visiting relatives out of state

[mom2rtk]

You divide it by the number of people, so you'd only be paying for two. I do realize asking for separate checks is the norm elsewhere, but definitely not here, and l have lived here for for close to 50 years, and waitressed. No one is going to ask you, and locals aren't going to ask. Even my 14 year olds know to bring small bills whenever going out to eat with your friends (kids go out to eat here a lot, lots of restaurants).

Yeah, I get the math. Still wouldn't want to do it. And as I said, thankfully not how it's done here.

I was a waitress for a while in high school as well so know how challenging it can be.

 

[dish rag]

I don't understand the whole devide the bill by the number of people thing. I've never seen that done ever, or even heard of it. It doesn't make any sense.

 

[anniemae]

I don't understand the whole devide the bill by the number of people thing. I've never seen that done ever, or even heard of it. It doesn't make any sense.

I don't get it either. I would just calculate in my head what I owe for what I ordered. The prices are right on the menu. Then add on tip and put your money with the bill. If anything it comes out over since we usually round up, so the wait staff gets a good tip.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't understand the whole devide the bill by the number of people thing. I've never seen that done ever, or even heard of it. It doesn't make any sense.

I've never done it any other way when dining with adults. Kids, on the other hand, will throw in what they think they owe, and then usually come up short, and then try and work it out.

Sometimes es you work out ahead, sometimes behind, although most people don't go crazy ordering extras. Apps are usually for the table.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Having been a victim of this side salad thing, I have learned it's better to bite the bullet and be the bad guy to ask for separate checks early on (especially with 2 vs. 9--9 could be a car payment depending where you are dining!). We have family whose bar tab consists of each of them having multiple glasses of champagne with every meal. After getting stuck with a $350 tab and only having a side salad, it's now like a game to avoid splitting or getting stuck with the whole check with them.

Yeah, it's happened to me once or twice also. While I won't insist on a separate check, there's no way I'm evenly splitting the bill anymore when some members of a large party order 3 or 4 drinks, appetizers, the most expensive entree, and desserts while I only had a modest meal. I'll kick in my share plus a generous tip, but not more,

Those that insist on just splitting the check evenly under such circumstances are always the ones looking to have their meal subsidized by others. Then they accuse those who balk at the idea of being cheap and tacky.

 

[Allison]

Wow. Just wow. I mean, it is the dis, so I'm not really surprised but it never occurred to me to even notice if someone ate their roll uncut let alone whether they buttered it or not...

Crazy isn't it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Not something that is offered. Ever. Some restaurants even print no separate checks on the
Menu.
Honestly I would be embarrassed to do so in front of friends/family/coworkers. It would just be so out of the norm. I dont care if I pay a few dollars more


I'm a case where there are 11 people the bill would just be split by 11 and each person would kick in their even share

That's very interesting honestly-you learn something new everyday . Like @mom2rtk said around here we split checks left and right. I have been to just a few places where they have said "no separate checks" but I can't honestly tell you those places because I don't remember their names I just know it's happened before. Many many times the waitress will ask "all on one check or separate?" at the end of the meal. When my husband and I go out to eat with the in-laws (which is a common enough thing) we tend to say in the beginning "it will be the two of us" since it can make it easier for the waiter/waitress to know this. When I have my weekly dinner with my best friend either she or I will always tell the waiter/waitress "I'll be on my own check" or "it will be separate checks".

You divide it by the number of people, so you'd only be paying for two. I do realize asking for separate checks is the norm elsewhere, but definitely not here, and l have lived here for for close to 50 years, and waitressed. No one is going to ask you, and locals aren't going to ask. Even my 14 year olds know to bring small bills whenever going out to eat with your friends (kids go out to eat here a lot, lots of restaurants).

The math aspect isn't hard. What's hard is knowing you're paying for someone else's eating habits. My husband and I tend to be more $ conscious. We still order what we want generally speaking but the in-laws and my husband's two sisters eat more expensively 99% of the times. And sure once in a great while it wouldn't be a big deal but no way would we do it the majority of the time. A lot of my husband's family tends to eat pricey meals while my husband and I don't.

For example using random numbers:
Husband food=$15
My food=$15
2 drinks=$6

Mother-in-law's food=$21
Step-father-in-law's food=$19
2 drinks=$6 UNLESS the mother-in-law is at breakfast in which she'll get water, orange juice and either coffee or hot tea (drinks in that case could easily be $5-$8 for just her depending on how expensive the orange juice is)

So pre-tax for 4 people (excluding the breakfast example) we're talking $82. Split 4 ways evenly that would be $20.5 per person or for two people $41. If we didn't split then the total for my husband and I pre-tax would be $36. Now sure once in a great while using the numbers from my example $5 pre-tax wouldn't seem all that big of a deal but as a norm? That adds up extremely quick.

*Note that I'm not knocking the way anyone does it*

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We are visiting my first cousin, once removed this summer. We are staying in a hotel and seeing them for about 4 hours. There are 2 of us and 9 of them. They mentioned going to dinner. Who pays?

Pay for your own I say, that way there are no hard feelings, unless they insist. If they insist, allow them to pay for you.

If you WANT to pay, offer.

Honestly, since there are 2 of YOU and 9 of them, I would ask them straight out if they are treating you. If they say NO, well then we will get separate checks or meet out for dessert and coffee?

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Having been a victim of this side salad thing, I have learned it's better to bite the bullet and be the bad guy to ask for separate checks early on (especially with 2 vs. 9--9 could be a car payment depending where you are dining!). We have family whose bar tab consists of each of them having multiple glasses of champagne with every meal. After getting stuck with a $350 tab and only having a side salad, it's now like a game to avoid splitting or getting stuck with the whole check with them.

I love that episode of Friends lol.

I've only split the check evenly when we share apps, get the same amount of drinks and around the same entree. It's only been once or twice with a certain couple who are a lot like us. So that worked out. Other than that I'm with you. Ask for a separate check.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

OP I do agree with another poster the wording of how they brought up dinner can make all the difference. Either way though I would go in expecting to pay for your food though better to be safe than sorry.

 

[Poohforyou]

I don't understand the whole devide the bill by the number of people thing. I've never seen that done ever, or even heard of it. It doesn't make any sense.

Really? I consider that to just be common place when going out with a big group. It makes a lot of sense as its just much easier than trying to itemize what everyone got off one bill. Sometimes you come out ahead and sometimes you pay a little more, no big deal. I hate nickel and diming. I've never been out where my group was asked about separate checks.

 

[CarolAnn856]

I don't understand the whole devide the bill by the number of people thing. I've never seen that done ever, or even heard of it. It doesn't make any sense.

It's simple math; what's so hard to understand? When we go out to dinner with our group of friends (all couples), we just take the bill, add tip, and divide the total by the number of couples. Couldn't be any easier.

 

[shoney]

Pay for your own I say, that way there are no hard feelings, unless they insist. If they insist, allow them to pay for you.

If you WANT to pay, offer.

Honestly, since there are 2 of YOU and 9 of them, I would ask them straight out if they are treating you. If they say NO, well then we will get separate checks or meet out for dessert and coffee?

I'm not saying this is how you meant it, but I could never do this.
If feels like..
Are you paying for my dinner?
no
OK, then I will get a separate check because there is no way I paying a dime towards yours

LOL

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Really? I consider that to just be common place when going out with a big group. It makes a lot of sense as its just much easier than trying to itemize what everyone got off one bill. Sometimes you come out ahead and sometimes you pay a little more, no big deal. I hate nickel and diming. I've never been out where my group was asked about separate checks.

I only do it with people who order like we do. If they have 5 drinks and we have 2 I'm not splitting it evenly. If we have cheap beers and they order $10 drinks each why would I split it evenly?

I also hate nickel and diming but sometimes you just have to be fair. When I do happy hour with a group of girls and we get a table and share apps and order about the same drinks we just split it evenly.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm not saying this is how you meant it, but I could never do this.
If feels like..
Are you paying for my dinner?
no
OK, then I will get a separate check because there is no way I paying a dime towards yours

LOL

The cousin invited them out to dinner. The OP does not know if the hosts are covering their meal, which would be normal etiquette of the old days, hosts pay.

IF OP and cousin agreed to go out as a general consensus, then who is paying should have been discussed.

Since it was not discussed we are left with other options.

If hosts expect me to pay for their family and I don't mind paying & can afford it, that is one thing.

I would prefer to meet up for dessert and coffee instead.

I think separate checks is only fair when the other party has nine people.

 

[shoney]

The cousin invited them out to dinner. The OP does not know if the hosts are covering their meal, which would be normal etiquette of the old days, hosts pay.

IF OP and cousin agreed to go out as a general consensus, then who is paying should have been discussed.

Since it was not discussed we are left with other options.

If hosts expect me to pay for their family and I don't mind paying & can afford it, that is one thing.

I would prefer to meet up for dessert and coffee instead.

I think separate checks is only fair when the other party has nine people.

I highly doubt the host expects them to foot the bill. That would just be rude!
The host will prob pick up the bill, but I would just wait until the check comes. If they grab it and pay...nice.
If not, I would just say "what do we owe?" In that case, in my experience, the bill would be divided by 11 and they would pay for 2. Or I would kick in what I thought would cover meal, tips and tax and add a little something to it.

Flat out asking before hand if they were paying seems odd to me.

 

[RedAngie]

I only do it with people who order like we do. If they have 5 drinks and we have 2 I'm not splitting it evenly. If we have cheap beers and they order $10 drinks each why would I split it evenly?

I also hate nickel and diming but sometimes you just have to be fair. When I do happy hour with a group of girls and we get a table and share apps and order about the same drinks we just split it evenly.

I usually go out once a month for lunch with two aunts and a cousin. Sometimes another relative or two might join us. We just divide the check by the number of people. Yeah, sometimes one person's meal is more than the others', and sometimes it's less. But overall not worth figuring it out to the exact penny.

On the other hand, DH and I go out with two other couples a few times per year. One couple likes to have a few drinks, and after dinner cordials. While we don't get separate checks, we all do chip in based on what we actually order, not just divide the check by 6. The couple with the expensive tastes has no problem with this.

About 20 years ago my mother told me she and another woman went to some kind of function where you paid for your meal in advance but drinks were extra. Fine. My mother and the other woman ordered one glass of wine each. At the end of the night the "hostess" informed them that their shares of the bar bill was something like $30 each. No, they didn't pay it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I highly doubt the host expects them to foot the bill. That would just be rude!
The host will prob pick up the bill, but I would just wait until the check comes. If they grab it and pay...nice.
If not, I would just say "what do we owe?" In that case, in my experience, the bill would be divided by 11 and they would pay for 2. Or I would kick in what I thought would cover meal, tips and tax and add a little something to it.

Flat out asking before hand if they were paying seems odd to me.

Depends on the relatives to be honest. And yes they have asked and we have helped. I am not Scrooge but I don't like surprises either.

 

[Allison]

As I said earlier, I think it would be separate checks. The way that it was worded didn't come across to me as the cousin being a "host". It was that they mentioned going to dinner.

There are times I have been traveling and happen to be in the city where a friend lives. We mention getting together for dinner to catch up. That is always assumed to be we each pay our own way and use the time to catch up. Same with my local friends, someone might send out a text asking if people want to get together for dinner, that doesn't mean the person asking is paying.

 

[shoney]

Depends on the relatives to be honest. And yes they have asked and we have helped. I am not Scrooge but I don't like surprises either.

I was referring to flat out asking the relatives if they were paying before hand. Not asking on the dis.