WBRepo-Ship of Thieves-Remeber the Magic-Pt 2

[HollyTyler]

Aaaaaw Michelle, missed you! I decided to go and do my jobs and then get out to see if I can get some suitable shoes for the Christening on Saturday. Now I don't want to be bothered going out.

Going for a walk with my bereaved neighbour this afternoon. She is not doing very well - makes me cry to chat with her. It is onlly 3 weeks since Quintin died.

I can't imagine how hard this is for your neighbor. It was all so sudden. to her.

 

[iankh]

Reminder for today ... vote for Shalisa:

http://www.energizerkeepgoinghalloffame.com/KeepGoing/Finalists/finalist6.aspx

 

[edna mode]

This is what his dad said:

Holly, thanks for the update. The whole incident is scary! I hope the Dr. can see him soon. I would really like to know what triggers the aggression or why he feels compelled to hurt other people. I really worry about him and his future. Hopefully, we can start therapy and possibly meds if the Dr. feels they are necessary. You know I don’t like the idea of putting him on meds, but I am willing to try it if it helps.

I told him he has to stop trying to figure out why and just accept it and understand that we have to do meds because next time, he might gouge harder and cut that artery in the arm there. Or next time he might stab somebody with a sharp object, which isn't out of the realm of reality because he does like to pretend stab when playing. I told him Tyler's suffering, kids are getting hurt, kids will continue to get hurt, we have to do this. I told him there's no question of "possibly" meds, because the sole purpose of the psychiatrist is those 3 evaluation appointments to get meds. Now I'm waiting for his angry reply which is sure to come.

Oh, good grief. Here's dad's latest response:

I was under the impression that the reason we are seeing the psychiatrist was for an evaluation on the need for meds, and for therapy. If the doctor believes the meds are necessary we will decide then. Meds are not going to magically make the situation better, and he will likely continue some of his negative behaviors even on meds.

And here's my mean response:

Yes, he will have the same behaviors with the meds until the other 2 types therapy start to benefit him. The purpose is to get his brain to be able to be receptive to the behavioral therapy and occupational therapy. The meds don't magically make things go away, they enable him to have the ability to have the other 2 therapies work. There is no decision for us to make, Tyler will have whatever treatment the doctor recommends. It's no different than taking him to a doctor for strep throat, the doctor gives him a prescription for an antibiotic and we give it to Tyler. Same thing. The reason we go to a doctor is to ask them to treat him. I'm not going to continue to be neglectful by ignoring doctor after doctor after doctor telling us the same thing. The only question is for Dr. Barnes to decide what type of med Tyler needs and he will refer us to a psychologist for the behavioral therapy. Dr. Barnes doesn't do therapy, he prescribes meds.

Oh, to answer your other question, he doesn't think there's a need for help other than behavioral therapy. But doctors have already told us that it's out of his control, because it's completely impulsive, because he knows it's wrong and feels so down on himself for not being able to stop himself. that's why he hates himself. But his dad just doesn't get it. Complete denial.

Yes, both of his dad's sisters took Ritalin until age 18 and both have depression issues now, and one tried twice to commit suicide. That's what he's afraid of, but one doctor tried to tell him things are different now than they were 30 years ago, and Tyler's not the same issue as his sisters.

My cousin had major aggression issues too, and they put him on Ritalin too because in 1st grade his school said he can't come back until he was medicated. He's 23 or 24 now, but I don't know if he still takes meds for anything because we're not close enough to talk about it. I've actually been meaning to get in touch with him for more details to share with our doctor. And my grandma had major mental issues with major meds, so Tyler has it in his family history for sure.

That's exactly what I'm doing. I basically told him in my final response to his stupidity that there is no decision to be made and that we're doing what the doctor says. The sad part is that his idea of what's best and mine are completely opposite. I can't wait for him to eventually see the difference all 3 treatments combined will make (hopefully) over time.

Well, I'm sorry I missed all of this yesterday. Ironically I was so busy and on the phone for hours with a school that deals with nothing but processing disorders with every student. I missed what happened, but it sounds there was an incident with a sharp object.

People are very self centered (psychologically) we can't imagine what it is like to stand in someone else's shoes. If we all stood in Tyler's shoes we would see that his frustration are 100 times worse than ours. But we (and his dad) has a developed brain able to sort out and itemize daily tasks using adult brain logic and a lifetime of learning sub memories. Tyler's brain won't be fully developed until he is 21-23 year's old with no history of "how to sort our daily tasks."

Meds are never a magic pill, you are absolutely right in your understanding of how important the corresponding therapies are for him. His dad desperately wants him to be a "normal child" and can't accept that he isn't in his own image of himself. Denial is a very strong disorder and illness. His dad is remember his own acting out like "boys do," and doesn't see that Tyler's acting out is out of frustration and lack of understanding of how to solve his problems. Those therapies with the meds will teach him SLOWLY and carefully how to solve his problems. It is really very simple, but denial does rob a person of seeing the whole picture. Think of denial as a pirate eye patch, he only has a single vision view and that is the hope that Tyler will "grow out of his boy behavior."

As for the sister's - it's impossible to diagnose them without seeing them over period's of time, but I'll bet they didn't have the corresponding behavioral therapy and that is why they suffer from depression now. BUT, it is more likely that they have a co-existing condition which is very common in people with ADD. For example ADD with depression, ADD with addiction, Addiction with with bipolar disorders. Again, Dad is not seeing the big picture only his limited perspective. He's exhausted from living with people with brain difficulties and has put on his eye patch.

I was going to say that it is time to take immediate action and take control and say yes I will go forward NOW!! (I see Gaylean said the same thing!)

Have all of your paperwork in chronological order with each doctor's contact information and diagnosis accompanied with your promise of the whole program and plan of action listed with a 5 year plan with periodic reevaluations. Then if he chooses to take your to court you are ready to go. Of course, you need him to follow through with all meds and therapies when Tyler is with him or he will reverse all progress made. Have the teachers write a monthly assessment for your records as a progress report. This will back you up.

You'd love this school that I was working with yesterday. They have a full team of people who keep each child's complete assessment and work with each child's own doctor and family to move forward one baby step at a time each and every day. This is easily the hardest working school of all of my schools.

If Tyler's dad refuses to participate, ask the courts for temporary full custody to try all therapies in conjunction for one year and prove the progress. I know this means you are full time mom and court is costly, but it is Tyler's future that you have an opportunity to change. I can't stress enough that you are right in that Tyler will continue to hurt other kids. It will cost much more when you are sued. And since you work and train in the legal world, I'm sure you are no stranger to this problem.

Well, that is my advice for today, I hope something in all of this will help confirm your own feelings and support your "mom's gut!" And help you to move forward..... Keep looking forward Holly, this is not your destiny it is only the path you are on today. It does not define you or your past it is making you stronger for your son and your future family (whoever they are!)

 

[edna mode]

I feel so sorry for you, Kathe, hanging on to your old stuff like that. I have never had that problem myself........NOT! Maybe you missed my post about giving away my dusty Corning Ware that hadn't been touched in, oh, say 15-20 years????
/QUOTE]

I just can't believe that I still have so much stuff, I gave so much of it to my son when he moved out west last year And the clothes are the worst!!! It's like I don't want to accept that I'll never again fit in them again , and even if I did they are so out of style and yes I know styles have a way of coming back...but not likely with mine

OK, Kathe, you are now recruited to join the summer declutter![/COLOR]

Kathe

Is it a series? I thought there were only two episodes! WHOOPEE!!
How do I find it? When is it on?
Jan

2008 -- The Librarian: The Curse of the Judas Chalice
They usually come out at Holiday time.

He doesn't KNOW all the words to Porgy & Bess... I DO!!!

Ian... we never did get to do our Julie Andrews tribute on the ship, now did we???

I love Porgy and Bess, I have lots of Gershwin on my Ipod.

Anyone see this one???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlPtwpmp3VY

Wow.. I really wish I had seen the Wonder and the Magic pass on our cruise!!!

I love this so much!!!

 

[edna mode]

Sorry, forgot to spell check my dyslexic message before posting!

 

[gaylean93]

Funny - article I read said that Donna/Tori pulled out. I guess they're just trying to keep us curious so that we tune in.

I'll try to see if I can remember where I read it and let you know.

HERE IT IS...

http://www.eonline.com/gossip/kristin/detail/index.jsp?uuid=6f173dcd-b5c2-40eb-9fa6-f96f7502d469

I taped the last episode so I think I'll find it and watch it. I think Brenda and Dylan were together in Europe

 

[gaylean93]

Gaylean... we'll all chip in and buy you a nice sweater to wear on the ship!!!

That is something! That is one of the reasons Alaska doesn't appeal to me. I own one pair of pants and a lot of flip flops.

 

[gaylean93]

HEY YOU GUYS.....I just signed up on facebook....will you be my friend?



.

I had to do a double take because it said your full name and the picture was far away I thought there was someone else on the cruise that I didn't know!

 

[gaylean93]

Holly, more prayers and hugs sent your way. Hopefully they will find the right combination of meds and therapy quickly. It is so sad to see the little ones suffering.

Today is DrHug's last work day! Little scary too. He applied for his social security on line last week and already got his reply in the mail yesterday. They have all the info they need, his benefits start August and his first check will be direct deposited the second Wed in Sept. I am impressed! He applied early to give them time to process it. Just one little glitch, they show his total income for 2005 as $17,000. Um, he made just a tad more than that! They will have to correct that and it will probably make just a little difference in his check. In the whole scheme probably not a lot.

How exciting Maybe they were mistaking 2005 for 1975

 

[mishoe01]

I taped the last episode so I think I'll find it and watch it. I think Brenda and Dylan were together in Europe

If I remember correctly - it was mentioned that Dylan was in Europe and then someone else said "isn't that where Brenda is?"....so it left it to us to think that they were together.

I still watch every weekend....Soap Network has 3 episodes every Saturday 9a-12p and they also show some during the weekdays - but can't watch those.

 

[gaylean93]

I just connected with a guy I used to hang around with ALL the time until he moved away in Grade 4 or so. The funny part is, he is friends with a friend of mine that I went to high school with in a different town! We didn't know we had a mutual friend until just the other day when facebook told us we both knew him. We had a good laugh over that one.



What are you talking about this place slowing down? I miss a day and get back and there are 15 pages to catch up on!!!

Back to catching up now!

I think it is cool that they show you people that you may want to know. Most of mine have been from your friends list!

I think we have slowed down but that's not really what I meant. We used to go to sleep and wake up to 25 pages. I haven't been on since early yesterday and I came back to three pages. I was bored yesterday, sorry about the 15 pages!

 

[gaylean93]

the parade is on July 19. Unfortuantely costumes are out as we have the honour of driving our local Member of Parliament in the parade instead. So the car will be decked out in Canada flags. I will let the girls decide if they want to be in the parade or just watch it.

My Dad let me take the '63 out for a drive today as he wanted me to get a feel for it before I take it on the highway in a couple of weeks. I must say I could get used to "just cruisin'" in it. It was kind of fun to drive. But it floats a bit at higher speeds, takes some time to get up to speed, it doesn't take too kindly to over correcting and I have to get used to drum brakes. But just little nuances of the car and the era that I'm not used to.



Woohoo!!! I told you to phone them back!! Good luck on the interview! Although I doubt you'll need it!



tsk tsk tsk... You succumbed to peer pressure on facebook, I expect you will do the same here. Besides, just how disappointed will you be when everyone is posting about how great the reunion cruise was to Alaska and you weren't there?





I've watched Ocean's 11 (both versions), I hear Jon works for a casino ... {insert evil maniacal laugh here}



"What'cha talkin' about Willis????"

And about having to keep up with talk on 3 different boards ... wait til you get that Wii and have to keep up with discussions on there too!!

Ok caught up. Will post about Canada Day tomorrow night when I get home (and get the pics uploaded to the camera and the web).

You are right about me feeling bad if you went to Alaska without me but wrong about the casino, unfortunately! If that were the case, we'd pay for everyone!

 

[gaylean93]

If I remember correctly - it was mentioned that Dylan was in Europe and then someone else said "isn't that where Brenda is?"....so it left it to us to think that they were together.

I still watch every weekend....Soap Network has 3 episodes every Saturday 9a-12p and they also show some during the weekdays - but can't watch those.

Wow you are a big fan. I guess I should start watching them too. How old are they, like 37 or 33? I know they either started high school when I did or they graduated when I started high school.

 

[gaylean93]

Aaaaaw Michelle, missed you! I decided to go and do my jobs and then get out to see if I can get some suitable shoes for the Christening on Saturday. Now I don't want to be bothered going out.

Going for a walk with my bereaved neighbour this afternoon. She is not doing very well - makes me cry to chat with her. It is onlly 3 weeks since Quintin died.

I can't even imagine losing my husband so sudden. I'm sorry, Marilyn but I'm happy that she has you.

 

[gaylean93]

Well we're leaving tomorrow morning early so I guess that means the holiday is here and I better pack. We're only staying for 2 nights so it should go quickly. It's been a long time since we've been to Delaware.....probably a year or so......since I have posted pics of the area on here a while back. If we find the camera, we'll post more from this trip. John says he can't find it at the moment. I hope we didn't leave it at the hotel in Virginia Beach. I guess we'll have to really look for it tonight.

Have fun.

 

[gaylean93]

I'm off to go swimming at my friend's house. I'll see you all later!

 

[mishoe01]

Wow you are a big fan. I guess I should start watching them too. How old are they, like 37 or 33? I know they either started high school when I did or they graduated when I started high school.

I think they were all in their 20's and Gabriella was in her 30's when they started - definately not HS age.

I like watching those shows as I can also do something else at the same time - since I've seen them all before I don't have to give the TV my 100% attention.

I have some pics that were being used as promos from season 2 (when Brandon worked at the Beach Club) too...my boyfriend at the time gave them to me. I keep saying I need to get rid of them/ try to sell them, then I change my mind.

 

[HollyTyler]

Kelly, I LOVED your response! thanks so much! I (and everybody else) keeps wondering why it's so difficult for Tyler's dad to understand the urgency going on here, but your explanation makes so much sense.

I would never want to take Tyler away from his dad because Tyler counts down the days every week to when he gets to see him, BUT.....a lawyer here at work who used to work for the judge we have on our case, told me that based on this situation, the judge would ABSOLUTELY sign an order making Tyler's dad give him the meds as prescribed if he decides to refuse, so that will work.

He asked me yesterday when I dropped Tyler off if we can set aside time to get together to discuss the matter. I told him, "No, there's nothing to discuss because we're just going to do what the doctor says." You should have seen how red with anger his face got! He told me he can't believe how unreasonable I'm being about not wanting to even discuss his concerns. I just said, "Oh well", said my goodbyes and got out of there.

 

[mishoe01]

Kelly, I LOVED your response! thanks so much! I (and everybody else) keeps wondering why it's so difficult for Tyler's dad to understand the urgency going on here, but your explanation makes so much sense.

I would never want to take Tyler away from his dad because Tyler counts down the days every week to when he gets to see him, BUT.....a lawyer here at work who used to work for the judge we have on our case, told me that based on this situation, the judge would ABSOLUTELY sign an order making Tyler's dad give him the meds as prescribed if he decides to refuse, so that will work.

He asked me yesterday when I dropped Tyler off if we can set aside time to get together to discuss the matter. I told him, "No, there's nothing to discuss because we're just going to do what the doctor says." You should have seen how red with anger his face got! He told me he can't believe how unreasonable I'm being about not wanting to even discuss his concerns. I just said, "Oh well", said my goodbyes and got out of there.

Holly - did the Dr's office call you back?

 

[edna mode]

Kelly, I LOVED your response! thanks so much! I (and everybody else) keeps wondering why it's so difficult for Tyler's dad to understand the urgency going on here, but your explanation makes so much sense.

I would never want to take Tyler away from his dad because Tyler counts down the days every week to when he gets to see him, BUT.....a lawyer here at work who used to work for the judge we have on our case, told me that based on this situation, the judge would ABSOLUTELY sign an order making Tyler's dad give him the meds as prescribed if he decides to refuse, so that will work.

He asked me yesterday when I dropped Tyler off if we can set aside time to get together to discuss the matter. I told him, "No, there's nothing to discuss because we're just going to do what the doctor says." You should have seen how red with anger his face got! He told me he can't believe how unreasonable I'm being about not wanting to even discuss his concerns. I just said, "Oh well", said my goodbyes and got out of there.

Just remember that anger is about you and him, not about Tyler. Don't provoke during this, keep telling yourself "This is for Tyler, not about us." Look through the clouds of the past anger and keep moving forward. (Like Walt said, "Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things... and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." He was talking about his business, they used it at the end of Meet the Robinsons and it also applies to you.