UGGGG - School Issues - WWYD

[kckmom]

We have a similar situation in our school, private parochial, pay taxes but don't use the public schools, etc. As my dd's next grade will be where one teacher is more strict and 'mean' than the other, I did the same thing and requested the 'nicer' teacher. DD is slow to adjust to new situations and people, and I feel that a calm environment would suit her better.

I was told by her teacher that she would take my request into consideration and has forwarded it to the principal. I am praying, that is all I can do at this point, that the teacher and her assistant reviewed my dd's work/strengths/needs and made the assignment based on which classroom is the best place for my dd to learn and grow. She cannot always have the 'nice' teachers, cannot always be everyone's friend. But, she will have, in my opinion, plenty of time to learn life's very hard lessons. The classroom is not the place to learn them, at least not in elementary school. The teacher should be someone a child feels comfortable with, and should not be afraid of.

One of the parents said if her child was not assigned to the classroom she wanted, she would pull her child out and homeschool for the year (another of her children had the 'bad' teacher and had an extremely difficult experience). She is purposely waiting to pay tuition until the class rosters come out. Is homeschooling a viable option for you?

Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you and your child this year.

 

[tink2dw]

GET your KIDS out NOW!!! Even if you lose the $400.00!!

I Didn't when I Knew I should have and my Dd paid for it for many YEARS!! I cheated Dd of a good education because she didn't want to move schools, cheated her of self worth and self esteem!!

The Teacher was rude, unprofessional and manipulative!! I tried to advicate for Dd but for ever advance I made this teacher ignored the rules put in place and told Dd she would punish her if it wasn't done right!

Make the move BEFORE school Starts!!

 

[NYCDiane]

I would do whatever I could to make sure my child(ren) were in the class with the teacher you want them to be with, especially in light of the other teacher being so bad.

My DD was in parochial school until the 07-08 school year. Unfortunately, they only had one teacher for each grade. The teacher she was stuck with was horrible! She didn't teach very well, refused to give extra help (suggested one of those expensive tutoring companies), sent home class notes filled with spelling and grammatical errors, would never answer any emails, never updated her teacher page on the school website, refused to meet with any parents unless it was during the school day, had a completely lackadasical attitude about everything, etc. I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

Complaining to the prinicpal did nothing becuase they were "friends" and, as a matter of fact, he brought her with him from another school.

I pulled her out of that school (mainly because of that teacher and the overall attitude of the school/diocese) and put her in public school and things are much, much better.

Do what you can. Your children deserve the very best.

 

[teacher100]

I have been on both sides of this issue. My oldest is smart but has issues with Tourette's Syndorme and Autism. Most of his teachers were great, but there were a couple of years that were nightmares and I wished I had pulled him out rather than thinking things would get better. Others however thought he shouldn't get accomodations because he was an
A-B student. Trust your instincts. I can't see going above the principal about something you think might will happen based on the teacher's reputation how. Sometimes teachers get a bad reputation because they are not scratching the right backs or there is a disgruntled parent with a clique of friends. As others have said private schools don't have the same standards as public, some teachers are not even certified. The reason is low pay and lack of benefits and sometimes private schools have to hire who they can. However, if the teacher is that bad I would question why the school doesn't replace her.

As a teacher, I would not want to have a child in my class that a parent has not even given me a chance. I have high standards in behavior and academics. I have had many requests because of this and a few that do not want there child in my room because they are afraid I am too hard or strict. I am glad my school honors the request of parents who prefer that their child not be in my class. I think my school is one of the only public schools in America that still takes request however.

One last piece of advice: if there is any chance your child will be in this teacher's class, do not talk negatively about the teacher in front of your child. This will only make matters worse.

Good luck! Let us know how it turns out.

 

[surfgirl]

Without the specifics, I can't tell you the degree of your response. However, I see three options:

1) you get your request, kids get moved. all is hunky dory.
2) the kids stay with this teacher (because if they move them, they have to switch 2 kids to the 'bad' teacher... thus pissing off someone else).

You then have to decide:

2a) Do we deal with that teacher ? Sometimes teachers do get bad reputations that are unfounded. Discipline is one - my kids do great with strong disciplinarians (sp?) because they are rules followers, so I'm never scared of that teacher.

2b) We feel strongly about this and will vote with our feet. Pull them out and send them to the public school for a year. No matter what a hassle you think you might be going through to do that, it is an option. And you never know... it may work out great. You can fight over the deposit (we had an agreement and this was contingent upon that agreement and I want my money back).... or you can take it as a tax donation and write-off and donate less to your church/parish.

My dd was scheduled to go to private K 2 years ago - they had 2 classes and 7 girls. I was promised that they wouldn't put 3 girls in one of the classes and they would find a way to work around it. (because 3 girls is ALWAYS a bad idea). Guess what ? About 3 weeks before school, I found out they were doing that. We had a 'discussion' with the director, and bottom line was that we pulled our daughter and marched over to the public school and enrolled her. She had a phenomenal (and could probably spell that better than I can) year and loved public K. And we saved the $$ in a year we were building a house. win win for us.

So... how strongly do you feel ?

 

[twinmommyks]

Thank you for all your replies. I appreciate having views on both sides of the issues. I can't respond to all posts but will post some general information to answer some of the unanswered questions.

Teacher has been there over 35 years and complaints have been placed and nothing has been done.... not sure why, but that was part of the reason that I copied the "supervisor" who is the priest who is associated with our school. There have been instances in the past where he has indicated that he wished someone would have let him know about something sooner. So that's what I did.

Homeschooling is not an option because I work full-time (at the public schools) and a good school. So there is the possibility that I could pull my children out and taken them with me. My preference is not to because the class size next year at the public school is very very large and our district is going through some major cuts which will affect the students. But it is a possibility if our twins are left in the current class.

The school allows teacher requests only if you go in and visit with the principal. You can no longer just send a note to school asking for a certain teacher. I do know that there are many parents who did not request a teacher and some of those were placed in the class we requested.

My dh and I will never say anything negative about the teacher in front of our children. But our ds13 did confirm how bad she was. Both of our twins are very good students and well-behaved, but my dd8 is a social girl and does talk too much. The teacher we do not want does well with students who are "perfect", but not well with those we are not.

I thought about splitting up our twins, but that isn't an option. Through discussion with them and past teachers, it works well with them together. Plus the curriculum and homework expectations are different with the teachers. One is more "old school" teaching while the other really gets the students interested and very creative ideas. I would feel sorry for my ds having to hear how much fun my dd had while he had to sit and do papers all day.

So, I so appreciate everyone who understands the situation I am in. Not only am I facing a bad teacher, it is with both of my children and that makes me sad. I do not go into things uninformed and have thought of all the various cases. The school office opens later today, so being that I haven't received a response to my email, I will be calling the principal and setting up a meeting with her..... and dh will be going with me.

I just want everyone to know that I am not requesting the "easy" teacher. I have high expectations as a parent. What I want is the best for my children. To the teacher who posted that she wouldn't want a child in her class if the parents were strongly against it. I totally agree and noted that in my email to the principal - that this arrangement isn't in the best interest of my twins, or the teacher, or even the principal and it would better to resolve the situation before enrollment.

Thank you to everyone. I will post once I meet with the principal and let everyone know what was decided by the principal and by us. Wish me luck.

Bren

 

[YensidRocks]

GET your KIDS out NOW!!! Even if you lose the $400.00!!

I Didn't when I Knew I should have and my Dd paid for it for many YEARS!! I cheated Dd of a good education because she didn't want to move schools, cheated her of self worth and self esteem!!

The Teacher was rude, unprofessional and manipulative!! I tried to advicate for Dd but for ever advance I made this teacher ignored the rules put in place and told Dd she would punish her if it wasn't done right!

Make the move BEFORE school Starts!!

I totally concur. I had the same exact experience. The Parachial school system just doesn't work anymore. Your local public school is the place for your child to be. They're more of a child centered environment as opposed to the teacher directed instruction that our kids were/are receiving. The teachers are way too stringent and can take the fun out of anything! They're all on mega control trips. I didn't want my child to learn how to take orders and be surbordinate. I finally had enough courage to transition my daughter last year. It was the best decision I ever made. She is a totally different child who LOVES going to school! I would really consider my options. Are you content with the education that your child is receiving thus far?

 

[mama2mulan]

I read this post last night when I was up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. I wanted to give it some thought before I responded. So here I am.

Make sure that your children are NOT in a class with a teacher that could be detrimental to them. I have been there as a student and now am facing it as a parent.

First, as a student, a bad teacher is going to set the tone for life long issues with learning. My example is as follows. I went to public schools growing up. The are very good schools with superior academics and low class sizes. My kindergarten teacher was awful. I went half days and spent a large majority of that day with my head on my desk. The teacher would have a "headache" and make us put our heads on the desk until she "felt better". She screamed and yelled constantly. I won't even go into what she told us about Christmas. I am sure you can guess what it is. My parents fought with the principal about it and got no where. My beginning in school was so bad that I didn't want to ever go. Consequently, I hated school.

Secondly, as a parent, I am now dealing with the possibility of a teacher for my dd(7) who is also a screamer. I told the principal that if you put her in her class she will ruin a child's love of learning. My dd worships teachers and thinks that school is the best thing ever. I will not have that attitude changed. I will pull her from school if I have to. Though I have no desire to. I will tolerate only the best teachers for my child especially in grade school. Set the stage for a good learner and you are giving your child the best gift you could ever give them.

So in conclusion, if it were me I would not tolerate a bad teacher. Do what you absolutely must for your child. They are more important than anything else in this world.

 

[punkin]

My oldest is smart but has issues with Tourette's Syndorme and Autism. Most of his teachers were great, but there were a couple of years that were nightmares and I wished I had pulled him out rather than thinking things would get better. Others however thought he shouldn't get accomodations because he was an
A-B student.

Sort of OT: about Tourettes. DD's 1st grade teacher continually punished and screamed at her because DD "made faces and noises" at her. I wish I had pulled her out of that school (also private) much earlier. She did much better in public school, but I will say that they refused any and all accommodations because her grades were too high (A/B student in honor classes).

 

[Minnie M6]

I hope that the principal respects your request and this becomes a moot point for you (although it concerns me for the other kids who have had/ will have the teacher). I think it's a shame when bad teachers are allowed to continue to impact kids because of seniority or weak administrators.

Having said that, if the principal refuses to honor your request, I would take it to the next level. We are facing a somewhat similar situation, although my reason for wanting DS moved is more of a social issue, not about the teacher. He was placed in a 5th grade classroom with none of his closest friends (his 3 BF were all placed together). DS has social issues (I suspect he may have Asperger's) but does very well academically. He is NOT a behavioral problem, he just has problems with reading social cues and making close friends. To me, it is more important that he has a support system (his close friends really get him and help him in social situations) than a great teacher fit. I understand that lots of things are considered in placement, but if a parent feels strongly about placement for any reason, I think the school should attempt to listen and act accordingly. Parents have information about their kids that the school may not be considering when working on placement. I have already requested an SAT meeting for early August to address this before school starts. I have never requested a specific teacher, and I really hope they honor my request. I feel like I know what's best for my child, and if I don't advocate for him, who will? So I totally understand where you are coming from. Best of luck, and keep us posted!

 

[averysmom]

As a teacher, I would not want to have a child in my class that a parent has not even given me a chance. I have high standards in behavior and academics. I have had many requests because of this and a few that do not want there child in my room because they are afraid I am too hard or strict. I am glad my school honors the request of parents who prefer that their child not be in my class. I think my school is one of the only public schools in America that still takes request however.

One last piece of advice: if there is any chance your child will be in this teacher's class, do not talk negatively about the teacher in front of your child. This will only make matters worse.

Good luck! Let us know how it turns out.

I am also a teacher, and IMHO, ITA with this poster. I too, am glad when
parents who don't want their kids in my class request otherwise. This way I'm not being set up to fail right off the hop. My favourite statement of "unrequest" was, and I directly quote, "She only gives good grades to kids who earn them and I don't want my daughter to have to face that pressure in middle school."

ITA with lots of other posters - admin may be on vacay - it is July - give them a few more days. Plan to go in for a meet - better than phone and email. Ask for reasons as to why placement was chosen. WHY did they choose that particular teacher for your dd? Or was it just a random placement? Don't say anything bad about the teacher in front of dd in case there is no movement.

GL!!!

 

[wall*e2008]

I am so upset about this, I thought I'd come to the budget board people since they are so helpful.

My 2 children attend a private parochial school that we pay tuition each month. The school two years ago did away with "written" teacher requests. But policy states that if you feel strongly enough that you want a particular teacher, you may visit with the principal in person.

Well, that's what I did because I feel pretty strongly about one of the teachers. In Jan. the principal indicated to me that she saw no reason why she couldn't honor my request for next school year. Then in May, I emailed her a reminder of our request and asked her to let me know if there were any changes that would cause her to not honor our request. I received no reply, just the return receipt that she received the email. I thought all was fine, so I submitted the $400 check for pre-enrollment based upon her comments to me.

Now, 2 weeks before enrollment, I go onto the on-line school program and sign into our account, only to find out that she did NOT honor my request and put my children in the class with the teacher that we did not want.

I emailed the principal last night and copied her superviser and haven't received a response from either. I did receive a return receipt from her supervisor.

I have thought of very little since yesterday when I found out about this big mistake. I have fears that she will not change my kids to the other class, but I honestly don't know how I can take my kids to school the first day to her class. Yes, I have very strong feelings about one of the teachers.

So now, I am mad, upset, sad, and disappointed. We pay our fees on time and have never been late, we volunteer for almost everything and I have been a PTA officer for several years, I co-chair one of the school's largest fundraisers, and help with anything that is needed. We do take our children's education very seriously and want it to be the best for them.

I am just hoping that she'll call and tell me that it was an "oversight" and will be corrected, but my instincts are telling me that she is not going to change it which will leave me very confused.

Any help, suggestions, support will be appreciated. I kept trying to convince myself that perhaps this teacher will be okay, but then all the things I have seen tells me that she is not.

Bren

What is your reason to not want this teacher?

 

[shortbun]

There is no one to advocate for your child besides you. Go in as soon as you can and stand firm. Like the others said. You should have a plan IF your request is denied. Personally, I'd pull my child from a private school that continued to employ a teacher with highly questionable behavior and did not at least honor my request to keep my children out of that room. Just like you do with your kids, you must be prepared to deliver the consequences to the school-pull your kids and ask for a refund with full disclosure in writing about the teacher.

To the parents who would expect their child to tough it out: A loss of a whole year's education in elementary school is a horrible thing to wish on your child. There is no need for an 8yo to be stuck in an intolerable situation. As adults, we have the tools to extricate ourselves from bad relationships and jobs. The only tool an 8yo has is their parents and we as parents should be teaching our children that it's ok to keep undesirable people out of your life as much as humanly possible.

 

[KarlaG4Kids]

Take it from someone who remained silent when her children obtained really bad elementary teachers and now deeply regrets not being more proactive -- you are inviting a year of misery for your children (and you, for that matter) which could continue to impact them in future years if you maintain the status quo.

Trust your instincts and either get the school to move the children to another class or just change schools.

I agree. We had the same situation and it impacted my children for life. They had very little confidence after a year with a really lousy teacher. I took them out of the school after that year and I am not sorry I did it. It was a private school also. They ended up loosing a lot of children because of this "holy" woman! Either get them moved to a different class or remove them from the school. It is just not worth it! My kids are 26, 27, 28 & 28 and they still tell horror stories about this teacher...some things I didn't know till much later. Follow your instincts!

 

[JoiseyMom]

We just left a bad school year behind us. DS8 was in 2nd grade and his teacher left a lot to be desired! First grade was so fabulous that I figured, ok..the child study team knows hwat they are doing! WRONG. I didn't realize how bad this teacher was for my son unil it was too late. I was ready to blow a gasket at the last few days of school. Every kid is supposed to have a week as star student of the week. Well my son was it for the last 2 days of school, which were 1/2 days! I was livid...aren't teachers supposed to help self esteem? Now DS is ADHD and has an IEP. This teacher was not equipped to handle my son, or the other kids with IEP's in the glassroom. I found out more about this teacher at a party after the last day of school at a party. A class mom told me that she had no patience with my son, and that my son was not badly behaved in class!

Well next year is a new school for 3rd grade, we are redistricting. I have a teachers name, but haven't been able to get any info on said teacher. I want to talk to the child study team and Prinicipal to make sure that she has the qualifications and capabilities to deal with my DS's IEP. His grades are all great...and no matter how many times I told his old teacher he was bored, she didn't watn to hear it. Keep my son busy and interested and he will fly with you! He did in first grade. Second grade..not so much.

OP, good luck with the Principal!

 

[Vacation Lover]

My favourite statement of "unrequest" was, and I directly quote, "She only gives good grades to kids who earn them and I don't want my daughter to have to face that pressure in middle school."

I'm speechless!

 

[piglet33]

Every kid is supposed to have a week as star student of the week. Well my son was it for the last 2 days of school, which were 1/2 days! I was livid...aren't teachers supposed to help self esteem?

Shouldn't being star student be earned and not expected? That's the way it is in our school system. It gives the kids something to work for. It wouldn't be as special if they just gave it to all the kids whether they deserved it or not.

 

[disneybound31]

Shouldn't being star student be earned and not expected? That's the way it is in our school system. It gives the kids something to work for. It wouldn't be as special if they just gave it to all the kids whether they deserved it or not.

I think that poster (Joiseymom) may have been referring to each child having a week that focuses on them - more a social exercise than academic- our school does this in the early grades and it is a way to give every student a week to feel special and tell others about themselves... they make a poster that hangs in class for that week with pictures from home, favorite foods, fav hobbies, what he/she wants to be when they grow up. They may get to be line leader for the week...etc.

Is that similar to what your sons class was (supposed to be) doing PP?

 

[aeip1980]

I'm a teacher at a Catholic school. I'm very curious what this person does in their classroom that's so bad, but you've already said that you don't want to go into details.

So, here's my two cents:
-99.9% of public or private schools do not allow teacher requests for a wide variety of reasons. My school doesn't but there is only one teacher per grade level so if you don't like the teacher you either deal with her or leave.

-The principal probably has forgotten about your request, most are extremely busy. I would ask again. And going over the principal's head probably isn't going to help your case as it would in a public school. Catholic schools are very different.

-Start looking around at other schooling options because there is a good chance your going to have to leave since you're sure this other teacher is just not right for your kids.

Good luck! We had a horrible teacher in our building last year, but she was fired in March after 12 years in the building.

 

[MELSMICE]

Thank you for all your replies. I appreciate having views on both sides of the issues. I can't respond to all posts but will post some general information to answer some of the unanswered questions.

Teacher has been there over 35 years and complaints have been placed and nothing has been done.... not sure why, but that was part of the reason that I copied the "supervisor" who is the priest who is associated with our school. There have been instances in the past where he has indicated that he wished someone would have let him know about something sooner. So that's what I did.

Homeschooling is not an option because I work full-time (at the public schools) and a good school. So there is the possibility that I could pull my children out and taken them with me. My preference is not to because the class size next year at the public school is very very large and our district is going through some major cuts which will affect the students. But it is a possibility if our twins are left in the current class.

The school allows teacher requests only if you go in and visit with the principal. You can no longer just send a note to school asking for a certain teacher. I do know that there are many parents who did not request a teacher and some of those were placed in the class we requested.

My dh and I will never say anything negative about the teacher in front of our children. But our ds13 did confirm how bad she was. Both of our twins are very good students and well-behaved, but my dd8 is a social girl and does talk too much. The teacher we do not want does well with students who are "perfect", but not well with those we are not.

I thought about splitting up our twins, but that isn't an option. Through discussion with them and past teachers, it works well with them together. Plus the curriculum and homework expectations are different with the teachers. One is more "old school" teaching while the other really gets the students interested and very creative ideas. I would feel sorry for my ds having to hear how much fun my dd had while he had to sit and do papers all day.

So, I so appreciate everyone who understands the situation I am in. Not only am I facing a bad teacher, it is with both of my children and that makes me sad. I do not go into things uninformed and have thought of all the various cases. The school office opens later today, so being that I haven't received a response to my email, I will be calling the principal and setting up a meeting with her..... and dh will be going with me.

I just want everyone to know that I am not requesting the "easy" teacher. I have high expectations as a parent. What I want is the best for my children. To the teacher who posted that she wouldn't want a child in her class if the parents were strongly against it. I totally agree and noted that in my email to the principal - that this arrangement isn't in the best interest of my twins, or the teacher, or even the principal and it would better to resolve the situation before enrollment.

Thank you to everyone. I will post once I meet with the principal and let everyone know what was decided by the principal and by us. Wish me luck.

Bren

You may not want to answer this or can't, but are there more specifics as to why you don't want this teacher? Is it because she is the "old school" teacher & the other is newer with newer ideas?

Did your oldest DS13 that confirmed the teacher is bad have her as a teacher? Is she physical or verbally abusive with the students? Does she belittle them? Do you have first hand knowledge/experience with anything?

I have twins also (they are almost 17 & an older DD), but we have always put them in different classes. We've never requested & sometimes one has gotten the "good teacher" & other times one has gotten the "bad teacher" (or so we are told). I always like to form my own opinions to be honest.

I am not in your shoes & don't know the specifics of your situation, but if she is just a tough teacher & is not verbally abusive to the kids & doesn't belittle them, is there any way you could give her a chance? Are there any kids/parents that come away from her class happy or does everyone dislike her?