the pants. I think the OP got her poor babies that she needed from venting, and now she must look at the bigger picture.

I didn't minimize her vent at all. I don't think pointing out cancer patients is minimizing, either. I am also happy that the OP doesn't have bigger problems to vent about.

 

[sunshinehighway]

I don't think anyone was upstaging anyone. I didn't miss that post. I saw it. So what? I have friends that are oncology nurses and sometimes they just need someone to remind them of the bigger picture. Yes, you can vent and yes someone can remind you of more important things. When people vent, they get their release and then they might need the kick in the pants. I think the OP got her poor babies that she needed from venting, and now she must look at the bigger picture.

I didn't minimize her vent at all. I don't think pointing out cancer patients is minimizing, either. I am also happy that the OP doesn't have bigger problems to vent about.

It was trying to minimize her vent. Why not just own that? Cancer had nothing to do with her vent so there's no reason to bring it up. You are minimizing her in the quoted post. The bolded is rather condescending.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I don't think anyone was upstaging anyone. I didn't miss that post. I saw it. So what? I have friends that are oncology nurses and sometimes they just need someone to remind them of the bigger picture. Yes, you can vent and yes someone can remind you of more important things. When people vent, they get their release and then they might need the kick in the pants. I think the OP got her poor babies that she needed from venting, and now she must look at the bigger picture.

I didn't minimize her vent at all. I don't think pointing out cancer patients is minimizing, either. I am also happy that the OP doesn't have bigger problems to vent about.

Poor babies? Oh please. OP doesn't need a kick in the pants but of course you have friends that are oncology nurses that need reminding. LOL

 

[gottaluvPluto]

It was trying to minimize her vent. Why not just own that? Cancer had nothing to do with her vent so there's no reason to bring it up. You are minimizing her in the quoted post. The bolded is rather condescending.

When a person vents on a public message board, what is their intent? Why not just go to the source and talk to the person? People who vent to someone about a person is looking for "poor babies." If she didn't want that, then she would have gone straight to her DH and not to a public forum.

I don't think saying poor babies is condescending at all. People use that expression all the time, and not in a bad way.

 

[gottaluvPluto]

Poor babies? Oh please. OP doesn't need a kick in the pants but of course you have friends that are oncology nurses that need reminding. LOL

People in every profession will need reminding of the bigger picture at certain times in their life. It is just a fact.