Ugh! Why is cooking so hard for me???

Thank you guys for the tips.....& also for letting me know that lasagna is not an easy dish for beginners! I was envisioning it was just going to be layering & throwing a bunch of stuff in a pan. It actually ended up to be pretty tasty, but it looked like an absolute mess.

I think I am going to try to prep stuff ahead of time (I loved the idea someone had about browning meat all at once and then portioning it to use for several recipes)

Holy Hard First Recipe! I love lasagna and the best recipe I have is to eat it at my neighbors ! I mean it, I have been cooking for close to 40 years and still hate to make that dish.

I think that you have gotten great advise. Watch some shows, look at recipe sites and take not of the skill level if it is part of the recipe notes. Don't be afraid to ask friends for their tried and true recipes. I guarantee that they are not going to be difficult, they will be the ones that use pantry items, have relatively few steps and are next to fool-proof.


Best advise I can add is to give yourself permission to make a mistake. No one always makes perfect dishes, and honestly, perfect for me may be way too salty, spicy, rare, crunchy etc for you and your family. As others have said, the first time on most recipes is a trial run, after that you know what you want to do to change it! Good Luck!
 
I agree with others that it will come with practice--just keep at it.

Also, reading through the entire recipe first and planning is a great suggestion for a novice cook (and getting things prepped before you are working with heat).

When I was teaching my kids to cook I worked first from recipes that just a couple of skills at a time until that skill became second nature and then we moved onto recipes which use multiple skills.

SO, for example, you found browning ground beef difficult. Make several recipes that involve pretty much only that, very simple things first (like sloppy joes using a canned sauce or hamburger helper or tacos with a packaged seasoning mix).

In between days do pastas with jarred sauces (if boiling pasts to the "right" consistency or figuring out how much dry pasts is needed to make the amount of cooked you want, is a challenge).

Once browning meat is easy AND pasta is easy, then try a lasagne or pasta with a meat sauce, etc.

Or once pasta is easy, then try sauteed veggies to go with it.

Just make sure there is only one "new" skill at a time, so it does not get overwhelming :goodvibes
 
Do you enjoy cooking, or is it just something you feel you should know how to do? There's no shame in admitting one does not enjoy cooking.

Unless its something you really enjoy doing, why add stress to your life trying to get good at it? Just learn some basics so you can get meals out for your family without angst.
 
One thing to do is to get 5-10 easily-adapted recipes under your belt and explore from there.

Take, for example, asparagus. The easiest way in the world to make yummy asparagus is to take a frying/saute pan, heat 1-2 tb olive oil to a medium high heat, add the (washed/tipped) asparagus to the pan, wiggle it around until it turns slightly darker green, add a squeeze of lemon and a pinch of salt, wiggle it around some more till the smaller edges start to get super dark/slightly burnt, and take it off the heat. (So, basically, heat in pan with some lemon juice and salt.)

Once you have that down, you can use a host of other dark green veg. That recipe works with broccoli, kale, green beans, broccolini, etc. Instead of knowing how to make one side, you've figured out a technique that's let you cook five different sides.

Same is true for stews. If you figure out how to cook a beef stew with potatoes, carrots and celery, you can cook a chicken stew with carrots, celery, and turnips, or a lamb stew with mushrooms, new potatoes and onions.

Or, if you can make a beef chili, you can also make a turkey chili, a veggie chili, or a chicken chili. If you can make pulled pork tacos, you can make pulled beef tacos or pulled chicken tacos. The list goes on.

I found it really relaxing when I didn't have to follow recipes all the time--I figured out 5-10 kinds of meals I liked, learned those techniques, and then adapted based on what's in my fridge or on sale.
 

Do you enjoy cooking, or is it just something you feel you should know how to do? There's no shame in admitting one does not enjoy cooking.

Unless its something you really enjoy doing, why add stress to your life trying to get good at it? Just learn some basics so you can get meals out for your family without angst.

I definitely don't DISlike cooking-I just wish I was better at it & that makes me feel frustrated. I don't strive to be a fancy cook or anything, I would just like to get to the point where I can make a variety of nourishing & good meals for my daughter & husband. :)
 
I could cook before I even met DH and got married...
I just knew that one day, especially as a woman, that cooking was something I wanted to be able to do. I watched my mom very closely!!!

1. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Start easy and simple... build on your skills... You WILL get there!
It really is a process.... You can't write a novel until you have memorized your ABC's.... You can't do algebra until you have learned to add and multiply, etc...

2. This kind of real cooking, from scratch... IT TAKES TIME!!! And some effort. Like one poster said... If you walk into your kitchen at supper time, especially if you are already hungry/tired.. You don't just whip up something like a Lasagna. ;) A great alternative or place to start... boil some nice pasta.. maybe fancy shaped pasta... learn how to do a quick Alfredo Sauce. (heat some flour and oil... when that is ready... add your milk/liquid... and when that starts to thicken (on low) add in your parmesan... salt.. etc.. Or how about some pasta with olive oil (maybe butter) basil, garlic powder... Add some broccoli steamed/boiled in a pot while your are cooking... and a meat (on the grill or braised in the skillet) I did this meal recently, and it beat any similar dish I have had at places like Ruby Tuesdays (our Ruby Tuesdays, one of my limited restaurant options, is actually pretty good on some of their entrees.)

You will pick up on these things...

3. You can NOT rush cooking... Don't start out like the phrase 'cooking-on-gas'.... learn the finesse... getting the temps right.. for example, I will blacken/braise my chicken breast in a HOT pan, but immediately turn the burner almost off when I turn the meat... add a bit of water... and let it take it's time cooking-thru. Even something as simple as scrambled eggs... It's easy to think, Ohhh, I can have those done in a second... NOT!!!! Not unless you want awful tasting, rubbery, nearly burned, eggs!!! ;) (this is something that I have tried to tell my husband for a long time before he listened!!!)

4. Cooking, and knowing just how to get things to come out right... it is a finesse... a learned skill.... For example... you can end up with a nice browned ground beef... or little hard rubbery stuff... It is all in technique... HINT: I just put my ground beef in the skillet in pieces... and let it all brown, kind of like cooking hamburgers. Again, you can't use too high of a temp... covering this also works well... THEN drain the grease and break it all up. That way, a lot of the meat is the softer and tender meat from inside the pieces... Not all browned/burned from contact with the skillet. These techniques and the finesse come with time and practice and reading and watching and learning. things like, for a great steak, let your steaks warm up closer to room temp before putting them on the hot grill, or indoor frying pan. And, let any meats, like roasts, 'rest' or 'cure', still covered for a while... and do not slice them really hot, right out of the oven. Things like, when working with flour or corn starch, for gravies, sauces... Always start cold... if the starches hit hot liquid, they will immediately start cooking into lumps. Start cold, heat from there as stirring.

5. When I am trying to cook in more of a hurry... and my husband is there and willing to help... he is my Soux Chef. He will put things away and try to clean as I go... peel the potatoes, etc.... If you don't have that going for you.... Remember, all of that time and effort IS a big part of cooking. Just line one earlier poster mentioned. Do not underestimate this. And, yes, because of this, it makes cooking more time consuming and demanding meals very hard if one is also caring for the baby!

6. People have different tastes and styles of cooking. My MIL, who was a full time stay at home mom/homeaker from the era of the 50's, cooks by putting meat and potatoes etc in the oven, mid afternoon... It is like that is the way she did it, and does it..... Then, at 5:00, pull it out of the oven. I cook with a more modern style... I get out the skillets and pots and spices etc... and cook a meal that is plated right off the stove... You will learn the foods and cooking style that works for you.

Again, just be patient!!!!
All of this will come with time and practice!
 
As mentioned, lasagna is waaaaay too complicated. I can cook and I still do not make lasagna. When I was younger, some company had "lasagna in a box" which showed how to assemble all the ingredients together, and was supposed to be fool-proof- It was still a PITA to assemble and figure out.

There are certain principles on understanding HOW and why to cook certain things in certain ways that you are lacking right now. Once you understand the principles and they make sense, you will be able to cook almost any recipe better.

As you mentioned, OP: properly browning meat, how long, why it needs to be done a certain way, is one of them. Please do NOT brown a batch of meat to have on hand for several meals UNTIL you know how long to brown the meat. If you ruin this ONE huge batch, then the next several recipes will all be ruined from the start. :idea: That's why cooking the meat fast and most of the way through works in a stir-fry or single-skillet recipe.

Give yourself some practice times. Learn to brown meat each time. See how long it takes. When you are unsure, under-cook, as you can always continue cooking it more in the recipe. You may find it better to under-cook the meat - so that it continues to cook when combined in the recipe and flavors the sauce and other ingredients while cooking for another 20 minutes at medium-low heat. :idea: That when added to the sauce after it is fully cooked, the sauce doesn't get as much flavor. And the meat just kind of sits in the sauce. Distinctions like these come with experimenting and making mental notes. (Or a great cooking show that tells you this.)

Is it a quick cooking recipe, that just needs all the ingredients mixed together and you can add meat that is browned a bit more and just needs 2 minutes to meld the flavors together at medium high heat before the veggies overcook, like a stir-fry? That is possible because stir-frys usually add in chicken broth or beef broth - so the meat flavor is already incorporated into the sauce component from the start. It's not dependent on getting it from the meat.

Knowing how long to cook meat makes a difference. There are some recipes in which you can overcook the meat. Then there are chilis, which because they are cooked at a low temperature, in moisture and for a long time, it's pretty much impossible to over-cook the meat. Yet, you can burn the whole dish if the temperature is wrong, and it is cooked too high and bottom of the pot gets burned.

Understanding the principle of TEMPERATURE is key. When a recipe says cook at Medium-low heat, it is not arbitrary. It is specified for a reason - so the outsides don't overcook and burn while the inside is still rather raw. Even so, the food requires monitoring and a judgement call. You may need to up the temperature as it doesn't seem it be cooking at all. If the outsides are burning, then you need to lower the heat, no matter what the recipe says. Different stoves & ovens work differently. That takes practice and experience learning that.

If the lasagna requires cooking before layering, how LONG to cook it so that it is not over-cooked when the recipe is finished, is something that takes trial & error.

If it is one of those recipes in which you add the pasta dry & uncooked, then you need to know how to watch the sauce, to make sure there is enough sauce to cook it all the way through, or what to do if there is too much sauce and the layers are just swimming in sauce, and the clock says it's supposed to be done.


Fish is something that is notoriously over-cooked. That is because people don't understand that even when you take it off the fire, the residual heat in the fish and what it is cooked on continues to keep cooking the fish. If you cook it till its perfect in the pan, by the time you serve it, it will be way over-cooked.

If you like your meats medium, and yet when you serve it, it is medium well, that is the same principle. same with anything that you seem to find you keep "over-cooking" even though you swear it was perfect on the stove.


Learn how to marinate meats (let soak in spiced liquids) for 10 minutes or more. That ONE thing can change and enhance the flavor of meats tremendously. I got a George Foreman grill. I read dozens of reviews. The people who raved about that grill were the ones who marinated their meats before grilling.

My GF grill is now in the bottom of the cabinet, takes up too much room on the counter. BUT, I kept the principle of marinating the meats, when I broil or bake them now instead. :thumbsup2

Watching the Food Network taught me to take my meats out of the fridge for about 10 minutes, to take the chill off of them. This way the inside isn't still cold and ends up raw, while the outside of the is cooked to perfection.

It just so happens that those 10 minutes is the same 10 minutes is what it takes to marinate meat. Well, what do you know! :idea:

And when I say marinate meats, I don't mean anything fancy. For boneless chicken breasts or thighs, I toss the chicken in a Ziplock bag and pour in some Italian Dressing, OR ranch dressing, OR blue cheese dressing, just enough to cover the chicken. Marinate for 10 minutes. Take a baking pan and wipe some cooking oil on the bottom so the chicken won't stick to the pan. Take the chicken out of the marinade and place in pan. Pour a couple extra tablespoons of the marinade on top of each piece of chicken. Discard rest of the liquid. Then grill under the oven broiler for 10-12 minutes each side. Or grilled in the GF grill or on a BBQ grill. Instant tasty chicken and sooo easy. :woohoo: THAT kind of easy recipe is also something to teach your child to cook with you later. I broil a LOT of meats this way: pork chops, lamb chops, steak. With simple sides that can be changed up, it's a quick meal.

Meats also need to "rest" for about 5-10 minutes after cooking. This allows the juices to redistribute inside the meat and stay IN, so it is juicy & flavorful. If you've ever watched an infomercial where they pull the meat out of the gadget and cut into it immediately, and the juices flow all over the cutting board, that is a meat that has not "rested." If the juice is all over the cutting board, then so are the flavors. They will not be in your mouth. :p


As someone else mentioned, I read a recipe through to see how many steps or ingredients it take. How long it will take me to prep and do each step.

Whenever possible I do simple recipes or uses shortcuts whenever possible. I don't dice or chop, when I can, I will use pre-diced & chopped frozen veggies. Some veggies can be bought pre-cut & sliced. Yes, it is more expensive, but when learning to cook, I want to get to the cooking, not take a lot of time prepping to cook.

For me, I love one-skillet meals. Everything cooked in one pot/pan, with a nice flavorful sauce. Similar to crockpot cooking. I have even taken some crock-pot recipes and just simmered everything on low or med-low, in one deep stock pot, cooked on one burner for about 45 minutes to an hour. What do people think cooks did before the invention of a crockpot? :confused3

I also love easy stir-frys. Again, one pan (skillet) recipes. And one does not need a wok to do a stir-fry.

OP, once you learn the fundamental principles of how to cook things and why certain things have to be done in certain ways, then swapping out different ingredients, changing spices, or making shortcuts becomes a breeze.
 
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My mother is basically a meat and potatoes cook. She does fine with it, but I wanted to branch out.

When I moved to Arizona I wanted to learn how to make Mexican food (mom doesn't know the difference between a flour tortilla and a corn tortilla) so I took a class from the owner of a local Mexican restaurant.

When I wanted to make Chinese food at home, I took a class from a chef at a local Chinese restaurant. His accent was really hard to understand, but we watched his hands, and eventually his instructions made sense. :thumbsup2

This was long before the Internet, and cable t.v. cooking shows were around. There are so many resources and recipes out there now.

My DMIL was a great cook, but she didn't start out that way. After she was married she wanted to buy a good cookbook, but DFIL said they couldn't afford it. Then she served burnt offerings a couple of times (not intentionally) so he asked, "How much was that cookbook?" They bought the book, and she became quite skilled in the kitchen.
 
Just wanted to say THANK YOU to those of you who recommended the America's Test Kitchen books... I just ordered the Healthy Family Cookbook.

And OP, thanks for starting this thread. Please know that you are NOT ALONE in feeling this way!!! ::yes::
 
I don't mind cooking, it's just the lack of time that I have when I get home from work and have cranky, hungry children and need something to give them in 10 minutes.
 
I haven't read all pages. But I am sure there are you tube videos that go step by step for the person learning. I am confident you will learn quickly! For me with certain things it takes a while for the bulb in my head gets letup. There are books that do 5 ingredients. I never had anyone to teach me , it came naturally. But take your time. The best start is always asking people. Hopefully when you feel confident, you will show us your meals! :dance3:
 
If don't cook, directions that say "a little olive oil in the pan, then brown until done" are frustrating. You will get to the point where that makes sense, but right now you need more structure, less guess work. American's Test Kitchen, Betty Crocker or the Food Network.
You will get there!
 
Our twin DDs grew up in a house where mom & dad were both pretty decent cooks. Interestingly, one DD became a foodie with natural gifts for cooking while one was pretty much a disaster. Having observed the non-cooking DD, we saw the problem was basically that she wasn't paying much attention while cooking. She'd put something in a pan or in the oven and just forget about it.

Fast forward a few years and now both DDs are pretty terrific cooks. Through trial & error she figure out what she was doing right/wrong and adjusted accordingly. She doesn't do fancy stuff, but the dishes she does prepare are top-notch. :)
 
Thank you guys for the tips.....& also for letting me know that lasagna is not an easy dish for beginners! I was envisioning it was just going to be layering & throwing a bunch of stuff in a pan. It actually ended up to be pretty tasty, but it looked like an absolute mess.

I think I am going to try to prep stuff ahead of time (I loved the idea someone had about browning meat all at once and then portioning it to use for several recipes)

Baked Ziti is so much easier than lasagna.

I use the crockpot for meats and then make side dishes. It makes it appear that I can cook but really, I am a terrible cook!
Seriously, I can mess up canned fruit!
 
Try this. Before you do anything else read through the recipe and see what the ingredients are and what you need to do to them. Then look thought the steps of the recipe. Finally before you start actually cooking prep the ingredients: chop what needs chopped, measure out spices and put them in separate little bowls as necessary, then measure out anything else. That way you have all the ingredients at hand a nd ready to go.

Then you start working thought ths steps of the recipe. I found out that a recipe needs studied and organized before you start cooking.

Find recipes with pictures to start out with. Also clean as you go. Do not let the dirty dishes pile up.

Finally, it takes practice. Find some basic instructional books at the library or book store.

Those are great tips and you might also search YouTube as there are lots of videos tha deminstrate step by step. If you have a tablet or laptop place it in the kitchen as you prepare and pause or rewind if you need clarification. Keep practicing and you'll make it

I remember making my first cake when I was in the fourth grade. I followed the recipe and made it from scratch but I did not know it was easier than using a mix. My mom was impressed but I just thought that I was just following directions. in other words don't put too much pressure on yourself. Take it a step or dish at a time.

I still cook a lot at home. My DW doesn't like to cook and I do so it works out well for us
 
I feel your pain, I honestly despise cooking. Every time I try I spend a ton of money on ingredients and screw it up in the end! My solution, DH cooks and I clean!
 
If don't cook, directions that say "a little olive oil in the pan, then brown until done" are frustrating. You will get to the point where that makes sense, but right now you need more structure, less guess work. American's Test Kitchen, Betty Crocker or the Food Network.
You will get there!

I agree, I hate recipes that say "salt to taste". OMG, just tell me how many tsps to put in! I cannot figure out recipes that have non exact instructions, I call those "recipes for disaster!"
 
A couple tips:

1. Begin with simple recipes, then branch out to more difficult things. For example, one-pot meals and casseroles are typically very forgiving, whereas baking from scratch requires more precise attention.

2. Read through the whole recipe before you begin and visualize yourself following through with each instruction. If you're not yet at the "improvising stage", you need to KNOW that you have all the ingredients and have a clear view of what you're going to do at every step.

3. Set out all your ingredients before you begin. Measure out a cup of noodles, a tsp of salt or whatever's appropriate before you begin.

4. Take your time. If you're rushed, just make sandwiches for tonight and wait 'til you're better able to focus to work on a real recipe.

5. Don't skimp on steps. My husband is awful about this. For example, he wanted to make homemade ice cream this weekend, and he froze the ice cream bowl only 3-4 hours; it needs a solid 24 hours! Then he didn't bother to chill the mixing bowl and the ingredients. The result: His ice cream didn't set up. He does stuff like this all the time, and it's just because he doesn't understand that certain shortcuts are okay . . . while others aren't.


Mostly, learning to cook just requires practice. Give it time.
 
I didn't get started cooking until my daughter was like 2 years old. One of my problems was that it seemed like recipes always assumed you already knew what certain terms meant and how to do certain things. I did not. My mom bought me this book...Now You're Cooking: Everything a Beginner Needs to Know to Start Cooking Today. It cleared up a lot of mysteries for me and really got me to start.

Cooking is also hard because it usually requires planning. You have to make sure you have all the ingredients. It seems like I can not make a meal without running to Publix for SOMETHING. Unless you plan out all your meals for the week and shop ahead, it's hard to have everything you need on hand.

I really recommend that book...I seriously didn't even know how to hard boil an egg when I first got married. You can get a used copy on amazon for as little as a penny plus shipping.

Good luck!
 

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