UPDATE Post 91! Does anyone else hate hosting overnight guests? Am I weird?

[Micca]

We have a very small core of family & friends that are welcome here any time. We're happy to have them, and they reciprocate when we visit them. Our guest room is nice because it has its own (small) bathroom so it's very private. If someone has an activity or event planned that doesn't include us, we can give them a house key and they can come & go as they please. This room is unoccupied about 359 days a year, I wish people would visit more often!

OTOH, the situation described by @Pink Partridge with the guest basically inviting themselves is totally inappropriate. Being in control of the privacy of your home isn't being a control freak, it's called being at home. Sheesh. Cousin needs to get a clue.

 

[gotomu212]

I really like overnight guests (we have zero family within 3 hours of us so it happens a lot). BUT I can't imagine anyone, other than my own mother, inviting herself to stay with me. Then not taking your cue about not being available but critiquing you, that's bizarre and over the top rude.

The only place I've ever invited myself was my moms..and even then it's hey we're going to be in town is it okay if we stay with you.

 

[Canooknic]

It depends who it is. My brother & his family are welcome any time - and have stayed when we were away on vacation - and a couple of friends stay regularly to save on taxi fare back to the city, but other than that I'm not keen.
The in laws are a big NO, they need too much attention; I like guests that will tend to themselves, sit around in PJs drinking coffee until lunchtime, go to their room and watch TV, go out shopping, make their own snacks/drinks etc - just be comfortable!

 

[Magpie]

I like sleepovers with my friends. I have an overnight guest sleeping upstairs in my guest room right now. But, I would have reacted exactly the same way you did, in your shoes.

It's not about whether or not one should enjoy having overnight guests, it's about the incredible rudeness of someone inviting themselves to stay in your home. I think you were entirely within your rights to say no! And no, you're not a "control freak". You sound like a perfectly reasonable person, dealing with an unreasonable relative.

 

[Squirlz]

We don't mind, but nobody's going to TELL us they're staying! We have a garage that doubles as guest quarters with heat, A/C and a bathroom.

 

[loves to dive]

According to who it is. My son often comes and brings his dogs for our dog to play with and stays over night. My ex-SIL stayed about a month with us when she was moving jobs and the family hadn't found a house yet. It was o.k. but she pretty much just came home from work and went to her room because she worked odd hours. My honey's family has come a couple of times, that was a pain just because it was. My honey smokes so that cuts down on the amount of people who want to stay with us. My son and his ex-wife and three of her friends spent the weekend with us once because they were in town for a football game. That was interesting. We do have a big house, 4 bedrooms and 3 stories, one bedroom is actually a bonus suite with it's own bathroom but it has a sleeper sofa instead of a bed in it, it's my little hide away when football is on. Our basement is completely finished out with a half bath, we have an air mattress we keep down there but that is also where our spare freezer and hot tub are so we don't encourage guests to stay down there. I've begged my honey for us to stay at a motel when we visit his family in south Ga. but there is only one little motel in the town and it doesn't allow pets. We go nowhere without our little yorkie. His mom has a yorkie and another little dog so they love it when we visit with ours. I'd rather stay in a hotel than stay in someone else's home, I just prefer to be able to get up in the middle of the night and wander around if I want to.

 

[DaretoDis]

As long as guests don't mind me walking around in my jockey shorts or less, they are welcome to stay. Haven't had any in about 20 years.

 

[ImDMous]

We have 4 bedrooms, but only our master actually has a bed. The others are offices, game room, etc. That's usually good enough to keep people from inviting themselves. Didn't work for my uncle and his family though, they just brought air mattresses... for a week... and got here on midnight Christmas Eve. That was an interesting week...

 

[yoopermom]

I don't mind immediate family coming to stay (we have two full bedrooms with a shared bath in our finished basement), but won't stay at anyone's house anymore after the last time my in laws pressured us to stay, come to find out they had a double/full mattress in the guest room, DH and I are pooh sized, so we literally had to sleep on our sides, back to back, and hold onto the edge of the mattress not to fall out!

Terri

 

[Darcy03231]

We frequently have overnight guests as we live in a vacation destination on a lake. However, they are all close friends/family, not cousins I rarely see.

 

[bookgirl]

Our spare room only has a single so we don't get a lot of requests.

 

[quandrea]

Agree with you completely. I have no interest to in hosting or in being hosted. I'd sooner pay for someone's hotel than have them stay with me. I'm very social but really like my space and private time. This even applies to close family. Dh is like me only more so.

 

[punkin]

I love to host, but I prefer to invite my own guests. My family will call to let me know when they'll be in town and I almost invariably offer to host them. I went on a college trip a few weeks ago and stayed 2 nights with my nephew and and one night with a cousin. They both offered to host. Inviting yourself over peoples' objections is just rude.

 

[HannaBelle]

I love to host and I do not mind staying with friends and family but I would NEVER invite myself over to someone's house.

 

[Turn the Page]

In theory I enjoy overnight guests. Like a PP mentioned generally they are someone from out of town I don't get to see often so I would not mind hosting at all. We now have the space. That said, if someone demanded like your cousin did that is another matter. I also would find it difficult to be ok with someone staying at my house without me there. It would have to be a situation like the kids grew up and moved away and will be in town for whatever reason and DH and I are on vacation or something like that.

In actual practice I don't particularly care for it. Like someone up thread mentioned it is quite a lot of work. You have to clean the house, fix extra food, and likely play tour guide all on top of the regular goings on. Plus, for some reason that I haven't figured out yet, house guests expect me to be fully clothed at all times. I mean, forget running downstairs to grab a towel while half dressed because you forgot to check before you started the shower. That seems to offend them. I don't know what's up with that. My house my rules I say.

But seriously, I really like hosting DH's cousin. He is a single guy, just our age, and very laid back. I never get any heads up when he comes. We find out he is in town visiting his parents and he often shows up on our doorstep with a case of beer that evening at dinner time. However, he doesn't complain about what I cook (though I would appreciate a little lead time to make sure I have enough), is perfectly happy sleeping on the pull out couch with no bedding, doesn't care that the house is a wreck, and brings beer. I am also reasonably sure he wouldn't mind at all if I ran through the house half naked in search of a towel though I haven't tried that one on him yet.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I don't care for it only because we don't have a guest room. They have to sleep on the couch, which isn't a pull out, which means we're cut off from that part of our apartment while they sleep. Luckily, we don't have overnight guests often.

I do not like staying in other people's houses either. If I go to visit my mother alone, I'll stay with her but otherwise it's hotel for me please.

 

[Kellykins1218]

We live in a tourist town and family invite themselves to stay all the time. I don't mind it at all, it's just how our family has always been. Everyone's homes are open to everyone. I actually like it. My family DOES know that they are on their own for food and they usually buy pizza or something for all of us. My uncle even called out of the blue and asked if his son, who I hadn't seen since he was 4 and who was now on tour with his band, could spend the night to save money. That one was kind of fun because my husband was out of town and when he called to check on how things were going at home, I told him I had a rock band sleeping upstairs.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

So the cousin had a nice little plan (in her head) of how this was going to go down and she could mooch off you guys for 3 nights. Classic case of her not getting her way and then going on the offence to make you seem like the unreasonable one....um I don't think so! After she showed you her true colors are you not happy you made the decision you did?

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Wow. I live a min of 3 1/2 hours away from the closest family member (that I would allow at my house, anyway) and I would be hurt and offended if they *didn't* want to spend the night when they are in town! We live in the Chicago suburbs with easy train access to downtown, so we get visitors often. I love those weekends!

For example, My sister's kids have tournaments in our state all the time, and she calls me when she knows about them and the conversation goes like this:

Hey! P's got a soccer tournament in ABC-ville the weekend of the 12th!
Me: Awesome! That's only about 20 minutes from my house. What day are you coming in?
Her: We don't know yet. They have a block of hotel rooms, but we would rather stay with you
Me: You better stay with me!! We have a wedding on DH's side on Sat night, but that's not a problem at all. My doors are always open, and the kids will be there, so feel free to come and go. Want to do pizza Friday night?
Her: sounds good - I'll let you know once I get more details.

2 weeks later - a text goes out:

Me: do you know what day you are coming yet?
Her: Friday. We should be there around 4
Me: OK, I get home about 5:10, but the kids will be there, so make yourselves at home. I'll stop and pick up the pizza on the way. Sausage OK?
Her: Anything is good! See you Friday! Thanks!

And when we go back "home", we do the same thing to our other siblings. We have an open door to all of their houses, so we rotate

I love (most of, lol) my family. They are so hospitable and kind and welcoming. I wouldn't have it any other way. And I hope they feel the same about me.

ETA: I say "most of" because there is a small part of DH's family who aren't even allowed to know where we live. There are big, dark, scary issues with them. But the rest of his family is normal lol and totally welcome at any time!)

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Wow. I live a min of 3 1/2 hours away from the closest family member (that I would allow at my house, anyway) and I would be hurt and offended if they *didn't* want to spend the night when they are in town! We live in the Chicago suburbs with easy train access to downtown, so we get visitors often. I love those weekends!

For example, My sister's kids have tournaments in our state all the time, and she calls me when she knows about them and the conversation goes like this:

Hey! P's got a soccer tournament in ABC-ville the weekend of the 12th!
Me: Awesome! That's only about 20 minutes from my house. What day are you coming in?
Her: We don't know yet. They have a block of hotel rooms, but we would rather stay with you
Me: You better stay with me!! We have a wedding on DH's side on Sat night, but that's not a problem at all. My doors are always open, and the kids will be there, so feel free to come and go. Want to do pizza Friday night?
Her: sounds good - I'll let you know once I get more details.

2 weeks later - a text goes out:

Me: do you know what day you are coming yet?
Her: Friday. We should be there around 4
Me: OK, I get home about 5:10, but the kids will be there, so make yourselves at home. I'll stop and pick up the pizza on the way. Sausage OK?
Her: Anything is good! See you Friday! Thanks!

And when we go back "home", we do the same thing to our other siblings. We have an open door to all of their houses, so we rotate

I love (most of, lol) my family. They are so hospitable and kind and welcoming. I wouldn't have it any other way. And I hope they feel the same about me.

For some it could be seen as very offensive to NOT want to stay with family when you are in town.

When we vacationed in Central America, near SO's family, we stayed in a hotel for 2 nights that we wear closest to them and they were offended we didn't stay with them. They didn't say anything to us outright but they "understood" because I'm a 'spoiled' American lol (no AC, no cable, no internet, bad beds). Either way we stayed with them for one night and it did make his grandma and aunt happy.