Very disturbing email from a professor to my DS in college

[legalsea]

Damn this thread has more drama, twists, and turns than a soap opera!

That is why half of us are drinking, while the other half are going out to get drinks. Should be interesting around 8 p.m.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OMG!!!
this thread has become just TOO funny!!!!!

But, seriously, there are too many unanswered questions.

1. It does sound to me like this was part of an ongoing conversation.
I too, can simply not come to the conclusion that anyone would, out of the blue, send an email to somebody.... not even saying 'hey'.... but, just blurt out 'you're so cute!!!'

2. That does not jive with the fact that this email was not even correctly addressed to the OP's 18 year old. If email correspondence was ongoing, then why would this email have gone to the wrong person... That makes no sense either.

(could they have been having conversations over the phone/text - due to the choir trip?????) So, while this message was mid-conversation, it was actually an initial email (just not out-of-the-blue) that due to some twist of fate, was mis-addessed?

3. Given that there is a lot we haven't figured out yet... while this does seem questionable, I think to have gone as far as the OP did over the word 'cute' is jumping to over-reaction.

I hope that the OP realizes that if this does come down to any serious investigation, her son's email and phone records will be looked into.

 

[dalt01]

the simple fact is............................................ that if the e mail had went where it was intended............................... none of this crap would have happened................

 

[luvmy3]

This just doesn't make any sense. I also have a child in college. There are privacy laws in place in this country. Your son is an adult and by law the school cannot divulge anything to you about his grades, his behavior or even his bill.

Even though I am paying the tuition, my son had to fill out forms giving me permission to see his tuition bill so that I can actually pay it. So, even the Bursar won't talk to parents; they could care less who is actually paying the bill.

And having friends with kids in colleges and universities all over the country, I know this is common place because we joke about it all the time.

So, I highly doubt a Dean would even discuss the e-mail with you without first getting permission from your son to discuss the matter with you. It is the law.

And I highly doubt the Dean discussed his meeting with the Professor with you. Heck, elementary principals won't even tell parents how they deal with other children.

Again, by law the Dean could not have discussed this matter with you at all unless he first called up your son and received permission to speak about it with you. Nor can teachers, professors or anybody else, by law, discuss your adult son's grades, performance, behavior, or anything else with you.

I also highly doubt the Dean continued to break the law by discussing a person's sexuality with the parent of one of the adult students.

Most parents are complaining about the walls schools put up, absolutely necessary with the stringent privacy laws in place, not that the Dean is openly discussing e-mails to students and professor's sexual preferences.

If the Dean did discuss these issues with you without getting permission from your Adult son first, and worse, divulged a Highly Distinguished Professor's sexuality, then the University should seek sanctions/termination on the Dean for violating privacy laws on so many levels. If the Dean really did this, he has left the school in a very vulnerable position.

Your son could sue the school for violating his privacy. Whether he would win or not is another matter, but he could make the Dean's life difficult for awhile.

The Professor could really sue the school for divulging his sexuality.

I am thinking there is a bit of embellishment by the OP to make a knee jerk reaction to an e-mail a bit more palatable on an internet board.



Yes. It was a simple e-mail. The professor did not have any inappropriate physical contact, nor did he invite your son to his house or to private lessons. Nowhere did he do anything inappropriate.

The e-mail does warrant further investigation to see if Mommy misinterpreted it and what the true meaning of it was, but in the scope of what a University Dean has to deal with on a daily basis, this would be at the bottom of the list.


Who's to say there will be?

From what little you have given us to go on, I believe the e-mail to be harmless. But just for argument's sake, let's do say the professor was testing the waters.

OP, if your son is going to pursue the arts, he is going to be in a profession with some people who might just be gay. Of course, he might run into some people who might be gay in any profession. He is going to be flirted with, by both men and women, especially if he is talented and cute; young girls, young men, old men, and cougers.

He is now a legal adult and is allowed to have adult relationships, whether you approve or not. He needs to learn now how to say no to people he is not interested in. Unless you are involved in working out an arranged marriage, his mommy cannot be involved in his personal relationships.

In the real world, adults flirt with other adults they think attractive. How else do relationships go any further?

IF, and that is a big IF, the e-mail was a flirtatious testing of the waters, your son needs to just calmly tell the professor he is not interested in a private relationship.

It is no different in homosexual or heterosexual relationships. You get hit on by people interested in you. If not interested, you just say NO.

IF the person keeps on hitting on you after you make your wishes known, then and only then, do you have a problem that needs to be taken to the higher ups.

You seem to have forgotten that we are talking about a professor and a student here, not peers, or colleuges. If in fact this email was an innocent flirtation, the minute it was sent by a professor to a student makes it inappropriate, period.

 

[ogreenlee]

I am never going to be able to call another client's kid "cute" after this. lol

"Look at me, Johnny! You are so... so."

click click snap snap

 

[bumbershoot]

OP, this is where the DD/DS confusion came in, not your hypothetical...

My DS18 who is a college freshman recieved the following email .......

DD18-

You are just so cute Sorry I just had to say that and sorry you missed the tour.

Bolding is mine, but D instead of S was in your post.

Which caused the post:

So an older gay choir teacher intended to send your sick daughter an e-mail that said she was cute and hopes she gets better from an illness?

so you have a DS18, DS21, and a DD18? how did the DD18 become involved?

wait...what?

so the daughter you mentioned in a previous post, how does she fit into all of this?

But you thought the confusion was your hypothetical:

I was using that as an example, there is no daughter. I think the prof's sexual orientation does chage things. If a male prof did this to a female student it would probably be sexual harassment.

*******

Regardless of what the professor meant by the term *cute* or whether the professor is gay or not, it is inappropriate to send an email to any student to tell them they are cute.

Yeah, I agree.

Though when I think about my college-student-viewpoint, I would say that once I turned 18 I was an ADULT, and the profs were ADULTS, and that whole intimidation thing of child student/adult teacher was over.

I was 19 when I took a semester of Organic Chem, it was taught on such a curve that I was getting 50% grades and that translated to a B-...I felt that I needed to know more of the material, but the prof was known for coming on to female students, and I opted to drop the class at midterm and take it elsewhere, rather than be stuck in his small office for private tutoring. No phone calls from my mom required (though I did tell her about it).

But as an "I'm older than that now" person, I can't imagine "cute" being appropriate to say or type or write to any student over, say, 7.

I can't imagine the dean even giving out his email address, let alone this escalating directly to him/her

Well, I would bet that my university has a list of emails for every prof on their website. And I bet the heads of depts are listed.




Mickey's Minion said everything else that was in my head.