Washing Feet at Wedding

[dimimi]

At this wedding, IT was the focus of nearly everything. THEY ARE VIRGINS! They will kiss and have sex for THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT! I mean, a flashing neon sign over the altar would have been more subtle! It kind of squicked me out. By the end, I think we may have been more nervous and apprehensive about that first kiss than they were.

I think we all would have preferred they return the purity ring in a private moment with the family and walk down the aisle without the public kiss. It was made to be SO momentous, and yet it was all SO public.

From what I understand, the groups that believe this, then go on to make sure that the woman knows it is her duty to make sure her husband is always sexually satisfied...no matter how tired she is, etc. (At least this is what I read in the Duggar's last book.)

I know the Duggar's were allowed to hold hands while they were engaged because we noticed how sexually they were holding hands!

I enjoy the Duggar's and like seeing how relaxed they are and how well the kids get along...etc...so this isn't a bashing.

 

[bombygriz]

x

 

[aprilgail2]

From what I understand, the groups that believe this, then go on to make sure that the woman knows it is her duty to make sure her husband is always sexually satisfied...no matter how tired she is, etc. (At least this is what I read in the Duggar's last book.)
.

yea right!

 

[bethbuchall]

Well, TECHNICALLY, no one kisses their husband until their wedding day

I am wondering if this family is like the Dugger's. They were not allowed to even hold hands...

They were allowed to hold hands. In fact, they held hands so vigorously that it was almost embarrassing to watch. They did not kiss until the wedding day, but there was an awful lot of talk about the wedding night. More so than I'd want to share.

 

[MrsPete]

From what I understand, the groups that believe this, then go on to make sure that the woman knows it is her duty to make sure her husband is always sexually satisfied...no matter how tired she is, etc. (At least this is what I read in the Duggar's last book.)

But if the man's following the Biblical instructions, if he's loving his wife as Christ loved the church, if he's putting her needs first . . . then he wouldn't demand sex if he knew his wife was very tired.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I think we all would have preferred they return the purity ring in a private moment with the family and walk down the aisle without the public kiss. It was made to be SO momentous, and yet it was all SO public.

One thing people in general need to understand about weddings is that It's Not About You, It's About the Wedding Couple.

 

[RUDisney]

They were allowed to hold hands. In fact, they held hands so vigorously that it was almost embarrassing to watch. They did not kiss until the wedding day, but there was an awful lot of talk about the wedding night. More so than I'd want to share.

Now that you bring it up, the couple's pictures that they have online were all snuggly and nuzzly... almost embarassing to look at because there was so much passion in the pictures.... yet they never kissed on the lips. My aunt said it was only on the forehead or cheek.

My aunt didn't know who the Duggars are when I told her that was the only other place I'd heard of a couple saving their first kiss. She knew of the Quiverfull movement, though. Just not that family.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

Yes, that has a negative connotation, but people tend to hone in on that one detail about women being subserviant to their husbands. If you read the whole passage, the Bible gives a whole lot of instructions and responsibilities to husbands as well. Cherry-picking one verse never gives a full understanding.

Honestly, women get the good end of that deal -- if you read the whole passage. People today tend to see "submitting" as a sign of weakness, or worse, they think it means women are to act like slaves to lazy husbands with an attitude of entitlemen.

The passage actually says that men are required to "love their wives as Christ loved the Church". That means Agape love, total love, total commitment, putting her first. So that means always considering her needs before your own. Always making sure she's happy and cared for. It means maing sure she has food before you do. It means she has time to rest and relax, even if you yourself are tired. And the passage includes instructions about men being humble, not taking advantage of their position as head of the family, and -- I can't remember the exact words -- not driving wives and children to irritation by claiming special priviledges. Also, men are specifically charged to act as spiritual heads of the household, and they are responsible for the spiritual health of their household.

So any man who demands that his wife act as a servant to him should read those scriptures. Really, his part is harder.

The same passage instructs children to obey their parents, and the same passage tells slaves to submit happily and be loyal to their masters (which I think today can be generalized to mean employees to their bosses).

Really, if both partners are working hard to make the other one happy and aren't "keeping score" about who does what, things are going to work out.

The verse that stands out to me is

Man is head of the house as Christ is Head of the church.

Remember, Christ died for us.

 

[dicar123]

One thing people in general need to understand about weddings is that It's Not About You, It's About the Wedding Couple.

No, I'm pretty sure they planned the entire day to cause me maximum discomfort.

Frankly, I wonder if they would have preferred to have that first kiss in private. The entire room practically held their breath waiting for it to occur. There were a dozen cameras poised to catch that moment from every possible angle. It was quite the point of discussion at the reception, let me tell you! "She seemed disappointed, as if she wanted it to last longer. He pulled away too quickly. Maybe he was embarassed?"

Between that and the baby speculation, it was practically porn!

 

[famofsix]

I know two couples who "saved the first kiss for the wedding day"...both are happy couples who had sweet kisses at the wedding and it was not the focus of the reception...

yes its unusual nowadays but pretty romantic

the promise or purity ring and the cermony of giving it to the parents was probably the brides affirmation that she appreciated her parents encouragement to wait until marriage. It's the couples important day and she wanted to share her convictions about their relationship and marriage.

The ceremony celebrates THEM and their story as a couple....it may not be my story or your story but any wedding is a picture of the couples beliefs and morality

never saw a wedding foot washing but I did see two runners tie their shoes together (not the ones they wear wearing haha) They were "tying the knot"

 

[lovemygoofy]

I grew up in bible belt Arkansas and have seen alot of the traditional style wedding stuff when I was younger and usually when the couple was younger. I wouldn't call them arranged marriages but alot of the evangelicals married other families of the same. I knew several couples that could never be alone on a date or ride in the car alone together. I'm sure that was some fun courting.

I adore the washing of the feet by the couple. It says alot about them and their faith and their relationship. I married a good Catholic boy and I think his family would have freaked if we'd did that at our service. Bad enough to be married in an Assembly of God church

As for the purity ring/promise ring thing, it was always something different where I was from and for the families I've seen participate. I know several families that had a purity ring(or some form of jewelry) gathering. Normally it would be several families together with their children(including sons) and the children would make a vow to remain pure until wedding night.

I think something as intimate as giving the purity ring back makes us uncomfortable because as people we simply don't want to know about other people's sex lives or lack of.

I've seen promise rings as rings a boy would pick out for a girl as a promise for something more later. My 21 year old neice has one on now. I asked her what the promise is. That at some point her boy friend will get a job and pay for his half of the expenses. I have bad opinons about promise rings to be honest because I believe that it puts too much adult symbolism on a young adult relationship.

 

[jrmasm]

This confused me too. Promise rings have the same meaning here. I've got one.


I do admit that I read 'subservience' as 'submission'. Still, I don't believe in all of the 'submission in marriage' crap-I was in an abusive, controlling relationship for four years, so I've had my fill of being submissive to a partner. Even if you advocate BOTH partners being submissive or serving the other, I believe that people should still remain true to themselves and not automatically agree to everything their partner says. I hate feet, too, so that would creep me out...

I still don't get the first kiss thing. I once read a National Geographic article on how women gauge their relationships' staying power using things like kissing, sex, intimacy, etc. Basically, things like that can determine if two people are truly compatible and if they should stay together. I'm a firm believer in that.

People have the right to be different. If these people have a long, happy marriage, that's wonderful.

Really? I thought you were 15.

 

[Allison]

Really? I thought you were 15.

Yeah...one of those things that makes you go "hmmmmm......".

 

[lovemygoofy]

This confused me too. Promise rings have the same meaning here. I've got one.


I do admit that I read 'subservience' as 'submission'. Still, I don't believe in all of the 'submission in marriage' crap-I was in an abusive, controlling relationship for four years, so I've had my fill of being submissive to a partner. Even if you advocate BOTH partners being submissive or serving the other, I believe that people should still remain true to themselves and not automatically agree to everything their partner says. I hate feet, too, so that would creep me out...

I still don't get the first kiss thing. I once read a National Geographic article on how women gauge their relationships' staying power using things like kissing, sex, intimacy, etc. Basically, things like that can determine if two people are truly compatible and if they should stay together. I'm a firm believer in that.

People have the right to be different. If these people have a long, happy marriage, that's wonderful.

I must talk to different women than those in the article. I don't think any of the women I know married their husbands based on their sex life or the style of kissing. I know men that did but not too many women.

I will tell you know to save yourself alot of heartache if you are going to pick a mate for life based on sexual activity. It may play a part but it sure isnt the end all be all. Lots of people are good in bed and not good with a ring on their finger.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

Really? I thought you were 15.

Yeah...one of those things that makes you go "hmmmmm......".

I wondered if I was the only one that caught that. There's a lot of frankly very shallow ideas about relationships in that quote. Completely expected, since she is only 15.

 

[okeydokey]

I wondered if I was the only one that caught that. There's a lot of frankly very shallow ideas about relationships in that quote. Completely expected, since she is only 15.

You mean 15 year olds don't know everything? Shocking! I'll have to pass that along to my 13 year old.

 

[AndreaDM]

I wondered if I was the only one that caught that. There's a lot of frankly very shallow ideas about relationships in that quote. Completely expected, since she is only 15.

I caught it too and I certainly don't read into relationship advice from teenagers, I have shoes that are older than her.

 

[Eeyore5]

Yes, that has a negative connotation, but people tend to hone in on that one detail about women being subserviant to their husbands. If you read the whole passage, the Bible gives a whole lot of instructions and responsibilities to husbands as well. Cherry-picking one verse never gives a full understanding.

Honestly, women get the good end of that deal -- if you read the whole passage. People today tend to see "submitting" as a sign of weakness, or worse, they think it means women are to act like slaves to lazy husbands with an attitude of entitlemen.

The passage actually says that men are required to "love their wives as Christ loved the Church". That means Agape love, total love, total commitment, putting her first. So that means always considering her needs before your own. Always making sure she's happy and cared for. It means maing sure she has food before you do. It means she has time to rest and relax, even if you yourself are tired. And the passage includes instructions about men being humble, not taking advantage of their position as head of the family, and -- I can't remember the exact words -- not driving wives and children to irritation by claiming special priviledges. Also, men are specifically charged to act as spiritual heads of the household, and they are responsible for the spiritual health of their household.

So any man who demands that his wife act as a servant to him should read those scriptures. Really, his part is harder.

The same passage instructs children to obey their parents, and the same passage tells slaves to submit happily and be loyal to their masters (which I think today can be generalized to mean employees to their bosses).

Really, if both partners are working hard to make the other one happy and aren't "keeping score" about who does what, things are going to work out.

Well said. My mom told me that the pastor that married them told them that a marriage isn't 50-50. It is both trying to give 100% to the other. They have been married over 40 years so I guess the advice worked for them I would love to find a man that treats me as well as my dad treats my mom. Until then, I will stay happily single.

 

[tlbwriter]

Yes, that was my experience as well. I was in bridal and did a few weddings for so-called "pure" couples. How did I know? Because they announced it and talked about it right from the first five minutes of our interactions and never stopped talking about it. In my opinion, they were the most sexually-obsessesd couples I've ever met and so were their family and friends. It was really uncomfortable because so much of the wedding chatter devolved into very salacious, wink-wink sex talk. There was nothing pure or loving about the way sexuality was being presented. There was also a lot of emphasis placed on the bride's "responsibility" to not tempt her future husband with any displays of "sex", i.e. her body. I felt dirty myself after listening to it and had to hold myself back from asking if actual proof of virginity was required and what would happen if either partner had been raped or molested. I also felt that something that should be private and intimate was being paraded out in order to win points with others who are judging them based upon their physical "purity", when in fact it should be more about emotional and mental cleanliness.

Sounds really icky.

I remember an interview with Jessica Simpson (who famously retained her virginity until she married... the first husband, anyway) and she said all of her friends at the wedding were giggling and excited because "you guys are gonna have sex now!" and she seemed to think it was cute. I would have been annoyed. Really? I'm getting married, which is a pretty big deal, but all you can think about is the fact that I'm going to have sex?

Oh, and I noticed our 15-yr-old poster took her age out of her sig some time ago...

 

[KAMLEM]

Uhm...they waited to have their first KISS until the wedding?! I was twelve! Jeez.

That all seems a bit...off. Washing each other's feet as a submission ritual? Primitive.

Stuck in 1860, I see.

This confused me too. Promise rings have the same meaning here. I've got one.

Some people may consider you "primitive" and "stuck in 1860" because you have a promise ring. Don't be so quick to judge others.