Wedding RSVP's with added guests

[mjkacmom]

Wow, this is scary. DS is getting married next year! I can't imagine have the set to do that.

To those it has happened to, what did these people say to you when you told them no? Were they like well why can't I invite my neighbors and people you don't know?? DId they think it was like an open house and not a catered affair??

I wouldn't worry - I've never heard of it happening here, where weddings are typically $100+ a head affairs. I've actually never heard of it happening until these boards.

 

[mjkacmom]

I also think it is rude to invite a single person and not allow them to invite a guest. If your budget is that tight, don't invite the single person to begin with.

We had 200 confirmed for our wedding reception, 200 showed. We had some people that said they couldn't make it show up and some that were going to come that didn't show. We had extra room to accommodate extras and our caterer only charged $6.50/plate so a couple extra people wouldn't have been noticeable.

I invited abut a dozen people without guests for our wedding. They were young (most of them in the bridal party, and they all knew each other well), and their guests would've been random hookups they met the weekend before (none of them were dating at all, and I did tell them that if they ended up in a relationship before the wedding, to let me know). However, our caterer certainly didn't charge $6.50 a plate - heck, I would've invited everyone and anyone! If I had to chose between a family friend/neighbor who watched me grow up, vs. random stranger DH's friend hooked up with the night before, I'm choosing my neighbor.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I agree totally. While I find it rude to add guests to an RSVP, I find it equally, actually even more rude to invite single people without allowing for an escort to a wedding.

I would and did cut other areas of our wedding to make sure that each person was invited as a couple.

I agree with this 100%. I don't think I would EVER want to go to a wedding alone.....awkward!!

 

[Disfan3]

My daughter is getting married next Saturday & I swear I could have written this myself.
We had a 1 guest wanting to bring their 8 month old. We politely called these people & informed them of the limited space & were so sorry for any misunderstandings.
It absolutely burns me to no end how some people assume they can just add guests! I went threw the same thing last year with my own wedding & had a couple just show up with their son which in return messed up the seating arrangement. Is it just me or does anyone else find this rude & inconsiderate?

An 8 month old is hardly a guest. He or she would not even eat anything.

I think if you invite parents of children, you should expect the family to come to the wedding, I mean...really...why would you just invite the adults? I think weddings are a FAMILY event. I would never have a wedding and expect my guests not to bring their children, it is a family celebration.

The problem lies in these weddings with over 200 guests. That is your problem for having such an enormous wedding for sake of gifts and money, not for the sake of celebration of love and family. If you don't know them well enough to have their children present, then you must not know them enough to really care deeply on a personal level that they are at your wedding. (They meaning parents.)

Inviting guests that you do not know is not o.k. with me. I do think single people should be allowed to bring a date with them. You would never invite half of a married couple and who is to say their guest is "flavor" of the week?

When you put such tight restrictions on guests, you run the risk (especially parents) of having them choose between their children and getting babysitter which BTW...in this economy...how can people afford? (Just taking that perspective since that has been thrown out there for wedding sake) and not having the guest come to your wedding.

Call me crazy but the reason I invited people to my wedding was because I care about them and they are a part of my LIFE. Not just a name on a guest list.

 

[golfgal]

An 8 month old is hardly a guest. He or she would not even eat anything.

I think if you invite parents of children, you should expect the family to come to the wedding, I mean...really...why would you just invite the adults? I think weddings are a FAMILY event. I would never have a wedding and expect my guests not to bring their children, it is a family celebration.

The problem lies in these weddings with over 200 guests. That is your problem for having such an enormous wedding for sake of gifts and money, not for the sake of celebration of love and family. If you don't know them well enough to have their children present, then you must not know them enough to really care deeply on a personal level that they are at your wedding. (They meaning parents.)

Inviting guests that you do not know is not o.k. with me. I do think single people should be allowed to bring a date with them. You would never invite half of a married couple and who is to say their guest is "flavor" of the week?

When you put such tight restrictions on guests, you run the risk (especially parents) of having them choose between their children and getting babysitter which BTW...in this economy...how can people afford? (Just taking that perspective since that has been thrown out there for wedding sake) and not having the guest come to your wedding.

Call me crazy but the reason I invited people to my wedding was because I care about them and they are a part of my LIFE. Not just a name on a guest list.

I think you will find that the vast majority of people here disagree with you on this point. There have been many threads about this very topic. A wedding is whatever the bride and groom want. Most weddings we have attended have not had children invited. We did not invite kids to our wedding almost 20 years ago either. Honestly and 8 month old is worse then having a 8 year old at the wedding. I have seen many weddings where a baby cried through the whole thing. Sad for the bride and groom.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

An 8 month old is hardly a guest. He or she would not even eat anything.

I think if you invite parents of children, you should expect the family to come to the wedding, I mean...really...why would you just invite the adults? I think weddings are a FAMILY event. I would never have a wedding and expect my guests not to bring their children, it is a family celebration.

The problem lies in these weddings with over 200 guests. That is your problem for having such an enormous wedding for sake of gifts and money, not for the sake of celebration of love and family. If you don't know them well enough to have their children present, then you must not know them enough to really care deeply on a personal level that they are at your wedding. (They meaning parents.)

Inviting guests that you do not know is not o.k. with me. I do think single people should be allowed to bring a date with them. You would never invite half of a married couple and who is to say their guest is "flavor" of the week?

When you put such tight restrictions on guests, you run the risk (especially parents) of having them choose between their children and getting babysitter which BTW...in this economy...how can people afford? (Just taking that perspective since that has been thrown out there for wedding sake) and not having the guest come to your wedding.

Call me crazy but the reason I invited people to my wedding was because I care about them and they are a part of my LIFE. Not just a name on a guest list.

But the guest does not have the right to redefine the wedding based on their perception of what a wedding should be.

If one does not want to attend the wedding without their children, then promptly and politely decline the RSVP. A wedding is not a command performance, the guest has the option of attending or not.

However, the guest never has the option of adding their children, especially babies, to the RSVP just because they had a "family" wedding and think everybody else should have one too.

I do not think that one should assume that if the parents are invited, that the children would be coming also. That is just plain rude. If only the parents are invited, that is who is invited. The guest may not like it and again, they have the option to decline, but they should not assume they can just bring their kids to an adult only affair.

Personally, I have seen plenty of large, adult only weddings that were full of family and good friends and were some of the most loving and fun receptions I have attended. I also have attended backyard barbecue receptions with kids present and they were also great fun.

 

[mjkacmom]

An 8 month old is hardly a guest. He or she would not even eat anything.

I think if you invite parents of children, you should expect the family to come to the wedding, I mean...really...why would you just invite the adults? I think weddings are a FAMILY event. I would never have a wedding and expect my guests not to bring their children, it is a family celebration.

The problem lies in these weddings with over 200 guests. That is your problem for having such an enormous wedding for sake of gifts and money, not for the sake of celebration of love and family. If you don't know them well enough to have their children present, then you must not know them enough to really care deeply on a personal level that they are at your wedding. (They meaning parents.)

Inviting guests that you do not know is not o.k. with me. I do think single people should be allowed to bring a date with them. You would never invite half of a married couple and who is to say their guest is "flavor" of the week?

When you put such tight restrictions on guests, you run the risk (especially parents) of having them choose between their children and getting babysitter which BTW...in this economy...how can people afford? (Just taking that perspective since that has been thrown out there for wedding sake) and not having the guest come to your wedding.

Call me crazy but the reason I invited people to my wedding was because I care about them and they are a part of my LIFE. Not just a name on a guest list.

I've been to ONE wedding where children were invited - a backyard wedding 4 hours north, complete with a potta-potty! Around here, weddings are formal, adult occassions - would you bring your children to a cocktail party? I have children, and would never expect (or want) them to be invited to weddings - I've always just gotten a sitter. I also think there is a big difference between a date, and a spouse. I would never invite someone single if there weren't going to be other singles there that they were close with. However, I wanted people that I care about at my wedding - not someone's desparate blind date.

 

[Chris2597]

The single person that added a guest to her RSVP card knows a large group of people that will be at the wedding and reception. They all sit together and she has attended other functions and weddings solo. I am not making an issue of it and will let this one go.
I have been at weddings where young children has been present and in most cases it was terrible. They got in the way at the reception, cried at the wedding and the parents just let it go on and on. I would have no problem with kids attending i we were having a barbecue type reception, with a child friendly environment.

 

[look1angel]

The couple with the 8 month old was a past co-worker no where near family related. There will be a videographer & the last thing we wanted was a crying baby disrupting the event. I might also mention that if you invite one baby you open a door for having to invite everyone else's baby & children.

This is about what the bride & groom want, not what every other guest wants.

I just got back from a family reunion & it was just that, a family reunion not a wedding/family reunion there really is a difference.

At a wedding you choose who you want to attend, family, friends, co-workers. There will always be someone who is unhappy on how the event/guest list was handled

 

[Mickey's Minion]

The single person that added a guest to her RSVP card knows a large group of people that will be at the wedding and reception. They all sit together and she has attended other functions and weddings solo. I am not making an issue of it and will let this one go.
I have been at weddings where young children has been present and in most cases it was terrible. They got in the way at the reception, cried at the wedding and the parents just let it go on and on. I would have no problem with kids attending i we were having a barbecue type reception, with a child friendly environment.

While I agree totally that it is the bride and groom's decision whether or not to invite children, I still disagree that it is ok to invite single people to a wedding without allowing for an escort, whether it is a significant other or the "flavor of the week."

Whether or not they are going to be sitting with those that they know, the hosts are still putting the guest in the very awkward position of having to either find a ride with somebody else or having to walk in alone.

I was always taught that this was beyond bad manners. They only time you invite a single person alone is if you already have a pre-determined escort that was also invited alone. IE; you are setting up the couple.

If you are inviting couples, then everybody should be invited as a couple. If your budget does not allow this, then cut out something else.

 

[Rafiki31]

I am totally shocked by this! I just got engaged and we have not really started to plan a wedding yet, but our budget is quite small. I guess it will be immediate family only.

I can not even imagine people actually do this? What is wrong with people? Have some manners, people. And people KNOW when they do this that it is rude, and STILL DO IT ? I mean they know weddings are not FREE!

I just can't get over this!I would never imagine someone doing such a thing!

 

[NMAmy]

While I agree totally that it is the bride and groom's decision whether or not to invite children, I still disagree that it is ok to invite single people to a wedding without allowing for an escort, whether it is a significant other or the "flavor of the week."

Whether or not they are going to be sitting with those that they know, the hosts are still putting the guest in the very awkward position of having to either find a ride with somebody else or having to walk in alone.

I was always taught that this was beyond bad manners. They only time you invite a single person alone is if you already have a pre-determined escort that was also invited alone. IE; you are setting up the couple.

If you are inviting couples, then everybody should be invited as a couple. If your budget does not allow this, then cut out something else.

Just as it's the bride & groom's decision whether or not to invite children, it's their decision whether to allow single guests to bring a date (whom they most likely don't know.)

If a single guest is that uncomfortable arriving alone, then they can decline the invitation just the same way those with childcare issues can decline. If the single person knows the bride and groom, then most likely they'll know at least one other person there and, hopefully, the seating chart will put groups of people who know each other together.

I'm married and I've attended weddings on my own before when DH couldn't attend and had a great time. You don't only have to dance with a significant other--friends and relatives make great dance partners.

Just for the record, I've been married twice and both weddings included children and dates for those who are single. But if the bride & groom don't want to include either, that's their choice and guests have the option to accept or decline. A wedding invitation is not a command for attendance.

 

[Pigeon]

It is completely wrong of people to invite extras.

However, I also think it's just rude and obnoxious to invite singles without allowing them to bring a guest. I'd decline the invitation.

While I think it is the couple's decision whether or not to invite children, it's the invitees decision whether or not to attend. If my kids aren't invited, we decline, and that holds true for whoever the wedding may be for, siblings included.

 

[npmommie]

An 8 month old is hardly a guest. He or she would not even eat anything.

I think if you invite parents of children, you should expect the family to come to the wedding, I mean...really...why would you just invite the adults? I think weddings are a FAMILY event. I would never have a wedding and expect my guests not to bring their children, it is a family celebration.

The problem lies in these weddings with over 200 guests. That is your problem for having such an enormous wedding for sake of gifts and money, not for the sake of celebration of love and family. If you don't know them well enough to have their children present, then you must not know them enough to really care deeply on a personal level that they are at your wedding. (They meaning parents.)

Inviting guests that you do not know is not o.k. with me. I do think single people should be allowed to bring a date with them. You would never invite half of a married couple and who is to say their guest is "flavor" of the week?

When you put such tight restrictions on guests, you run the risk (especially parents) of having them choose between their children and getting babysitter which BTW...in this economy...how can people afford? (Just taking that perspective since that has been thrown out there for wedding sake) and not having the guest come to your wedding.

Call me crazy but the reason I invited people to my wedding was because I care about them and they are a part of my LIFE. Not just a name on a guest list.

I am with you on this one.
I have never been invited to a wedding where kids were not included.
weddings are a family celebration and kids are part of the family.
and I have been to many types of weddings, posh sit down formal affairs, elegant outdoors at a winery, etc etc etc
kids at all, because family celebrations around here include all the members of the family.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I just can't fathom anyone asking to bring an added guest, whether it be a child or an escort. Very poor form in my opinion.

I can't even remember the last time we were invited to a wedding that did include children so it had to have been over 20 years ago.

 

[quentina]

Personal opinion on this topic. We had a "no children" wedding in 1994. This was prior to having children so, it did not bother me.

Move forward to present day....I DO NOT attend weddings if I cannot bring my kids (or any event).

Our time as a family is limited. My hubby and I are both retail managers and work crazy hours. The minimul time we have for all 5 of us to be together, I choose to spend together.

If I could go back in time, I would greatly welcome kids to my wedding.

 

[disykat]

I had children at my wedding, but didn't invite generic "and guest" for single people. My crowd didn't consider weddings a date activity or a cocktail party, but rather a religious ceremony. I didn't marry until I was 29, so I certainly attended my fair share of weddings by myself.

I was invited once to a wedding as someone's date. I turned him down because I couldn't imagine going to a stranger's wedding. DH and I didn't start attending weddings with each other as a couple until we were engaged.

 

[becjlek]

We attended DH's cousins wedding 2 years ago. Our sons were 18 and 14. They were not invited. All the other family's children were invited, those older and younger. We were told they were not included on the invitation because no one in the family could remember their names. Still haven't figured this one out.

 

[Ember]

I called my single friends and asked it there was anyone they would like to bring so I could properly address the invitations by name. Of course, with a Disney wedding it was a very small affair so there weren't that many people to call.

The only hic-up we had was when our groomsman announced first that he was engaged to someone he had never told us about AFTER my final numbers were in and then that they were getting married a week before us so that our wedding trip could be their 1/2 price honeymoon (we paid for the trip for the bridal party). Looking back, I'm still not sure if I was right to be as pissed as I was, but the thought still makes my blood bubble a little. Who does that?!

Of course, it wasn't helped by how his new wife behaved. She made a point of telling everyone at her table how having all the fuss over a wedding (keep in mind her's was a rush job the week before) really meant that I was obviously spoiled and couldn't believe I'd waste so much money. Then during my dessert party at Epcot for Illuminations she left and brought back Japanese food, because she doesn't like dessert. Again, who does that?!!

 

[MaumeeMom]

Yes, the add-on guests can be a pain but I'm glad that the OP is checking the reasons behind these. Did the guest misread the invite? Are they just clueless? or was there a good reason for the add-on? At our wedding, one of my co-workers added one to her invite. Her mom was visiting from out of town. They didn't get to see each other often and it was a choice of not coming to the wedding or bringing her mom as she wasn't going to leave her home alone. I was delighted to have her mother there and she turned into a friend as well - a wonderful woman with tales of "the old country" who has since passed and is missed by those who knew and loved her.

PARTIAL
...I don't think it is proper to invite a single-ton and not allow him or her to bring a guest. She probably doesn't yet know who she will be seated with, right? Isn't this something you find out when you enter the reception?

...
There are so many different friends and family groups and "coupling" at weddings (who do you slow dance with if you are by yourself) and the bride and groom do so much hopping between guests, I think it is only right to allow everyone (married or not) to bring a guest so that they have an enjoyable evening too.

PARTIAL
...I find it equally, actually even more rude to invite single people without allowing for an escort to a wedding.

I would and did cut other areas of our wedding to make sure that each person was invited as a couple.

PARTAIL
...I still disagree that it is ok to invite single people to a wedding without allowing for an escort, whether it is a significant other or the "flavor of the week."

Whether or not they are going to be sitting with those that they know, the hosts are still putting the guest in the very awkward position of having to either find a ride with somebody else or having to walk in alone.

I was always taught that this was beyond bad manners. They only time you invite a single person alone is if you already have a pre-determined escort that was also invited alone. IE; you are setting up the couple.

If you are inviting couples, then everybody should be invited as a couple. If your budget does not allow this, then cut out something else.

I agree, I would have turned down an invite if it were just for a single. I would feel very uncomfortable attending a wedding by myself.

BTW that phrase, "Flavor of the Week" bothers me. It seems to be used most often by those in a committed relationship. Don't you remember what it is like to date? I think it belittles the singles. I've been married a long time, and part of a couple for much longer, but I remember what it was like to be single and how once a person paired up we singles suddenly became third class citizens. I've tried, and hope that I have succeeded, to not do this to my friends.