Warning - Vent ... Shower / Wedding Registries

[disneymom3]

We just had our wedding in December... at Disney. We found that the only registry that the stuff is just about done with was Crate&Barrel. One person purchased somethign from Target and we got a smatering from Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

We went to the wedding from hell- believe me, it's a post in and of to itself- last August. I was so furious that when we went to the registries, they were registered at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, Williams Sonoma, and Kaufmanns. There was nothing less than $250 on that registry! And she was marrying into the military! Wake up and smell the coffee, love, he's not going to be able to afford you.

I totally know the feeling, becuase I was shocked and then just angry. Especially becuase we had to pay so much to get to the wedding and for DH to be in the bridal party (which he dropped out of the night before the wedding).

OKay, you have GOT to post about that one!! At least take pity on me and share in a PM. Hey, maybe I will start a new thread!! I have a wedding from hell story too!

At any rate, the $100 trash can has me cracking up. For that amount of money it better empty itself!! My $10 one I got from Target 13 years ago serves me just fine thanks. I mean, Hellooooo--you are putting GARBAGE in it, not fine linens!

I do not have a problem overall with expensive things being listed on the registry. Heck we went to a friend's wedding last summer and she had some really really expensive stuff listed on her registry. Seriously, the serving spoon for her fine silver was out of our price range. And the china???? Yikes! But you know what? She got almost all of her entire set of china. When I printed out her registry, almost every item on the list that was over $150 was already purchased--and there were a lot of them and many that were a lot more than that! However, she also registered at Target and had some very practical much less expensive items for suggestions on there.

 

[jbdreamer]

I got frustrated and left - didn't even attend the shower. I was so turned off by it! What's wrong with adding some inexpensive items, too?

You didn't attened the shower because they have expensive taste? That's nice.

Again, why should they register for cheap stuff they don't want just to please their guest's?

Give them money if you can't afford what the want.

 

[ceiligh1]

One other thing to remember is that most places that offer registeries also offer discounts to the bride and groom after their wedding should they not get everything on their registry. There are things we registered for we had no intention of getting but we knew we'd get a nice percentage off at the end because it was on our registry. I knew a couple that registered for a washer and dryer for that very reason...LOL....

I completely agree. My DH and I registered at Meier and Frank. They gave us a wonderful 15% off to complete our registry until 3 months after our wedding date. Because of this we were able to combine the 15% and the thanksgiving sales to get all our registry at 50% off. We had registered for expensive sheets ($80) because they had a high thread count and were known to be very soft. We heard no end of critisism from our family about that but in the end we got them for the same price as normal sheets and they have lasted longer and are still wonderfully soft. We also were able to buy all our china, which we use a lot, using the gift cards we recieved. We loved that we were able to get everything we wanted much less then we would have normally been able to. I know that somethings seem expensive but a registry is just a list of ideas. You do not have to buy something from it to get into the reception.

 

[hmgolden]

As a recent bride, I think buying off the registry is one of the most thoughtful things you can do for a bride and groom. They selected those things for a reason. If you can't afford what's left on the registry I'm sure the bride would love a gift card even in a small amount that should could put towards the completion of her registry.

My MIL flat out refused to tell people in her family about our registry. We got several throughtful gifts from her side of the family, but in the end, they all ended up in a big box that sits in the back of our closet. We got stuff from them that I am never going to use. We got several sets of wine glasses I'll never use (we got all the wine glasses we registered for from other family memebers) a table cloth that we don't have a table that fits, as well as various other items that just made me turn my head and say huh? I'm sure this makes me seem totally ungrateful and I'll get flamed for it. But, at the same time these people were kind enough to take the time to think of us and buy us a gift (I should add that several of them I had never met before the wedding, and still haven't almost two years later) - if I were them, I would want to spend my money on something I know the couple needs, wants and would use. Not something that's going to end up in the back of the closet never to see the light of day.

 

[aprilgail2]

I think what is distorted is the fact that one would suggest an outrageously priced item like a $99 trashcan when I doubt the couple themselves would be willing to ever pay that much for one. Decent trashcans can be found for much cheaper. .

I have to reply to this one...I have a 99.00 trash can in my kitchen LOL...and I bought it for myself! All my appliances are stainless and I wanted the trash can to match...plus I have a dog so I wanted one with a lid...here it is http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?order_num=-1&SKU=104910 . I think a trash can is more reasonable than a digital camera...you really don't need a digital camera to set up house but you sure need a trash can.

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

I almost always buy off the registry, but stay within my price range. If that's not possible, then gift cards are so easy to give and I think always appreciated.

I do think a variety of priced items should be included, and I don't see anything wrong with registering for bigger items, because groups do go together sometimes, and then you know you're getting what the couple wants.

Have to add that I love the registries these days, back when I got married you could only register at a nicer department store for china, linens etc, and most of it was higher priced.
I love that I can shop at Target or even Walmart sometimes for shower/bridal gifts. My nephew got married last year, and they registered for (in addition to the regular china, etc.) some camping equipment. DH and I loved that because we are campers too, so we bought some very nice sleeping bags that will be used, and will last a long time. Wish we could have done that back 26 years ago!!

 

[azgal81]

I never buy off of the registries usually. I normally throw a 20 dollar bill in a card and am done with it!

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't have an issue with some high dollar things, because people do go in together and get it as a group (plus, things like pots/pans are just pricey!) but I think a wide range is necessary.

I was invited to a shower of an old childhood friend. I went to Dillards, the only registry they had, to check it out. The cheapest item was a $79.99 dollar SHOWER CURTAIN.

I got frustrated and left - didn't even attend the shower. I was so turned off by it! What's wrong with adding some inexpensive items, too?

What's wrong with buying a gift card to the store in tha amount that you are comfortable spending, that the bridal couple can then use towards the purchase of something they want?

 

[lclark0621]

I always stick th the registries. I hated when people bought things they 'thought' I needed & did not buy of the registry (bridal & baby). When people go off the registry, you dont know if the couple/mother, has those items already, does not need them, etc. Most of those things end up unused or returned. IMO, if you dont want to buy off the registry, then I think you should give a gift card, in the amount you are comfortable spending, at one of the stores the couple/mother has registered at, or cash.

I used mine as a wish list. If people bought the more expensive stuff, great. I had a range of different prices on my registries.

I never put things on there I did not really want or need.

In my experience, the lingere, and "adult themed" items are given at the bachlorette party.

 

[jbdreamer]

I never buy off of the registries usually. I normally throw a 20 dollar bill in a card and am done with it!

$20 bucks is awfully cheap for a wedding gift - no wonder some of you can't find affordable gifts on the registry. The dinner you are served at the wedding probably costs more than that.

 

[RUDisney]

I've been to more than my share of showers where I look at the registry and there is nothing to my taste. Not usually because it's too expensive, but the bride has registered for junk, IMHO. We all live with different standards. To me, a pot has to be calphalon or it isn't worth my money. When a bride registers for t-fal, I think to myself that the non-stick will wear off and you'll throw away this pot a lot sooner than I'll need to get rid of my calphalon. When she registers for sheets... just plain sheets, I think back that the expensive ones that we got for our wedding 12 years ago, while no longer being used in our bedroom due to color changes, is still being used by our DS... not a problem with them. Gotta love high thread counts. I know that not everyone can afford or wants or knows about some of these things, but if you get to wish for things, why not aim higher than you normally would. Of course, you need to register for items in a variety of price ranges, at the same time.

Heck, the items that I got that weren't on my registry were some of my favorites... sterling tea and coffee service... sterling wine chiller and ice bucket on a tray with tongs... val st. lambert candle sticks. Gotta love how some people treat you when you're getting married... so unexpected and yet SO appreciated.

If you don't want to spend anything on the bride and groom, you should politely decline the invitation.

 

[beckmrk04]

I say- if you don't want to spend the money on what they registered for/can't afford it- get a gift card. It's their registry.

We registered for a huge variety of things, in a lot of different price ranges. Still, for the wedding, most people gave us $$.

A lot of people gave us stuff we didn't want (Crystal frames, dishes that match nothing I registered for).

I always, ALWAYS shop from a registry to ensure that I'm getting something the bride and groom WANT. I always USE the registry properly (unlike some of my guests- resulting in my 5 boxes of flatware.... I don't even know that many people to necessitate that many forks ). And if nothing is left that I can afford, gift card or $$. I don't care what the heck other people register for though. I don't have to live with it/use it/cry when no one buys it.

 

[goodeats]

I always buy off the registry. Usually people register for things in a variety of price ranges so it's not a problem to stick within budget. We also have the box of wedding gift items we will never use again. So I don't want to do that to somebody else.

We registered at Williams Sonoma and Macys. We got most of the big ticket stuff. One thing we did was register for the individual knives and cook ware, so we could then trade them in for a set at a cheaper price. $50-$80 is much more manageable than $500! We then used the difference to buy off the rest of the registry. I'd much rather receive a $20 item that I registered for, than somebodies $50 gift that is in their taste. I just bought a $50 trashcan (well, $40 after my coupon), and I LOVE it. I hated my old trashcan. Life is too short to hate your trashcan.

I do tend to gripe when registries are really really long. I just went to a baby shower, and the parents-to-be registered for everything under the sun. They even registered for safety gates and toys more appropriate for toddlers. I did purchase off the registry, but I purchased something more for a younger baby.

 

[Vijoge]

I have to reply to this one...I have a 99.00 trash can in my kitchen LOL...and I bought it for myself! All my appliances are stainless and I wanted the trash can to match...plus I have a dog so I wanted one with a lid...here it is http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?order_num=-1&SKU=104910 . I think a trash can is more reasonable than a digital camera...you really don't need a digital camera to set up house but you sure need a trash can.

I have that trashcan, too. And I purposely bought it to keep the dogs out of the garbage Also because they last practically forever and stay looking new the whole time. I got tired of the cheap plastic ones that get scratched and stained.

As for the original topic, I always buy something from the gift registry. I suppose if there was nothing left on the list that was in my price range I would give either a gift certificate to that store or cash. I wouldn't just go purchase something else-why would I want to buy someone a gift that they probably don't want and that they'll have to take the time to return?

 

[aprilgail2]

I never buy off of the registries usually. I normally throw a 20 dollar bill in a card and am done with it!

20 bucks?? My daughter got gifts like that for her 6th birthday...we usually try to limit it to 50.00 for the shower gift then the wedding gift is much more than that.

 

[scrump]

I see nothing wrong with a $20 gift. If it's an amount one can afford and is comfortable giving, it's the perfect amount for that person.

 

[C.Ann]

$20 bucks is awfully cheap for a wedding gift - no wonder some of you can't find affordable gifts on the registry. The dinner you are served at the wedding probably costs more than that.

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The cost of the dinner you are served at the wedding should never be a consideration when purchasing a shower or wedding gift.. If that's the case, why not just have a "cover charge" at the door?

Perhaps the poster can only afford $20.. I didn't realize that the bride and groom invite people to their wedding just so they can make some extra cash.. Interesting concept..

 

[lclark0621]

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The cost of the dinner you are served at the wedding should never be a consideration when purchasing a shower or wedding gift.. If that's the case, why not just have a "cover charge" at the door?

Perhaps the poster can only afford $20.. I didn't realize that the bride and groom invite people to their wedding just so they can make some extra cash.. Interesting concept..

I understand not being able to afford more.

However, at least how I was brought up, it is customary at a wedding to give a gift (generally cash) in the amount AT LEAST covering your dinner at the wedding. Close friends & family get more.

That is just the way I was raised.

As for showers, same kind of deal. For a really close friend or realtive, I always go above and beyond. But I would never show up with just $20.

When we got married at the ripe old age of 20, most of our friends had nothing & could not afford big gifts. So they did other things. And I understood & loved their gifts (one took our wedding invite & had it put into a mirror, another made my wedding favors as our gift, things like that).

But those who could afford more, gave more.

If I could not afford to at least give what it cost for me & DH to be there, we wouldn't go. Because if I cant afford that much as a gift, I certianly cant afford the new clothes, trip (all of our unmarried friends live out of state), etc. just to get to the wedding.

 

[C.Ann]

If I could not afford to at least give what it cost for me & DH to be there, we wouldn't go. Because if I cant afford that much as a gift, I certianly cant afford the new clothes, trip (all of our unmarried friends live out of state), etc. just to get to the wedding.

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That's a shame that you feel your presence at a wedding is attached to a dollar amount.. Many of the people who attended my DD's wedding didn't have much money to give or buy a gift with - and some were actually flat broke and could afford nothing - but DD & her DH didn't mind at all.. They were just thrilled that these people chose to be a part of their very sepcial day..

 

[disneynutt1225]

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I didn't realize that the bride and groom invite people to their wedding just so they can make some extra cash.. Interesting concept..

I don't think that's exactly what they meant, though I can't speak for the PP.

I can say, in my family, we give registry gifts for the shower and a monetary gift at the wedding reception. The monetary gift *usually* starts at around $100pp (so a couple would give $200 or more) because that's the typical going rate for reception hall dinners around here. I'm not saying that's standard, but it's traditional for my family.

That said, I don't think anyone expects to get X amount of money for their wedding - I certainly don't. I just look at it as a nice gesture from my family. There's nothing wrong with that, IMO.

If a person can only afford to give $20...well....I don't really know what to say to that. It wouldn't happen in my family, I can say that much. If I could only afford to give $20, I would have to decline the invitation.