Want to be the fun house for teens

[Colleen27]

I think that the point was that the kids hang out at several homes. The more caring adults in a student's/teens life, the better.

I agree. But the poster I responded to said her kids never spent hours on end hanging out at one house, that they were out doing things in the city. That might be typical of kids in NYC (the poster lists Brooklyn as her location), but it has been my experience that in suburbia/small towns in the car-dependent midwest that most groups of kids do have a hang out house or two because there just isn't that much for young teens to be out doing.

 

[rumrunnergirl]

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[Gigi22]

Our next door neighbour's house is the "hang out" place for his son and son's friends. The son is 15 or 16. The entire neighbourhood is quite annoyed at the situation--son's friends party hard on Fridays and Saturdays, and are apparently free to drink underage all they want. (Don't know if there is anything else they abuse). They are certainly noisy. It is not so much of a problem during the winter, when the kids have to stay inside. There haven't been any major fights yet, no police so far, but the neighbour is treading a very fine edge here. Everyone feels very badly for him, as his ex-wife was mentally ill and completely out of control (she would have screaming fits outside that used to clear out the neighbourhood--everyone went inside in the summer). So glad that at least she is gone. I do still feel sorry for the kids, but the underage drinking parties are starting to get on my nerves. So glad it is minus 20 outside!

 

[MDTerrapin]

For those of you who feel you supervise well and have a room upstairs or in the basement for the kids to retreat to... what do you do for supervision? (My oldest is 8)... Not crticizing, just not sure what you'd recommend. At this point, they can play in DD's room or the playroom for quite some time, and we listen for things to be ok, but otherwise, they are left pretty much on their own. Should I be checking on them every 1/2 hour, hour? What would you consider 'good' supervision?

Our living room is at the top of the basement stairs and we can pretty much hear everything. I also make trips to the laundry room often when a big group is over.

 

[semo233]

OP here: I started this thread because of two things that happened at my DD13's friends houses last weekend. I want to create a fun place for her and her friends where they will be able to have safe fun.
Reading the posts here has reminded me of some things and brought up some ideas that I have never thought of. I realize my food budget might take a hit, but I am trying to come up with a list of ideas to keep the cost down. We have a Wii and a beautiful pool (only an option for a few months out of the year). Our basement is partially finished and we will do a little work on making it a little "warmer". I have created a list of things to do with her friends that she can choose from. I am suggesting that she invite several friends over for a sleepover next Saturday. I have offered to make pasta and maybe she and I can make heart shaped sugar cookies for her and her friends to decorate for Valentine's day. I am hoping that it will offer the two of us to build our relationship also.
My plan also includes not saying no to get togethers at our house. I sometimes did this if I didn't feel it was clean enough.

I don't need to be the cool parent. Just the one with the kid who stays so busy she doesn't have time to make bad choices.

Keep the ideas coming!

 

[momx2]

I think it is admirable to do, but I would not look at this at a way to make your relationship with your child closer. She will probably look back and be very glad you did all this for her, but for now I think it's about bringing the kids to your house and staying out of their way, behavior permitting.

 

[cocodog]

OP here: I started this thread because of two things that happened at my DD13's friends houses last weekend. I want to create a fun place for her and her friends where they will be able to have safe fun.
Reading the posts here has reminded me of some things and brought up some ideas that I have never thought of. I realize my food budget might take a hit, but I am trying to come up with a list of ideas to keep the cost down. We have a Wii and a beautiful pool (only an option for a few months out of the year). Our basement is partially finished and we will do a little work on making it a little "warmer". I have created a list of things to do with her friends that she can choose from. I am suggesting that she invite several friends over for a sleepover next Saturday. I have offered to make pasta and maybe she and I can make heart shaped sugar cookies for her and her friends to decorate for Valentine's day. I am hoping that it will offer the two of us to build our relationship also.
My plan also includes not saying no to get togethers at our house. I sometimes did this if I didn't feel it was clean enough.

I don't need to be the cool parent. Just the one with the kid who stays so busy she doesn't have time to make bad choices.

Keep the ideas coming!

You have inspired me ny staring this thread, and I thank you. I often feel my house is not clean enough, and turn down my children who want to have friends over. Thanks for reminding me what really matters.

 

[Leader of the Club]

It is also important to let the pre-teens and teens figure out that they can have a good time hanging out without drugs, alcohol, porn and sex. Really. Just hanging out watching tv, playing games, etc with friends can be a great time! When introduced to other negative/bad influences they need to know that is okay to say, "no" and that they still have somewhere safe to go--and it may not be their own homes.

 

[peanut12392]

You have inspired me ny staring this thread, and I thank you. I often feel my house is not clean enough, and turn down my children who want to have friends over. Thanks for reminding me what really matters.

I used to feel that way too, but the kids don't care. I had 6 extra kids snowed in here this weekend, and I was all bothered by the fact that I thought the house was dirty. Nobody cared. In fact I heard then talking about a house that they dont like to go to becuase it isn't very "homey." (I've been in that house and it is very close to a HOARDERS type house). So nodody cares but me, I guess our house is "homey." LOL

 

[snowbunny]

OP here: I started this thread because of two things that happened at my DD13's friends houses last weekend.

I seem to be the only one on the thread that has suggested stopping sleepovers out, but you might think about it. One morning a week from 12-15 years old I had a cranky, moody, exhausted DD because the girls in our town have sleepovers every weekend.

We finally put a complete stop to it 6 months ago (after I discovered at other people's houses this past year they were having parties including alcohol late into the night). She has a later curfew on the weekends but she has to come home, see us, and sleep in her own bed. Her entire attitude, health, everything has improved. There is really no good reason teen girls need to spend all night with each other on a regular basis, 18 hours a day is enough

 

[Colleen27]

I used to feel that way too, but the kids don't care. I had 6 extra kids snowed in here this weekend, and I was all bothered by the fact that I thought the house was dirty. Nobody cared. In fact I heard then talking about a house that they dont like to go to becuase it isn't very "homey." (I've been in that house and it is very close to a HOARDERS type house). So nodody cares but me, I guess our house is "homey." LOL

I learned that pretty early on with the kids & their friends. They never seem to want to play at the neighbors whose homes I admire for their decor and cleanliness. I guess the less-than-spotless nature of my house is some sort of unspoken cue to the kids that I'm more accepting of kid-mess. They still have to pick up when they're done playing and they can't get out-of-control messy (no food fights or anything stupid), but normal creative kid messes like glitter, paints, play doh, moon sand is all fine by me. If nothing else, it gives me a reason to clean something that probably needed it anyway!

 

[Priorityonecb]

I'd like to share two thoughts from the last few posts. The first one is that I had to change my thinking too, so that I wasn't saying no because I didn't the the house was "company ready". Instead I say "Yes, as long as your room is clean and if you would help me get ready by cleaning your bathroom and emtying the dishwasher before they get here". Free help!

Also, my girls must be odd because we don't see the tired, cranky, moody girl after a sleepover. In fact, they come home happy and energized. I hope the girls who leave here are the same! My youngest had a sleepover away from home last night. They didn't get home from a band competition until after midnight and were up at 9am to work on a science project. Dd seems perfectly happy and in a great mood today.