Wedding Invitation Wording

[ronandannette]

I am curious as to why you wish you could back out of the shower now? It sounds like you are harboring an awful lot of ill will about this and are taking it personally, in spite of what you say later in the comment.
I hope you can get over your anger and enjoy the shower.

I'm not sure if the OP was already firm in her resolve to be offended and not go to the wedding before starting this thread or if the responses here have somehow led her in that direction. Her last post does seem way more bitter that the first though and now she's throwing in a reference to pre-existing dissension with a sister that may or may not have been part of what's really bugging her anyway. I hope she remembers this event when it comes time to plan her boys' weddings and other people's expectations start causing problems. Too bad...if I were the bride I'd be saying "screw it"; we're eloping.

 

[Hrhpd]

My take on the subject is that you don't invite part of the family and not the others. Twenty years later you may not remember half the adults you invited to your wedding - former coworkers, old college friends, etc. But your cousin will still be your cousin.
Family comes first. Doesn't mean you invite everyone's kids. You don't need to ask your old high school buddy's 5 year old. But grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins are invited. I mean unless you have 60 of them.

That is well and good as that is your vision of how a wedding should be.

But other people have different visions that are just as valid as yours. There are also budgetary restrictions and some venues even have age restrictions.

The most important thing to remember is that it is not the guest's wedding and they must be very careful to not impose their visions of how a wedding should be run on the bride and groom and then get mad when the bride and groom don't do things their way.

 

[bethy]

I don't doubt that you are happily married. I also don't doubt that you are glad you planned the wedding you did. And congrats on 20 years.

Big but coming...But, do you really think that 2 people, starting out life together, all have to see the world as you do? Do you really think it is a loving, tolerant and caring thing to demand one type of wedding only, due to "culture"?

I think that weddings should first and foremost, be about the engaged couple. They are taking a huge step in their lives and making some serious promises. If they want 4 people there, or 40 or 400, it's their call. It's not a family reunion. If you want a reunion, help plan one.

I never in a million years would think that everyone sees the world as I do - nor should they! Everyone has to make the choice that was right for them. If I had decided not to do the family reunion thing I would have had to live with the fallout. You can't control other people and their feelings. There are usually tradeoffs in any choice.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Apparently it is the cultural norm where you live that a wedding is the bride's dream day and is all about her. .

Not her. Them. A bride and a groom. It is all about them and their marriage and the people that that they choose to celebrate with. Not the people that they are forced to celebrate with.

Can you tell me what culture (Asian, Appalachian Mountains, German, Italian, etc) insists that the wedding is held where a family reunion can be accommodated at the same time...paid for by bride and groom.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Honest question...Why do some people take this subject matter so personally?

 

[missbrooke06]

The sister needs to get over it if OP decides not to attend. An invitation is a request, not a court order for mandatory attendance.

 

[bethy]

That is well and good as that is your vision of how a wedding should be.

But other people have different visions that are just as valid as yours. There are also budgetary restrictions and some venues even have age restrictions.

The most important thing to remember is that it is not the guest's wedding and they must be very careful to not impose their visions of how a wedding should be run on the bride and groom and then get mad when the bride and groom don't do things their way.

See, so many people are stating that they believe that the one absolute about weddings that everyone must adhere too is that weddings are all about the bride and groom and what works for them. I am trying to offer my own viewpoint that differs from that. FOR ME, the only absolute about a wedding is that two consenting adults intend to end up legally married at the end of it.

When a person makes choices in life that involve other people then part of that is that someone ends up unhappy with something. No matter what the choice is. You cannot please everybody and you cannot control other people's feelings.

 

[NewRVLady]

For all of those that have been offended in the past when your children are not invited, I have to mention something. If you didn't know this, planning a wedding where tens of thousands of dollars are being spent: tension is high, stress is strong. Your children aren't even a blip on the radar. Don't take it personally. It's just the way it is.

If you think weddings are a day for ALL family members to meet up, think again. It is not a family reunion.

If you want to get together with family that you haven't seen in years, YOU throw a party complete with a $100 plate meal and an open bar. Go on! Have at it!

I SOOOO love this!!!

My cousin invited all her 15 first cousins and spouses to her DD's wedding-that is 30 people
none of the kids( they would be 2nd cousins to bride-she hasn't met most of them )
huge wedding-both sets of parents divorced and remarried so 4 guests lists!
My brother(whom I don't speak to) and wife showed up with their 25 year old son(who lived with them and NEVER EVEN met the bride!!!)
I said"I didn't think the kids were invited"
OMG-I set off WW3...lol
they live in a small town and told me ANY invitation to their house was for Everyone in their house and they never hear of the concept of the inside envelope-which only had mr & mrs on it
we emaild for days-I sent quotes from Emily Post
It was CRAZZZYYYY.

 

[bethy]

Not her. Them. A bride and a groom. It is all about them and their marriage and the people that that they choose to celebrate with. Not the people that they are forced to celebrate with.

Can you tell me what culture (Asian, Appalachian Mountains, German, Italian, etc) insists that the wedding is held where a family reunion can be accommodated at the same time...paid for by bride and groom.

I've been to probably 35 weddings in my life. 20 of them for college friends and coworkers. That is what I am basing my experience on. I am just sharing my viewpoint as to what I have seen in my life. Do you not have cultural norms in your community (like - for example - the bride and groom should have the exact wedding they want and they shouldn't feel any any obligation to invite certain people or a certain demographic)?

I am not an anthropologist and it's perfectly OK for me to share my personal experiences in MY little corner of the world on these discussion boards. Also, I am not going to divulge my exact geographical location on the internet.

For now I've got to run though and get my family going this morning. Thanks.

 

[ronandannette]

I SOOOO love this!!!

My cousin invited all her 15 first cousins and spouses to her DD's wedding-that is 30 people
none of the kids( they would be 2nd cousins to bride-she hasn't met most of them )
huge wedding-both sets of parents divorced and remarried so 4 guests lists!
My brother(whom I don't speak to) and wife showed up with their 25 year old son(who lived with them and NEVER EVEN met the bride!!!)
I said"I didn't think the kids were invited"
OMG-I set off WW3...lol
they live in a small town and told me ANY invitation to their house was for Everyone in their house and they never hear of the concept of the inside envelope-which only had mr & mrs on it
we emaild for days-I sent quotes from Emily Post
It was CRAZZZYYYY.

Why did you bother - what was it to you? At that point you just smile and nod and walk away from your brother.

 

[Hrhpd]

I think I am going to decline. I would love to back out on the shower also but I already told my other sisters that I would contribute and I have my list of what I am responsible for so I will follow through with that. My 16 yr old could care less if he goes since he wouldn't be allowed to take his girlfriend so I'm not worried about that. I did ask my 14 yr old if he wanted to go, after I saw that he wasn't invited, and his response was "of course I want to go, why wouldn't I go to Nathan's wedding". This is his first cousin and he enjoys seeing his cousins (they are all males) and there are 12 of them, not 60 as someone mentioned. No big deal, just like other people have suggested about me not taking it personally, hopefully they won't either. I'm sure this will be the final straw that will make my sister not speak to me any longer, but oh well, she hasn't spoken to 3 out of 5 siblings in a year so not a big deal to me any more.

On a side note, I am attending a friend's wedding next month without my kids so I can do things without dragging my kids along. I would never have expected them to be invited to this wedding mainly because she's not family.

Why in the world would you ask a 14 year old boy if he wanted to go to a wedding when you already knew he wasn't invited? And then when he says yes, tell him "so sorry, you are not invited." That is plain old cruel.

You should have approached it like a PP and explained matter of factly that the bride and groom are having an adult wedding.

Do you want to drag your son into your drama with your sister?

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I've been to probably 35 weddings in my life. 20 of them for college friends and coworkers. That is what I am basing my experience on. I am just sharing my viewpoint as to what I have seen in my life.

But that is what I am asking you....what have you seen? What did the brides outside your cultural norm do that you got "sick of"? What was their "bride schtick"?

Like were they walking around in their gown all proud to be married? Or were they laughing really loud and having fun on their wedding day? Did they not give the children in attendance enough attention? What have you seen so many times that made you sick of brides?

My imagination is running wild

You cannot please everybody and you cannot control other people's feelings.

Exactly! So brides and grooms should just plan the day that they want, have the time of their life, and begin their marriage exactly the way they want to.

 

[Art 1]

Why in the world would you ask a 14 year old boy if he wanted to go to a wedding when you already knew he wasn't invited? And then when he says yes, tell him "so sorry, you are not invited." That is plain old cruel.

You should have approached it like a PP and explained matter of factly that the bride and groom are having an adult wedding.

It sounds like you want to drag your son into your drama with your sister.

Exactly. Our parents would tell us that they are going to a wedding, that the baby sitter (when we were younger) will be over at such and such a time, dinner and snacks will be in the kitchen. Those were the days when children were treated as children.

 

[Hrhpd]

For all of those that have been offended in the past when your children are not invited, I have to mention something.

And it's not going to be popular

Your children are very special to you. They are your world. You love them more than anyone and anything in the world. But, very few people feel the same way about your children, save the grandparents and perhaps a special aunt. Nobody is sitting and wondering how they can accommodate your child on a day to day basis, let alone a day like a Wedding Day.

If you didn't know this, planning a wedding where tens of thousands of dollars are being spent: tension is high, stress is strong. Your children aren't even a blip on the radar. Don't take it personally. It's just the way it is.

If you think weddings are a day for ALL family members to meet up, think again. It is not a family reunion.

If you want to get together with family that you haven't seen in years, YOU throw a party complete with a $100 plate meal and an open bar. Go on! Have at it!

Excellent post!

 

[missbrooke06]

For all of those that have been offended in the past when your children are not invited, I have to mention something.

And it's not going to be popular

Your children are very special to you. They are your world. You love them more than anyone and anything in the world. But, very few people feel the same way about your children, save the grandparents and perhaps a special aunt. Nobody is sitting and wondering how they can accommodate your child on a day to day basis, let alone a day like a Wedding Day.

If you didn't know this, planning a wedding where tens of thousands of dollars are being spent: tension is high, stress is strong. Your children aren't even a blip on the radar. Don't take it personally. It's just the way it is.

If you think weddings are a day for ALL family members to meet up, think again. It is not a family reunion.

If you want to get together with family that you haven't seen in years, YOU throw a party complete with a $100 plate meal and an open bar. Go on! Have at it!

Why do you think this comment is so edgy? I completely agree that the couple should do what they want.

OP doesn't have to like it but she does have to respect it. Which is why I advise that she skip the wedding if it bothers her.

 

[Hrhpd]

It's a cultural thing. It's just what many people do here. Weddings tend to be family affairs first and foremost. It just is. I didn't have close to my dream wedding because there was no way I could afford to have it for the all the people I needed to invite. My wedding was not about me at all. I've been happily married for 20 years and have somehow survived.

The bride and groom's "culture" may be completely different from yours. And that is ok.

What is it about weddings where the guests think it is about them. It they want the bride and groom to have a wedding that represents their visions, I am sure the bride and groom would be happy to attend another party, the family reunion that some of the guests envision. Along with that, the guests can pay for the family reunion that is "their culture." Those 30 cousins can all contribute a few thousand dollars each to make sure their precious children are included in "their" wedding for the bride and groom.

 

[Hrhpd]

I went to probably 20 weddings in my twenties and frankly got a little sick of the all about the bride schtick. But those are my feelings and my problem and I was always gracious. No biggie.

I am a little sick of some guests thinking it should be all about them schtick. If you (general you) want a party to be all about you and your children, pay for one.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

Why do you think this comment is so edgy?

I wouldn't use the word "edgy", but believe me, some people don't understand that their children aren't on the minds of others at all times. They are very offended when their children aren't thought about in every situation, even by secondary relatives. It's a touchy subject for some people.

I completely agree that the couple should do what they want.

 

[Lisaloo]

Why do you think this comment is so edgy? I completely agree that the couple should do what they want.

OP doesn't have to like it but she does have to respect it. Which is why I advise that she skip the wedding if it bothers her.

This comment is edgy becasue Dis discussions are filled with precocious, gifted and perfect children who are treated as exquisite treasures to the world.

 

[bethy]

I wouldn't use the word "edgy", but believe me, some people don't understand that their children aren't on the minds of others at all times. They are very offended when their children aren't thought about in every situation, even by secondary relatives. It's a touchy subject for some people.

...but believe me, some people don't understand that their wedding isn't on the minds of others at all times. They are very offended when their wedding and their wishes for their wedding aren't thought about in every situation, even by secondary relatives. It's a touchy subject for some people.