$$$ Wedding gift - what dollar amount?

[xoprincessmomxo]

It might be different around here, but in my little town in rural Iowa, the average is around $25! There is no "paying for your plate" idea. I've always thought that wedding receptions were like parties for your favorite friends and family to share in the joy of your marriage. Sure, you expect gifts (which is mainly what you receive from you gift registry) but not to get rich of the whole thing! And here, the majority of the time the bride's parents still pay for the wedding and reception, the groom's for the rehearsal dinner, so it's not like the people who are actually "paying for the plate" are being reimbursed anyway! I would hate for some of my best friends not to feel like they could come to my wedding because they couldn't afford to "pay for their plate".

 

[NYPDwife]

If you would have read my post further, you would have noticed that I was one of those people who had a large and expensive wedding. Probably the most expensive wedding I´ve ever been to. I didn´t mean to call those people Bridezillas (although I don´t mind being called one), but the people who expect their guests to pay for their plate at a reception they were INVITED to.

I never said I expected that much, I said that I PAY that much. If I expected that money, I would not have had 1/2 the people that came to my wedding b/c I know they could not have afforded that. I set a higher standard for myself than I do for others.

 

[Freyja]

I never said I expected that much, I said that I PAY that much. If I expected that money, I would not have had 1/2 the people that came to my wedding b/c I know they could not have afforded that. I set a higher standard for myself than I do for others.

Then why do you feel so offende by my post? It´s not like I was quoting you or directing it to you personally in any way. If you didn´t expect that much, that´s great. But saying that by paying more you are setting a higher standard for yourself than you do for others does make me

 

[wall*e2008]

I don't know about Chinese weddings, but at an Italian wedding you do not come with a wrapped gift. You bring a card with money in it and the bride comes to your table holding a cloth bag. You give her the card and she gives you a wedding favor. That is the custom. However, at the shower you give a wrapped gift.

That is your Italian custom not ALL Italian's custom. I am Italian and there is a box on the gift table to put the card in. No begging bride at our wedding.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I don't know about Chinese weddings, but at an Italian wedding you do not come with a wrapped gift. You bring a card with money in it and the bride comes to your table holding a cloth bag. You give her the card and she gives you a wedding favor. That is the custom. However, at the shower you give a wrapped gift.

You missed my point of my post.
I'm Italian, I understand how it works although we don't give the favor when you get the envelope.

 

[NYPDwife]

Then why do you feel so offende by my post? It´s not like I was quoting you or directing it to you personally in any way. If you didn´t expect that much, that´s great. But saying that by paying more you are setting a higher standard for yourself than you do for others does make me

I'm slightly offended b/c right after my post you called people with big weddings bridezillas. I was FAAAAR from a bridezilla. And people can give me whatever they want to. I happen to like giving a larger amount to a newly wedded couple. It makes me happy.

 

[Freyja]

I'm slightly offended b/c right after my post you called people with big weddings bridezillas. I was FAAAAR from a bridezilla. And people can give me whatever they want to. I happen to like giving a larger amount to a newly wedded couple. It makes me happy.

I´m sorry you were offended. I re-read my post and can now see why you felt I was calling you a Bridezilla. I honestly didn´t mean to. Like I said I had a big wedding too and wasn´t a bridezilla either.
I´m glad you´re able to give larger amounts to newlyweds since it makes you so happy

 

[Mom2Nick]

If you would have read my post further, you would have noticed that I was one of those people who had a large and expensive wedding. Probably the most expensive wedding I´ve ever been to. I didn´t mean to call those people Bridezillas (although I don´t mind being called one), but the people who expect their guests to pay for their plate at a reception they were INVITED to.

Where did any bride say they expected people to cover the cost of their wedding?

In our area - as a general rule of thumb only - people try to give enough to cover what the people are spending to feed them. These are things teh GUESTS used as one of the guidelines when they decide what to give. Other factors are of course what they can afford and what their relationship is to the bride or groom.

 

[NYPDwife]

It's all cool beans Freyja.

 

[DaisyD]

open bar plus sit down meal around $180 a person at the places my sister is looking at on Long Island.

So tell her to have it at home. LOL! Seriously, I don't give the money that would cover my plate. I give what I can afford. I've never really heard such a thing as covering one's plate with a certain amount of money. To that I say have a wedding you can afford and not try to get the money back. When DH and I got married we requested no gifts! The gift was the person being there to share our wedding. OP, give what you can afford and WANT to give.

 

[NMAmy]

$180 is the starting price for 1st Communion Brunch or a child's birthday party.

Holy cow! So do gifts for first communion or a birthday equal or exceed that amount, as well? I'm truly curious, I have never heard of spending that amount for those events so it's amazing to me.

Weddings and wedding gifts are both more modest around here. For family and close friends, I'd give $100. For someone I didn't know as well, probably around $50. For myself, I never even thought about being reimbursed for what I was paying for a party I invited my friends and family to attend and I'm pretty sure they didn't think about it, either. Especially my second wedding when we requested no gifts.

I guess now I can understand the outrage by some about a cash bar. If I felt I was subsidizing the wedding, then I might think it was cheap, as well, if the bride & groom couldn't cover the bar bill.

 

[Belle & Ariel]

My sister's daughter and my brother's daughter got married about a year apart. One had a reception at the VFW hall, I would guess $10-$15 a plate. The other had a reception at a country club for maybe $100. Each paid what their family could afford and felt comfortable with. Both girls were beautiful brides and we had a great time at both.
I love both neices equally and would not dream of giving one more because her rich daddy pulled out all the stops.
Now as the mom of a girl planning a wedding, we will do what we can afford. I would never dream of asking friends and family to pay for my girl's dream day.

 

[DaisyD]

I wasn't expecting to make all $13K back. And I sent them a gracious thank you card even though I really didn't get jack-dookey from them.

\.

Missed a post! Sorry!

 

[DaisyD]

So people that have large and expensive weddings are automatically Bridezillas???? Nice

Just the ones that hope to make some money off their guests to pay for said wedding. LOL!

 

[Mom2Nick]

Wow! How nice! You didn't get jack from them yet I see they gave you $50. I think it is the thought that counts. I cannot believe someone would even think to try to make any money back for a wedding they chose to do. I would never want someone to not come to my wedding simply because they couldn't afford a gift. The gift is their presence, not presents. I'm just shocked by your attitude.

You missed the post where she originally stated they gave her a $50 check and the check bounced. Their $50 check COST her the $25 return fee.... SHe sent a thank you note anyway.

 

[NYPDwife]

Wow! How nice! You didn't get jack from them yet I see they gave you $50. I think it is the thought that counts. I cannot believe someone would even think to try to make any money back for a wedding they chose to do. I would never want someone to not come to my wedding simply because they couldn't afford a gift. The gift is their presence, not presents. I'm just shocked by your attitude.

Let's get this straight! I said, I didn't expect to make the money back. RIF - Reading is fundamental.

And no, they didn't give me anything, because the $50.00 check bounced!!

 

[DaisyD]

You missed the post where she originally stated they gave her a $50 check and the check bounced. Their $50 check COST her the $25 return fee.... SHe sent a thank you note anyway.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Changing it now! LOL!

 

[DaisyD]

Let's get this straight! I said, I didn't expect to make the money back. RIF - Reading is fundamental.

And no, they didn't give me anything, because the $50.00 check bounced!!

I see that now! Missed that part. That was VERY nice of you! I wouldn't have been that nice. LOL!

 

[NYPDwife]

I see that now! Missed that part. That was VERY nice of you! I wouldn't have been that nice. LOL!

Thank you.

 

[RickinNYC]

It depends on the situation, the person who is getting married and honestly, whether I had to travel to get there. First, I always politely turn down wedding invites to those that I don't consider a close friend. In those cases, I usually just give a card and sometimes $50. When I attend a wedding, my personal rule is generally a combination of what we can afford combined with what is estimated per plate cost to couple. Anyway, we usually give about $250.

My only exception is when my younger brother got married. I knew a year in advance so I squirrelled away as much extra $$ as possible over that year. I was the best man so I paid for his bachelor party. His friends were all in grad school or had pretty low paying jobs for the most part. They're all a bunch of great guys so I didn't want them to sweat the cost and also wanted to make sure my brother had a blast. But dang those boys can DRINK! LOL!

As for a gift, I think we gave him and his wife $750. He's the only one I'd do that for.

I did attend one destination wedding and we didn't give anything but a card to the bride/groom. She was an old college friend and made it absolutely clear to us and all our other friends that they did not want a single solitary thing for a wedding gift. She just wanted us to attend. So we did. It was awesome. We all went on a four night cruise with her and her new husband.

I thought it was really really classy of her to make sure we all didn't give her any gifts. She knew how much it was going to cost us in terms of the flight and cruise and our presence meant a great deal to her.

ETA: Another friend that got married at a resort in Puerto Rico did something I thought was very cool, absolutely hilarious and was very clear that they didn't want any gifts. They registered and the only thing in their registry was 1.) a Lamborghini or 2.) the RSVP that you'd attend. Sadly, I couldn't go due to work but Joe did. To this day, she still tells me that she's waiting for her Lamborghini.