Was this inappropriate????

[skychica]

During our last trip to Disney in December we left our 11 yr old ds and his friend in our AKL room for 1.5 - 2 hrs in the evening while dh and I went to dinner. DS is very responsible and stays home alone up to two hrs in the early evening after school until I get home from work.
Both of the boys were occupied in bed watching the Disney Channel and we explained we would call several times in the room to check on them and they were not to answer the door for anyone and to not ever leave the room. We also left dh's cell phone so they could easily call us. We even talked about what to do if there was a fire, etc. We also notified the front desk, although this probably didn't do much good.

Everything went fine however my mother-in-law brought up to my dh that we were incredibly irresponsible to leave them alone and she did not "approve" of what we did. They continue to bring this up asking, "What do we do when we see something your wife does that we know is wrong?"

If I would have had any doubt ds would have misbehaved or attempted to leave the room we would have not considered this. DH's parents live in FL for the winter months and I am very hesitant to invite them to participate in any of our "plans" during our Disney trip.

Is my MIL totally over-reacting or were we truly wrong to have left them? They both seem too mature to consider in-room childcare.

 

[stemikger]

Your the Parent and you know best. It is one of those situations where I can see both points. However, there needs to be boudaries set up for your MIL where she can state her opinion and respect your judgment at the same time.

No one knows your kid like you do. Parenting is the toughest job you'll ever love.

 

[Bear Necessities]

WOW! I dont think you did anything inappropriate in regard to your son and his friend. From your description you and dh did everything a responsible parent would do if you were at home. ie, when your son is at home after school, Im sure the same rules and guidelines are followed.

Much much worse, I think, is the parents who left thier 3 yr old child in their hotel room the morning we were checking out of Wilderness Lodge last year. They left her in their room sleeping by herself and went to go get breakfast. The child woke up and then was of course frightened and couldnt reach the door handle to go look for them (frigtening in itself that she would be gone when they got back), so she pulled the fire alarm. The entire hotel was evacuated . After they let out the all clear, we were on our way back up to our room and asked a staff member what happened and that is what she told me happened. Validity is of course not verified.

I think it more inappropriate for your in laws to question your judgement about how you handled the situation. Maybe they need reminded that this was not just YOUR decision alone, but that their SON had input in this as well. Seems to me they are looking for something to call you on, and maybe DH would need to address this situation with them. I hope that this is resolved soon for you! Good luck.

 

[fizz13]

I do not see anything wrong in what you did. I think at 11, a child is old enough to be able to evacuate a room if necessary and should know wrong from right. Sometimes there can be big generation gaps and it is hard to relate to each other's methods etc.
Don't be put off from including them in trip plans however as things like this can leave permanant relationship damage (trust me, I know!) Why not get them to babysit instead if they are so concerned?
Hope you get the situation resolved,
Claire

 

[swilshire]

I see nothing wrong with leaving responsible children of this age in this situation. They were actually safer than they would have been in your own home. Disney security is awesome.

As mentioned by others, you know your child and his friend. I'm sure there are some children who would not do the right thing if left alone, but clearly that did not apply here.

I wouldn't give it another thought.

Sheila

 

[POOH&PIGLET]

Originally posted by skychica
Is my MIL totally over-reacting or were we truly wrong to have left them?

Your MIL sounds like my mother!
Whether you were right or wrong doesn't matter. (I don't see anything wrong with what you did.) Yor MIL should mind her own business and keep her comments to herself.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I can see how infuriating that would be. You know your child and his capabilties more then anyone else. When I was 11 years old I was baby sitting every child in my neighborhood. I had every intention of allowing my then 12 year old neice to baby sit my 3 year old DD and her 3 year old friend while we had dinner in the resort restrant WL last year. (we didn't because we didn't have enough time, we were so busy having fun as a group and family.) But all of that is beside the point.

It is about boundries with you MIL, what was inappropriate was her comments, ment to hurt and undermine you.

I would have to agree with fizz13, your in laws are who they are and in all likely hood are not going to change. However much it annoys you please don't allow it hurt your relationship, or the one between grandparent and grandchild. Stand firm to your parenting choices and let them know that, but still alllow them to partisapate with your family, if they stay in approprate boundries.

My in laws never approved of me working part time after our 1st DD was born. Now that I am stay home full time I can tell they are concerned about our money and don't think we should spend it on WDW vacations. (We aren't worried why should they?) However they never say it directly. You just can't win! Some people just need to worry, why should that be your problem?

 

[hokiefan33]

I think your husband needs to take the lead on this one, and you need to make sure he doesn't just lurk in the shadows either letting you handle it all or just letting it (hopefully) blow over. It is HIS mother who said something about HIS wife, and HE should be the one to handle it.

First off, if I were him, I would remind my mother that the children are NOT hers, but are you and your husband's responsibility. I would also let her know that she is more than welcome to form and have her own opinions as to how the kids are being raised/supervised, etc..., but that she is NOT welcome to share them with your wife, as that is considered rude.

Second, your husband needs to remind his mother (and perhaps father? We don't hear much about him - maybe the MIL rules the roost) that the two of you love your kids very much and always do what you think is best for them, and that you want her to be as involved in their lives as possible, albeit WITHOUT being their parent. They are the grandparents, not the parents, and need to act as such. Grandparents are for spoiling kids rotten and babysitting, not for parenting

As for involvement in your plans, try to include your MIL as much as you feel comfortable. It is not your duty to go out of your way to include her if it cramps your plans, but you need to be nice to her, or relationships can be easily damaged.

Good luck!

 

[momxx5]

I am going against the crowd with this one. While I do agree, how you decide to care for your children in not a matter for MIL to always have a say in, she may be the type that is going to have an opinion on everything.

Personally, I would not leave my children alone in a hotel room at the age of 11. I know every child is different. My son is very responsible too. He probably would have read a book the whole time and not even noticed we were gone. But I still think that is not an appropriate age.

Of course I am the worrying type and always have the thought in my head that I would not be able to forgive myself if anything were to happen.

 

[grlpwrd]

I'm the biggest worrywart in the world, but you prepared them for the situation, taking a lot of safety precautions, so I think it was okay.... I always give my kids learning opportunities so they can function without me should the need arise, especially what to do in an emergency. How can kids learn? Then again did your ds' friend's parents give permission to do that? ... that would be my concern.

Anyway, I think this runs deeper than what it seems because you stated "What do we do when we see something your wife does that we know is wrong?" Sounds like they don't have confidence in you...

 

[foofanella]

I also have an 11 year old neighbor who helps watch my kids with me in the playground. SHe's incredibly responsible - to the point that we even thought about inviting her to come with us to WDW at xmas. Would I trust her and a friend (without little kids) in a room alone at Disney for 2 hours? You bet. And I'm TOTALLY overprotective compared to everyone I know.

You know your child. You do what YOU know to be right.

And tell your monster-in-law to go jump off a bridge!

 

[Mom to Jordan]

Most all of DS's 6th grade friends spend time alone at home. As long as you were at the same resort, I certainly do not find this to be irresponsible. We considered letting DS stay in our room this year when we went to Artist Point. We were at the WL. He however was alone so we decided aginst it. With a friend that we could also trust we would be ok with it. DS is 12.
My mother in law would also freak out if she knew we did this. We learn it's better to just not share some information.
.


Jordans' mom

 

[Mad4Dizne]

I feel your pain!!!!!!!!!!! Why, oh why is it that the in-laws just don't have the decency to keep their opinions to themselves??????

I am going to quote the poster above!!!! Great Job!!!!!!! I'm leaving it on my fridge in big letters for my in-laws (step-mother-in-law-in my case/much worse!!!!!) next visit.... Well put, about grandparents to spoil....parents to parent!!!!!!!!

Hang in there--and do your thing--don't let the in-laws (MIL) bother you!!!!
Flo

 

[HappyLawyer]

there are children 16 and not mature or responsible, use your best judgement, it ended well i love the way in laws always put in their cents,

 

[Belle5]

I can relate! My MIL, when she was in her right mind, would call on the phone and say, "Let me speak to my son. " (Not, "Hi, how are you?")
The biggest problem I see with your situation is your MIL refering to you as "your wife" when talking to your husband about you. They should speak to you directly and gently with their concerns. They should call you by your name or "our daughter-in-law".

Your husband should handle this the way my DH always did. He took FULL responsibility for every decision we made about our children--especially the ones they would attack us about. He would say, "That was my decision. She was just following my lead."

Do NOT take in-laws like these to WDW with you. We did and it was a nightmare!!!

That's my 2cents.

 

[Rapunsel]

By best freinds's sister lives in Florida...
She left her 2 kids home alone 2 boys aged 9 and 7. To go to the store with her husband.

In the 20 minutes they were gone the house burned down.

Apparently, DAD left hot grease on the store that was on. The 9 year old tried to put out the fire. But got his brother out and called 911.

I was horrified along with my freind, and thought that something might happen to the parents.. Low and behold there is nothing wrong with leaving childern alone in that state..


But an 11 year old in a hotel room. Come on what kid would not want time to them selves and a friend to watch TV and talk with out the grown ups. There is nothing wrong with that...



I was also an 11 year old baby sitter. Tell MIL to jump off a cliff.


Rapunsel

 

[crisi]

You might want to check out this link:

http://www.nccic.org/poptopics/homealone.html

Obviously, every child is different. I would hope I can leave my kids in a hotel room at Disney alone for two hours when they are eleven. To me, if I can't do this, I would be very concerned about them leaving for college in six years.

 

[chrisn]

My father is not speaking to me right now because he thinks he can tell me how to raise my son and I gave him a different idea. It's none of your MIL's business how you raise YOUR children. If you feel that your child is mature and responisble enough to be left with a friend and you both feel comfortable with it, then you have done nothing wrong! The age of your son, the lenghth of time you were gone and the precautions you took indicate to me that nothing you did was inappropriate.

 

[suzifli]

I have an 11 year old, I see no problem, I would make sure both the kids and I have cell phones to call if there is a problem, My son is very independent, he enjoys his alone time at home and would also at a safe hotel like a disney hotel. Don't worry about your mother in law, only you know your child well enough to make a decision like that. In fact I would make it clear to her that she raised her children and you will raise yours.

 

[Barbday62]

You know by age 11 I too was babysitting other peoples kids and get this 50 cents an hour. This was back in the early 70's and that was the going rate. Even if there was 4 kids, I got 50 cents an hour. I say each kid has their own level of maturity and only you know that. Nothing seems wrong to me if you felt confident.