Weird Relationship Question

[flipturngirl]

Hi! Sorry this may be long..

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now.. Not offical until a couple of months ago. Well he does not have a car, has the money to buy one but keeps pushing it back until a month later. Well when he has work he always, I mean no matter what time he has to work, asks me to take him in. As well as pick him up from work. He does not live that far from work and could walk or take the bus. He is still living at home and his parents won't pick him up or let him use their car.

Is it something that I should be so upset over by taking him to work? He will ask me all the time even if I have other plans and gets angry if I am in the middle of something. Don't get me wrong he is a nice person and I truly like him but I get so annoyed that by any phone call from him it could be a phone call for a ride and not for a night out with him.

Also when we go places I am obviously driving. He will get upset if I ask him for gas money, going to the beach cost 30 bucks to get gas, we talked about him paying for gas before and he just was not happy when he found out how much it was going to cost him.

So if you have read this message to now... My question is; Am I wrong for asking him for gas money? And should I be obligated to take him to and from work?

 

[staley7580]

Hi! Sorry this may be long..

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now.. Not offical until a couple of months ago. Well he does not have a car, has the money to buy one but keeps pushing it back until a month later. Well when he has work he always, I mean no matter what time he has to work, asks me to take him in. As well as pick him up from work. He does not live that far from work and could walk or take the bus. He is still living at home and his parents won't pick him up or let him use their car.

Is it something that I should be so upset over by taking him to work? He will ask me all the time even if I have other plans and gets angry if I am in the middle of something. Don't get me wrong he is a nice person and I truly like him but I get so annoyed that by any phone call from him it could be a phone call for a ride and not for a night out with him.

Also when we go places I am obviously driving. He will get upset if I ask him for gas money, going to the beach cost 30 bucks to get gas, we talked about him paying for gas before and he just was not happy when he found out how much it was going to cost him.

So if you have read this message to now... My question is; Am I wrong for asking him for gas money? And should I be obligated to take him to and from work?

No! YOu arent obligated to take him anywhere!! Thats ridiculous! It totally sounds like he is just using you for a ride.

 

[wdwfan16]

Hi! Sorry this may be long..

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now.. Not offical until a couple of months ago. Well he does not have a car, has the money to buy one but keeps pushing it back until a month later. Well when he has work he always, I mean no matter what time he has to work, asks me to take him in. As well as pick him up from work. He does not live that far from work and could walk or take the bus. He is still living at home and his parents won't pick him up or let him use their car.

Is it something that I should be so upset over by taking him to work? He will ask me all the time even if I have other plans and gets angry if I am in the middle of something. Don't get me wrong he is a nice person and I truly like him but I get so annoyed that by any phone call from him it could be a phone call for a ride and not for a night out with him.

Also when we go places I am obviously driving. He will get upset if I ask him for gas money, going to the beach cost 30 bucks to get gas, we talked about him paying for gas before and he just was not happy when he found out how much it was going to cost him.

So if you have read this message to now... My question is; Am I wrong for asking him for gas money? And should I be obligated to take him to and from work?

You are being used. Time to find a person who treats you better.

 

[Darsa]

Absolutely being used, and that is so so very sad, and really crappy of him to do. You don't deserve that; I think that it's time for a talk.

 

[chibichibirei]

I totally agree, gas today is not cheap and it doesn't seem fair that you should have to shell it out every time. I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to ask for gas money if you are the one driving him everywhere.

 

[taylor3297]

Hi! Sorry this may be long..

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now.. Not offical until a couple of months ago. Well he does not have a car, has the money to buy one but keeps pushing it back until a month later. Well when he has work he always, I mean no matter what time he has to work, asks me to take him in. As well as pick him up from work. He does not live that far from work and could walk or take the bus. He is still living at home and his parents won't pick him up or let him use their car.

Is it something that I should be so upset over by taking him to work? He will ask me all the time even if I have other plans and gets angry if I am in the middle of something. Don't get me wrong he is a nice person and I truly like him but I get so annoyed that by any phone call from him it could be a phone call for a ride and not for a night out with him.

Also when we go places I am obviously driving. He will get upset if I ask him for gas money, going to the beach cost 30 bucks to get gas, we talked about him paying for gas before and he just was not happy when he found out how much it was going to cost him.

So if you have read this message to now... My question is; Am I wrong for asking him for gas money? And should I be obligated to take him to and from work?

No he is not a nice person. He may seem nice but he gets mad if you don't drop everything to take him to work. You need to really re-think this relationship.

 

[disykat]

I agree with the others. Stop taking him to work!

 

[flipturngirl]

Thank you for your replies! My whole family thinks that I am crazy for being angry with him. They will tell me I am not nice for not taking him in, but I have been feeling the same way.. That I am being used.

The other day we were hanging out. He wanted to check him work schedual so we went in. He realized he had to work at 7:30 the next morning, it was 12:30 am then. So I told him I would take him home and we would talk the next day. He asked me for a ride. I said that I could not get up because I had to work later that night, a long shift. I told him to call his coworker that lives near us that is starting a little later then him to see if she could take him in. Her response was "Flipturngirl needs to take you... She has the obligation here, not me." I said I was sorry but I can not take you. He got out of my car and would not say anything to me. Like a little kid not getting what they want at the store. Later he called me saying that he was not mad at me, just stressed because he could not find a ride to work because it was so late in the night. I said to take the bus.,, the bus apparently only runs every hour or half hour.. I do not know.. Well we talked a little bit more and somehow he talked me into taking him.. I guess I am a pushover.

 

[dimimi]

Yes to the gas money (in my opinion, it doesn't say much of him for you having to ask!) and I would be busy and not drive him to work!

I am sure he is a nice guy and I hate to say anything negative....but...if I were you I would make sure my tank was empty and stop for gas with him in the car. It shows a lot about his character if he does not INSIST on paying for the gas. I am saying this because you say he has money for a car and he lives at home. If he had no money, was paying rent, and needed money, I might answer differently.

 

[Bethenny]

Her response was "Flipturngirl needs to take you... She has the obligation here, not me."

If you break up with him, then there is no more obligation. Just saying.

How old are you? What's the draw of this relationship? You've got a guy who lives with his parents and doesn't have a car. Time to move on and find someone else.

 

[Monte Cristo]

Lots of red flags popping up with this guy. I can only imagine what he's going to pull when you guys get farther along. Sounds like he's not really respecting your time and your genorosity...that's a tell tale sign to me.

 

[flipturngirl]

If you break up with him, then there is no more obligation. Just saying.

How old are you? What's the draw of this relationship? You've got a guy who lives with his parents and doesn't have a car. Time to move on and find someone else.

I am 21 and he is 20. I am at school most of the time and he is working as a cashier. We have a lot in common and have tons of fun together but this has been a big issue that I have been letting boil for a while.. have not said anything.. I am going to say something,,

 

[janets]

A 20 year old guy living at home (not too terrible...as long as he's working to build a nest egg so he can move out).

A 20 year old guy with a job who does not have a car to get to work (again, not terrible if there are public transit options for him to use regularly).

A 20 year old guy with a job, living with his parents, who has the money to buy a car but doesn't do it and uses his girlfriend as his personal chauffeur, balks at giving her any money for gas, and then gets mad if she's otherwise engaged and can't drop what she's doing on a moment's notice to take him to work, home, the beach, and anywhere else he has to go (not good).

I think you're too young to be caught up in a relationship with an immature guy like this. I don't think your family is right in making you think that you have some obligation to him. It's nice to help out your BF once in a while, but if he's using you as a personal driver, and refuses to help pay the costs, and then gets angry when you're busy, then it might be time to move on and look for a more mature date.

 

[Sparx]

A 20 year old guy living at home (not too terrible...as long as he's working to build a nest egg so he can move out).

A 20 year old guy with a job who does not have a car to get to work (again, not terrible if there are public transit options for him to use regularly).

A 20 year old guy with a job, living with his parents, who has the money to buy a car but doesn't do it and uses his girlfriend as his personal chauffeur, balks at giving her any money for gas, and then gets mad if she's otherwise engaged and can't drop what she's doing on a moment's notice to take him to work, home, the beach, and anywhere else he has to go (not good).

I think you're too young to be caught up in a relationship with an immature guy like this. I don't think your family is right in making you think that you have some obligation to him. It's nice to help out your BF once in a while, but if he's using you as a personal driver, and refuses to help pay the costs, and then gets angry when you're busy, then it might be time to move on and look for a more mature date.

I completely agree with every word of this post!

 

[WhateverLolaWants]

Girl, run. Very fast.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Hi! Sorry this may be long..

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now.. Not offical until a couple of months ago. Well he does not have a car, has the money to buy one but keeps pushing it back until a month later. Well when he has work he always, I mean no matter what time he has to work, asks me to take him in. As well as pick him up from work. He does not live that far from work and could walk or take the bus. He is still living at home and his parents won't pick him up or let him use their car.

Is it something that I should be so upset over by taking him to work? He will ask me all the time even if I have other plans and gets angry if I am in the middle of something. Don't get me wrong he is a nice person and I truly like him but I get so annoyed that by any phone call from him it could be a phone call for a ride and not for a night out with him.

Also when we go places I am obviously driving. He will get upset if I ask him for gas money, going to the beach cost 30 bucks to get gas, we talked about him paying for gas before and he just was not happy when he found out how much it was going to cost him.

So if you have read this message to now... My question is; Am I wrong for asking him for gas money? And should I be obligated to take him to and from work?

No you are not wrong to ask him for gas money. However it is wrong for him to not offer and also the fact he got upset is grounds for kicking him to the curb.

You are not obligated to take him to and from work. Tell him to find a ride as your cab is closed.

I imagine he will break up with you if you impose "rules" like that on him because he is just using you anyway.

Run like hell from this dude.

 

[dis-happy]

There's a reason his parents have refused to take him anymore or let him use their car. Think about it.

 

[mickeymedic]

He sounds controlling and manipulative to me. I know he is nice to you when he is getting what he wants. But trust me - he is bad news. In a normal relationship there is give and take on both sides. From what you described, you are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking. The biggest red flag is that he gets mad when you won't take his to work even if you have a valid reason for not being able to drive him. The fact that he was then able to manipulate you into driving him anyway is also quite concerning.

You are young. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't waste your time on someone who obviously does not respect you.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

wow..I'm really sorry... but he's definitely using you... and not a nice guy to not even offer...
If he offered money....paid for things, took you out and felt bad when he had to ask you for a ride (and this should not be EVERY day)...then I could understand....but he's a jerk, point blank. You deserve better for putting up with him this long!!!

 

[minkydog]

Hi! Sorry this may be long..

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now.. Not offical until a couple of months ago. Well he does not have a car, has the money to buy one but keeps pushing it back until a month later. Well when he has work he always, I mean no matter what time he has to work, asks me to take him in. As well as pick him up from work. He does not live that far from work and could walk or take the bus. He is still living at home and his parents won't pick him up or let him use their car.

Is it something that I should be so upset over by taking him to work? He will ask me all the time even if I have other plans and gets angry if I am in the middle of something. Don't get me wrong he is a nice person and I truly like him but I get so annoyed that by any phone call from him it could be a phone call for a ride and not for a night out with him.

Also when we go places I am obviously driving. He will get upset if I ask him for gas money, going to the beach cost 30 bucks to get gas, we talked about him paying for gas before and he just was not happy when he found out how much it was going to cost him.

So if you have read this message to now... My question is; Am I wrong for asking him for gas money? And should I be obligated to take him to and from work?

I must assume from your story that you are still pretty young and not wise in the ways of the world. OF course you are not obligated to carry him around! If his own parents don't want to pick him up or use their car, that's a huge red flag. They must has some reason, what is it? You may think this is nice-guy behavior, but it's not. He's mooching off you and you're letting him. If you persist in carrying him around and picking him up he's just going to continue. Don't allow yourself to be bullied by his little temper tantrum. If he didn't have a girlfriend who was willing to bend over backwards to fulfill his whims, how would he get around? I'm sure he'd figure something out.

You need to be "busy" the next time he calls you to take him to work. Don't namby-pamby around either. Just flat out tell him no, you can't take him. It doesn't require an explanation. Indeed, if you start explaining and justifying yourself, he's only going to try to wear you down by laying a guilt trip on you. He needs to grow up, but so do you. You can't be a door mat unless you lay down on the floor.