UGGGG - School Issues - WWYD

[twinmommyks]

I am so upset about this, I thought I'd come to the budget board people since they are so helpful.

My 2 children attend a private parochial school that we pay tuition each month. The school two years ago did away with "written" teacher requests. But policy states that if you feel strongly enough that you want a particular teacher, you may visit with the principal in person.

Well, that's what I did because I feel pretty strongly about one of the teachers. In Jan. the principal indicated to me that she saw no reason why she couldn't honor my request for next school year. Then in May, I emailed her a reminder of our request and asked her to let me know if there were any changes that would cause her to not honor our request. I received no reply, just the return receipt that she received the email. I thought all was fine, so I submitted the $400 check for pre-enrollment based upon her comments to me.

Now, 2 weeks before enrollment, I go onto the on-line school program and sign into our account, only to find out that she did NOT honor my request and put my children in the class with the teacher that we did not want.

I emailed the principal last night and copied her superviser and haven't received a response from either. I did receive a return receipt from her supervisor.

I have thought of very little since yesterday when I found out about this big mistake. I have fears that she will not change my kids to the other class, but I honestly don't know how I can take my kids to school the first day to her class. Yes, I have very strong feelings about one of the teachers.

So now, I am mad, upset, sad, and disappointed. We pay our fees on time and have never been late, we volunteer for almost everything and I have been a PTA officer for several years, I co-chair one of the school's largest fundraisers, and help with anything that is needed. We do take our children's education very seriously and want it to be the best for them.

I am just hoping that she'll call and tell me that it was an "oversight" and will be corrected, but my instincts are telling me that she is not going to change it which will leave me very confused.

Any help, suggestions, support will be appreciated. I kept trying to convince myself that perhaps this teacher will be okay, but then all the things I have seen tells me that she is not.

Bren

 

[labdogs42]

Oh man, that stinks. I hope the principal gets back to you soon and they can fix this screw up for you. I wouldn't be happy if I had made a request like that and it was totally ignored. Especially at a school I was paying for.

 

[msmayor]

You know...this is an opportunity for you to demonstrate to your children that sometimes in life, we must deal with people we don't particularly want to.

That regardless of WHO the teacher is, they remain the teacher and deserving of the kindness and respect the position earns.

Do my kids attend private school? No...but I still "pay" tuition just the same through my taxes. This year, my son was in a class with a teacher that was very difficult to deal with as a parent. Her expectations didn't seem in line with what the 'norm' is, and she had a tendency to blow things way out of proportion. (Calling me one day and telling me my son was failing and he needed to make up a test and quiz...and after taking the test and quiz he suddenly had a 90 average...after scoring in the 80's on the make-ups.)

My son was incredibly frustrated as was I...but I continued to grind home the point that life doesn't always bring us people we like or get along with, but he had a 'job' to do...get through the class. That he should learn to work within her framework out of respect...because she IS the teacher.

Should you contact the principal? I probably would, just to say you were under the impression that your request would be honored and perhaps get the reason why it wasn't. But I wouldn't press to make the change. Best to save pressure like that for bigger issues, I say.

 

[mjkacmom]

How many teachers are there? We really aren't supposed to request teachers, but some do, and I requested 2 teachers for my twins next year, because I had a bad experience with the 3rd teacher. I also requested a teacher for dd8, because dd12 and ds11 had him, and loved him. Maybe others also requested the same teacher, so the line needed to be drawn?

 

[twinmommyks]

You know...this is an opportunity for you to demonstrate to your children that sometimes in life, we must deal with people we don't particularly want to.

That regardless of WHO the teacher is, they remain the teacher and deserving of the kindness and respect the position earns.

Do my kids attend private school? No...but I still "pay" tuition just the same through my taxes. This year, my son was in a class with a teacher that was very difficult to deal with as a parent. Her expectations didn't seem in line with what the 'norm' is, and she had a tendency to blow things way out of proportion. (Calling me one day and telling me my son was failing and he needed to make up a test and quiz...and after taking the test and quiz he suddenly had a 90 average...after scoring in the 80's on the make-ups.)

My son was incredibly frustrated as was I...but I continued to grind home the point that life doesn't always bring us people we like or get along with, but he had a 'job' to do...get through the class. That he should learn to work within her framework out of respect...because she IS the teacher.

Should you contact the principal? I probably would, just to say you were under the impression that your request would be honored and perhaps get the reason why it wasn't. But I wouldn't press to make the change. Best to save pressure like that for bigger issues, I say.

No, that isn't an option. This isn't just a weak teacher. I have seen things that I think are very unprofessional and inappopriate for an elementary grade teacher. My kids are only 8 years old and at this point my intent is for them to have the best education (since I am paying both tuition and taxes to the public school), and not worry about life lessons at this point.

It will be very difficult to take my dd8 to school in tears each day because if this teacher continues the behavior that I am so upset about, my dd8 will not be able to handle it. I don't want to go into specifics about the teacher's problems, but let's just say if I post them, you will wonder why she is still employed (as am I). So my goal is to "protect" my children from her more than anything.

If my ds 13 got a teacher he didn't care for, I would tell him to deal with it, but I can't do that for an 8 year old. They don't have the maturity to cope with this issues of this teacher.

Just a little more info.

Bren

 

[disykat]

I have never felt the need to request and I can see lots of reasons not to do so, but in the case of AVOIDING, I would think it would be honored. Did you specifically say you were avoiding or did you just put in a request for the other teacher? In the case of requests, sometimes they are "ignored" because it is necessary to keep certain kids separated or maybe desirable to have certain kids together.

In a private school you are paying tuition (not at all like paying for the education of EVERYONE like we all do through our taxes) for a service and can expect to have a certain amount of say. I assume you plan to leave the school if they have that teacher? First, I'd talk frankly to the principal. If you don't get the desired results, I'd be pleasant, but make it clear how sad you are to have to leave the school due to them being unable to honor your request and that you expect they'll be able to refund your deposit under those circumstances..

My first inclination is that you probably "niced it up" enough that they aren't aware you feel strongly against having your kids in a certain room.

ETA after reading last post. I'm guessing they got lots of requests and yours wasn't worded as strongly. If it is at the point where they have too many people requesting to be out of the room to balance the classes then they have a personel problem them need to deal with!

 

[RobinFabulous]

Our school also has a "no requests" policy. They do allow requests for my special needs child, but my other one just has to go with the flow. Two years ago we got a teacher that was literally "Teacher of the Year" for the whole school district. I freaking hated her. I gritted my teeth, documented everything, and went above her head when it was called for. I hope my child learned that not everyone is your friend, or going to like you, but sometimes you just have to deal with them anyway, this was 3rd grade, Hannah was 8.


If the principal refuses to move your child what are your other options?

 

[williamson_ja]

If I was paying tuition to a school and felt that strongly about it, I would talk to the principle and explain your situation. If they chose not to help you by changing the teacher, I would take my child out of the school. There are other options out there. A good teacher at a public school is better than a bad teacher at a private school. There may be other private schools in town that you might be able to look into. Where I live, there are no private schools (small town) and only one very poor public school. This school had more than 50 % failure rate the last three years. So, I chose to homeschool my kids. You make the best choice you can for your kids and hope it all turns out. That's what we all do.

 

[msmayor]

No, that isn't an option. This isn't just a weak teacher. I have seen things that I think are very unprofessional and inappopriate for an elementary grade teacher. My kids are only 8 years old and at this point my intent is for them to have the best education (since I am paying both tuition and taxes to the public school), and not worry about life lessons at this point.

It will be very difficult to take my dd8 to school in tears each day because if this teacher continues the behavior that I am so upset about, my dd8 will not be able to handle it. I don't want to go into specifics about the teacher's problems, but let's just say if I post them, you will wonder why she is still employed (as am I). So my goal is to "protect" my children from her more than anything.

If my ds 13 got a teacher he didn't care for, I would tell him to deal with it, but I can't do that for an 8 year old. They don't have the maturity to cope with this issues of this teacher.

Just a little more info.

Bren

OK...points well taken. But as another poster has already said, you should have a plan formulated in your mind as to what you plan to do if your request is denied. I don't know anything about this school or enrollment, but if there is a waiting list for that grade the administration may not care if you tell them you will withdraw your daughter if your request is denied.

You say they did away with "written" requests and if a parent felt strongly could arrange a personal meeting with the principal. I wonder if the principal, in replying to you with a "that shouldn't be any problem" was simply being nice in order to move your meeting along.

 

[princessmom29]

If what the teacher is doing is truly that detrimental to the children you and the other parents need to band together and see to it that she is removed from the school!!! A private school is essentally a service industry so I would think that the school wants to provide a quality service If she is truly that bad the school needs to be made aware of it and get rid of her. If it is just a personality conflict, or a difference is educational philosophy I would say just deal with it, but if this teacher is truly doing something that is going to harm and 8 year old so severly that you refuse to leave your child with her she needs to be removed, not just for the sake of your children, but for all of them. Not every child in the school will be able to avoid her and if her behavior is really that drastic, the unlucky kids who get her are going to suffer for it.

 

[sunnyday123]

No, that isn't an option. This isn't just a weak teacher. I have seen things that I think are very unprofessional and inappopriate for an elementary grade teacher. My kids are only 8 years old and at this point my intent is for them to have the best education (since I am paying both tuition and taxes to the public school), and not worry about life lessons at this point.

It will be very difficult to take my dd8 to school in tears each day because if this teacher continues the behavior that I am so upset about, my dd8 will not be able to handle it. I don't want to go into specifics about the teacher's problems, but let's just say if I post them, you will wonder why she is still employed (as am I). So my goal is to "protect" my children from her more than anything.

If my ds 13 got a teacher he didn't care for, I would tell him to deal with it, but I can't do that for an 8 year old. They don't have the maturity to cope with this issues of this teacher.

Just a little more info.

Bren

If she's that bad, then a talk to the principal/superientendant is in order. I wouldn't want someone you feel the need to "protect" children from around any child, period.

Kids do need to get along with everyone and learn that they won't love each and every teacher they have. I don't think there is a age where they need to begin doing that....

 

[AZMermaid]

It doesn't sound like this applies in your case, but in case people are in a similar boat, ask the principal why they were placed with the teacher. Does she or the previous teachers think that the teacher's teaching style is better suited for your kids? And how? Sometimes these things are a blessing in disguise. I was hired RIGHT before school started last year and my parents had actually been called and told they were starting with a sub. The teacher that they were supposed to have moved up a grade. My principal WILL NOT switch anyone after the classes are set because a) a lot of time is spent making "even" classes (smart kids, good kids, naughty kids, helpful parents etc) and b) the teachers choose the classes for their current kids. We are also a no request school (but parents can request a teaching style- so basically request if they know the right way to say it). Anyway, at the end of the year, I had so many parents tell me they were livid at the start of the year and thrilled with how it turned out. I had 20+ 2nd grade parents tell me that they hoped their kid got me. But then I was laid off due to budget cuts and my late hire date.

In your case, I would say if you really fear for your kids, I would tell the principal EXACTLY why you are worried. Don't sugar coat it. You mentioned it is your daughter who will really have a problem.... can you offer to split them up as a compromise? Maybe the past teachers really wanted one kid to have that teacher so they both got her?

 

[WishIwerethere]

Take it from someone who remained silent when her children obtained really bad elementary teachers and now deeply regrets not being more proactive -- you are inviting a year of misery for your children (and you, for that matter) which could continue to impact them in future years if you maintain the status quo.

My children generally were blessed with good to great teachers -- huge gifts in their lives for which I am so grateful! -- but there were a few that were just horrible. I could tell such stories, and my children still remember vividly how badly those teachers made them feel (and my kids were straight A students and well behaved -- well, they were too chatty sometimes but otherwise were well behaved)! Trust your instincts and either get the school to move the children to another class or just change schools.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I would truly question if I wanted my child at a school where I felt one of the teachers was that terrible. What does that say about the school if it allows this teacher to contine to work with children.

It sounds like a lot of parents made the same request you did and he could not honnor them all. I work at a preschool and I have to create the classes and it is very difficut. I consider parent request but simply can not honnor every one.

You may have to decide if you feel strongly enough to pull your children from the school. Remember also that even though your children are in a differnt classroom they are likely to have some interaction with the other classes and teachers.

blessing.

 

[Earstou]

Another mom here who wished she had spoken up and not "gone with the flow".
First child, first grade, and a teacher whose main themes were "responsibility" and "maturity". She expected 7 yr olds to act like 17 yr olds! When my child finished the work early, she was expected to tutor the slowest member of the class. As a volunteer, I found it hard working with that child, so how could a 7 yr old do it? I had 6 other mothers call me (because I volunteered in the class) telling me their child was crying every night and not wanting to go to school.
I now know I should have documented everything, then asked the other parents to have a meeting with the principal with me. But I didn't want to make waves.
I would recommend talking to the principal face to face in a meeting. Go over all your concerns, and how this teacher could negatively affect your child's education. I have done this with child #2, and believe face to face has a greater impact that just a telephone call. A telephone call is quick and easy, while a meeting takes your valuable time, showing you have a greater concern for the matter.

 

[disneybound31]

Another mom here who wished she had spoken up and not "gone with the flow".
First child, first grade, and a teacher whose main themes were "responsibility" and "maturity". She expected 7 yr olds to act like 17 yr olds! When my child finished the work early, she was expected to tutor the slowest member of the class. As a volunteer, I found it hard working with that child, so how could a 7 yr old do it? I had 6 other mothers call me (because I volunteered in the class) telling me their child was crying every night and not wanting to go to school.
I now know I should have documented everything, then asked the other parents to have a meeting with the principal with me. But I didn't want to make waves.
I would recommend talking to the principal face to face in a meeting. Go over all your concerns, and how this teacher could negatively affect your child's education. I have done this with child #2, and believe face to face has a greater impact that just a telephone call. A telephone call is quick and easy, while a meeting takes your valuable time, showing you have a greater concern for the matter.

This post almost exacty mirrors our experience this past school year- but we were in 4th grade. Expectations are understandably higher in a higher grade, but our problem was with tutoring a child who coould nto speak any Englisha dn even the ESL teacher who came in to help this student threw in her hat because he was such abehavior prob... and main teacher thought my son needed to add that to his already chaotic (due to her) experience? No way. I did have to go to the principal on that one...

OP, you are right to stand up for your child. Only you know what he/she is capable of handling and although we would all like to protect our children from all the world shortcomings I believe we can let go a little AS THEY GET OLDER. When they are little we are their advocates. The first few years of school are so crucial to how they feel about schooling/education. Let them 'tough it out' in the older grades. 4,5,6...an on they pretty much need to figure out how to adapt unless it is a safety issue. Physical OR emotional safety, I mean to say.

Good luck OP. Keep us posted.

 

[disney_family_1247]

If this teacher is as bad as you say she is, then it would make me question sending my kids to a school that would employ her...private schools don't have the same tenure requirements as public ones, so they should be able to remove problem teachers.

 

[Smile4Me]

Both my parents are educators, and I am planning on going back to school to become an educator....and I think that the advice I would offer is that you should be making sure all the contact you have with the principal is documented-whether it be an email or just you writing down what was said in a conversation. Also then I would make it a point to have as much face to face contact as possible. If face to face isn't possible, do it on the phone,,,and use email as your last option. Email is the hardest to decipher. Don't leave anything up to their interpretation.

 

[PinkRhombus]

If I'm correct...our Priest kind of has trumping abilities over our Principal in certain matters. Maybe go that route? That's a little more...there...instead of dealing with your Superintendent who is probably not with your church directly.

What does this teacher do to warrant this response from, obvioulsy, many parents?

The one issue you have with church based schools like this is many want to take the "gentle" and "compassionate" approach to dealing with staff.

A few years ago, the parents at our school had enough of that attitude and demanded that there be a meeting. It was VERY full and...enlightening to say the least. I never realized, coming in at the preschool level, the amount of issues that were going on. There was some committee formed, and various changes were made. I still here minor grumblings, but things get taken care of a lot faster now.

 

[hanutedmansionmomma]

as a teacher, it's hard to stay out of this thread

as pp have said, PLEASE be specific with examples what this teacher is doing when you talk to the principal. If it's that bad, something should be done.

also - I would give it a day or 2 - in general, principals and other admin take off some time in July. They may not be there this week.

also also - I'm going to get a little defensive about copying the supervisors of people before they've had a chance to respond. That's happened to me as a teacher over some pretty petty things like me not changing a word on an IEP. It's a scare tactic that wrecks the relationship you have with that person. These are jobs and reputations on the line, and yes, your child's education, but at least give people a chance to respond before you start copying their bosses, etc...remember, you still will have to work with that principal if you stay in the school.

nervously hitting the submit reply button and hoping things get resolved for the best!