Wedding Invitation Wording

[footballmouse]

We're giving a shower for our side of the family (aunts, my sister's friends, our immediate family, and only her mom & sisters); her side of the family is responsible for their side's shower.

I'm the youngest of my sisters & brother so therefore my kids are the youngest. All the other cousins range in age of 21-33, so I know mine were the only ones excluded.

I do plan on asking at the shower.

Divorced, so I'll be going by myself. I work a lot and my 14 yr old stays home by himself a lot. He was looking forward to going to the wedding and I'm not going to have him sit at home by himself while I'm at a family wedding. I was going to put him down as my guest, if I can't then I won't be going.

 

[Bec3b1g]

I wouldn't take it personally. Weddings are expensive! I'm sure it was a matter of cost.

I felt like I offended so many people when planning our wedding that I really wish I would have eloped.

 

[pat fan]

I felt like I offended so many people when planning our wedding that I really wish I would have eloped.

LOL! I keep telling my DS and FDIL that they can still do that! Not that we're offending people (I hope) but it would just be so much less of a headache! I mean, the wedding is a good headache, but you know what I mean I try to remind them it's about the next 50 years, not that one day in October

 

[kaytieeldr]

work a lot and my 14 yr old stays home by himself a lot. He was looking forward to going to the wedding and I'm not going to have him sit at home by himself while I'm at a family wedding. I was going to put him down as my guest, if I can't then I won't be going.

So, bring him as your "and guest".

 

[Rhombus]

We went to a family wedding a few years ago that was fairly small. Our dd wasn't included on the invitation...she was 18 at the time. So, she remained at home. However, my dh's brother and his wife felt it was fine to bring their 16.5 y/o ds!! So many people came up to us and asked where our dd was...we just said she hadn't been invited.
People are free to invite whomever they want to their wedding. But, if anyone feels uncomfortable, or upset, that others in their immediate family aren't included, they are free to decline the invitation. We know plenty of people that take their kids along to events, even though kids aren't invited...for some reason they feel that the exclusion wasn't meant for 'their' child!!!

Yeah, I saw this at a wedding some years ago. A couple showed up with 2 kids probably 10 and younger, apparently uninvited. The kids were sitting at the same assigned table as their parents, and when the last couple assigned to that table showed up, there was confusion. Mother of the groom had to intervene, and kid's mother caused a scene. She pretty much said, "I know they weren't on the invitation, but I didn't think you'd exclude MY kids!" They left in a huff. Fortunately, it was before the bridal party made their entrance.

 

[DisneyNutMary]

I come from a big family, my grandmother and her sisters all bought houses on the same street, and one on the next street over, so I grew up with my second and third cousins.
The rule has always been that for a wedding, all first cousins are invited and the age cutoff for 2nd and 3rd cousins was 18.
Being one of the youngest, this would have cost me a fortune, so with my wedding being the 2nd wedding for my DH we kept it extremely small, and I only invited my siblings and their kids and his sibling and their kids. With so many kids it looked like a birthday party instead of a wedding, but I was ok with that.
After I had kids, I found myself hoping my kids would not be invited to weddings and other more formal events, I would rather not have to figure out how to entertain them for four or more hours.

 

[Coloradomom]

For DD upcoming wedding, children are allowed for both the ceremony and dinner. Then after the dinner (about 8pm) when dancing starts we have arranged for a babysitting service for ages 10 and under. There is a separate area at the venue (a museum) with books, toys, and we will add snacks and blankets and such, so the little ones can be nearby but not at the reception. Parents can decide ahead of time if they want to take advantage of this no coat to them option or not bring the kids at all. We thought this was a good compromise, we want people with little ones to come enjoy and not have to worry about the cost of a sitter, but also want "adults only" after dinner.

 

[mjkacmom]

We're giving a shower for our side of the family (aunts, my sister's friends, our immediate family, and only her mom & sisters); her side of the family is responsible for their side's shower.

I'm the youngest of my sisters & brother so therefore my kids are the youngest. All the other cousins range in age of 21-33, so I know mine were the only ones excluded.

I do plan on asking at the shower.

Divorced, so I'll be going by myself. I work a lot and my 14 yr old stays home by himself a lot. He was looking forward to going to the wedding and I'm not going to have him sit at home by himself while I'm at a family wedding. I was going to put him down as my guest, if I can't then I won't be going.

Can't he just invite some friends over and order some pizza? The problem with you bringing him as a guest is that there will most likely be guests there who have teens who weren't invited, who might be wondering why your ds was allowed to attend.

I can't imagine miss a wedding of a family member just because my kids weren't invited. None f mine were invited to any of my cousins' weddings. They were younger at the time, so I just got a sitter (and had my I's watch them for an out of town wedding).

 

[Hrhpd]

Yeah, I saw this at a wedding some years ago. A couple showed up with 2 kids probably 10 and younger, apparently uninvited. The kids were sitting at the same assigned table as their parents, and when the last couple assigned to that table showed up, there was confusion. Mother of the groom had to intervene, and kid's mother caused a scene. She pretty much said, "I know they weren't on the invitation, but I didn't think you'd exclude MY kids!" They left in a huff. Fortunately, it was before the bridal party made their entrance.

I have a hard time understanding parents like that who cannot detach from their children for a few hours. And if they can't detach then they should just choose to stay home. I can't imagine the attitude of those children when the parents put them up on a pedestal and teach them they are so special the rules don't apply to them.

 

[Hrhpd]

We're giving a shower for our side of the family (aunts, my sister's friends, our immediate family, and only her mom & sisters); her side of the family is responsible for their side's shower.

I'm the youngest of my sisters & brother so therefore my kids are the youngest. All the other cousins range in age of 21-33, so I know mine were the only ones excluded.

I do plan on asking at the shower.

Divorced, so I'll be going by myself. I work a lot and my 14 yr old stays home by himself a lot. He was looking forward to going to the wedding and I'm not going to have him sit at home by himself while I'm at a family wedding. I was going to put him down as my guest, if I can't then I won't be going.

You are excluding parts of her family from your shower so why are you surprised the couple is excluding some of the younger children? Not that it is bad to have a shower for just one side of the family, but you had to make a decision on where to cut off your shower, so you should not be surprised that the wedding couple also had to make a cut somewhere.

Since the other cousins are all over 21, it sounds like the couple made a decision to make the cut off at either 18 or 21. Are they having an open bar? Maybe they don't want to have to deal with the possibility of underage drinking. Or they just want adults. Do you know if there are cousins on her side that are also too young to attend? It probably is not just your children. If they made an exception for your children, then it would snowball and they would have to make exceptions for other under-18's.

Don't take it personally.

 

[cjbcam]

I would only care if we had to travel to a wedding. I don't have anyone that could watch my kids all night. Then I would decline. Look at it this way, you get some time to spend without having to worry about entertaining your child. Enjoy yourself.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

I work a lot and my 14 yr old stays home by himself a lot.

This is actually a good thing. It won't be a big deal for him to be at home by himself while you attend a wedding. Get him some Chinese, have him invite a friend or two over and go have a good time.

 

[laughinplace199]

We're giving a shower for our side of the family (aunts, my sister's friends, our immediate family, and only her mom & sisters); her side of the family is responsible for their side's shower.

I'm the youngest of my sisters & brother so therefore my kids are the youngest. All the other cousins range in age of 21-33, so I know mine were the only ones excluded.

I do plan on asking at the shower.

Divorced, so I'll be going by myself. I work a lot and my 14 yr old stays home by himself a lot. He was looking forward to going to the wedding and I'm not going to have him sit at home by himself while I'm at a family wedding. I was going to put him down as my guest, if I can't then I won't be going.

But don't you have two kids? How does bringing one as a guest solve anything? Sorry if this was mentioned and I missed it.

 

[EMom]

We're giving a shower for our side of the family (aunts, my sister's friends, our immediate family, and only her mom & sisters); her side of the family is responsible for their side's shower.

I'm the youngest of my sisters & brother so therefore my kids are the youngest. All the other cousins range in age of 21-33, so I know mine were the only ones excluded.

I do plan on asking at the shower.

Divorced, so I'll be going by myself. I work a lot and my 14 yr old stays home by himself a lot. He was looking forward to going to the wedding and I'm not going to have him sit at home by himself while I'm at a family wedding. I was going to put him down as my guest, if I can't then I won't be going.

Ummmm.....Take a hint. Your teen is not invited. To "ask about it at the shower" is confrontational and puts the bride (or her family member) on the spot. It will put them in an awkward position and that is a major social faux pas. Why would you do that? It is not TACKY to not include children in one's wedding. It is a choice. The choice has been made. Asking about what has already been made clear is rude and will possibly force the bride to backpedal and include your teen after all just to avoid a scene. Maybe that is your intention. To include him as you plus one is plainly telling the bride and groom THEIR wishes do not matter and yours trump.

Either accept and go alone/take an ADULT guest or just don't go.

 

[gwynne]

OP, I think it's probably not so nice to "ask" at the shower. It will take that occasion and make it about what you want. This bride has planned an adult wedding. That is kinda her choice. She's the bride. If it works, great. If it doesn't, send your regrets.

Honestly, it sounds like your 14yo would be able to manage one day.
Would you consider attending the wedding, staying a short time at the reception, and then head home?

 

[spacemountainmom]

I think I just received the strangest wedding invite ever. My DD20 has been friends with a young lady since they were in grade school. They got very close during middle school. We pretty much refer to this friend as our third child and her family feels the same about our daughter.

The friend's older sister is getting married in September. I used to drive all three girls to school and know the sister pretty well. My DD was asked to be a gift attendant for the wedding. DD and I have attended a shower for her. Since I was invited to the shower, I presumed we'd be invited to the wedding. We just received the invitation. DD and I have been invited to the wedding; no plus one for her and my husband was not invited. My DH is thrilled. I thought it was a bit weird. DD isn't currently dating anyone so it's not that big of a deal. However, I am sure Emily Post would have a field day with this.

I am sure most of the reason is cost concerns and the fact that the bride barely knows my DH. My DD was a little put out when we mentioned that this situation was strange, etiquette wise. I really don't care and will happily go celebrate their marriage.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

DD and I have been invited to the wedding; no plus one for her and my husband was not invited. My DH is thrilled. I thought it was a bit weird.

It is weird, but you are being a good sport about it. I hope you have a nice time with your daughter.

 

[Pooh2]

Both of my daughter-in-laws and their parents decided to limited the guest list to age 16 and over due to budget.
We have family members who were awful to the bride and groom over this decision.

If your children are not invited, either go without them or graciously decline and stay home and enjoy your child's company.
The bride and groom and their parents do not need the extra stress at this time!

 

[mjkacmom]

I think I just received the strangest wedding invite ever. My DD20 has been friends with a young lady since they were in grade school. They got very close during middle school. We pretty much refer to this friend as our third child and her family feels the same about our daughter.

The friend's older sister is getting married in September. I used to drive all three girls to school and know the sister pretty well. My DD was asked to be a gift attendant for the wedding. DD and I have attended a shower for her. Since I was invited to the shower, I presumed we'd be invited to the wedding. We just received the invitation. DD and I have been invited to the wedding; no plus one for her and my husband was not invited. My DH is thrilled. I thought it was a bit weird. DD isn't currently dating anyone so it's not that big of a deal. However, I am sure Emily Post would have a field day with this.

I am sure most of the reason is cost concerns and the fact that the bride barely knows my DH. My DD was a little put out when we mentioned that this situation was strange, etiquette wise. I really don't care and will happily go celebrate their marriage.

It sounds to me like they really wanted to invite you, and were probably close to their limit. I invited some if my friends' parents, but none of my sister's friends' parents. We also invited a lot of our single close friends without dates, because they all knew each other well, and we could easily see some of DH's friends bringing a random bar pick up, and we'd rather have people important in our lives attend instead (limited space). They all had a really fun time, and the fun continued after the reception, well into the night for some, and some into the morning!

 

[missbrooke06]

We had no kids under 10 specifically to not split up "generations" i.e. all my husband's first cousins were included. But he was also fairly close to all of his young cousins.

OP, I think you shouldn't try to take your son but you should decline. If your disappointed or preoccupied by your son's disappointment, you aren't going to be very celebratory and I think it's better to bow out.

You shouldn't take your kids' exclusion personally and your nephew shouldn't take your decline personally.