Update post 202 & 207. A 22yo girl calls and says to my DH, he is her father.

[The Mystery Machine]

How's your DH taking that aspect of it? That's a SHOCK in and of itself...

Well he is very excited about it and wants to shout it from the rooftops.
However, I am the voice of reason and have to keep him on track. I keep reminding him that if this is true, you can wait because it won't change.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Did the lawyer say how long to wait before having a paternity test?


My brothers son came back into his life at 18, he was adopted openly, he came wanted his "Dad" to give money to him like his Mother had done for most of his life, Mom cut him off and wanted him to grow up. They gave him a little money to help with food and rent and then when Step Mom said No more, he went away and hasn't been heard from again.

 

[salmoneous]

When my brother's wife was 22, she tracked down her father and called him out of the blue. After a bit of shock, he accepted her as his daughter and started treating her as such. Flew her down to meet the family, etc. They now have a very strong bond. She's also developed wonderful relationships with her father's wife and kids.

With all the calls for lawyers and DNA tests (which is probably good advice), do keep your mind open to the possibility of this being a great opportunity.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

.

With all the calls for lawyers and DNA tests (which is probably good advice), do keep your mind open to the possibility of this being a great opportunity.

That is what we are hoping for. Our goal is to be smart and build a solid foundation right now. This summer when kids are out of school we will go forward with having the "sit-downs" with our families.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Did the lawyer say how long to wait before having a paternity test?

He said to do a couple of meetings first and then discuss doing the paternity. I think the lawyer is going to set it up. DH will go and do whatever it is and then tell the young lady to go and do the test.
Not sure how all of that works.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Wow! I just have to say how much I admire both you & your dh! I mean honestly how cool is it that your dh is so willing to step up to the plate & be a part of her life & her children's life while considering your feelings as well. Also how cool is it that you are being so supportive instead of being threatened by it all. You two Rock!!!

I really hope that everything works out & you all have some great happy family times together. What are the ages & sexes of her kids?

I totally agree that the mother should be kept out as much as possible, but it might be a good idea to meet the step-dad atleast once since he will probably remain a big part of her life.

One a side note, I was just wondering if your dh having contact with his own father about all this has started to change their relationship any?

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

What amazing people you are to be so open to this young woman. You read so many negative posters here, that it is wonderful to read this entire post and be smiling.

 

[poohandwendy]

It is a good plan and I hope it can go that way.

It is a good plan and it sounds like you are off to a grea start!

I'll bet you are really proud of the way he is handling it and I am sure he is really proud of the way you are. That is awesome.

Wishing you all well. Glad he went to see her, I know how emotional that is.

 

[Serena]

I think that girl is very lucky.

 

[miss missy]

Thanks for the update! You guys are doing things smart and I commend you for your openness to her. I think you will be just fine and sound like you'll have some new family members to love So you didn't tell us... grandma, nana, meme??? what are you going to be girl?????

 

[Freyja]

You are really handling this with a lot of grace and class!

I'm glad the meeting went well, she does sound like a nice girl. I hope it continues to go well for all of you.

I agree. You seem like a very stong person and I really respect how you are handeling this.
Good luck to you all

 

[Poohbear123]

I don't think I could post something like this on a Public Board, kudos for you for that, and everyone seems to be nice, so I am happy you are getting some good advice. I am hoping all works out well, and you have the strength to go on, for your DH if it doesn't turn out good. Blessings to all involved...Faith

 

[Missy Mouse]

Update...Meeting time.

My DH went to see a lawyer that he was directed to him from his dad. "Family Friend" lawyer...who knew.
So the lawyer instructed him to go see them and not talk money or paternity. Just do a meet and greet, keep it light.
My dh was happy to talk to a male neutral party for once.

The meeting was set up at mom's apartment.
However, the mom requested that she meet with him for 10 minutes beforehand at this bar near her place, ended up being 20 mins. (think where everybody knew her name)
So he did. It appears that the "mom" is really "off" as far as coming to terms with her own past going back to her own father, let alone this situation. She is not happy her dd is doing this. However keep in mind that when she started divorce proceedings the 3 kids went to live with the dad. The mom is not closely bonded with her dd.

She is also a "manipulator". However DH and I know how to handle people like that, so it is just annoying & sad from our perspective.
The daughter from DH's perspective handles the manipulation as well as a 21yodd can...They bicker back and forth openly.

Anyway, my DH would prefer to leave mom out of this and will push it in that direction from now on. He met with her as expected but now there is really nothing else to say to her.

OK, so they go back to mom's place and meet. The daughter is crying out of happiness and scared at the same time. She brought her 2 kids with her. (hehehe....grandpa .....sorry we find that funny....oh, so much ammo for all of us soon. )

Sorry, had to express that.

DH believes she is genuine in her pursuit. She wants a relationship with him and more...So he has explained that he (and probably me) will get to know her over the next 4 months and then when summer gets here we will all decide how we want to go forth.

It is a good plan and I hope it can go that way. If this is to be long term and an addition to our family I want to go slowly and do it right.
If she is dh's dd for sure it won't matter we wait until summer to bring everyone up to speed.

DH will do a paternity test under the guidance of our lawyer.

So.... so far, so good. My hope is that it keeps going good.

God bless you, you are handling this with so much class. I'm very happy to see that you and DH have stood by each other, and that you are so open arms to the prospect. I just want you to know that if at any point in time you feel you need a "me" moment where this is all just a bit overwhelming, that is TOTALLY okay and expected. We will listen to you with open hearts. Your story is inspiring.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks for the support!!!!
Here, my work and my DH are the only supports I am going to have for awhile.

Ages of the kids are 2yo and 5 months....I think. Could be off by a bit. Both of them are girls.

Side note about DH's dad, well, can't really say. Although he is the ONLY family member that knows and his step-mom.
His dad is a nice person and helpful, not evil, DH's dad just doesn't have a "relationship" with us. We see him at "events" usually.
Will this lead to more, who knows. If something good comes from it then hey, I am all for it.
It is certainly is a thorn in my DH's side, even though he will tell you he is "ok with everything".

Imagine when my own girls who will be 16 & 10 find out they have half sisters and they are Aunts to 2 little girls.
Geesh it took me FOREVER to become an aunt.

Thank you....thank you...thank you...for all your well wishes.

 

[tiff211]

Good luck to you all!! You are to be commended for the way you are handling everything.

My dad got that same call a few years ago. I have one brother 10 years older than me. A women a few years older than me called and said she was his daughter. My parents separate for awhile before I was conceived. He told my brother but didn't tell me. DB slipped and told me (well he thought I knew). I always wanted an older sister so I was happy about it but also a little jealous because I was daddy's only girl. Well, at least I was still the baby! But after paternity testing, turns out she wasn't his.

 

[N&B'smom]

I'm so excited for you all. This must be a super exciting time. I can't even imagine handling it as well as you have - you're amazing!! Let us know how things progress. Doesn't this sort of make you a grandma?

Shelby

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I Doesn't this sort of make you a grandma?

I suppose....does it work that way? So what would I be? A step-grandma or just grandma?

Help me out here folks....

 

[N&B'smom]

I suppose....does it work that way? So what would I be? A step-grandma or just grandma?

Help me out here folks....

In this case, I think you have definitely earned the right to choose whichever title you want! I bet you're going to be a wonderful grandma!!

Shelby

 

[ButchJohnson]

I would say if you guys are well off with lots of cash, then yes go ahead and put a lawyer on retainer now. If you guys are middle class and are like me that can always use extra cash, I would wait on officially hiring a lawyer until you are served with any official papers such as a Complaint and Summons. You can always call around talk to several, see what they are like, see if you like them etc., etc., then if you do get hit with papers, you will already know a lawyer to call and you can get him the papers immediately. You would normally have at least 20 days to respond. That is plenty of time for any competent lawyer.

 

[Missy Mouse]

I suppose....does it work that way? So what would I be? A step-grandma or just grandma?

Help me out here folks....

A grandma is a grandma is a grandma. So congrats, granny!