Want to be the fun house for teens

[deerhart]

we have most of the kids in our neighborhood during the summer at our house (boys). We have a big screen tv with a wii in the living room, several computers and a steady supply of soda

We are pretty laid back and don't worry to much about the noise etc.

Yes it is my Dh's goal to be the "hang out house" as the kids get older.

 

[Colleen27]

We haven't hit the teens yet (mine are 12, 8 & 1), but somehow we're always the house where the kids hang out so I don't imagine that will change. I've never really tried to encourage it, it just sort of happened that way. I'm a techie and DH is a movie nut, so just making the house a place we enjoy adds a lot of kid appeal. We have a Wii, several computers, multiple TVs with DVD players, playrooms in the basement and attic, treehouse, firepit for roasting marshmallows, etc.

But more than any of that, I think it is just that we're always here and never mind having spare kids around. A lot of my kids' friends can't have company over when younger siblings are napping or at meal times or when Dad gets home from work or whatever, but since DH & I have such light/flexible schedules we don't have much need for downtime during the after school/evening hours. And we don't keep very strict house rules in terms of volume (Rock Band just isn't as much fun if you have to play quietly) or activities (we've been known to let the kids roller skate in the family & dining rooms when it is too cold to burn out energy outdoors :rofl: ). So long as the kids are respectful to us and one another, we're pretty laid back about the little things.

 

[roadtripper]

Love this post! DH and I are HS teachers, we like teenagers, and we know what goes on "out there" so we work hard at being the hangout house. I think parents feel comfortable having their kids here since we teach in the city we live in, and kids come because we like them, but we give them some space. We are slackers on the food/ drinks since we don't usually have soda or junk food in the house, but we let the kids make cookies, brownies, etc. Wii is great, a place to hangout with "drive-bys" (that's what we call them too!) and good movies, karaoke(!), etc, keeps them coming over. Hot tub, too, but NOT for co-ed events Next week, semi-formal pics are at our house, and DD 15, has already invited half her class for prom pics next year. As parents, we are pretty strict, but DD knows she can have kids here, so that becomes the activity of choice. Saves lots of driving/picking up/will the parents be home issues. It's only hard when girls who tormented DD are back in the "friend" column, and we have to host them. Haven't quite worked that one out yet...

 

[ilovejack02]

WOW...my first thought is NO WAY lol I am sorry but I dont want every kid in the neighborhood over everyday...It is pricey enough to feed MY growing boys, there is no way I could feed 10 of them.I have wood floors and it echos in my house so it would sound like a zoo! They always come to our yard to play ball and hang out but not inside the house.I also do not want to be the one held liable if something goes wrong..this IS a sue happy world!

My oldest is 21 and I would have it no other way. He and his friends spent many weekends. The inconvenience is well worth knowing he is safe and sound in my house. I also drove he and his friends everywhere, yes it was a pain too , but once again, I always knew where he was and that he made it safely . He did have friends whose parents I trusted, but there were several that I didnt, but the kids were good kids so no reason to keep them apart.

 

[Princess April]

My parents were pretty cool, but we did not have the "hang out" house, we lived too far from school! But, my Best Friend did have the hang out house. From the time I was nine I hung out there... spending tons of weekends there if I recall correctly. The kids had 1/2 the house and the parents had the other 1/2, separated by the kitchen.... Needless to say Mrs. Surless was always in there cooking something up for us. My BF's room had an exit door to the pool from the bathroom, that was nice.... but 1 HYSTERICAL thing happened when I was about 16 or 17. Mrs. Surless walked in on us sleeping at like noon and almost had a heart attack.... did I forget to mention my BF was a boy??? . All these years she assumed that I was sleeping in his sister's room across the hall (they are 10 month apart in age, so we were all pretty close). Sharon had 2 twin beds in her room, Shamus had 1 queen size water bed. Heck, his was waaaaaaaaay more comfortable. We never did anything "forbidden" after all we were best friends, like my brother. The thought of it grossed us out, even to this day the thought still kinda grosses me out! After we explained this to both sets of parents, and yes, my parents had a heart attack as well when she called them, they understood and were pretty cool with the situation. I don't think they ever LOVED the idea of it but it really was innocent. We would stay up so late we would just end up passing out.
Oh, and to all the hang out home parents, take this as a lesson. A girl and a boy CAN be just friends. We have been just friends for... let's see I'm how old minus 9 = .......well, a long time (over 20 years). he even had to "approve" of my hubby before I was allowed to marry him

 

[mebbradley]

Oh, and to all the hang out home parents, take this as a lesson. A girl and a boy CAN be just friends. We have been just friends for... let's see I'm how old minus 9 = .......well, a long time (over 20 years). he even had to "approve" of my hubby before I was allowed to marry him

Hahahahaha. this is going to happen once we all get older! Our group is a set of twins, two other girls, myself, and two guys. We've already had a small skirmish with this when one of the guys wanted to date a girl whom we had overheard something she said.

 

[semo233]

Most postings were not what I was expecting...but what I needed to hear. Thanks for the reminders!

 

[livie1205]

I don't know how old your children are, but when they're teens they will find a house to hang out at. I prefer it to be mine so I know where they are and what they're doing. While they have their own space, DH and I are home (we have no life) and check in on them occasionally. They all know there is no drinking, smoking or drugs. We respect them and they respect us.

One of DD's friend's who was a frequent visitor at our house started hanging out with her boyfriend and his friends in another teen's house last summer. Turned out there was no supervision (parents were out drinking almost every night of the week). They had an underage drinking party that was busted and all the kids ended up having to go to jail and then to Court. They all had to pay a fine and lost their licenses for 90 days. Another girl who hung out there ended up pregnant. That's definitely not a place where I want my kids to be!

They will not be hanging out at other kids houses that I do not know the parents well...We know all our neighbors very well and they are not allowed over when ther parents are not home.My dh is a cop,neighbors are schoolteacher,fireman,cop,cop and nurse and are all just as watchfull of their kids as we are....I just do not want a housefull of kids.I have suffered from migraines for years to the point I see a nero every month so I can not have that kind of noise everyday...

 

[disneyjunkie]

WOW...my first thought is NO WAY lol I am sorry but I dont want every kid in the neighborhood over everyday...It is pricey enough to feed MY growing boys, there is no way I could feed 10 of them.I have wood floors and it echos in my house so it would sound like a zoo! They always come to our yard to play ball and hang out but not inside the house.I also do not want to be the one held liable if something goes wrong..this IS a sue happy world!

They will not be hanging out at other kids houses that I do not know the parents well...We know all our neighbors very well and they are not allowed over when ther parents are not home.My dh is a cop,neighbors are schoolteacher,fireman,cop,cop and nurse and are all just as watchfull of their kids as we are....I just do not want a housefull of kids.I have suffered from migraines for years to the point I see a nero every month so I can not have that kind of noise everyday...

I agree with both of your posts. (my son is 18). When he was in middle/high school, he and his friends spent time at everyones house. No one family went out their way to be the hang out house. We all loved the kids, but none of use wanted them at our house all the time.

The kids never really spent hours on end hanging out at one house. They were out riding bikes, in the park playing ball, going to the movies or just hanging out in the city.

The desire to be the hang out house thing sounds a bit controlling and helicopterish to me.

 

[hsmamato2]

The desire to be the hang out house thing sounds a bit controlling and helicopterish to me.

I have a teen,and he has friends. I understand the above comment,b/c to some extent,it's true. No matter how many snacks you buy, as kids get older,they will be places at times where you won't always know what's going on. It's a natural part of growing up. That said,I am a parent who requires info. from my kid before he goes places. with whom/who's the parent in charge/what are the general plans....etc.
I think if a parent 'tries too hard' to be cool,or the hangout place all the time, it backfires,and the kids migrate elsewhere,b/c teens have a radar when it comes to helicopter parents.
But,if you make your home a comfortable and relaxed place,then the kids will spend at least some of their time hanging out and feeling comfortable around you. I know in general, most of my kids friends feel comfortable in the yard or house here- but I definitely try not to overdo the whole 'stay here with ME' thing.......
in fact,if I started spoiling them all the way some of you nice folks do,they'd wonder what alien stole the mom and replaced her with a pod person
My dh and I are just ourselves,for better or worse,and a big part of me is just enjoying the general chaos of lots of kids around.

 

[ceecee]

Kind of reminds me of what my DD said last month after a sleep-over at hers friends (now 14 and friends since they were 6!) She said her friend's mom wanted to hang out with them..."what's up with that?" When I asked about it she said they all watched a movie and then the 4 girls wanted to do manicures and she said she would help....they were all saying no thanks! I laughed, she was probably just bored!
Watch out if they house is too cool! A friends older son was always hanging out at a certain house all the time, it turns out the parents thought it was cool for them to buy alcohol for the underaged teens since they would drink anyway and this would keep them off the streets!!!

 

[disneymom3]

Wow! You guys are so nice! My house has always been the hangout place. Although I don't mind (usually) I don't do anything to encourage them and I certainly don't feed them $$$$!!! If it's a sleepover I will but if they're just hanging (which is all the time) I can't afford to feed all those teenagers and my own 4 kids!

I don't know what we do either but the kids are here all the time. We do have freezy pops and popcorn as well as some baking mixes they can do up once in awhile. I also let them make kool aid as we are not big into soda around here. We have a Wii but mainly they hang out upstairs or in the unfinished basement. DH doesn't really like having kids around all the time but I am working on convincing him that we are more at ease knowing where they are. On occassion however, I do a "no friends inside" day. That can get a bit rough in the MN winter but they all survive. And oddly, just stay in the garage, on the front porch or under the deck. (It's a half story up so there is room under there and it's sheltered.)

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I don't know what we do either but the kids are here all the time. We do have freezy pops and popcorn as well as some baking mixes they can do up once in awhile. I also let them make kool aid as we are not big into soda around here. We have a Wii but mainly they hang out upstairs or in the unfinished basement. DH doesn't really like having kids around all the time but I am working on convincing him that we are more at ease knowing where they are. On occassion however, I do a "no friends inside" day. That can get a bit rough in the MN winter but they all survive. And oddly, just stay in the garage, on the front porch or under the deck. (It's a half story up so there is room under there and it's sheltered.)

LOL, your family must be a good one for kids to hang out in the garage in Minnesota!What a compliment!

I don't think that you can connive to be the place kids hang. They pick the place where they are happy, comfortable, and feel accepted. They don't want adults trying to be buddies. Our house always has rules, but everyone knows they are welcome. Same with my mom's house when I was growing up. We didn't even have spare food or any game but pong and board games!

 

[Colleen27]

I agree with both of your posts. (my son is 18). When he was in middle/high school, he and his friends spent time at everyones house. No one family went out their way to be the hang out house. We all loved the kids, but none of use wanted them at our house all the time.

The kids never really spent hours on end hanging out at one house. They were out riding bikes, in the park playing ball, going to the movies or just hanging out in the city.

The desire to be the hang out house thing sounds a bit controlling and helicopterish to me.

I think there's a big difference between growing up in the city and the 'burbs. Around here, there's no "out riding bikes, in the park playing ball, going to the movies or just hanging out in the city". It is a small town, and until the kids get to driving age, hanging out at someone's house is most of what they do because there's really no place to go. During the summer they're out and about a bit more, going to DQ or the coffee house or the small beach on the river, but during the winter or in bad weather no one wants to walk/bike far enough to get "downtown" for the little bit there is to do there (a couple restaurants, antique shops, and the coffee house). So the kids are going to be spending a lot of their time hanging out at someone's house; it might as well be ours.

 

[fluffycow333]

I am a teen and I don't hardly ever go to anyone's house, but I think it would be cool if you had a nice collection of movies to watch. Alot of places have $5 movies, and most FYE movies are under $10.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I think there's a big difference between growing up in the city and the 'burbs. Around here, there's no "out riding bikes, in the park playing ball, going to the movies or just hanging out in the city". It is a small town, and until the kids get to driving age, hanging out at someone's house is most of what they do because there's really no place to go. During the summer they're out and about a bit more, going to DQ or the coffee house or the small beach on the river, but during the winter or in bad weather no one wants to walk/bike far enough to get "downtown" for the little bit there is to do there (a couple restaurants, antique shops, and the coffee house). So the kids are going to be spending a lot of their time hanging out at someone's house; it might as well be ours.

I think that the point was that the kids hang out at several homes. The more caring adults in a student's/teens life, the better.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I am a teen and I don't hardly ever go to anyone's house, but I think it would be cool if you had a nice collection of movies to watch. Alot of places have $5 movies, and most FYE movies are under $10.

fluffycow, I like your avatar!

 

[disneymom3]

LOL, your family must be a good one for kids to hang out in the garage in Minnesota!What a compliment!

I don't think that you can connive to be the place kids hang. They pick the place where they are happy, comfortable, and feel accepted. They don't want adults trying to be buddies. Our house always has rules, but everyone knows they are welcome. Same with my mom's house when I was growing up. We didn't even have spare food or any game but pong and board games!

I know, isn't that just crazy?? The first weekend it was cold and we said no inside friends today we figured everyone would just go home. But they didn't! I did bring out a thermos of hot chocolate after awhile. Course that doesn't encourage anyone to go away. At one point DH had said "Where are the kids?" Then we realized they were all hanging out in the garage. Now there are lawn and camping chairs out there and they were playhing some game with a basketball. It is a three car garage with only one car usually parked in it, but still!

 

[Kriii]

I don't know if we're the "cool" house or not, but dd likes to have friends over and always has. We rarely say no, as we've had situations where things we don't like have happened at other kids' houses. We just moved into a new house last summer and for the first time there is no separate area for dd and her friends, so we are in the process of having the basement finished. Not having a separate space turned out to be an issue as dh and I don't really have a retreat for ourselves other than the bedroom when kids come over and want to be left alone. Needless to say, dd and her bff are thrilled and counting the days until the contractor is done. They have been very involved in the planning and know exactly what they want in the space. For us, the key is having something to do (movies,wii, air hockey etc) and being willing to chauffer everyone around or pick up food! We try not to get in the kids' way too much also. For dh and us, it is sooo worth the peace of mind knowing that they are having fun but no alcohol etc is involved. I know this will not remove every scary situation but it does help!

 

[MDTerrapin]

We are the hang out place for the kids in the neighborhood. I love it. It does get expensive with the extra snacks but I will pay that for my peace of mind. The only thing that bothers me is that other parents do not reciprocate. I have an open door policy but some parents never invite other kids in their homes. I am always the mom called when they need a sitter but they never offer to have my kids over.

Karen