Want to be the fun house for teens

[parkers*momma]

Another "mom to many" to many checking in! We are "the" house and have been every since oldest DD (30yo this year) started school.

Main thing is to have their own area. We coverted the basement into a kids area. Wii, Xbox, DVD player, videos, card table with cards, refridge stocked with soda and water, PC and internet access for our computer geeks, and lots of snack--chips, pretzels, popcorn, cookies, fruit, dip, etc.

Plus we always address them when they arrive, make small chatter with them when they come up from the cave for "real" food (pizza, subs, ice cream, burgers, hot dogs), and invite them back when they are leaving--telling them the door is always open. Even a lil little teasing for any "DUH" moments they have through the week which we heard about.

One thing we don't do is invade their area. I'm talking about the age group 12 and up. Once they are in the basement, we leave them alone except to tell them hot food is ready to eat (though we keep our ears open). We set the ground rules(and even have them posted on the basement door)...no one is allowed to smoke no matter how old they are or if their parents let them, no alcohol is ever allowed on the property nor anyone who has been drinking (we still have older kids who come to hang out), no profanity as we have a 9 yo in the house, underage kids can't leave the house unless they have their parents permission (and no leaving in the middle of the night) and no fighting/arguing. Once the basic rules are set, we simply let them have fun without parents trolling around. It has worked well for us. We haven't had a weekend without kids in years.

Over the years, we have had parents thank us for providing a safe enviroment for the kids to hang out. We have had kids live with us when things got rough at home for a cool off period. We have even raised one young man from the age of 16 until he joined the Air Force a year ago.

My best advice to become "THAT" house is make them feel welcomed, set guidelines, respect their privacy and they must respect our home and us. I mean what kid wants to hang out in the basement with "OLD" ppl....lol and FOOD! Kids love to eat and will eat you out of house and home.

 

[tinan]

Another mom to many teens as well as a substitute teacher in dd's school and 4H advisor.

The biggest thing is being willing to listen to the kids. This goes a really long way when some of the kids really don't have that at home and they are actually craving the guidance/attention. You would be surprised at a lot of the things the kids are willing to tell you if you don't seem judgemental and take the time with them.

Having the Xbox, Wii, etc. is always a good option and the teens here love playing Rock Band. Even though this is an electronic age we have found a couple of games that the kids love, one is called Munchkin and the other is Curses. With Munchkin, it is a kind of making fun of the DnD type games with a you better watch who you mess over as you may need them later. Curses, on the other hand, can get quite funny and crazy! Basically, you go through the game with several different curses and you must continue to do them throughout the game or you have to start turning over your curse card and once you have turned over three of them you are out of the game. One of the boys on New Years had to talk like he had a golfball in his mouth, swat at the bugs that were flying around him, talk like a Leprechaun and itch like a monkey would all at the same time.

Baking......all of the teens enjoy baking in our house, even the guys. My dd's 18 year old "tough guy" boyfriend likes baking while he's here.

We have a hot tub here in an enclosure complete with a radio, tv, dvd player and refridgerator. DD's room also has a sitting area with tv, dvd player, stereo, etc. So definitely giving them a space they can go to on their own to talk.

Girls also enjoy giving one another manicures and facials from time to time.

Don't be afraid to be silly with them! It really helps that they can see that you are lighthearted and can have fun! An example, instead of just dropping them off at a bowling alley, we meet with one of the other "cool" parents also and bowl with the kids. It allows the kids to all interact, but to also have the parents interact with them without seeming to be in their bubble. We've built a really good friendship and it helps to show the kids that there are parents that care and respect them.

We have on average about a dozen of them that get together almost weekly.

 

[wovenwonder]

When my daughter was a young teen they use to love having their hair a makeup done. I once did their hair up and took before and after pictures for them. They thought it was neat!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

We have family room I made specifally thinking of a kids hangout.
It's a comfortable room that the kids don't have to freak out if they spill something . It's close to the rest of the house but private enough for them.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

This thread is so funny! I thought we were the only ones who thought this way. Ever since my boys were born it has been our plan to be the hang out house. We have almost got our basement finished for that purpose. We have air hockey, table tennis, wii, lots of games etc. My DH is still working on a TV area that will be like a home theater. He has it all planned. We are just saving money for the big screen TV.

I never thought about providing all that junk food, but I can see where the kids would want it.

My boys are only 8 and 9 now, but we hope to have this all finished soon.

When I was in school, my house was often the hang out house. I think it was because my parents were young, they were often not home, and we had a hot tub and pool. My friends all liked my parents, and were not afraid to talk to them.

 

[prncess674]

Growing up my parents wanted me and my friends to feel welcome. It also helped that we lived across the street from the elementary school and when we went on to middle school and high school the bus stop was just down the street.

They had a game room (second den, no basements in the south!) that had a TV, Nintendo and big sectional sofa. Mom made sure to know all my friends but she wasn't a "butt-in-skee" kinda Mom. Don't be the hover parent. Another thing that I always hated about going to some of my other friends house was I never liked hanging out at houses where the parents smoked or it was terribly unclean. I think kids from smoking or dirty homes appreciate a home that is "homey."

I now live in Washington DC and when I come home to visit the parents, their house is still the "hang out" house. Mom and Dad still cook and then they let us girls catch up like teenagers. Granted we can now drink so if it is nice weather "us girls" sit out on the back patio sipping wine, talking and giggling. Dad will even occasionally stick his nose outside when we are up late and give us the eye with a grin and say we are gettting too noisy.

You don't need to be the uber cool unparent, just be respectful and make a welcoming place. So many kids don't have parents and believe it or not kids want parents to act like parents not teenagers.

We were also the "get ready for the dances" house too! The kid's bathroom used to have two oval mirrors over each sink. When remodeling the bathroom Dad took down the two oval mirrors and put a mirror from one end of the long sink area to the next with big movie star globe dressing room lights. Five girls could put on makeup at the same time. He even had the bathroom outlets put on separate breaker so we could have blow dryers, curling irons, hot rollers and straightners all going at once.

 

[greens_in_WA]

For those of you who feel you supervise well and have a room upstairs or in the basement for the kids to retreat to... what do you do for supervision? (My oldest is 8)... Not crticizing, just not sure what you'd recommend. At this point, they can play in DD's room or the playroom for quite some time, and we listen for things to be ok, but otherwise, they are left pretty much on their own. Should I be checking on them every 1/2 hour, hour? What would you consider 'good' supervision?

 

[finz2left]

For me, the hang-out house is the one where parents are there and clearly love the kids...but DON'T criticize manners, require perfect behavior, and can look the other way on minor violations like a fart joke and a burping contest. The parent also doesn't criticize the friends when they leave...kids don't want to bring friends home so parents can nitpick.

 

[DCLbrideSept2009]

Unfortunately, for various reasons, I've never really been able to have the "hangout" house and probably never really will, at least for my now 15-yo, almost 16-yo DD. We have 3 younger kids (mine is almost 11, and I have a step-son 10 and step-daughter 8) there's the possibility when they become teens. But for now, the 15-yo has her room downstairs and the 3 younger kids are upstairs. The game room with XBOX/Rock Band and Wii are also upstairs. 15-yo will have friends over but they pretty much just hang out in her room. We have a "formal" living room/dining room adjacent to her BR that I really would like to put a TV in and bring the XBOX/Rock Band down. I think if I did that, she would have more friends over. So I think the key is:

1) Not only have fun stuff to do, but an area they can hang out with a LITTLE privacy (obviously not too much privacy if you're mixing boys and girls!!) and away from siblings, if any.

2) Have junk food on hand and plenty of it. We NEVER keep soda in the house (except my diet coke, which is my addition - one every morning). And don't keep a lot of junk food on hand either. So if 15-yo DD has a friend over, I take her to the store for junk food for them. (If I keep it in the house, the younger kids will have it gone in a day.)

 

[livie1205]

WOW...my first thought is NO WAY lol I am sorry but I dont want every kid in the neighborhood over everyday...It is pricey enough to feed MY growing boys, there is no way I could feed 10 of them.I have wood floors and it echos in my house so it would sound like a zoo! They always come to our yard to play ball and hang out but not inside the house.I also do not want to be the one held liable if something goes wrong..this IS a sue happy world!

 

[busyshrew]

Another thing that I always hated about going to some of my other friends house was I never liked hanging out at houses where the parents smoked or it was terribly unclean. I think kids from smoking or dirty homes appreciate a home that is "homey."

In my case the opposite was true. I have an OCD controlling mom (she used to FREAK if there was hair on the floor of the bathroom, if you can imagine). Everything had to be just so and always perfectly tidy.

So it was such a relief to hang out at my BF's house. It was NEVER *****-and-span. Three kids, the mom didn't like to clean, the carpet was always kind of musty, the counters were always crowded and sticky, and the mess in my BF's room !! But, I didn't feel like I was disturbing anything or making a mess by hanging out. It was great.

 

[horseshowmom]

For those of you who feel you supervise well and have a room upstairs or in the basement for the kids to retreat to... what do you do for supervision? (My oldest is 8)... Not crticizing, just not sure what you'd recommend. At this point, they can play in DD's room or the playroom for quite some time, and we listen for things to be ok, but otherwise, they are left pretty much on their own. Should I be checking on them every 1/2 hour, hour? What would you consider 'good' supervision?

I always just kept an ear on them and tried to glance in on them from time to time. If things got quiet for too long, it was a good idea to stick your head in to say hello. Like the time things got quiet, and I checked on DD and her friend (also about 8 at the time) only to discover that they had "lost" a frog in DD's room and were searching for him. They had found him outside and decided to take care of him. He somehow managed to escape in her room. Fortunately, we did locate him before he met an untimely end.

I was lacking a little in supervision when I heard a yell from outside and went out to find that the same friend (different time though) had bite marks on both sides of her nose. She and DD had decided to "operate" on one of our dogs who objected to being held down on her back. Fortunately, her parents were like us and know how things can happen (this was a very gentle dog). That same girl just finished interviewing to get into vet school (fingers crossed for her). (Of course, there was also the friend who took scissors and cut the mane off one of our horses and is now a cosmetologist! ).

We always wanted the kids to feel welcome and to have a good time. I agree with a previous poster about expecting everybody to be treated with respect - no cliques and no bossing. There were a few who made themselves unwelcome in my home. As DD got older, even her boyfriends tended to hang out at our house. Most of her dates they just got something to eat and came home to watch a movie or something. I always wonder when I read posts about how strange someone must be to want to be around their family instead of out hanging out somewhere else and trying to get away from them. I'm glad that wasn't the case at our house.

 

[ShannonMB]

You don't need to be the uber cool unparent, just be respectful and make a welcoming place. So many kids don't have parents and believe it or not kids want parents to act like parents not teenagers.

I so agree with this one! My mom was always (well, still is!) trying to be "one of the girls", and my friends might have thought it was cute at times, but I hated it! Be a mom, please! I really don't need you competing with ME for my friends' attention. (I'm almost 40 years old and it still annoys me when I think about it! ) I was talking about this one day with one of my coworkers whose mom was like this (a "Stiffler's Mom" ), and she said her mom was constantly flirting with HER boyfriend, even sitting on his lap one time. OMG! Don't be THAT mom unless you want all the teenage boys in the neighborhood over but your own kids hating you!

 

[budbeerlady]

I wish we could be the hangout house, but we live way to far from dd's school.

Anyway what made the hangout house for us growing up was just that the adults had basic ground rules (no drinking, no smoking, be respectful) but that they also knew us and took the time to find out what is going on! The Mom had more than a couple teenage girls cry on her shoulder after a "huge breakup" or something. We knew no matter what, they even said if it was 2am that we could talk to them. That was huge and I still catch up with them from time to time. Its acceptance and not judging.

 

[Darcy03231]

WOW...my first thought is NO WAY lol I am sorry but I dont want every kid in the neighborhood over everyday...It is pricey enough to feed MY growing boys, there is no way I could feed 10 of them.I have wood floors and it echos in my house so it would sound like a zoo! They always come to our yard to play ball and hang out but not inside the house.I also do not want to be the one held liable if something goes wrong..this IS a sue happy world!

I don't know how old your children are, but when they're teens they will find a house to hang out at. I prefer it to be mine so I know where they are and what they're doing. While they have their own space, DH and I are home (we have no life) and check in on them occasionally. They all know there is no drinking, smoking or drugs. We respect them and they respect us.

One of DD's friend's who was a frequent visitor at our house started hanging out with her boyfriend and his friends in another teen's house last summer. Turned out there was no supervision (parents were out drinking almost every night of the week). They had an underage drinking party that was busted and all the kids ended up having to go to jail and then to Court. They all had to pay a fine and lost their licenses for 90 days. Another girl who hung out there ended up pregnant. That's definitely not a place where I want my kids to be!

 

[mebbradley]

Growing up, my house was the "hang-out" house. More than once a week during high school I'd call my aunt (my mom, great-aunt and myself all lived togther) and say "Can the girls come over for dinner, we have practice tonight" and she say yeah. I live in a massive old farmhouse on our farm and there was always plenty we could do there. For some reason, my friends found it amusing to go play in the hayloft. We planned out so many adventures up there.

I don't think my mom or great-aunt ever bought special stuff for us to eat. my aunt loves to bake and cook (ie I've never had a bought birthday cake) and we always had brownies or cookies floating around in the kitchen. Dinner was whatever we had been planning on eating. pork chops, sloppy joes, etc. There was always tea and juice and water in the fridge.

My friends, even to this day, come in and yell hi. and then go straight to the kitchen to get something to drink haha. I can't imagine growing up any other way.

I don't know how old your children are, but when they're teens they will find a house to hang out at. I prefer it to be mine so I know where they are and what they're doing. While they have their own space, DH and I are home (we have no life) and check in on them occasionally. They all know there is no drinking, smoking or drugs. We respect them and they respect us.

One of DD's friend's who was a frequent visitor at our house started hanging out with her boyfriend and his friends in another teen's house last summer. Turned out there was no supervision (parents were out drinking almost every night of the week). They had an underage drinking party that was busted and all the kids ended up having to go to jail and then to Court. They all had to pay a fine and lost their licenses for 90 days. Another girl who hung out there ended up pregnant. That's definitely not a place where I want my kids to be!

This was one thing all our parents agreed on. My house was the "hang-out house" and none of the parents ever had a problem with it. My friends and I after every dance, formal, band event, pretty much any event that happened at my high school would go to my house and spend the night. After prom my senior year, we had 10 pairs sprawled out across the living room floor. My mom's room is at the head of the stairs and she just stuck her head down the stairs every now and then. now, breakfast the next morning.... My mom and aunt cooked forever. we went through 3 dozen eggs, 5 pounds bacon, 3 gallons of milk and 2 of juice, and my mom lost count after 125 pancakes.

 

[DisneyLover83]

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[disykat]

For me, the hang-out house is the one where parents are there and clearly love the kids...but DON'T criticize manners, require perfect behavior, and can look the other way on minor violations like a fart joke and a burping contest. The parent also doesn't criticize the friends when they leave...kids don't want to bring friends home so parents can nitpick.

I agree in spirit, but I have to say the kids all think my "fart jar" is hilarious. If anyone farts at my dinner table they owe $1 to the fart jar. They can have all the contests they want - but not at my dinner table! We have extra teens about once a week and, sadly, my jar is empty.

How am I ever going to go out to coffee if they're all so well mannered?

 

[NMW]

Growing up my friends always hung out at my house. I think having a pool was a major factor. The amount of tanning my friends and I did in high school was insane. Also, my mom always let any and all of my friends sleep over any time. Friends would just come home with me on the weekends in high school. Also, we always had a lot of food. We had a freezer in our garage that was always stuffed with frozen pizzas and other snacks. There was nothing like frozen pizza at 1 AM with your girlfriends. I should note that my parents did not get out of bed for this! I would pop into their room, let them know I was home and who was with me.

My oldest is 13 and a boy, so it's a little different. I let both him and my 11 yr old son have sleepovers sometimes. I don't know what it will be like as they get older. We have adult friends over often and their kids hang with our kids and they are friends. Our friends also have these get togethers are their houses on the weekends.

 

[solfan68]

My folks ALWAYS were happy to have my gang over for a movie or pizza or whatever. Their thought was it was much better to have my rowdy, yet well behaved, bunch under their roof. They knew where I was. Its my hope that as ds7 grows into that social phase that our DVD player and Wii will see some action with his group of friends ! As I see it, the cost of a few pizzas and some two liters will be well worth it.