Wedding gift(money) What do you think?

[DMRick]

The top three googled answers..looks like it's just like I said..give what you are comfortable with. However, opinion was asked, so many gave what they are comfortable with, including myself:

Emily Post

How much should I spend?
There is no rule, so it is entirely up to you. Let your affection for the bride and groom and your budget be your guide.

Beau coup:
Contrary to popular belief, there is no calculable amount of money each person attending a wedding should spend on a wedding gift. It is not the amount of money spent on the reception divided by the number of guests. A gift should be a token of affection, and is not intended to pay for the wedding. However, to not send a gift altogether is in poor taste. A wedding invitation carries with it an obligation to send a gift, even if you cannot attend the actual wedding. Depending on your relationship with the couple, the gift can be small, or something more substantial.

Wedding gift etiquette
How Much to Spend

There’s a rumor floating around that the cost of a wedding gift should equal the cost of the guest’s meal. This is not true. The gift giver can give whatever she chooses, no matter how much the hosts spent on dinner. Whether ten or one thousand dollars is spent on a gift, the bride and groom should accept it graciously and appreciate the thought.

 

[daisax]

I would say that if you can only afford to give $50, then maybe skip out on the wedding and give a $50 gift card as a housewarming or congratulations gift.​

As a bride, I'd be horrified if somebody I cared enough about to invite to my wedding skipped out on it based on advice like this.

A wedding gift is not a cover charge!

 

[DaisyD]

Appropriate? That is ridiculous! Giving what you want to give is appropriate. Not try to cover the plate and not just what you can afford. I can AFFORD a large sum but I'm not about to give it to someone I barely know. When we got married we said we didn't want any gifts. The presence of my family and friends was gift enough! Weddings are getting too out of hand. By saying a GIFT of any amount isn't appropriate is beyond tacky and totally classless. I wouldn't even go to a wedding of someone that was that big a snob to think my gift was not appropriate.

 

[Skatermom23]

I generally give $100 if DH and I attend the wedding. If we don't, then it is $50 in a card. If it is family, I give $200. I don't care what type of wedding it is. It could be a buffet or a sit down, black tie... Those are my rules and I am sticking to them!!!

 

[mjbaby]

However, I think that giving a gift of $50 (from a couple, thats $25 per person) to the married couple is really cheap. I usually spend $50 on my close friends just for their birthdays. I've had this discussion with quite a few people, and $50 from two people makes it look like you went to the wedding for the free food and booze. I would say that if you can only afford to give $50, then maybe skip out on the wedding and give a $50 gift card as a housewarming or congratulations gift.

This makes me incredibly sad. There's this image floating around my head of people with dollar signs instead of hearts, being judged on how big those dollar signs are and whether or not their size makes them worthy guests at sacred ceremonies.

This advice would have eliminated my own grandparents from my wedding, not to mention my Godmother, my father's oldest friend, several of my friends who had gone on to grad school right out of college and many other people who are very, very dear to me and without whom my wedding wouldn't have felt as celebratory. However, I probably could have then included my accountant, my insurance guy, my lawyer, a couple former professors and others that I don't know nearly as well - but I don't reckon that the size of their wallets is the only criteria, you know?

Since I'm not in the business of collecting W-2s from prospective guests, I guess I'll just continue to make these kinds of decisions in the traditional, if apparently naive, way of examining my heart. Silly me.

 

[ginna74]

coming from a medium size town in Minnesota, and from all the people I have known and weddings I have gone too, there is no I repeat NO baseline for the amount of money you should give. Someone said it would be kind of cheap to go with 50$? WOW is all I can say. I am glad I don't know people that are greedy enough to not want a guest to go cause they can "only" give them 50$. I usually give what I can afford and it has always been appreciated. I am not rich, and cannot afford to give such lavish amounts of money. But because my family and friends are exactly that there is never any such expectations, of me AND everyone else. I am actually wowed by the thought that there are people that actually EXPECT such high amounts at their weddings.

 

[DestinationDisney]

I didn't mean to come across rude or mean (but I guess I can see why I was under attack there)...and I certainly didn't want to seem like one of those people with only dollar signs in mind. I'm sorry if I came across as snobby, that wasn't my intention at all .

As you can see from others posts, in certain geographic locations it is customary to give a gift rather than a check or money to the couple. I'm not saying that if you live in NJ, then you are required to give over a certain amount of money.

However, I will still stand my ground that I think $50 is a bit on the low side. Most people I know buy new outfits, new dresses, new shoes, get their nails or nails done when they are invited as a guest to a wedding. I just don't understand it when people can spend hundreds of dollars on their whole "ensamble" and then give a gift of $50.

Maybe its part of the whole "social pressure" that I feel at this age, because I'm at that age where a lot of my friends are getting married. I went to a wedding a few weeks ago (my bf's friend) that was very upscale and I could tell the family had spent a lot of money on the whole ordeal. Before the wedding, I was told by a friend of the bride that the wedding cost upwards of $150 per person, which in my opinion is very expensive. The brides engagement ring was something like a 3 carat solitaire and leading up to the wedding, she made it well known that her family was dropping a pretty penny on the affair.

I agree that guests shouldn't feel as though they have to pay for their plate...however, I couldn't help but feel 'obligated' to give, what I consider, a decent sized gift ($200). I was so concerned that the couple would feel insulted if we gave any less because they were paying $300 for the two of us to be there. Again, as I said before...its not our problem that they chose to have a big to-do, but I couldn't help but feel that way.

It is a true shame...but this is the way a lot of girls my age are, especially with having a big wedding. All the glitz and glamour of celebrities, expensive purses, and "platinum wedding" shows on TV...this feeds into people feeling like they need to prove their social status. I don't consider myself among that "type" of people...however its hard not to get sucked in.

 

[Tinkerbelle32]

I cannot believe how greedy some people really are!! I also would never shy away from somone's wedding because I couldn't give more than $50. I received one $50 gift when we got married(from my hubby's boss-7 years ago -in CA). I was shocked and thrilled. I have never heard of comparing your dinner plate value and "booze" amount in giving a gift. Too bad there's not more of us still around who attend a wedding to celebrate the couples love, future together, etc. and not look at it as a way to rake in the dough. I now and always will give what "I" think is appropriate. If you are that big of a money grubber than I probably shouldn't be invited to your wedding. I wouldn't associate with that type of person anyway. My two cents. Tink

 

[mickeyluv'r]

I think it really depends on where you live. I would guess that much of the Northeast is similar. Around us $150 would be considered a nice, appropriate gift ($50 was well below average 9 years ago when I was married). Some give more and some give less but you are definitely in the right range. We give good friends $200-$300 depending on if we have to travel or not. I would not give this amount to someone who was not a close friend though.

I think this is right on the mark! I'm sure different parts of the country have different expectations. I also sort of think it has a little to do with social class levels. If it's - forgive me - a very blue collar wedding, then the expectaions are lower - but if it's a Boston blue blood wedding - then the expectations are slightly higher. I don't think anyone wants you to go above what you are comfortable with giving, and your suggestion of $150 for the two of you sounds right to me (no matter where in MA the wedding is located).

I don't think of it as funding an expensive wedding, but ...more about making a personal statement, (and giving back at least enough to cover the cost of inviting me)....For someone just out of school, or with a lesser income, the expectations would be lower. For someone of professional standing, the expectations are a little higher. That's just the way it is. It isn't so much about what the guest expects, as about the statement the guest wants to make about their own person.

Someone at our wedding gave us two cookie sheets...we understood, they were very young, but my sister thought that was a little cheap for a couple to attend a rather nice wedding - it was considerably less than what we paid for their meal alone, never mind the alcohol they drank.

On the other hand, my boss (This was a few years ago) who didn't even ATTEND the wedding, gave us a certificate worth $200. That left an impression on all of us.

Otherwise, I've forgotten most of the other gifts....I do agree that cash was the most useful gift we got.

 

[Tinkerbelle32]

DestinationDisney- Not for sure how old you are but you stated that many of your friends are having these big upscale glamerous weddings. Do you know what the divorce rate is in this country? It's high! Just because you have this mega wedding doen't mean anything. It's the marriage that is important, not the party. Also, you said your friend was making it known that this wedding was mega expensive, costing a pretty penny, etc. I personally don't hang out with people who feel the need to brag on themselves, their financial status, etc. Please don't get so sucked into all of this nonsense. Tink

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Personally we didn't care what anyone gave us for our wedding. We wanted to celebrate our union and how happy we were with all the people we love. We did pay over $100 a plate (6 years ago!) and didn't expect a dime of it back from our guests. We did however do very well. We were greatful and still are. That being said- when we go to a wedding we usually give $300 for a couple but no less than $250. That's the norm around here. Give what you are comfortable with. We would have been happy with a lollipop just so long as our guests could come and celebrate!

 

[DestinationDisney]

I think this is right on the mark! I'm sure different parts of the country have different expectations. I also sort of think it has a little to do with social class levels. If it's - forgive me - a very blue collar wedding, then the expectaions are lower - but if it's a Boston blue blood wedding - then the expectations are slightly higher. I don't think anyone wants you to go above what you are comfortable with giving, and your suggestion of $150 for the two of you sounds right to me (no matter where in MA the wedding is located).

I don't think of it as funding an expensive wedding, but ...more about making a personal statement, (and giving back at least enough to cover the cost of inviting me)....For someone just out of school, or with a lesser income, the expectations would be lower. For someone of professional standing, the expectations are a little higher. That's just the way it is. It isn't so much about what the guest expects, as about the statement the guest wants to make about their own person.

Thank you...exactly what I meant.

 

[DestinationDisney]

DestinationDisney- Not for sure how old you are but you stated that many of your friends are having these big upscale glamerous weddings. Do you know what the divorce rate is in this country? It's high! Just because you have this mega wedding doen't mean anything. It's the marriage that is important, not the party. Also, you said your friend was making it known that this wedding was mega expensive, costing a pretty penny, etc. I personally don't hang out with people who feel the need to brag on themselves, their financial status, etc. Please don't get so sucked into all of this nonsense.

I'm 25. Yes I'm aware of the divorce rate in our country. Having a father who has been married 3 times and my mom's first marriage to my father failing...it concerns me. I agree that its about celebrating the love and the bond between 2 people, not how grandiose a party someone can give.

I wasn't friends with the bride at the wedding we went to, my boyfriend is friends with the groom, so thats how we were invited. I don't like to associate with people who feel the need to brag about themselves or make others feel 'lower' than them because of their financial status. My friends who have had expensive weddings are people who have been my friends since I was 5 years old. So I don't think it would be right for me to disown them as friends because of the type of wedding they had.


Okay I'm done here. I gave my opinion, for what its worth, and I'm not saying that everyone has to agree with me or go by what I think.

 

[Tiffer]

I would say, always cover the cost per head for each of you going and add $100.

AS such, if it is $75 a head for the reception, give her $175. Ans so on. You can usually tell from where it is being held, what kind of food they are serving, etc. At least a good idea.

 

[rt2dz]

As far as giving what it costs for you to be a guest... My parents paid for my $25,000 wedding, not DH or myself. And we certainly didn't hand over our gifts to them. So, I think that pretty much defuncts the "helping the couple to recoup their costs" theory of a gift.

Plan the wedding you want to plan and can afford to have. Invite the people you want to share it with. And be thankful if anyone thinks enough of you to get you a gift. Gifts are not madatory. And you shouldn't go broke giving one. Nor should you feel it "should be" a certain amount.

BTW--DH and I are both in the south and we received equal gifts of items and gifts of cash/check.

 

[Gillian]

When we got married, the gifts ranged from $35 to $400 or so, but we never discussed with anyone who gave us what. Nor did we care!! It wasn't about the gifts!

DestinationDisney, I'm sorry that you feel pressure to give large checks. I feel the opposite way, that people who throw a lavish wedding need my gift much, much less than those who have a smaller affair on a budget.

I have a lot of friends who are getting married now for the first time at a later age. We got married 10 years ago and have a family to support on 1 income (by choice, of course), and are not always able to give as much as we did when we were younger with 2 incomes. I'd hope that my friends would understand that we give what we can, and enjoy our company as much as we enjoy their celebrations.

And we don't go out and buy new outfits, get my hair done, etc.

 

[Gillian]

I would say, always cover the cost per head for each of you going and add $100.

AS such, if it is $75 a head for the reception, give her $175. Ans so on. You can usually tell from where it is being held, what kind of food they are serving, etc. At least a good idea.

Wouldn't it be $250 for your example for the couple? or should it be $350?

Honestly, I wouldn't do this. I would give $250, and have, but how can you figure out what someone else's wedding costs? I have no idea what a banquet hall charges, or if they are having top shelf liquor and filet or generic brands and chicken.

I don't even know what my wedding cost per person, because it was all separate. We did not offer a choice on the response card, they chose at the wedding, so no indicator there (plus we pais extra to have enough of both choices). The location was a newish sculpture garden, saturday evening, fancy dress, but still not much help. There's really no way for our guest to have figured it out, and we wouldn't have wanted them to.

 

[EthansMom]

IMO, $150 is more than generous for a gift for "the daughter of a coworker".

You'll find many people become heated over discussions regarding the regional cultural differences of wedding gifts. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest and am currently residing in the Northeast. In the PNW, gifts tend to be actual items and generally people spend less than in the NE. In the NE, wedding gifts tend to be cash and, often, large amounts of cash.

In my experience, most weddings guests in the PNW tend to be close friends and family. In the NE, couples/families have more of a tendency to invite distant friends, acquaintances, and business associates in addition to close friends and family.

 

[michvin]

I think $50 is more than adequate. I don't consider myself cheap either. If people choose to have a big wedding and an open bar than that's their decision. Give what you can afford. I honestly think I would be embarrassed if someone gave me $150 for a wedding gift. Just my opinion.

$50 to $100 at the most. $150 sounds like A LOT of money for a co-worker's child...basically gift by association...lol! I would give what you feel comfortable with financially....they invited you for your company, not for how much you would give...so go have have a great time and wish them well!

 

[Kellydelly]

I would say, always cover the cost per head for each of you going and add $100.

AS such, if it is $75 a head for the reception, give her $175. Ans so on. You can usually tell from where it is being held, what kind of food they are serving, etc. At least a good idea.

Why on earth should anyone fund someone else's reception unless they are the parents of the marrying couple? That is sooooooooo whacked!