Wedding Thank You Question

[wilkeliza]

But they didn't and I and most people respected their choice. By the way, it still has to be shipped by plane, train or automobile which has a huge impact on the environment.

I hope I don't turn out to be one of those many old people who say "Young people these days not sending a paper invite, the world is going to hell!". And things like that. You know, the stuff we always laughed at our grandparents for.

Those are valid points. An email though can easily be missed. I think they are fine for showers or parties but a wedding should be a little more traditional. That's just me though and I'm only 27.

 

[yeahdisney]

Do you know how long it took me to earn it. Then time to buy it. Wrap it. Ship it and or hand deliver it? Sent niece a hundred bucks each of my siblings did the same nothing was even acknowledged. The niece 3 years later is pregnant about one month along. The big blow out party is being planned. Hmmm what to get.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Those are valid points. An email though can easily be missed. I think they are dine for showers or parties but a wedding should be a little more traditional. That's just me though and I'm only 27.

I think we should respect someone who wants to be traditional as well as someone who doesn't "think like us" or how things were when we were growing up. It's all ok. No one is doing their thing to personal offend you or your values. Times change and on we grow. Live and let live and all that jazz.

 

[Sabeking]

I haven't been to a wedding in years; just funerals. That's depressing in and of itself! I do think a hand written note shows a more thoughtful response. Just my opinion.

I will say my BIL was a CEO of a company and many times took the time to write hand written thank you notes to people he did business with. They were blown away that he would take the time to do this. As a result he made some great relationships and got WAY more business.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

I had 250 people at our wedding I hand wrote each thank you with mostly a generic line. At the time I worked full time and a part time job and DH and I had just bought a house... Do you know how long that took me? People don't even do that now...

A generic hand written thank you card or note is fine. I don't think it's necessary to specifically mention the gift received.

I don't know how long it took; but you did it. Unlike some people who can't be bothered.

If both the husband and wife (somehow many husbands get let off the hook acknowledging gifts) spend 15 minutes every day, they'd have them done in less than two weeks.

The thank you cards could have been part of her photography package and was maybe directly mailed out through them. The couple may not have even seen them before they were mailed.

If a handwritten card is sent later, then that is fine. If not, that is the most ridiculous method I've ever heard of. Used only by the laziest, greediest buttholes who only invited people as a gift grab.

At the last wedding I went to, we were handed "scrolls" tied with ribbon as we filed out of the reception hall which said something to the effect of "thank you for coming and for your gift". That was it for a "thank you". Doesn't surprise me, though, as the wedding invitation included a card that said please no presents, just checks, cash and gift cards. The bride's mother called most people before the wedding and mentioned that the happy couple would prefer cash over checks and gift cards, as they were leaving directly for their honeymoon after the reception and needed the money.

If this hadn't been "family" and if my not going would have caused more problems than it was worth, I would have definitely skipped the event and gifted *nothing*.

Family or not, I'd find a way to be out of town the day of the wedding. And no gift sent.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I think we should respect someone who wants to be traditional as well as someone who doesn't "think like us" or how things were when we were growing up. It's all ok. No one is doing their thing to personal offend you or your values. Times change and on we grow. Live and let live and all that jazz.

But where does one draw the line? It seems like a trend not even to acknowledge a gift anymore. Grab and go, if you will. Sorry. I will take traditional when it comes to manners any day of the week. I think many of these people are just flat out ungrateful and lazy.

 

[jevs]

A thank you in any form is all I require (and I've just stepped over into being middle aged, so not a 20 something whippersnapper). Too many other things to get upset about.

 

[Christine]

Things for wedding have changed so much in the last 40 years. We have 4 more in the next 2 years and we are seeing a lot of things that we mever did for our wedding.

For Christmas we gave both our sons and their fiances 200 stamps to be used for invitations, thanks yous or what ever else they may need.

I agree that "things have changed so much"--they sure have. But proper etiquette/behavior/civility/manners should not change. The method of delivering them might change (typed versus handwritten), but appreciating a gift should not change with the times.

 

[diz8297]

I would be fine with an emailed thank you if it was personalized. Generic thank yous? Imo, why bother. If you can't take the time to thank someone properly, it is rude.

 

[Luv2Run]

At this point, I think I'm happy to receive a thank-you in the first place. We went to 5 weddings last year, and only received thank-you notes from two of them (both were hand-written and personal messages).

I'm 31, and am still very traditional in my views about wedding etiquette. Wedding gifts are usually more expensive and meaningful than birthday or Christmas gifts (which I don't expect a thank-you card/note for those).

 

[Jennasis]

Did the bridal couple SAY thank you at some point for your help that evening? Frankly, that would mean more to me than a hand written note.

In recent years, the only wedding thank you's I've gotten (including from my own sister) have been pre printed postcards. It's fine, AFAIC.

 

[sk!mom]

I still do handwritten thank you cards but I wouldn't be offended by a generic photo thank you. If it was from someone I was close to, I'd stick on the fridge for a while to enjoy the photo and then I'd toss it. Written cards would be tossed immediately after reading.

I think that it's generational. My DD19 and her friends find it perfectly acceptable to invite people to big events via social media or text. Sometimes even creating a beautiful invite and then rather than printing and mailing, they just share it by text or social media. DD was just invited to a New Years Day dinner, dance, grad party. I suspect that adult friends of the graduates parents and older family probably got an actual invite since this was a party at a rented location, DJ, etc. Friends of the graduate got the social media or text invite. DD thought nothing of it.

Just one more way social media is changing the world. I'm trying to stay "young" by rolling with it rather than being insulted.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I'd love to know if thank you notes are predominately a female need. I've never in my life received a thank you note written by a man or heard a guy complaining he didn't receive one or it wasn't up to his standards.

 

[mjkacmom]

My mother always told me that you didn't mention the dollar amount, but that you thanked them for their "generous gift" and then added what you hoped/intended to used it for. It's always good to finish by thanking them for attending the wedding and sharing in the joy of your wedding day.

That is the formula I was taught as s child, and the one my kids use. All you need are four or five sentences.

 

[North of Mouse]

I think that we should probably be appreciative that there was any effort made, as I think it's even more commonplace to not even bother with any thanks, let alone a personalized one.

Really? If I truly felt that way, there would be no more gifts coming from this household for new brides and grooms! Not worth 'their' effort, not worth mine either to choose a nice gift for them!!!

 

[Dawnlight]

Really? If I truly felt that way, there would be no more gifts coming from this household for new brides and grooms! Not worth 'their' effort, not worth mine either to choose a nice gift for them!!!

Agreed. My oldest son, 18, still hasn't sent a thank you note, even after me reminding and nudging him countless times, to his grandparent for a birthday gift that he got a few months ago. I explained that this may result in an end of gifts for him. If he can't take the 2 minutes out of his precious life to send a note, but can spend endless hours playing computer games, then he doesn't have his priorities in order and he'll have to face the consequence that some people just will not take the time or effort to think of him come birthday or holiday time.

My point was, not that I agree with it, that society is becoming one where thank you notes and other kindness gestures are falling by the wayside.

 

[mom2rose&john]

My mother always told me that you didn't mention the dollar amount, but that you thanked them for their "generous gift" and then added what you hoped/intended to used it for. It's always good to finish by thanking them for attending the wedding and sharing in the joy of your wedding day.

This is what I was taught and am teaching my children. It is a respectful gesture that truly doesn't take much time.

 

[tzolkin]

To me a wrapped gift is "I saw this and thought of you and hope when you look at it you think of me." Not something you can do with cash.

Cash is usually the gift of those who can't be bothered or do not know where to check or cannot afford what is on the registry (I acknowledge that this is me 95% of the time). A cash gift is an almost without exception, desired gift. But it is not usually thought of as a gift someone puts a lot of thought into giving.

I would not expect a long handwritten note for a cash gift. A simple thank you would be enough.

I think that really depends on your location/community. In many communities, cash gifts are the norm for a wedding and presents are given at the shower. It doesn't mean the person is lazy or can't be bothered.

When people give cash gifts, they usually do think about the recipient's needs and try to be as generous as possible, so I can't see why they would deserve a thank you note any less than someone who went to Target and grabbed the first "wedding" picture frame they could find.

My mother always told me that you didn't mention the dollar amount, but that you thanked them for their "generous gift" and then added what you hoped/intended to used it for. It's always good to finish by thanking them for attending the wedding and sharing in the joy of your wedding day.

This is exactly what we did. Mostly thanks for sharing in our event, and then also telling them how much we appreciated their generosity and that we would be using the gift for our home renovations.

If both the husband and wife (somehow many husbands get let off the hook acknowledging gifts) spend 15 minutes every day, they'd have them done in less than two weeks.
.

This is so true. It's always "SHE didn't send a thank you." I've even heard people complain about the wife not writing a thank you when they are the husband's family and a gift was given to him (not wedding).

I'd love to know if thank you notes are predominately a female need. I've never in my life received a thank you note written by a man or heard a guy complaining he didn't receive one or it wasn't up to his standards.

My husband writes thank you notes and we have received many from other men (ages 30s-40s). Usually these are more notes of appreciation than for a gift though, so maybe that is a gender difference?

Also, almost every thank you that we send out as a couple/family is written by the two of us. I write them because my handwriting is better, so people probably think I just do them myself but most of the words are from DH.

Did the bridal couple SAY thank you at some point for your help that evening? Frankly, that would mean more to me than a hand written note.
.

I missed the quote, but I believe the OP said that they did not thank them in person that night.

Honestly, that's way more ridiculous to me than the generic cards. People are staying late after your wedding and helping you clean up and you don't tell them how much you appreciate it? It's possible they got distracted or didn't catch the OP to thank them before they left, but they really might just be jerks.

 

[NewRVLady]

Things for wedding have changed so much in the last 40 years. We have 4 more in the next 2 years and we are seeing a lot of things that we mever did for our wedding.

For Christmas we gave both our sons and their fiances 200 stamps to be used for invitations, thanks yous or what ever else they may need.

Hope they were those "Forever" stamps-rates go up this month!

I DO think the Thank you card with bridal couple pic is the "new Norm"....lots of things revolving around weddings has been influenced by social media these days

Brides see something on Pinterest or a blog and it becomes the hot new trend

(My first DIL had red shoes to match the bridesmaids dresses-I can not tell you how many pics on Pinterest there were with this trend)
I was/am an Old fogie but now "go with the flow" because old traditions ( Like the receiving line!?)are now replaced (sometimes) with new and that is OK!!

 

[Turn the Page]

A gift from the registry is what is given for the bridal shower and cash is given at the wedding itself. That is how it is done in MI. I got my thank you - but in my opinion it should've been more personal than it was. I felt slighted to be honest.

Maybe in your area but certainly not everywhere. Around this area many more people are invited to the wedding itself than they are the bridal shower. It is customary to give a gift off the registry at the shower of course but many people who are only invited to the wedding still give gifts off the registry....or go rogue and get a gift not on the registry at all. To be sure, many people who go to only the wedding give cash rather than a gift off the registry but to suggest that in Michigan people give cash at weddings is simply absurd. Unless you meant people invited to both the shower AND the wedding give a gift at the shower and cash at the wedding which may be true.