Wedding Invitation Wording

[Missy1961]

For all of those that have been offended in the past when your children are not invited, I have to mention something.

And it's not going to be popular

Your children are very special to you. They are your world. You love them more than anyone and anything in the world. But, very few people feel the same way about your children, save the grandparents and perhaps a special aunt. Nobody is sitting and wondering how they can accommodate your child on a day to day basis, let alone a day like a Wedding Day.

If you didn't know this, planning a wedding where tens of thousands of dollars are being spent: tension is high, stress is strong. Your children aren't even a blip on the radar. Don't take it personally. It's just the way it is.

If you think weddings are a day for ALL family members to meet up, think again. It is not a family reunion.

If you want to get together with family that you haven't seen in years, YOU throw a party complete with a $100 plate meal and an open bar. Go on! Have at it!

Exactly!

 

[NewRVLady]

Why did you bother - what was it to you? At that point you just smile and nod and walk away from your brother.

All I said at wedding was "your kids were invited?my kids weren't invited to the wedding"
He emailed me next day wanting to know what I meant
I explained only our names on inner envelope
He emailed back and forth arguing with me- never heard of Emily Post( his wife is from a tiny town and somewhat backward)
Ironically my oldest and bride DID know each other ( brothers son never met her)

 

[Chocolate Cake]

...but believe me, some people don't understand that their wedding isn't on the minds of others at all times. They are very offended when their wedding and their wishes for their wedding aren't thought about in every situation, even by secondary relatives. It's a touchy subject for some people.

Are you talking about brides/grooms getting angry when someone doesn't honor their invite list? As in, a bride gets offended when someone just shows up with a child or guest that wasn't invited?

You darn well better honor that wish. If your child is not invited and you bring that child to the wedding reception, yes a bride/groom may be very offended that their wish was not thought about.

 

[LilyWDW]

I am child free. I will not be having children at my wedding. This goes against the norm for my family, but too bad, so sad. They can deal and decide if they want to come or not. If they throw a hissy about it, then maybe it's better that they are not there. Though honestly I only expect one family member to get upset about it because life has to revolve around her and her children.

 

[missbrooke06]

I am child free. I will not be having children at my wedding. This goes against the norm for my family, but too bad, so sad. They can deal and decide if they want to come or not. If they throw a hissy about it, then maybe it's better that they are not there. Though honestly I only expect one family member to get upset about it because life has to revolve around her and her children.

Nothing wrong with your plan. I do hope you won't hold a grudge when that family member declines (unless she does it rudely).

 

[Allison]

TheBradyBunch episode where where Cindy and Bobby didn't get invited to cousin Gertrude's wedding just came on. Those wise parents Mike and Carol took no offense.

 

[bethy]

Are you talking about brides/grooms getting angry when someone doesn't honor their invite list? As in, a bride gets offended when someone just shows up with a child or guest that wasn't invited?

You darn well better honor that wish. If your child is not invited and you bring that child to the wedding reception, yes a bride/groom may be very offended that their wish was not thought about.

Um no, not in a billion years would I ever personally support someone showing up at an event they weren't invited to. There are no absolutes but I'd venture that it would be unlikely you would find many people who would do this? Perhaps one crazed relative in ten thousand? That is a very common social norm in my experience.

I was referring somewhat tongue-in-cheek to the way that some brides and grooms obsess about their precious snowflake weddings in a similar way others obsess about their precious snowflake children. In fact . . . I'd argue that the two obsessions are in no way mutually exclusive.

To the poster above who is having child free wedding that's great. I personally have no problem with that. Make the decision that is right for you. You do not need anyone's permission!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I would probably change that to "some women". Many of us get that someone else's wedding is not about us.

I'd change it to some people-

Um no, not in a billion years would I ever personally support someone showing up at an event they weren't invited to. There are no absolutes but I'd venture that it would be unlikely you would find many people who would do this? Perhaps one crazed relative in ten thousand? That is a very common social norm in my experience.

I was referring somewhat tongue-in-cheek to the way that some brides and grooms obsess about their precious snowflake weddings in a similar way others obsess about their precious snowflake children. In fact . . . I'd argue that the two obsessions are in no way mutually exclusive.

To the poster above who is having child free wedding that's great. I personally have no problem with that. Make the decision that is right for you. You do not need anyone's permission!

As I said upthread,one of DH'S cousins, with his wife and 2 kids showed up at our wedding---DH didn't even know who he was so we had not invited him.
We were not in a space that was too limited to accommodate them, and the food was done by my aunt and plentiful, so it was no problem and we were not bothered, but in other circumstances I can understand where it might well be a problem. My biggest concern at the time was that I felt badly for forgetting their names after being introduced.

In that case I genuinely think they came from an area and circle of family and friends in which family weddings were open to all and they truly did not even realize they had not been invited. As far as I can tell, no one intended to be rude, no one took offense and there was space and food enough for all so it was a non issue.

But the point remains, it can and does happen at weddings (and all the dang time, intentionally, at kids' birthday parties, but that is a whole other thread for sure!)

 

[jrmasm]

For all of those that have been offended in the past when your children are not invited, I have to mention something.

And it's not going to be popular

Your children are very special to you. They are your world. You love them more than anyone and anything in the world. But, very few people feel the same way about your children, save the grandparents and perhaps a special aunt. Nobody is sitting and wondering how they can accommodate your child on a day to day basis, let alone a day like a Wedding Day.

If you didn't know this, planning a wedding where tens of thousands of dollars are being spent: tension is high, stress is strong. Your children aren't even a blip on the radar. Don't take it personally. It's just the way it is.

If you think weddings are a day for ALL family members to meet up, think again. It is not a family reunion.

If you want to get together with family that you haven't seen in years, YOU throw a party complete with a $100 plate meal and an open bar. Go on! Have at it!

I agree with what you wrote but let's not forget the other side of the coin. Your (generic) wedding is only special to you so if all members of my family aren't invited, there's a good chance I'm not going to move heaven and earth to get there. I promise not to be upset you didn't invite my children and you need to promise not to be upset if I don't come.

Fair is fair.

 

[ronandannette]

All I said at wedding was "your kids were invited?my kids weren't invited to the wedding"
He emailed me next day wanting to know what I meant
I explained only our names on inner envelope
He emailed back and forth arguing with me- never heard of Emily Post( his wife is from a tiny town and somewhat backward)
Ironically my oldest and bride DID know each other ( brothers son never met her)

...and was pointing this out the first volley in your WW3?

I come from a tiny, perhaps somewhat backward town myself. Weddings there have been celebrated the same way for generations - open house events held at the community hall with copious buffet meals catered by the local ladies and "loonie bars"**. Nobody would think to include or exclude anyone from the invitation - the invitation was/is generally a "y'all come" poster on the bulletin board at the general store. (I chose not to have my wedding in my home town.)

**Loonie is the term used for the Canadian $1 coin (because the coin is struck with the image of a loon on one side). The stock for the bar is purchased by the host of the event, somebody volunteers to bar-tend and anyone who is so inclined throws a loonie into a basket for their drink to help defray costs.

 

[Skywalker]

When DH and I were planning our wedding, we chose to have the cut-off age be 16 for the reception. We did have two exceptions and it was only because both kids were in the bridal party as a junior bridesmaid and junior groomsman. It was hard for DH in the beginning, b/c his family always had kids at weddings. But DH is the youngest out of three boys with the oldest being 20 years older than he is. So there's that generational gap. Eventually DH did come around after thinking about it as did his family. In the end there were no hurt feelings and everyone had a great time.

Sorry, this just made me laugh. the "we chose" wording at the beginning, only to find out the poor DH really had no say lol. But hey, at least he came around.

I also find it funny how some people exaggerate so much; an adult only wedding becomes "snubbing of close family members because the bride and groom are selfish", yet inviting kids is "worshiping children and making it all about them". Egads.

Some people view weddings as a coming together of families, and so therefore it only makes sense the whole family is invited and is more of a family reunion atmosphere. Other people look at it more like strictly joining of the bride and groom and their vision for the day that they want. And some want something falling right in between...More power to them.

Everyone's entitled to do what they want, but if someone has the opposite world view of course there will be conflicts. You can't do ANYTHING with that number of people without there being conflict of some kind so why should a wedding be any different. (My office can't even organize a pot luck without someone getting their noise out of joint about something).

However, my advice to OP would be to just go the wedding and leave your son at home. My rule is, if you have to call and ask for an exception, that is a clue that you are doing the wrong thing lol.

 

[moon]

This is funny. At first everyone was saying that it was OK for the couple to invite whomever they wanted, and that it was also OK to decline. That no one should take things personally.

But now that the OP decided to decline, everyone jumps on her, criticizing for not going.

What happened to "no one should take it personally"?

 

[NewRVLady]

When DH's oldest nephew remarried, our boys were 14 & 16.
They really had NO desire to attend the wedding...none
I cant see declining the invite for this, OP

 

[Ceila]

I think I am going to decline. I would love to back out on the shower also but I already told my other sisters that I would contribute and I have my list of what I am responsible for so I will follow through with that. My 16 yr old could care less if he goes since he wouldn't be allowed to take his girlfriend so I'm not worried about that. I did ask my 14 yr old if he wanted to go, after I saw that he wasn't invited, and his response was "of course I want to go, why wouldn't I go to Nathan's wedding". This is his first cousin and he enjoys seeing his cousins (they are all males) and there are 12 of them, not 60 as someone mentioned. No big deal, just like other people have suggested about me not taking it personally, hopefully they won't either. I'm sure this will be the final straw that will make my sister not speak to me any longer, but oh well, she hasn't spoken to 3 out of 5 siblings in a year so not a big deal to me any more.

On a side note, I am attending a friend's wedding next month without my kids so I can do things without dragging my kids along. I would never have expected them to be invited to this wedding mainly because she's not family.

But you ARE taking it personally, and you ARE declining out of spite. The fact that you want to ditch on helping with the shower and that you DO understand your friend not including your kids makes that obvious. Had you stated that you understand that there was a cut-off and were declining because you didn't want to go if your son had to miss the wedding, I think that could be respected. Unfortunately, that's not what you are doing, so they would have every right to take it personally.

...I do plan on asking at the shower.

Divorced, so I'll be going by myself. I work a lot and my 14 yr old stays home by himself a lot. He was looking forward to going to the wedding and I'm not going to have him sit at home by himself while I'm at a family wedding. I was going to put him down as my guest, if I can't then I won't be going.

So, what happened to asking if he could be your +1?

 

[LilyWDW]

Nothing wrong with your plan. I do hope you won't hold a grudge when that family member declines (unless she does it rudely).

Honestly, I would be totally happy if she declined. Heck, I wouldn't invite her at all if I thought I could get away with that but I don't want to start World War 3 (lots of back story there that I don't have the time nor energy to write about right now).

 

[NHdisneylover]

This is funny. At first everyone was saying that it was OK for the couple to invite whomever they wanted, and that it was also OK to decline. That no one should take things personally.

But now that the OP decided to decline, everyone jumps on her, criticizing for not going.

What happened to "no one should take it personally"?

I think what people are jumping on is that she IS taking it personally--she even wishes she could back out of the shower now that her son was not invited.

If she got an invite, couldn't make it for whatever reason and declined, no biggie on any side of the issue.

As is, she got an invite, could go, is not going on principal because her 14 year old was not also invited and wishes she could back out of a shower for the couple now as well, presumably for the same reason. She IS taking it personally and that is the problem.

 

[ilovepcot]

I'm a bit surprised how people get so worked up over children not being invited to weddings and receptions. The children I have experience with *abhor* that type thing. They don't like getting dressed up, don't want to sit still and certainly don't want to be told to be quiet. The ceremony usually lags on longer than many children can tolerate.

 

[piccolopat]

I think I am going to decline. I would love to back out on the shower also but I already told my other sisters that I would contribute and I have my list of what I am responsible for so I will follow through with that. My 16 yr old could care less if he goes since he wouldn't be allowed to take his girlfriend so I'm not worried about that. I did ask my 14 yr old if he wanted to go, after I saw that he wasn't invited, and his response was "of course I want to go, why wouldn't I go to Nathan's wedding". This is his first cousin and he enjoys seeing his cousins (they are all males) and there are 12 of them, not 60 as someone mentioned. No big deal, just like other people have suggested about me not taking it personally, hopefully they won't either. I'm sure this will be the final straw that will make my sister not speak to me any longer, but oh well, she hasn't spoken to 3 out of 5 siblings in a year so not a big deal to me any more.

On a side note, I am attending a friend's wedding next month without my kids so I can do things without dragging my kids along. I would never have expected them to be invited to this wedding mainly because she's not family.

It sounds like you don't care if this causes a rift between you and your sister. If so, I am sad to hear this because family is important to me. Perhaps instead of asking your son if he wanted to go (when you knew he wasn't invited), you could have just said they weren't having kids at the wedding and ask him what he wanted to do while you were gone. I hope you reconsider going by yourself because if your son wants to see Nathan as much as you indicate, how easy will that be if you are no longer on speaking terms with Nathan's mother?

 

[piccolopat]

The bride and groom should be able to have the wedding that they want. They shouldn't have to worry about including the 30 kids of their first cousins or the parent's friends from the country club. After the wedding, they can host a potluck family reunion for everyone to get together.

 

[Christine]

This is funny. At first everyone was saying that it was OK for the couple to invite whomever they wanted, and that it was also OK to decline. That no one should take things personally.

But now that the OP decided to decline, everyone jumps on her, criticizing for not going.

What happened to "no one should take it personally"?

I thought she was also going to decline the shower, or she wanted to.