Well that sucked!

[DawnM]

This was over and above the Santa gifts. Those I took care of. This was for him to have fun buying things he thought they would like.

So, what about this year is different?

Does he normally get the boys gifts?
Does he normally get you a nicer gift?

 

[wilkeliza]

I always feel like I'm the DH of this story even though I'm the future wife. Our problem is my fiance can never stay with the rules we set up. One year we said no gifts at all because I had 0 extra money and he makes a ton more than me (still does even though I make a livable wage now). He went out and bought me a charm bracelet. I thought the bracelet was pretty but it wws chunky and something I would never wear. Then one year we said a small stocking. Well I filled his stocking with small things I thought he would enjoy like a book, some candy, a video game, and some kiddy desk stuff. He gives me mine and it has a nook and a bunch of other stuff in it. Then finally this year we said lets just get each other exactly whag we ask for. This also happens to be the first Hanukkah for me as I converted. We agreed 1 big gift not 8 gifts. Of course what happens? He still gets me 8 gifts even though I only got him 1 (that still hasn't come). I really shouldn't complain because he loves to shower me with gifts but I feel bad that I don't have the extra income to go above and beyond and this year I thought I was until the surpises kept coming every day.

 

[mom2grace]

My apologies. I understand you were just venting and that you were disappointed. Maybe I'm just venting as well.

I hope the child has a speedy and complete recovery! I've seen amazing things happen in my years in pediatrics.

 

[DawnM]

Can't you go get the one in your size? I was never allowed to spend over 50 dollars on my kids each. I was also told I could not buy him anything because I did not earn money. At least you got something.

What???? Oh my goodness! Your husband doesn't ALLOW you to get things?

 

[cijay]

Yes, our larger family Christmas was good and my family (parents and sister) were very generous and thoughtful.

Good - so it didn't totally suck right? Just the gifts part? Maybe don't do gifts anymore and your entire Christmas will be great.

 

[Southernmiss]

I get you, OP. DH did well for me this year. But I did have a scare when he went the day before Christmas to the store I told him to go to back the 1st week of December to buy me a blue cardigan sweater. He calls me the day before Christmas in that store and said, "They must be out of blue sweaters." I said, "Well, I don't need an orange one or any other color." He laughs "How'd you know I was holding an orange one?" Duh-I saw the racks of them when I was shopping for our mothers the 1st of December. I said, "Walk past the shoes to the petite department. Maybe you can find me a blue one there." Yep, I opened a blue sweater from the petite department on Christmas morning. Fortunately, I am petite.

The other thing is if I mention an item I'd like, he gets me 2 or 3 when one will do just fine. I got 2 long sleeve night gowns--we live in the south where it does get cold, but not often. We've had 70 degrees this week. One would have been just fine. I mentioned that maybe a new latte cup would be nice. I got 4. I mentioned that I needed a brown/orange costume jewelry necklace. I got 2.

It's frustrating to be the one to make sure that all 20 other people on the list have nice gifts. He shops for just 1, can't you make it nice without riggamarole??--arghh.

And he is a great guy and I'm really not high maintenance. It's just the gift giving gene bypassed him.

 

[usnuzuloose]

What???? Oh my goodness! Your husband doesn't ALLOW you to get things?

Nope he never did.

 

[mom2grace]

Can't you go get the one in your size? I was never allowed to spend over 50 dollars on my kids each. I was also told I could not buy him anything because I did not earn money. At least you got something.

They won't have my size, that's the problem. They won't be getting more in-stock per the saleslady.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I'm not even going to touch this one

Just buy the clothes and jewelry you want for yourself. My husband isn't the best gift giver in the world either but I recognize his attempts. It is what it is.

 

[DawnM]

Nope he never did.

Sounds like the past, are you divorced now?

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

This. DH and I have been together for almost 10 years. We don't exchange gifts. Not for anniversaries. Not for birthdays. Not for Christmas. The result is bliss. No worry. No anxiety. No disappointment.

I applaud you!!

After many moons, my husband and I exchange very simply. He was with me when I saw a state college t-shirt in my large. He saw a soft sided lunch bag he liked. Over and done.

 

[lovemygoofy]

So I'm confused. Is this the first time he's given bad gifts in the 18 years of marriage or is this on going? If this is ongoing why not just say something to him. Not in the middle of opening presents but maybe in the random car conversation in March. I understand it's the "thought that matters" but then put some damn thought into it sometimes is also my particular thought about it. People don't know we are unhappy or why we are unhappy if we don't ever bother to tell them and things don't change if we don't open the door for the change.

 

[mom2grace]

I'm not even going to touch this one

Just buy the clothes and jewelry you want for yourself. My husband isn't the best gift giver in the world either but I recognize his attempts. It is what it is.

I'm so easy to buy for. Anything from Williams-Sonoma, Pottery Barn, Pier 1, Tevana, places like that. I love to cook. I love anything local or handmade. He knows all of this.

I am CERTAIN this store had plenty of other choices that I would love in my size. So that I could actually wear it and not have to schlep out to the mall after Christmas.

 

[mom2grace]

So I'm confused. Is this the first time he's given bad gifts in the 18 years of marriage or is this on going? If this is ongoing why not just say something to him. Not in the middle of opening presents but maybe in the random car conversation in March. I understand it's the "thought that matters" but then put some damn thought into it sometimes is also my particular thought about it. People don't know we are unhappy or why we are unhappy if we don't ever bother to tell them and things don't change if we don't open the door for the change.

He said that he knew I had bought a lot for him on Christmas Eve day or the day before. Plenty of time to shop, we live 10 minutes from 2 major malls and he was off of work the whole week and we didn't have anything to do until 5:30 on Christmas Eve. And frankly, he totally could have said "we are going to XYZ event as well for your present" at the end of opening gifts. We live in a major city with plenty of theater, music, sports, etc. All of which I would like. He could have said we are going to the theater performance of your choice, anything, as he opened gift after gift without a word.

 

[mom2grace]

So, what about this year is different?

Does he normally get the boys gifts?
Does he normally get you a nicer gift?

It was way worse than it's ever been. He did ask me to buy some stocking stuffers for myself, so I bought a paperback book and a book light on Christmas Eve.

Yes, we agree on the kid santa list and then he will buy a little extra. He does personally buy a lot of DS's list, it's fishing and camping gear. I'm in grad school and money is tighter than it has been. But we are doing fine, I gave him an extra $400 in cash, I've never done that before. The kicker is that he gave me $50 back from what he didn't spend from the $400.

 

[monsterkitty]

I hope the child has a speedy and complete recovery! I've seen amazing things happen in my years in pediatrics.

Thank you. It's been a hard week.

Now, to get back to the topic on hand - now that I had my little vent that you so kindly listened to, let me share my past Christmas disappointment as we could probably both use a laugh. 3 years ago the only thing I wanted was a Cyclops Fluid 2 bike trainer so I could use my bike to train instead of going to the gym and using an uncomfortable spin bike. I'm not a jewelry fan and the trainer was the only thing I wanted so even though it was expensive (about $350), I thought I had a great chance in getting it. However, instead I got a brand new double oven, which was waaayyy more than the trainer. I called it my bike trainer every time I made dinner. He did get me the trainer for Valentines - probably just to get me to stop teasing him about it!

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP,

I understand! You put so much thought into others gifts, it hurts that the same thoughtfulness isn't reciprocated!

Next year buy your own gifts and give your DH the receipts! That way, you won't be disappointed!

TC

 

[bbak30]

My husband sucks at gift giving too. Last year I got $120 in gift certificates to get a manicure/pedicure. I've never done either. They are still sitting in a drawer.

This year he got me a necklace. It's a Mickey head inside of a large silver heart. It's huge and gaudy. It's terrible. Lol. But it was thoughtful and he got in when we were in Disney. So I'm gonna wear it and smile!

Just focus on what your DH is good at and lower your expectations when it comes to gifts. That's what I had to do. Lol.

 

[mnrose]

Eh. I sorta get this complaint, but my husband is also a BAD gift giver. As in, he sucks at it. He tries. He really does, but he's missing that sense. After 35 years, I've learned to let it go. He is an awesome husband in every other respect, and I try to keep this in perspective. In the scheme of things, I'd rather have a husband who is great 363 days out of the year, and screws up Christmas and my birthday than the other way around. This year, I bought my OWN present from him (in his defense, he was working 16+ hours a day the last two weeks, and literally had NO time to shop), and it was exactly what I wanted. Perfect, in fact. LOL.

 

[ronandannette]

So, what about this year is different?

Does he normally get the boys gifts?
Does he normally get you a nicer gift?

He said that he knew I had bought a lot for him on Christmas Eve day or the day before. Plenty of time to shop, we live 10 minutes from 2 major malls and he was off of work the whole week and we didn't have anything to do until 5:30 on Christmas Eve. And frankly, he totally could have said "we are going to XYZ event as well for your present" at the end of opening gifts. We live in a major city with plenty of theater, music, sports, etc. All of which I would like. He could have said we are going to the theater performance of your choice, anything, as he opened gift after gift without a word.

It sounds to me like the two of you are just on really different pages as to the importance of giving/receiving gifts. Have you ever read the "Love Languages" book? Some people express love by giving and some people perceive being loved by receiving; some do both and some don't do either. It can make for confusion and deep hurts if you suppose that your partner feels the exact same way about these things that you do and you impart the same thoughts/feelings/motives to him that you would have in the same circumstances. I highly recommend you spend some time together exploring these concepts and can come to a place where you understand, accept and try to meet one another's expectations.