Wedding gift(money) What do you think?

[ameraumi]

This thread is unreal! I am actually stunned and some of the gift amounts.

Granted, I live in Indiana and cost of living and such is very low. When were married in 1998, we received cash gifts of $25-$100. The higher amount from family. I normally give a cash gift of $50, and that is about average for my area. My brother is getting married in Nov, and as we were asked to pay for the DD's dress and DH & DS's tuxes, I planned on giving no more then $100 as a cash gift.

I say as long as you are not breaking the bank to give the couple a gift, then give whatever amount you can. The couple should be happy that you thought of them on their special day, not upset that you didn;t give enough to cover you dinner plate.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I'm laughing at this thread! LOL. How are the guests supposed to know the "cost of the plate?" Maybe the new etiquette should be:

Mary, daughter of Pat and Steve
will be married to
John, son of Bob and Jane
September 9, 2006
@ St. Whatever Church

Reception immediately to follow
**(Cost of plate: $75 per head)



This will eliminate any guess work on the part of the dear guest.

 

[honeybee213]

As far as giving what it costs for you to be a guest... My parents paid for my $25,000 wedding, not DH or myself. And we certainly didn't hand over our gifts to them. So, I think that pretty much defuncts the "helping the couple to recoup their costs" theory of a gift.

Plan the wedding you want to plan and can afford to have. Invite the people you want to share it with. And be thankful if anyone thinks enough of you to get you a gift. Gifts are not madatory. And you shouldn't go broke giving one. Nor should you feel it "should be" a certain amount.

ITA with this. We got everything from a basket full of dollar store gifts to $150. I was just happy people were there to celbrate with us.

 

[jenimay]

I live in Idaho, we got married 9 years ago, and we had a reception here and one in Michigan. Most of our gifts were in the $25-50 range. The only lavish gifts we received were from my dad's co-workers( in Michigan). The least expensive gift-an ironing board cover. We don't usually ahve formal wedding receptions around here, so don't have to worry about paying for your plate. I just give what I want and don't think twice.

Jeni

 

[GSD4ME]

Some of these gift amounts are interesting . . . Obviously, the amount you give depends on a number of factors - where you live, how much your household makes, how well you know the person, etc. I know when I got married the first time (I'm now on #2 - and he's a keeper!!!), we had a 200 person wedding, and received everything from $10 - $1000. The best advice I can give you is to give an amount that (a) you can afford, and (b) you feel comfortable giving based on your relationship with the bride and/or groom. Alternatively, get them something from their registry or a gift card!

 

[kimberlym4]

I'm cracking up at this thread too. I had to go back and make sure I was on the Budget Board. Are you guys that are giving hundreds of dollars to brides and grooms the same ones who are working hard to rack up your totals on MyPoints? Or clicking for Sunshine Rewards?

OP - give what you can afford. Some budgets would never allow such lavish gifts. $50 is plenty. As far as paying for a night out - we would never spend $200 - $300 on a night out.

I am enjoying the opinions here and especially the regional differences.

 

[Brooknwdw]

How in the world is a guest suppose to know how much it costs per person to attend a wedding? It would be the height of rudeness to ask IMO so the "pay for your own plate" thing doesn't fly!

Maybe it is the area where I live, but some of these gift amounts are outrageous! I think some people are too concerned with keeping up with the Joneses so to speak.

It doesn't matter what others are giving, you should give what is appropriate for your means. I also believe it is in bad taste to discuss with others how much you gave.

My solution would be to buy a gift from their registry. Surely they are registered for something modestly priced.

Here in the South, cash gifts are not the norm, anyway. Too impersonal. That is why people register for things they need, and have showers.

If they can't afford to have a nice wedding without secretly hoping to recoup costs from cash gifts, then they shouldn't be having a huge catered affair. JMO

 

[DMRick]

If they can't afford to have a nice wedding without secretly hoping to recoup costs from cash gifts, then they shouldn't be having a huge catered affair. JMO

I don't think anyone is expecting that..at least I hope not. The OP asked for opinions, on how others decide, what people thought was the norm, etc, and some of us figure out what a night out in that type of environment (where the reception is held) would cost us, and decide to give that amount. It's not like it's a right or wrong answer. Give what your heart and pocketbook suggest.

I think some people are taking these answers to mean they must also give what others say. It's an individual decision. I was asked, so I gave what I based it on. Others base it on other reasons. Nothing wrong with any of the ways people decide on what makes a gift. It's a gift, and the bride and groom shoudl appreciate it no matter what. The whole idea is to celebrate with them. However, if someone comes on a board like this and asks for opinions, that's just what they get, and they are like belly buttons..everyone has one.

 

[Brooknwdw]

some of us figure out what a night out in that type of environment (where the reception is held) would cost us, and decide to give that amount.

That is fine if that is how some try to calculate it. But I don't look at it that way personally because they INVITED you there as a guest...its not like a political fundraiser where you know going in it is $200 per plate, KWIM?

And what if you are invited to some huge elaborate affair and there is no way you would ever spend that much on a night out (unless it was your anniversary or something). Should you turn down the invite because you know you really can't afford a $100 or $200 or more cash gift? If it were a close friend or family I would rather buy a gift that I could afford from a registry and give it at a shower.

But as you said there is no right or wrong..especially considering geographical & standard of living differences & how that obviously comes into play.

I personally have only been to two really nice, catered receptions with awesome food & a band..etc. One of those was my sister's.
Its just not done that much here or maybe all my friends are poor. NO, really most of the weddings I get invited to are in a church, with a modest reception afterwards. People tend to marry young here (no not 15 but anywhere from 18-22 is normal. Parents pay for the weddings.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm laughing at this thread! LOL. How are the guests supposed to know the "cost of the plate?"

I can understand what you are saying but where I live the average dinner at any local catering hall costs in the ballpark of $120pp. That is just for the dinner not the flowers, band, favors etc. There are also a few halls that anyone local knows cost even more. I still think you should give what you feel is right, but many do feel the need to cover their plate so to speak. It is not to fund the couple's wedding, rather to give them a start in married life. Like I said earlier, we had the expensive wedding and got huge gifts, BUT- we would have been just as happy to receive nothing but good wishes as long as our loved ones were there to celebrate with us.

 

[DMRick]

And that's fine, if that's what works for you. However, again, when someone comes on a board and says..hey, what do you guys do...many will post with what they do. But each person has to do what makes them comfortable. I wouldn't turn down the invite, unless it was someone I really didn't know anyway, and had no interest in going.

And what if you are invited to some huge elaborate affair and there is no way you would ever spend that much on a night out (unless it was your anniversary or something). Should you turn down the invite because you know you really can't afford a $100 or $200 or more cash gift? If it were a close friend or family I would rather buy a gift that I could afford from a registry and give it at a shower.
.

 

[melomouse]

I'm cracking up at this thread too. I had to go back and make sure I was on the Budget Board. Are you guys that are giving hundreds of dollars to brides and grooms the same ones who are working hard to rack up your totals on MyPoints? Or clicking for Sunshine Rewards?

OP - give what you can afford. Some budgets would never allow such lavish gifts. $50 is plenty. As far as paying for a night out - we would never spend $200 - $300 on a night out.

I am enjoying the opinions here and especially the regional differences.

Too funny, Kimberly...but I am enjoying, too...

 

[OKWAnneMarie]

I think $50 is more than adequate. I don't consider myself cheap either. If people choose to have a big wedding and an open bar than that's their decision. Give what you can afford. I honestly think I would be embarrassed if someone gave me $150 for a wedding gift. Just my opinion.

I think it depends on what part of the country you live in. I live in New York City and formal weddings are VERY expensive, so it is not uncommon to give $300.00 per couple as a gift.

When I got married (25 years ago) the average gift was $50-$100.

 

[kinntj]

When I first started being invited to weddings as a young adult I had NO CLUE about appropriate wedding etiquette. When I asked about gifting, I was told it is "customary" to pay for your meal. The thinking behind it was, if I remember corretly, it was what it would cost you for a night out dining.

That being said, boy have times changed.

I did use that equation too. What would a night of dinner and dancing be at a restaurant and then give that amount. Not anymore.
I give anywhere from $50+ depending on how well I know the person. If it was a coworkers child, I would give $50. I would give a niece or sibling $200-$300. We did get invited to my coworkers wedding 3 years ago and gave $100, but I worked very close with her and went to lunch several times.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

Wow, I'm just glad I don't get invited to these expensive weddings. I too am from the South and I usually give a $50.00 gift.

I guess we are just tacky but if a co-workers child (or the co-worker) gets married, the office just gives a gift as a whole. Everyone just contributes what they can and signs the card. No- one knows how much each individual gave.

 

[Jaklackus]

How in the world is a guest suppose to know how much it costs per person to attend a wedding? It would be the height of rudeness to ask IMO so the "pay for your own plate" thing doesn't fly!

Maybe it is the area where I live, but some of these gift amounts are outrageous! I think some people are too concerned with keeping up with the Joneses so to speak.

It doesn't matter what others are giving, you should give what is appropriate for your means. I also believe it is in bad taste to discuss with others how much you gave.

My solution would be to buy a gift from their registry. Surely they are registered for something modestly priced.

Here in the South, cash gifts are not the norm, anyway. Too impersonal. That is why people register for things they need, and have showers.

If they can't afford to have a nice wedding without secretly hoping to recoup costs from cash gifts, then they shouldn't be having a huge catered affair. JMO

It is all about keeping up with the Jones' in MA anyway, I'm sure that it's worse in NJ and NY....people went nuts buying McMansions too and now look at what's going on up there..foreclosure rates are sky high.... When DH and I got married almost 5 years ago we were living in MA and didn't have a ton of money to pay for a wedding, we also had both sets of parents living in FL at that time with FIL unable to travel long disances. We decided on a small Disney intimate wedding with all of 8 guests...parents and siblings. We disappointed a handful of friends who could not afford to travel to the wedding because of their mortgage payments...but hubby's dad got to be there and that was very important to us. Our haul? A set of pots and pans, etched champagne glasses, a few other wedding themed knick knacks and that was it and it was perfectly fine with us.....wait my brother gave us $100 and I tried to give it back because he and his wife had to travel from RI to attend the wedding and it just meant so much to us that they would use vacation time and pay for travel expenses.

I could say a little bit more about living in MA, but let's just say the attitude about the amount of an appropriate wedding gift is the tip of the iceberg....

 

[madalex]

What a great thread. I side with all the "etiquette experts" (Miss Manners being my favorite) who take the position that the cost of the wedding is irrelevant to the size of the gift and that the gift should be a reflection of your relationship with the couple. Why anyone would think otherwise is beyond me.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Although I think that madalex has a good point, we were always taught to spend what you "think" the cost per head is. So for instance my good friend got married over the summer, her wedding was $75 a plate and there were 3 of us going, so we gave her $225. Maybe this is just my crazy family. But thats what we did. HOWEVER, when Dh and I got married,some people gave us $20, some people gave us $500. It just depends on what you personally can afford. I really doubt that the bride and groom are going to go through the cards and say..what a cheapskate!!!! They will just be glad you were there and thankful that you gave them something.

 

[Jaklackus]

HOWEVER, when Dh and I got married,some people gave us $20, some people gave us $500. It just depends on what you personally can afford. I really doubt that the bride and groom are going to go through the cards and say..what a cheapskate!!!! They will just be glad you were there and thankful that you gave them something.

But if you read through the entire thread there are people who felt some of the smaller cash gifts that they had received were not appropriate gifts. I know someone who got married by the JP for benefit reasons and then 6 months later had the big wedding expressly for the purpose of receiving cash gifts....tacky tacky tacky.

I've seen people throw themselves 'greenback' showers in the MA area in addition to the multiple bridal showers and couple showers.

My cousin was bad about these type of parties...I eventually got so disgusted I just threw invitations in the trash w/o opening them....honestly is there a need for a baby's 6 month party, the baby is walking party, with a list of where the baby is registered? How about inviting me to a cookout once in awhile???...unless they could squeeze a gift...there was no point in entertaining or spending time with you to them.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My cousin was bad about these type of parties...I eventually got so disgusted I just threw invitations in the trash w/o opening them....honestly is there a need for a baby's 6 month party, the baby is walking party, with a list of where the baby is registered? How about inviting me to a cookout once in awhile???...unless they could squeeze a gift...there was no point in entertaining or spending time with you to them.

That is insane! A 6month party? We do a big Christening and a Big 1st Birthday party. (about 100 people). When people ask us what can they get the baby we tell them "Nothing. Just come celebrate with us!" We truly mean that.