Wedding Thank You Question

[mousefanmichelle]

So our best friends daughter got married in December. We regard her as our niece and she calls us aunt and uncle. We gave her a cash gift. We received the Thank You in the mail the other day and it was one of those picture cards you use to send out at Christmas or for a graduation party invitation. It was pre-printed - with Love and Thanks and their Mr. & Mrs_____________. There was no personal note to say thanks for the gift of __________ or any thank you for us staying until the end and helping to clean up the hall. I don't usually get offended at these types of things but this time - i have to say it, I am offended.

Is this the new norm? No personal thank you, no message on the back of the photo card, nothing??????

I tossed it in the garbage because really why would I keep it? What is wrong with a Thank You card you actually have to write something in and/or sign?????

 

[Dawnlight]

Yes, I think it's becoming the new norm. I've had several "thank you" notes such as this also. I think that we should probably be appreciative that there was any effort made, as I think it's even more commonplace to not even bother with any thanks, let alone a personalized one.

I would have tossed even if it were personalized. Do people really keep thank you notes?

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I've had both types of thank you cards sent to me and no I am not offended at all. I've also helped set up and take down many functions including weddings and it wouldn't occur to me to be thanked in writing for it. It would have been nice if they signed it but I've noticed in the last few years I'm getting lots of Xmas cards with the signatures preprinted.

As for tossing the note in the garbage, I actually toss all thank you cards in the garbage after I read them. I don't keep things that I will probably never look at again just for the sake of it. But then again, I throw out anything that isn't practical and taking up space in my home.

 

[BellsFam]

I had 250 people at our wedding I hand wrote each thank you with mostly a generic line. At the time I worked full time and a part time job and DH and I had just bought a house... Do you know how long that took me? People don't even do that now...

I would have much prefer and still do to receive a card with a photo... I know people have lives to lead and it's nice they even did that.

What more do you expect?

 

[wilkeliza]

That isn't the normal from what I've experienced. The three thank you notes I've gotten from friends and family in the past 2 years were all hand written. My fiance and I have also done hand written thank you cards with our actual signatures. We have included what they gave us and if it is someone very important to us or an important gift an extra message.

So like the family that gave us a beautiful silver Hanukkah menorah for an engagement gift. I wrote "Thank you so much for the wonderful menorah. Fiance and I can't wait to use it this holiday season and for many years to come. Thank you for providing us a wonderful start to our new home. Love X and Z". (names were used I just don't want to use them here).
Others were just "Thank you very much for attending our party and giving us blank. We greatly appreciated your time and love."
I imagine after the wedding I'll be writing thank you notes for weeks this way but it is what is proper.

 

[SMD]

If the wedding was in December they might intend to send handwritten thank you notes later. Many people don't send out all of their thank yous after only 1 month.

 

[brooke789]

This is what we got for my SILs wedding last year. I guess I didn't think twice about it. We hung it on the fridge for a while!

 

[Jennunc]

I have received one pre-printed thank you for a wedding & I was really offended. They had over 400 people & my mom made that as an excuse for them. I don't think so, they should be hand written or a personal note added! My 5yr old writes his own birthday party thank yous, grown ups can write them too, especially since they are getting more than a $12 Lego set.

As far as the photo card, I think that's the norm and a nice way to get a photo from the couple at the wedding. I got married in 2006 & we did a photo thank you card (way back then). Inside (it was a folded card) I wrote the notes & for cash gifts always "thank you for the generous gift. We plan to use it towards ..." Whatever even if I made it up ;-).

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I guess I was just expecting some kind of acknowledgement for the gift or the help. Maybe that's just too much for this generation of early 20 somethings???

 

[Julylady]

I attended two weddings last year. For the first one, the Thank You card included a photo of the bridal couple taken at the wedding. The 2nd one was a Thank You card that matched their invitation (I suspect they were purchased as a package.) In both cases, the bride/groom wrote a sentence or two which acknowledge the specific gift I had given them. They were also signed. The photo was put up on my fridge until I decorated for the holidays.

 

[kamik86]

I'll be honest the only time in my life I have ever sent thank you notes was after my wedding. Mine were plain on the inside and written but I doubt anyone kept them.

We had a really small wedding and it was still a bit of a pain to do them all and took a little while, we were in the process of moving, I was finishing school, etc. If I had a large wedding I definitely wouldn't have gotten all personal ones out that fast.

Oh and those that I felt really did something extra special and helpful for the wedding received phone calls or in person thanks.

 

[gemini2727]

My niece just got married, and she told me she plans on personalizing her photo thank you notes for the older generation, close-family guests, while sending her younger guests pre-printed thank yous without a written note. I do think it's a generational thing. She said her friends wouldn't be offended at all, but she knows some relatives, especially the older ones, would be.

 

[cabanafrau]

Haven't received any like that yet. I don't keep thank you notes, but I think if someone went to the effort and expense to acknowledge your special day with a gift, you cobble together at least a few sentences expressing gratitude. If you cannot because you have been absolutely inundated with gifts, perhaps your guest list was too large.

 

[mamacatnv]

I think in this day and age that we all need to get over ourselves.
I also think we need to acknowledge our expectations when it comes to a thank you.

Do we expect a thank you to acknowledge that the gift was received? If so, then this was accomplished.
Do we expect a thank you that specifically addresses the particulars of the gift? If so, then the preprinted thank you did not meet your specifications, however, I always thought that one should give a gift from their heart and not expect anything more than an acknowledgement that it was received.

 

[tzolkin]

I guess I was just expecting some kind of acknowledgement for the gift or the help. Maybe that's just too much for this generation of early 20 somethings???

I really don't think age is the only factor. I think it depends more on what people are exposed to/how they are raised and what their expectations are. If they do not receive personalized thank you notes (or any at all), they may think that is the norm. There are plenty of people older than myself from whom I have never received any acknowledgement that the gift even arrived, and plenty of significantly younger people who will send a personalized note. (And plenty of young people are very thoughtful in many ways. I don't think it's fair to assume this is what all young people value just because you got one generic card.)

I try to assume it was just as appreciated either way. People just have different ways of showing their feelings.

On a side note: I vividly remember giving my SIL an envelope a few years ago and her saying, "What's this?" When I replied that it was a Thank You note, she said "Ugh, I thought those went out of style". (We are the same age, early 30s at the time)

 

[msjprincess]

Every wedding thank you I have ever received was a photo card. Some contained personalized notes, some just pre-printed. I've never been offended.

 

[mamamary]

My nephew and wife have been married a year now and I haven't even received any kind of thank you card from their wedding

 

[mousefanmichelle]

I get it - i am expecting something that may be going by the wayside. I mean I did get a handwritten thank you for the shower gift and all the pumpkins rolls I made and set up/tear down I did there. It confounds me. That's all.
And you know what yes I expect my gift to be acknowledged. It was significant to me and I put a lot of thought into how much I should give - they should put some thought into thanking me. Personally.

 

[EMom]

I can churn out a decent thank you note in less than a minute. It's just not that hard. I don't buy the excuse of having sooooo many guests, or demanding jobs, or not enough time. Those are just excuses. The truth is, you simply don't place an value on sending thank you notes. The problem is, some people believe if they took the time to shop for a gift, spend money on it, wrap it, send/deliver it, etc., then they'd like a thank you note in return, and when they realize that one minute of your time was too much to ask, it bothers them. They feel unappreciated. So there is an imbalance in expectations. The bride and groom expect a nice gift without having to send a thank you note or at most, sending a generic photo card. The guest expects that after putting out a fair amount of effort and expense, (or in the case of a monetary gift, just expense) they will receive a thank you note that can be written in one minute.

For me, this is a no-brainer. I have always figured if someone went to all that effort for me, the least I could do was thank them in a way that makes them feel appreciated. Yes, I am old school on this one. I always think it's better to send a thank you note with a personal message. It doesn't take much effort and at least some of the recipients will greatly appreciate it, which makes the minimal effort worth it. Sure, some people will just toss it, but your thank you note won't offend them.

 

[Bec3b1g]

At least you got a thank you card. We did not receive a thank you card/call/text on the last 2 wedding gifts we sent. I finally asked one of the couples if they got the gift because I was worried they never received it. And I bought off their registry so it's not like I sent a crummy gift. So rude!