visiting relatives out of state

[Hikergirl]

We are visiting my first cousin, once removed this summer. We are staying in a hotel and seeing them for about 4 hours. There are 2 of us and 9 of them. They mentioned going to dinner. Who pays?

I would assume that if you are all going out to a restaurant then you all pay your own way.
Since you say they mentioned going to dinner. What did they say, "we would like to take you to dinner" or something like "we should all go out to dinner"?

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

Many times a server will ask a large group if it's one check or separate. I'd definitely speak up and say, "it'll be the two of us on one check." We do separate checks all the time. I have lunch with friends every week and if we choose a restaurant with table service, we always ask for separate checks.

When we have family or friends visiting, I'm more inclined to invite them to dinner in our home. It's so much more relaxed and easier to have a chance to sit and visit. When our kids were younger, it was great because they could eat and run along to play instead of fidgeting at the table while the adults talked.

 

[mjkacmom]

It's rare to ask for separate checks where I live. The bill is just evenly split.

 

[mom2rtk]

It's rare to ask for separate checks where I live. The bill is just evenly split.

Even if one group was 2 and one was 9? I'd never be ok with that. Nobody bats an eye here when you ask for separate checks. Usually the server will walk up and ask "how many checks".

 

[Westcoastwild]

Not certain this is the original, but it looks fun regardless:

https://www.disboards.com/threads/table-manners.2917532/

Wow. Just wow. I mean, it is the dis, so I'm not really surprised but it never occurred to me to even notice if someone ate their roll uncut let alone whether they buttered it or not...

 

[Westcoastwild]

It's rare to ask for separate checks where I live. The bill is just evenly split.

If it's a party over six people, most places just flat out won't split checks. But the op can bring enough cash to cover their share and there won't be any problem.

 

[shoney]

Even if one group was 2 and one was 9? I'd never be ok with that. Nobody bats an eye here when you ask for separate checks. Usually the server will walk up and ask "how many checks".

Not something that is offered. Ever. Some restaurants even print no separate checks on the
Menu.
Honestly I would be embarrassed to do so in front of friends/family/coworkers. It would just be so out of the norm. I dont care if I pay a few dollars more


I'm a case where there are 11 people the bill would just be split by 11 and each person would kick in their even share

 

[Wendy31]

Like most things, I think it depends on both the area & the restaurant when it comes to more than one check/separate checks.

Here, it's pretty normal for a server to ask "Will this all be one check?" when he/she comes to a table w/ a group that's more than just a "single family".

Even at a nice, more upscale restaurant, it's not unusual for a large group to pay w/ separate checks. DH & I were once invited to a retirement celebration at a nicer restaurant w/ the understanding that everyone would be paying for their own meals. There were about 35-40 of us split into probably about 15-20 separate checks. The "host" paid for the guest of honor & the guest of honor's spouse.

When I was making reservations at a local restaurant for our older 2 kids & their friends for dinner before prom, I had to call group reservations. The lady w/ whom I spoke asked me if there would be more than one check. When I replied that, yes, they were planning on separate checks, but, if there needed to be only one, we could work it out, she assured me that more than one check was perfectly fine & she was just asking so she could let the server know ahead of time.

OP - I would say since you are staying a hotel (& not at your cousin's home), either your cousin plans to pay for your dinner or plans for both parties to pay separately.

Like another poster said, it's all in how they asked - "Let us take you to dinner when you're here!" or "We should all go out for dinner while you're here!"

 

[Julie's Haircut]

If they offer to treat, fine. But be expected to pay your own share.

I doubt with 9 of them they expect OP to pay for everybody.

 

[low-key]

who knows what they are thinking, so you better go poop when check comes, its an old trick but a goodie

 

[leebee]

Hahaha! I posted in that thread! It's hard to believe that's already been 5 years ago!

And, for the record, I knew the correct way to butter my bread.

Wow, has it really been 5 years? I, too, knew the correct way to butter my bread... but it surely was an interesting thread!!

It's not at all uncommon for parties to request separate checks, at least where I live. In fact, wait staff will often ask if there'll be more than one check, or how we want to split the bill, etc. If I were your cousins and you'd driven out to visit, I'd pick up your tab BUT you should be prepared to pay for your own dinner, just in case. I'd definitely mention the split check thing to the waitress, either as you are ordering or near the end of the meal, when she checks to see if you're ready for the bill. NO WAY would I be splitting the check (assuming it'd be split 2 ways... not happening!)

 

[CdnCarrie]

Not something that is offered. Ever. Some restaurants even print no separate checks on the Menu.
Honestly I would be embarrassed to do so in front of friends/family/coworkers. It would just be so out of the norm. I dont care if I pay a few dollars more

Never heard of such a thing. Everyone does separate cheques up here.

 

[mummabear]

Buttering an entire piece of bread/roll and eating it, rather than breaking off small pieces and buttering each individually. It absolutely infantilizes the person.

Not certain this is the original, but it looks fun regardless:

https://www.disboards.com/threads/table-manners.2917532/

@mom2rtk just wow!

 

[AquamarineSteph]

If your relatives are anything like mine, I'd be prepared to pay for everyone's meal.

Having said that, I'd start out when the server comes around saying these two - waving at you and your other half - are on a separate check.

Technically your hosts should offer to pay for your meal, but I wouldn't count on that. If the hosts wish to pay, though, you could always make the offer to leave the tip.

 

[ronandannette]

Manners and etiquette have changed over the years, of course. But I was raised that the hosts pay for dinner. Since your relatives are the "hosts" (even though you're only in their city, they still count as hosts in my book), they should pay.

HOWEVER, if things look awkward when the check comes, just grab it. I hate playing that stupid game.

If I were the cousins, I'd pay, but I agree with following their lead and being prepared to pay if they don't immediately make the gesture.

Just be sure you're up on the local bread buttering etiquette.

{{sigh}} Must I go over this again?? This is NOT a regional thing. Proper etiquette, universe-wide requires one to Break. Butter. Bite.

 

[anniemae]

I would pay for just the two of you. Just have plenty of cash. I hate the whole, "I need to break a $20" or "I owe $50, but I only have $20's so I need $10 back." I would just calculate what you owe with tax and tip and hand it over when the bill comes. I would guess your cousin would pick up the entire bill though.

 

[mom2rtk]

If it's a party over six people, most places just flat out won't split checks. But the op can bring enough cash to cover their share and there won't be any problem.

That's interesting. And not the case here. I have to think with people splitting it themselves and everyone just throwing cash into the pot that the server would do better getting the appropriate tip with separate checks. Or maybe they automatically add the tip for the larger parties and don't want people trying to avoid that by splitting?

Not something that is offered. Ever. Some restaurants even print no separate checks on the
Menu.
Honestly I would be embarrassed to do so in front of friends/family/coworkers. It would just be so out of the norm. I dont care if I pay a few dollars more


I'm a case where there are 11 people the bill would just be split by 11 and each person would kick in their even share

Embarrassed? To pay for just your share? We don't drink, never order appetizers. I will always get hosed in that deal. I'm glad I live in an area where nobody bats an eye at splitting.

 

[dish rag]

When the waiter shows up I would ask for a separate bill. Nothing wrong with that. If the people offered to pick up our tab I would politely decline, I don't like people paying for me. If we were in the right mood we would pick up the whole thing.

 

[paisleys]

You split it 11 ways. They order steaks. You order side salads.

JK. I would just ask for a separate check for us two.

Having been a victim of this side salad thing, I have learned it's better to bite the bullet and be the bad guy to ask for separate checks early on (especially with 2 vs. 9--9 could be a car payment depending where you are dining!). We have family whose bar tab consists of each of them having multiple glasses of champagne with every meal. After getting stuck with a $350 tab and only having a side salad, it's now like a game to avoid splitting or getting stuck with the whole check with them.

 

[mjkacmom]

Even if one group was 2 and one was 9? I'd never be ok with that. Nobody bats an eye here when you ask for separate checks. Usually the server will walk up and ask "how many checks".

You divide it by the number of people, so you'd only be paying for two. I do realize asking for separate checks is the norm elsewhere, but definitely not here, and l have lived here for for close to 50 years, and waitressed. No one is going to ask you, and locals aren't going to ask. Even my 14 year olds know to bring small bills whenever going out to eat with your friends (kids go out to eat here a lot, lots of restaurants).