ugh! My Mom and her junk mail!

[minniecarousel]

My Mom lives with DH & I. On most days, she will receive 8-10 pieces of mail (while DH & I get maybe...3 or 4, including bills.) 90% of her mail is: "You are our big winner!"

She reads every piece of mail she gets. We have told her that if they ask for a fee to release the big money to her, that they're a scam. She says she got a phone call last Thursday morning and that they wanted to bring her a large check the next afternoon at 4:30. I made sure I was home during that time so that I wouldn't be the "bad guy" in case someone actually came by. (Of course, no one came here.)

She sends in the papers on the ones that don't require a fee. I think it all started with Publishers Clearing House. I think they sold her name & address to all these scammers.

I had to show her on the internet today that the one she wanted a "lawyer to look at" was on the scammers list. She doesn't have dementia. She's pretty sharp (at 93) but she has me to keep her from writing a check for these useless scams. What happens to the people who don't have someone to keep them from wasting their money?

Is there something I could be doing to stem the flow of this junk? Or should I just let her read it and throw it out? Since she's lucid, I hate to just not give her all her mail. It broke my heart to see her last Friday, all excited that someone might be giving her a lot of $$, then no one shows up. She didn't get her afternoon nap, she was so excited.

 

[Piecey]

I worked as a Teller and we managed to stop a lot of people!

They'd come in wanting money orders, to w/d large sums of cash, cashier's checks, etc. and we were trained to always ask what it was for.
Some people got really angry about it and my manager would just tell them why we ask and that it's within the rules and regulations of the account that we do have every right to deny processing a transaction.

It's scary how many do slip by though. We had one lady who wrote a personal check, which of course had her account number, and they wiped her out repeatedly before we even realized what was happening. It was very sad.

 

[C.Ann]

Before my mom had to go into a nursing home, she fell for a lot of scams.. They weren't the contest types though - they were the "Save A Tree"; "Feed This Starving Child"; "A Donation Towards My Campaign Will Insure That XYZ Will Benefit YOU"; etc., type things..

Got to the point where my late brother had to sift through her mail before he brought it inside to her or she would have been sending a check to everyone and their brother.. I detest people that prey on the elderly like that.. Often they would run their "scams" via the telephone as well.. Because her mailbox was in a common area - not right outside her door - my brother was able to inspect the "outgoing" mail as well and just pull anything that didn't seem quite "right"..

I feel bad for your mom though because she probably just enjoys "getting mail".. Maybe you could sign her up for some free catalogs and such.. At least she would be receiving "mail" and it would probably make her day having these colorful catalogs to browse through..

 

[Abbie]

Couldn't you just make sure you get to the mailbox first and weed out questionable mail? Give her the harmless ones and let her fill them out to her heart's content.

For my mom, who does have the beginnings of dementia but still lives independently, I handle all her mail and bills, etc. What I did was set a large basket in her living room and had her drop ALL mail there and I pick it up and sort it weekly. She seems willing to do that. I've changed the billing addresses on all bills so those come directly to me. Our problem is monitoring her email! She told me recently that someone was going to be sending her money (and a job working at home, just what every 85 year old needs!) which set off red flags. After checking her credit card online, I saw a pending charge for $500 to some company. What a mess that was to fix, but they did reverse the charge eventually.

I check her email remotely and throw out all the scamming stuff but sometimes I forget to check and I'm afraid she will be clicking things left and right! I do really worry about the elderly and their ripeness for scams!

 

[Golf4food]

Is there something I could be doing to stem the flow of this junk?

Yes, there is. There are a few junk mail opt-out lists you can place her on.

www.optoutprescreen.com is the big one for credit card offers.

www.dmachoice.org is the big one for junk mail and such.

www.catalogchoice.org might help with unwanted catalogs, though that doesn't sound like your problem. The first two are the big ones.

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

I work for the Attorney General's Office in my state and our Consumer Protection division is swamped with scams that come in on a daily basis. The newest ones are the Haitian relief effort scams. But the lottery scams are the ones that seem to sucker people in. I've had many a call where I've had to explain to people over and over that if they haven't entered into a lottery or for that matter haven't been over seas to enter a lottery, then there is no way they could win the lottery. Unfortunately people are in need of the money or are dreamers and expect others to be just as honest as they are.

Your mom is lucky to have you there to watch out for her. Many do not have someone like that and are easily taken advantage of, and there are too many to count who have been taken for hundreds or thousands of dollars they didn't have because they thought it was legitimate. Many scams now a days are so realistic they can fool almost anyone. Currently there is one out there scamming lawyers and courts with counterfeit checks.

Be on the look out for scams that ask for you to send money to them so they can send you money...BIG RED FLAG! No lottery will ever tell you they will give you money if you give them the amount for the tax back after you deposit the check.

The worst one I know of right now that is being directed to the elderly and parents mainly is someone calling and telling them they are the son/daughter/grandson/granddaughter and they have just been in a car accident or have been arrested and need money wired to them as soon as possible, but not to tell anyone that you are wiring the money and not to mention it to anyone as they don't want anyone else worrying about them or them getting in more trouble.

Bless you for taking care of your mom...I wish we could do that with everyone.

Edit: As for what to do about the junk-mail? I've been known to stuff the information they send in the prepaid envelope and mail it back to them. See how they like it.

 

[minniecarousel]

I've been thinking of E-mailing family (her kids & grandkids) and asking them to send her a card occasionally. My nieces know that I show her pix of their kids on-line, but she would prefer to see an actual photograph. My sister thinks she just likes getting mail. She'd be mighty suspicious if she suddenly stopped getting these things. I guess, for her protection, I could start by with-holding a few a day from her. But it feels devious!

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

I've been thinking of E-mailing family (her kids & grandkids) and asking them to send her a card occasionally. My nieces know that I show her pix of their kids on-line, but she would prefer to see an actual photograph. My sister thinks she just likes getting mail. She'd be mighty suspicious if she suddenly stopped getting these things. I guess, for her protection, I could start by with-holding a few a day from her. But it feels devious!

She probably does enjoy getting the mail...I know I have an aunt who is getting up in age and she loves to go through catalogs and anything else that comes in the mail, bills...you name it. I think its because it's for her...its the idea that "Someone sent something to me." It's personal even if it is just junk. Maybe sending her a letter yourself so she has something to look at? Or a card? You don't have to mail it but maybe add it to the stack of mail for her so she can read, it may distract her from the other stuff.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

My Papaw passed away last year and my mom had to handle his estate. You would not believe the amount of money that he was sending to the Indians and other places. He had about 500.00 a month going to all different places. He was getting so much junk mail. He was getting blankets, flashlights and cards and all sorts of things in the mail, and they were wanting money in return. Bless his sweet heart, he really thought he was helping these people. Here he was, cutting back on things that he needed to do for others. He even canceled a life ins. policy, the month before he died, because he couldn't afford it. He had paid on it for years.

The funny thing is, when we were cleaning out his house, there was a book about old people being scammed. I guess never read it. This was a year age, and my mom is still getting junk mail at her house addressed to him. How they traced him to her house is beyond me.

 

[720L]

This makes me SO MAD. My Grandpa gets tons of these "you won a million dollar" things. You only have to send in 200 dollars to claim your prize. They target the elderly. We have to tell him they aren't real. Very frustrating.