Ungrateful family?

[Inkmahm]

Let me give some simple advice for people thinking of taking family or friends or giving anyone a trip. IF you know they have issues and you have problems with them at times, it's guaranteed you'll have problems planning and/or during a given trip. If you haven't had issues previously, you MAY still have problems. Often the people that are a problem are known to be a problem. For some reason those planning the trips often con themselves into thinking that it'll be OK this one time because it's Disney, it's expensive and people will be grateful and on their best behavior. One of the issues is that those that are poor planners, handle money poorly, are just trouble makers, often show up late or not at all or routinely mooch off others will do the same with a Disney trip as well. Add to the that the fact that many people see a timeshare as a free item, even to the owner who's paying dues, even if you tell them over and over again to the contrary.

When I planned the family reunion for my DH's family, I was worried about all the ADRs we made for dinner for the group. His sister is famous for being late. I started warning the family a year in advance over and over again that if they were late for our ADRs they would not be eating with us. Whoever was there when our ADR was called would sit and those who were late would be on their own. Considering we were taking them to California Grill, Jiko, etc. I thought they might have a shot at being on time to get a free meal. No one was late for even one meal. In fact, sometimes the sister and her family were actually early.

 

[Vickis3js]

Thank you so much for posting this. You have avoided a major headache for me. I was just thinking of talking to DH about inviting my sister, her DH and my neice to WDW with us this year. But knowing how she is I know there will be drama. So I will just wait until my precious neice is old enough and take her and leave her parents at home LOL

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

Thank you so much for posting this. You have avoided a major headache for me. I was just thinking of talking to DH about inviting my sister, her DH and my neice to WDW with us this year. But knowing how she is I know there will be drama. So I will just wait until my precious neice is old enough and take her and leave her parents at home LOL

 

[silmarg]

ya know, I am having issues with my family getting along of late (nothing to do with Disney)... and its had such a negative effect on my mental state (may need a Disney trip to get me outta this funk).

Its so sad to read threads like this. I agree, sometimes family members think they can make such rude requests and get away with it.

Its so not fair.

I agree with some that have posted here that it is sometimes easier to travel with friends than family. My experience says that friends are generally more appreciative - maybe that because we can vet our friends and they are likely act more decent than family - the bottom line is you cant choose your family.

 

[delaneyc52]

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. When going to Disney, pick your very best friends and have a blast. Even friends (the very best) can, at times, try you -- but they will never ever ever ever be as ungracious as "entitled" family. Ever. My humble opinion.

 

[nunzia]

Our children are grown and married and we have learned that the GV experience is not for us. Nobody wants a sofa bed, nobody wants shared sleeping spaces. I don't really blame them (I would not do it even if it were free) so after 2 less than perfect family WDW vacations in the big villas, we now do 5 studios. It works so much better. We have found we actually enjoy vacationing together if we can all go back to our own private sanctuaries whenever we want to.

That is my feeling too as I'm a very private person and really enjoy my quiet time. My in laws have no problem going to big family gatherings (other side of the sis in laws family) and they all just bunk everywhere and anywhere..I just can't be comfortable doing that. ( I sometimes say my DH is lucky I share a room with him). BUT..I would be very grateful for the offer and if I understood the sleeping arrangements and agreed to it I'd be very happy to make it happen and be grateful. When I take my kids we get seperate rooms..that said, we have a BR at VGC (2 studios were not available) and we are taking BIL and SIL and now it looks like another BIL is coming too...on the Murphy bed no less. If they are all happy sharing the front room and getting a free room then great! I feel a little guilty having the master bedroom, but hey...I have the big payments and I'm sure they don't feel we should take the sofa sleeper, so all will be well...as long as we know we can split up during the day and not be attached by the hip.

 

[SunnieRN]

I must say that I am most grateful our family trips have not turned out that way. I can also say that I was quite shocked when a lot of our family members turned down trips to WDW using our points.

I had to stop and think about the fact that not everyone gets the magic. It is also still an expensive trip from CA, where most of our relatives are from. I have been told by them that they would rather spend their money in Vegas, or other vacation destinations. That's ok with me though. More points to enjoy!

 

[UConnJack]

We have only done one large family trip, that was 10 people (3 kids, 7 adults) in BWV GV. Consisted of me, wife, daughter, parents, my aunt, my cousin, and her husband and 2 sons. Zero family drama. None of them were complainers at all, nor did I expect them to be. They were all grateful for the room, and they paid for all the food. I probably exhausted my parents with our commando style, and my cousin and her family were probably overwhelmed too, but they never complained. In retrospect, we should have slowed down the pace a little and let them take it all in, but we didn't want them to miss anything. We separated a couple times, so I think that evened things out a little. That said, we all had a great time.

We would like to take my parents, my brother, SIL, and niece/nephew, but we haven't been able to arrange something yet. I think my my brother (who has never been) and SIL are a little wary of our hyper planning and commando style, they are a little more laid back and low key. They also wanted to bring their kids alone for their first time which I totally understand. They actually rented some points this year from someone else, which we had transfered into my account, and we got them a studio at AKV for a week in June. He has been grateful for the help, but I never expected differently. Of course, now that he is planning their trip, I think he is understanding why we are such hyper planners, you kind of need to be for Disney.

Maybe in a couple years we can all go back as a family. I would really like to have my parents enjoy a full family trip with all their grandchildren before they get too old. I don't have any concerns about anyone being grateful, my only concern is people feeling like they are being pulled around on a leash. My brother and SIL will have already been once, though, and I think everyone will be more laid back about the trip. I think we have all grown and calmed down enough that we don't have any problems with separating at times and moving at our own paces. There was some drama between my wife and SIL for a few year after we all got married, but that has largely blown over. They will never be best friends, but I think they have accepted who each other are and have more common ground now that they have kids.

 

[KBoopaloo]

This thread made me think of a conversation I had with one of the DVC CMs at Kidani Village. Last year, my mom and I stopped in to see the model rooms one more time (we had already bought) just to wrap our head around the plans for our big family trip. When we told the CM our plans for a big family trip with 16 people, he said "Can I offer you some advice? Whatever you do, DON'T get a Grand Villa as one of your rooms. They are nice, but there is not enough personal space. In fact, if I were you, I'd book a nice savannah view 1 BR for your immediate family and book standard view studios for everyone else. No one has to share so there will be less fighting!"

Sounds like maybe the DVC CMs are familiar with the family drama that can come from a big trip with extended family!

 

[preedymtnwest]

I certainly can relate to all the horror stories, and would feel the same way if someone complained about just about anything on a "free" trip. However, I am one of the few lucky ones whose first two DVC trips, which were both with extended family, were great.

We bought DVC in 2008 with the partial intention of being able to take my DSis and her family (luckily Disney fanatics, too) along sometimes. Now, we have travelled together in the past, and know we are compatible. Our DHs are fabulous, very even tempered, and get along great. The four kids get along pretty well (5-12), but are 3 DSs and 1 poor DD, but she's a good sport. We decided at the beginning that we didn't have to do EVERYTHING together, and we'd let each other know our plans, and if they matched up great, if they didn't, fine, too.

Our first trip was FEB09 with a commando WDW trip at BCV followed by a 3-night Wonder cruise. We borrowed everything we could and bought extra points to make up the rest (next time I'd just pay for the DCL - lesson learned), so DSis and family were only responsible for their park tickets and food at the parks. They were grateful and a lot of fun to have along.

FEB10 we rented a VGC GV, and invited DSis and family, and our one and only DCuz and his family (DW, adult DS, and her DPartner), so there were 12 of us. When we invited them, we sent a GV layout and explained they'd have one of the upstairs bedrooms/bath for the four of them. DCuz is not a DisFreak, but his DW goes every couple years with a friend. Again, we believed we would be compatible because DCuz and family have stayed at our home and are perfect houseguests - take care of themselves, pitch in, and totally go with the flow. Same deal on this trip - "here's what we plan to do - you're welcome to tag along or do your own thing." My DSis and I like to plan too much, though, so had to have ADRs for the 3 dinners we were going to share, and the DCuzs were grateful for that as they realized the benefits of having ressies for 12 of us.

Since the DCuzs only wanted to be there for 3 nights, we gave up the GV (the Paradise Pier View one, no less - it was AWESOME) and moved the remaining 8 of us to a 2BR for the rest of the week. Aside from my DS splitting his head open the first night at DL, and being woken up by jackhammering at 6 AM both mornings in the GV, it was a great trip. We hung out together some, and did our own things sometimes. And my DCuz (not the big Dis fan) sent a nice thank you and said he had soooo much fun.

Since then, my DSis has bought into VGC, too, so now all of our planning energy can be put into how to maximize our joint points! I know they're looking forward to being the "renters" so that they get the master sometimes; 2 BRs have worked well for the 8 of us in the past, but as the kids get older (and we're 3 DSs against 1 DD), it may work better for us to get 2 1BRs (I'm so spoiled now - don't know if I can do a studio!).

All of this worked, I believe because a) we had travelled or "lived" with all parties prior to the trips and knew we were compatible; and b) we had the understanding up front that there were very few expectations about doing things together, unless all parties wanted to; and c) because most, if not all of us, are "Disney Believers.

On my DH's side of the family, we'd probably never take them. He has 4 DSis's whom I adore, but none of them are into Disney, so I wouldn't force it. My DFIL and DMIL would think it was all very frivolous and not enjoy it at all either, so we don't even talk about it with them. My parents are both passed, which is too bad because we did DL with them as kids and once as adults (before kids) and they would have enjoyed going with our kids. (Although my mom sounds like the LI mom who kept finding road blocks to going -

So if you even suspect there might be issues, I agree with most posters - don't do it! But also don't be totally scared off it if you think it might work - give it a go, and if it doesn't work, don't do it again. We're going on our DVC incentive cruise in November, with a few days at VBR, without my DSis and my kids are trying to understand how THAT can happen!! So it's what they're used to now.

Most of all - GOOD LUCK!!

 

[kikiq]

We had a successful family trip in 2008 BUT I took the veteran DISers advice and booked a 2 bdrm and 2 studios. All went well, one brother had to cancel for medical reasons, so we could have canceled one studio. It turned out that my DDs took the studio because they found traveling with their aunt was too intense We all had a good time and having the 2 bdrm for meals and night time gatherings was wonderful, but everyone had a room to "escape" to when they wanted. Plus we were at SSR, easy for my sil to go out to smoke and plenty of outdoor places for the family to sit and chat near the villas.

We're "thinking" of taking a family December 2011 trip the week before Christmas to include a Disney cruise. Might not do the cruise because of the cost added to the cost of plane fare from the west coast. If we do go, we'll book a 2 bdrm and studios again.

 

[Gregowa]

If my brother said he didn't want to sleep on the sofa sleeper and felt he deserved a bed, I would be very tempted to tell him that he is more then welcome to bring an aerobed with him and he can have his own bed, and as an added bonus, he can sleep in whatever room he wants to except for mine!

 

[shortypots]

Ok, so we are back from our trip. And I have to say it was stressful. Unlike my original belief everyone said thank you. My mother did end up on the sofa bed, but not for lack of the bed, or so she said anyway. The beds in the grand villa were incredibly high, so would have been very difficult for my dad to get in and out of. So both my brothers ended up with beds, and mom and dad on the sofabed. Having the 4 bathrooms was fantastic! We only had one issue with one bathroom being full when we were all getting ready.

I tried to get everyone out a half hour before opening of the parks we would do on that day, but I think we only actually got out on time 1 day. We did have some issues with my 5 yr old nephew wetting the bed every night, but I think that was because my 2 brothers set the thermostat at 68 degrees. If they would have set it at 72, he might not have wet the bed so often. He also ended up sick on the plane home, so that might have something to do with it too.

On top of the bed wetting, my nephew (only 5 yrs old) hated Disneyworld. Except when I tell him, "ok, you don't ever have to go back", he tells me "no I want to go back." So who knows whether or not he liked it. He was a sour puss most of the week, which means he was disciplined more times than I could count, which could explain his dislike for WDW.

Due to the child's behavior, my mother and my brother were at each other's throats all week, causing it to be very stressful for all. Due to the high stress of the trip before and after, I do not think we have intentions of doing another big family trip again.

As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and this past week was as close to hell as I can remember. Lessons learned- Disney is not made for all of my family at one time!

PS- I should mention the unit was GORGEOUS!!! We loved it. The pool table got used every night and we even got to see an ostrich lay an egg!!! The view was amazing!

 

[xipetotec]

Ok, so we are back from our trip. And I have to say it was stressful. Unlike my original belief everyone said thank you. My mother did end up on the sofa bed, but not for lack of the bed, or so she said anyway. The beds in the grand villa were incredibly high, so would have been very difficult for my dad to get in and out of. So both my brothers ended up with beds, and mom and dad on the sofabed. Having the 4 bathrooms was fantastic! We only had one issue with one bathroom being full when we were all getting ready.

I tried to get everyone out a half hour before opening of the parks we would do on that day, but I think we only actually got out on time 1 day. We did have some issues with my 5 yr old nephew wetting the bed every night, but I think that was because my 2 brothers set the thermostat at 68 degrees. If they would have set it at 72, he might not have wet the bed so often. He also ended up sick on the plane home, so that might have something to do with it too.

On top of the bed wetting, my nephew (only 5 yrs old) hated Disneyworld. Except when I tell him, "ok, you don't ever have to go back", he tells me "no I want to go back." So who knows whether or not he liked it. He was a sour puss most of the week, which means he was disciplined more times than I could count, which could explain his dislike for WDW.

Due to the child's behavior, my mother and my brother were at each other's throats all week, causing it to be very stressful for all. Due to the high stress of the trip before and after, I do not think we have intentions of doing another big family trip again.

As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and this past week was as close to hell as I can remember. Lessons learned- Disney is not made for all of my family at one time!

PS- I should mention the unit was GORGEOUS!!! We loved it. The pool table got used every night and we even got to see an ostrich lay an egg!!! The view was amazing!

Oh wow, I'm so sorry you guys had such a terrible time

Our last trip, we were 25 people. But 5 of them were at a completely different resort ( technically not part of our trip, but joined up with us the whole time ) and we were split up into separate units ( 1 2bdrm and 3 studios ). So that probably helped keep tensions low. It WAS stressful, but in our case, not so much because people didn't get along, more because we wasted a lot of time "herding" the large group. But we still had a great time.

hope it hasn't completely ruined the magic for you...

 

[jmpurdy]

So sorry it didn't turn out so well. Our family, too, knows our limits of 'togetherness'. We NEED our own space at night. We have our rhythm pretty well set and it looks like a huge lesson was learned. The GV's are gorgeous, but really work when everyone has their own space. We put the two snorers (DH & DS) together in the living room and our DD with her two young sons together and our other DD and I share the other bedroom. This is the only way it could work and all of us be sane/well rested and happy for the trip. You deserve another trip this summer all by yourselves!

 

[Tinks "SS"]

WOW, a five year old that hated the World. never thought i would hear that one. oh well, i hope that you and your little family still had some good times mixed in there. here's some good vibes for you for your next trip without the fam!

 

[dbs1228]

Bummer you did need another trip! When we have traveled to Ft Wilderness there has been 14 of us, 3 cabins and it was always pretty stress free after the 1st trip that is. The 1st time we did a trip like that everyone tried to stick together and we quickly learned everyone needs to "do their own thing" and meet up whenever is convient. We all agreed not to wait for each other and used our cells mid morning to find out where the "late arrivals are".

I think the key is seperate space, and I am glad you shared your experience with us because I will remember that going forward when I think about doing something like this.

 

[lucyem]

Bummer you did need another trip! When we have traveled to Ft Wilderness there has been 14 of us, 3 cabins and it was always pretty stress free after the 1st trip that is. The 1st time we did a trip like that everyone tried to stick together and we quickly learned everyone needs to "do their own thing" and meet up whenever is convient. We all agreed not to wait for each other and used our cells mid morning to find out where the "late arrivals are".

I completely agree with this. Some of my worst vacation memories are when I was stuck with people not on the same page. We met up with friends at WDW lat Feb and had a great time. We met for meals, did some touring together. But we also did our own thing. Worked perfectly.

 

[dancer4life22]

dont tell my parents but i think i would stay home if they took family!


i cant believe i just said that!

 

[es45]

Sorry that your trip had a lot of stress for you. Give the 5-year-old some time. Some kids are so overwhelmed with it all that they act out.

Now promptly reserve yourself some alone time at your favorite DVC resort and your sanity will be soon restored.