Update: I declined there generous offer and there cool with that EOM!!!!

[MagicKingdom05]

Update:

Thanks everyone. I talked to her last night and she spoke with her parents who completely understood my reasoning and were only trying to be nice. They understand that I want to pay for this weekend myself and are really being cool about it. No more posts are necessary since this situation has been taken care of, but thanks anyways EOM!!!.

Original message:

Hi,

I'm not sure what I should do in this situation and am looking for some advise. I met someone on my Cancun trip who I have been chating with on a Cancun message board since January and she invited me to come out and visit her in Newport Beach, and the dates are set May 5-7. I'm planning a really nice romantic weekend for the two of us that she doesn't know about with the help of her sister. I found out this evening that her parents (who don't live with her and her sisiter) want to cover my airfare to fly out to LAX. She invited me to stay with her and the house that she and her sister share (old family home), but thought it might be a little uncomfortable with her sister being there. So I started working on plans for a weekend get away for the two of us and asked her sister if this was something the she would like to do and I was told absolutley. She loves to take little weekend trips, loves nature and stuff like that, so I'm trying to incorporate that into the trip.

The last thing I want to do is to not take them up on the offer and have them feel that I'm disrespecting them in some way, but I also don't want to seem like I'm a money grubber and really want to pay for everything myself. I'm going to decline the offer, but I wanted to see what you guys thought.

 

[AllyBri]

You will make a much bigger impression on her family, if you insist on paying for your own airfare.

 

[MagicKingdom05]

AllyBri,

Thanks for your feedback. That is what I'm figuring and I already told them that it's a really nice offer, but not necessary. However they continued to insist that it was something they wanted to do and it was there treat. I told them I would think about it over night and get back to them Saturday.

Part of me wonders if this is there way of testing me to see what I would do while the other part thinks that are just trying to be nice.

 

[disykat]

While I'm sure they are just trying to be nice, I wouldn't let them pay. I think the girl would prefer to have you being the one making the plans and paying - not her parents.

They can make their gesture some other time - this one's for you. I think if you are not paying for everything - it becomes about their generosity not yours. There are times for sharing the "glory" with parents, but I don't think trying to do something special for a girlfriend is one of them.

Warning - my advice is strongly colored by a FIL who likes to be the big daddy. Being the one footing the bill is part of his control mechanism.

 

[MagicKingdom05]

disykat,

Thanks for your response. I completely see where you are comming from and that's why I asked if it was ok for me to sleep on it. I'm sure there isn't any type of evil motive behind this other than them being nice to me. I'm sure since she invited me out her parents feel an obligation to help out in some way.

Her mother has already agreed to drive her to the airport (my friend thinks they are doing this to pick me up, not drop her off) and that's really all I need for them to do, with the rest being taken care of by me. I've already booked our rental car (Convertable) and in the process of booking our two nights at Casa Laguna Inn & Spa in Laguna Beach.

Like I said, I'm trying to do this in a way so I don't come off as the bad guy in the eyes of her parents for turning it down. Once I explain my reasoning behind my decision I'm sure they will understand.

 

[Hannathy]

I'm missing something coming from a girls mother's point of view. You met her on a trip, Have you been dating or is this only the second time you will be together? I could see them wanting to meet you and see their daughter but I don't know if I would be so keen on having you take her away for a romantic weekend alone this soon and me helping to set it up. Do they know you are not intending to stay around town for the visit.
My second question is why are they so involved? It seems a little over the top for a new relationship. Why are they so anxious? My Mom really liked my future husband but at this stage in the dating it was shown by sending brownies.
I wouldn't let them pay this early in a relationship, You don't know them and as the other poster said it could be setting yourself up to be under their "control" or feeling like you owe them something. What happens if things don't go well on the trip, I think you would feel like a jerk flying home on their dollar.
Have Fun I don't mean to put a damper on your plans just thinking out loud and being old.

 

[scrump]

My in-laws did something like this, they paid for BIL's (DH's brother's) girlfriend at the time to fly out to join us for a family get-together. I thought this was strange since it seemed like she could very well afford it, but it was not my business to say anything. I understand it's different from your situation, as this is just a trip for you and your girlfriend, but I have to join in with the others who say that you should kindly decline their money.

My ILs don't have control issues, they offered to pay her way out of generosity, but they were VERY eager to see her as a daughter-in-law, too. I think you made the right decision!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

As the mother of a DD I'm confused. Her parents basically want to pay for you to get ummmm frisky with their DD? That's really what it boils down to. Obviously you can afford to do this on your own - good for you. But I have to agree with Hannathy that something doesn't seem quite right.

Do yourself a favor and pay your own way for everything. If they insist gently turn them down. This does seem like ALOT of involvement for a family you just met on vacation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Pay for your own airfare, that is what a man would do.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

As the mother of a DD I'm confused. Her parents basically want to pay for you to get ummmm frisky with their DD? That's really what it boils down to. Obviously you can afford to do this on your own - good for you. But I have to agree with Hannathy that something doesn't seem quite right.

This is exactly what I was thinking!!

 

[Dan Murphy]

Is the Las Vegas gal out of the picture now?

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm missing something coming from a girls mother's point of view. You met her on a trip, Have you been dating or is this only the second time you will be together? I could see them wanting to meet you and see their daughter but I don't know if I would be so keen on having you take her away for a romantic weekend alone this soon and me helping to set it up. Do they know you are not intending to stay around town for the visit.
My second question is why are they so involved? It seems a little over the top for a new relationship. Why are they so anxious? My Mom really liked my future husband but at this stage in the dating it was shown by sending brownies.
I wouldn't let them pay this early in a relationship, You don't know them and as the other poster said it could be setting yourself up to be under their "control" or feeling like you owe them something. What happens if things don't go well on the trip, I think you would feel like a jerk flying home on their dollar.
Have Fun I don't mean to put a damper on your plans just thinking out loud and being old.

I guess I am old with you, LOL. To be honest, any involvement of the parents, this early in the game, is weird to me. I mean, didn't you just meet her a few weeks ago?

I agree with others, pay for your own way.

 

[kristen821]

I would pay for yourself also. Although it is a nice offer I wouldn't take them up on it for a few reasons.

1. show them you can take care of thier daughter
2. they may be controlling
3. you are having doubts about it

 

[Ready to go in Ok]

I guess I am old with you, LOL. To be honest, any involvement of the parents, this early in the game, is weird to me. I mean, didn't you just meet her a few weeks ago?

I agree with others, pay for your own way.

 

[MagicKingdom05]

Thanks everyone. I know it seems like a really weird situation and if the shoe was on the other foot I would say the same thing and would be a little confused as well. That's why I wanted to see what you guys thought about the situation, last night before I did anything.

I talked to her last night and she explained the situation to her parents and there cool with that. They just want to see there daughter be happy and are in no way trying to control the situation.

Like I said, I'm completely taking care of the entire weekend and other then her mother driving her to the airport to meet me this is all the involment they have.

 

[MagicKingdom05]

Dan Murphy,

Yep. It just didn't work out, but instead of moping about it and getting all depressed I decided to pick myself up and try again and I'm so glad I did. I know long distance relationship are hard to make workout, but if you don't try you never know what you could be missing out on.

 

[MagicKingdom05]

Thanks everyone for all your comments. No more posts are necessary since the situation has already been resolved. EOM

 

[kristen821]

Thanks everyone for all your comments. No more posts are necessary since the situation has already been resolved. EOM

Can I ask you what EOM means I have been seeing that a lot lately and can't figure it out. I am glad everything is working out for you.

 

[poohandwendy]

Glad to hear it is resolved, I hope you have a great time!

And I would like to know what Eom stands for too, LOL

 

[Dan Murphy]

Dan Murphy,

Yep. It just didn't work out, but instead of moping about it and getting all depressed I decided to pick myself up and try again and I'm so glad I did. I know long distance relationship are hard to make workout, but if you don't try you never know what you could be missing out on.

Thanks for the reply, Jason, and good wishes.

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