Weird Relationship Question

[Carly_Roach]

Talk is cheap; action speaks much louder than words. If he says he has the money to buy a car but keeps putting it off, then he doesn't have the money. Period.

I'm not sure what you're getting out of this relationship other than someone to talk to. Is he very good looking and you feel lucky to have "caught" this guy? What is he offering that's worth you doing all the action in the relationship? And is it worth the gas money and constantly dropping what you want to do to chauffeur him around?

I agree with the others. You're being used and as soon as you stop offering the 'goodies' (whether it's intimate relations or money), he'll find another sugar-mama to do that for him. Sure, he may talk a good game about what you'll be missing out on, but like I said above: talk is cheap. Very cheap. You can get it anywhere.

Now if it was reversed and it was the girl getting rides and being taken to the beach by her boyfriend, I wonder how many people would advice them to break up.

Honest question.

I guess it would all depend on the situation. If the guy was enjoying the girl's company at the beach, especially if she looked great wearing a string bikini, and he loved to brag about her being on his arm, well then I guess he's getting some kind of value for his investment of time and money, isn't he?

But if the girl were some shallow witch who was obviously using the poor schmuck for whatever he'll give her before she dumps him, then I'd give the guy the same advice I'm giving the OP: stop driving her around and see what happens. If she nixes the relationship, then he's better off without her.

 

[Mkrop]

Now if it was reversed and it was the girl getting rides and being taken to the beach by her boyfriend, I wonder how many people would advice them to break up.

Honest question.

For me it is not the dates to the beach, it is his lack of gratitude toward the OP for the rides he does get, and the demands he makes on her when she can not. It is having the money for a car, but being a jerk about others giving him a ride. It is the fact that his parents wont drive him anywhere.

All of this would make me suspect, whether it was male or female.

 

[AlleyKat]

Don't even bother to discuss it other to say 'IT's OVER!!!'

Yep!

 

[ibouncetoo]

Haven't read any of the posts yet.

My 'vote'....dump him.

OK...talk to him first, them dump him. If he can't pony-up to take care of himself now (by making his own arrangements, walk, bus, buy a car), don't get any more involved.




OK...now I'm going to read the posts and probably see one from the OP explaining extenuating (sp?) circumstances and be embarrassed by my reply....


Edited after reading: Nope, I'm good with what I said!

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[goofyernmost]

Now if it was reversed and it was the girl getting rides and being taken to the beach by her boyfriend, I wonder how many people would advice them to break up.

Honest question.

Good question, however the reaction to this thread has nothing to do really with the actual things that she does for him, it's his attitude about it. Like it's owed to him. And someone that can contribute but won't. That's just a total lack of class or concern about anyone but himself.

However, that said, I would love to have that type of situation. All take and no give...how does one meet someone like that. JUST KIDDING!

 

[Planogirl]

Doesn't he ever go anywhere on his own? I think that it's odd that he wouldn't want his own transportation even if only to get something from the store, go to the bank or whatever.

I feel for you.

 

[happily single]

The fact that his family, friends AND co-workers will not transport him needs to speak loud and clear to you. He has burned all of his bridges and now he is using you.

I suggest your vehicle suddenly undergo some emergency break-down right before you were to pick him up for or from work. Let your car stay in the shop for several days, to a week "until you have enough money to pay for it" and see what happens with boyfriend. He'll probably figure something out very quickly

 

[rie'smom]

He seems to be confused. You are supposed to be his girlfriend not his chauffeur. Dump him. The fact that he won't contribute to gas burns me. Why do I think if you stay together you'll work and he'll loaf?

 

[Mrs. Charming]

Run. Trust me. Had to learn this one from experience. You don't need to make the same mistake!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I haven't read the replies, but my advice is to dump the loser. He's got no ambition and is going no where. You are not his personal taxi service and the fact that he gets upset if you are busy and doesn't want to hand over the gas money (which you shouldn't have to ask for, he should be freely offering) is a giant red flag. Find a quality man.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Another "dump him" vote to a nearly-unanimous Community Board thread!

Ann Landers used to say, "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." He's DEFINITELY taking advantage of you. Listen to your spidey sense!

 

[joyjoy]

You two should not be sharing a zip code, let alone a car and possibly a future together.

Run, girl.

 

[Kimberly]

I'm with all the other DISers on this. DUMP HIM!

 

[Phlip]

I'm with all the other DISers on this. DUMP HIM!

Ditto-my husband agrees...give the boy the heave ho.

 

[Buckalew11]

Isn't your mom on the DIS?

Your parents are OK with this?

No gas money? Heck, I dated a guy when I was very young (a bit younger than you) who lived 30 mins away and I always chipped in for gas or food or something...what kind of a guy is he who would use you like this.

Sorry, but please listen to your head and move on and far, far away from this guy AND GUYS LIKE HIM!!!

 

[ksjayhawks]

Why should he buy a car? Why should he spend money on gas? Why should he spend gas money on entertainment (going to beach)? Why should he walk to work or take the bus or find someone else to take him?

He doesn't have to, he has you to do all the above and you do it every.single.time (or close to it, it sounds like). While he may have many of the same interests as you and you may have fun together, he sounds like he would be a better friend than boyfriend.

Start saying "No, I can't take you to work. No, I can't pick you up. Oh, you want to go to the beach--do you have gas money?"

What you are seeing now is more than likely what life will be like with him if you would get married. Is that how you want your life to be like?

I would cool the relationship asap!

 

[We_Love_Disney]

RUN, RUN as FAST as you CAN!​

Do not be fooled by his charming alter-ego, that is there just to string you along. This is not a nice person.

Why would you chose to be treated this way? No one should be a doormat.

 

[EMom]

He is an ungrateful, lazy user who gets mad at you if you don't act as his chauffeur for FREE and do so cheerfully. THAT is his true character. The "fun/nice guy" is just filler for when he's not showing his true ***hole self. Please, snap out of it and let this be a big old RED FLAG to you. Forget stating your case and asking him for gas money. If you have to do that, he's already a lost cause. He thinks using you is just peachy and in fact, you should be grateful for the privilege of being his servant driver. Puh-leeze!

Run. Run before you get in any deeper with this user. And don't settle for another like him. Some men (and women) will treat you like crap if you let them and he's one of them. Don't you think you deserve better? I know I'd never put up with that from a man. Run. Run. Run.

If you can't see that, surely the fact that so many of us are telling you to run ought to give you pause to think.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Since your own parents are giving you um, odd, advice here: I will chime in as a mother and tell you that if you were my daughter I would say you are not required to drive him anywhere.
Things like "dates" (trips to the beach, etc) I don't know. Depends a lto on who invited whom, what else he may be paying for and what your relationship "norm" is.
Even driving him to work once in a while because either you LIKE doing it and it fits your schedule and then you get to see him more OR in a (rare) emergency is fine.
His demanding attitude and emotional manipulation are BIG issues though.
If you were my daughter I would advise you to either just end it now or at the very least please stop driving him around and see if he likes you for you or your car. Then I would really worry about you and hope you took my advice.

You need to be "busy" the next time he calls you to take him to work. Don't namby-pamby around either. Just flat out tell him no, you can't take him. It doesn't require an explanation. Indeed, if you start explaining and justifying yourself, he's only going to try to wear you down by laying a guilt trip on you. He needs to grow up, but so do you. You can't be a door mat unless you lay down on the floor.

This

Now if it was reversed and it was the girl getting rides and being taken to the beach by her boyfriend, I wonder how many people would advice them to break up.

Honest question.

My honest answer is I would not want either of my children involved with someone who lays guilt trips on them for not dropping everything to transport them to/from work. Gender is irrelevant in this case to me.

 

[Bren's Mom]

It's time to get a new boyfriend.