Wedding Thank You Question

[CookieandOatmeal]

I also received a preprinted TY wedding card today in the mail and was also a bit annoyed. Sending such a generic TY addressed to "Dear Guest" is just a bit too much. It felt like it was something they felt like had to be done but not that they wanted to do it. I understand everyone is busy but so am I. We hand wrote every TY we sent and it took a while but we did it. The two other weddings we went to in 2015 also sent us TY cards but they were hand written.

 

[anniemae]

Yeah, I would not like it, but it is better than not being thanked at all. I think every gift deserves a hand written "thank you" from the bride and groom. I think people like to be acknowledged for the gift they give. They could still use the photo cards, but write a little personal note on the back IMO.

 

[LAB81018]

In this area wrapped gifts from the registry are only given at showers and only cash is given at the wedding. Regardless of what your gift is you should be thanked. The op was thanked just not thanked with enough effort in her opinion.

I am all for being thanked for my gift be it a wrapped present or a check tossed in a card. I just don't care HOW they thank me, nor do I think one method is more acceptable over another. Say it to my face, call me on the phone, send me an email, a facebook post, a generic preprinted card or a handwritten note - whatever floats your boat - just as long as you say thank you that's good enough for me.

That is what I was, very clumsily, trying to say. The OP appears to be expecting a very personal thank you note for a gift many see as impersonal. Not unappreciated or unwelcome, impersonal.

 

[WIcruizer]

So our best friends daughter got married in December. We regard her as our niece and she calls us aunt and uncle. We gave her a cash gift. We received the Thank You in the mail the other day and it was one of those picture cards you use to send out at Christmas or for a graduation party invitation. It was pre-printed - with Love and Thanks and their Mr. & Mrs_____________. There was no personal note to say thanks for the gift of __________ or any thank you for us staying until the end and helping to clean up the hall. I don't usually get offended at these types of things but this time - i have to say it, I am offended.

Is this the new norm? No personal thank you, no message on the back of the photo card, nothing??????

I tossed it in the garbage because really why would I keep it? What is wrong with a Thank You card you actually have to write something in and/or sign?????

It is the new norm. Note the word NORM. That doesn't mean NOBODY uses a personal touch anymore. Honestly, I don't expect anything more than a cookie-cutter Thank You anymore, in fact I almost don't expect one at all. So when I do receive a card, letter, anything that is personalized I really appreciate it.

With that said, were the bride and groom still around afterwards? That would seem odd if they were. Maybe they didn't even know you helped clean-up? Or maybe they (or their parents) thanked you that night? At some point, it's enough thanks.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

To me a wrapped gift is "I saw this and thought of you and hope when you look at it you think of me." Not something you can do with cash.

Cash is usually the gift of those who can't be bothered or do not know where to check or cannot afford what is on the registry (I acknowledge that this is me 95% of the time). A cash gift is an almost without exception, desired gift. But it is not usually thought of as a gift someone puts a lot of thought into giving.

I would not expect a long handwritten note for a cash gift. A simple thank you would be enough.

A gift from the registry is what is given for the bridal shower and cash is given at the wedding itself. That is how it is done in MI. I got my thank you - but in my opinion it should've been more personal than it was. I felt slighted to be honest.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

It is the new norm. Note the word NORM. That doesn't mean NOBODY uses a personal touch anymore. Honestly, I don't expect anything more than a cookie-cutter Thank You anymore, in fact I almost don't expect one at all. So when I do receive a card, letter, anything that is personalized I really appreciate it.

With that said, were the bride and groom still around afterwards? That would seem odd if they were. Maybe they didn't even know you helped clean-up? Or maybe they (or their parents) thanked you that night? At some point, it's enough thanks.

The bride and groom were at the reception until the end so they saw what we did. They didn't say anything to us that night. We are family so just a little something more is what I was looking for but I will let it go and I will stuff a sock in my mouth when I talk to my friend when she asks me if I got the thank you.

 

[manning]

At least you got a card. Five years after our wedding we got several questions as why they didn't get a thank you note. Luckily my wife is a detailed person. We had a lot of notes and did them over several days. She put a date after each guests. After we got a few questions on this she goes back and checks. Sure enough the pattern showed a bunch mailed on a certain date got lost in the mail. It was all in that bunch and you have to wonder if involved a worker who dumped the mail. I can see one or two being lost but this was a bunch of them.

A funny story. As we are opening the presents maid of honor was listing them. We thanked everyone for what they gave. We thanked them and said it will be used for the honeymoon. Well, we come across a couple and they ask why we took a serving set on our honeymoon. Huh? Well she got confused and put the wrong gift down.

 

[scrapquitler]

So our best friends daughter got married in December. We regard her as our niece and she calls us aunt and uncle. We gave her a cash gift. We received the Thank You in the mail the other day and it was one of those picture cards you use to send out at Christmas or for a graduation party invitation. It was pre-printed - with Love and Thanks and their Mr. & Mrs_____________. There was no personal note to say thanks for the gift of __________ or any thank you for us staying until the end and helping to clean up the hall. I don't usually get offended at these types of things but this time - i have to say it, I am offended.

Is this the new norm? No personal thank you, no message on the back of the photo card, nothing??????

I tossed it in the garbage because really why would I keep it? What is wrong with a Thank You card you actually have to write something in and/or sign?????

I do think it is the new norm. I'm not at all bothered by this to be honest. They did send a Thank you note, just not one that was up to your standard as proper enough. I'd actually rather have a photo one to stick on my refrigerator.

 

[scrapquitler]

I get it - i am expecting something that may be going by the wayside. I mean I did get a handwritten thank you for the shower gift and all the pumpkins rolls I made and set up/tear down I did there. It confounds me. That's all.
And you know what yes I expect my gift to be acknowledged. It was significant to me and I put a lot of thought into how much I should give - they should put some thought into thanking me. Personally.

It sounds like they may have sent these photo thank yous out quickly to have sent something, and maybe a more personalized one will follow later to specifically address the help.

 

[justgrace]

I think thank you cards and just saying "thank-you" in general is becoming rare. I know after I graduated (just this past summer), I sent not only a thank-you card, but also called them up on the phone and told them how much I appreciated their graduation gift. Sad that this isn't the norm.

 

[Kellydelly]

At least you got a thank you card. We did not receive a thank you card/call/text on the last 2 wedding gifts we sent. I finally asked one of the couples if they got the gift because I was worried they never received it. And I bought off their registry so it's not like I sent a crummy gift. So rude!

Same. Had two nieces get married in the last four months and neither sent a thank you note for their gifts.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

At least you got a thank you card. We did not receive a thank you card/call/text on the last 2 wedding gifts we sent. I finally asked one of the couples if they got the gift because I was worried they never received it. And I bought off their registry so it's not like I sent a crummy gift. So rude!

You have no idea how many times I have wondered if someone has received my gift or not. Very few people even say "Thank you" any more, let alone write a thoughtful note. Someone gives you a gift? At least say "Thank you".

But, honestly, you can't be that busy to write a thoughtful note. Even if you have to write 300 of them. 10 a night for a month. There. You are done.

I would feel embarrassed to even run into someone that gave me a gift if I did not send them a thank you note. I find it very rude to not send a small, handwritten note of gratitude.

 

[diz8297]

When I got married I hand wrote thank you notes for each gift, wedding and showers. I hand wrote thank you from my baby showers. We had lists of who gave what and I wrote a personal note in each one. It is the right thing to do. It shows respect and consideration.

 

[msjprincess]

To me a wrapped gift is "I saw this and thought of you and hope when you look at it you think of me." Not something you can do with cash.

Cash is usually the gift of those who can't be bothered or do not know where to check or cannot afford what is on the registry (I acknowledge that this is me 95% of the time). A cash gift is an almost without exception, desired gift. But it is not usually thought of as a gift someone puts a lot of thought into giving.

I would not expect a long handwritten note for a cash gift. A simple thank you would be enough.

It's also regional. Cash gifts have been the norm where I live since my grandparents were married 75 years ago.

 

[donac]

Things for wedding have changed so much in the last 40 years. We have 4 more in the next 2 years and we are seeing a lot of things that we mever did for our wedding.

For Christmas we gave both our sons and their fiances 200 stamps to be used for invitations, thanks yous or what ever else they may need.

 

[EMom]

It's also regional. Cash gifts have been the norm where I live since my grandparents were married 75 years ago.

My mother always told me that you didn't mention the dollar amount, but that you thanked them for their "generous gift" and then added what you hoped/intended to used it for. It's always good to finish by thanking them for attending the wedding and sharing in the joy of your wedding day.

 

[Jaya]

At the last wedding I went to, we were handed "scrolls" tied with ribbon as we filed out of the reception hall which said something to the effect of "thank you for coming and for your gift". That was it for a "thank you". Doesn't surprise me, though, as the wedding invitation included a card that said please no presents, just checks, cash and gift cards. The bride's mother called most people before the wedding and mentioned that the happy couple would prefer cash over checks and gift cards, as they were leaving directly for their honeymoon after the reception and needed the money.

If this hadn't been "family" and if my not going would have caused more problems than it was worth, I would have definitely skipped the event and gifted *nothing*.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I can't even imagine a WEDDING invite coming via evites- I would very easily click on "decline". I sent a gift one time to a friends son and daughter in law that had a baby and on the daughter in laws facebook status the "thank you" was "Thanks to everyone that send something for Greg" that was it- that was the LAST "something" I sent to greg!

My sister (an older first time bride) said the exact same thing about Evites UNTIL she met her soon to be husband who insisted on them. He is very much into the environment and walks the walk, which is quite the opposite of her, a real traditionalist. One bitter old aunt actually deleted the invitation because it wasn't delivered by mail on paper (gasp!). She did not RSVP and was a no show. She made a big statement that day (to herself) and was not missed.

 

[wilkeliza]

My sister (an older first time bride) said the exact same thing about Evites UNTIL she met her soon to be husband who insisted on them. He is very much into the environment and walks the walk, which is quite the opposite of her, a real traditionalist. One bitter old aunt actually deleted the invitation because it wasn't delivered by mail on paper (gasp!). She did not RSVP and was a no show. She made a big statement that day (to herself) and was not missed.

As an environmentalist he could have sent the invitation on seed paper. Even if it ends up in a landfield it turns into flowers or nothing but is always 100% biodegradable.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

As an environmentalist he could have sent the invitation on seed paper. Even if it ends up in a landfield it turns into flowers or nothing but is always 100% biodegradable.

But they didn't and I and most people respected their choice. By the way, it still has to be shipped by plane, train or automobile which has a huge impact on the environment.

I hope I don't turn out to be one of those many old people who say "Young people these days not sending a paper invite, the world is going to hell!". And things like that. You know, the stuff we always laughed at our grandparents for.

Different isn't wrong.