Tweens and bathing suits

[luvmy3]

I don't buy things that I think are indecent or offensive, but certainly I'll let dd buy things that I don't especially find attractive. I'm not the one wearing them, she is. She's going to be an adult in a few short years. I think it's OK to let her have a little control over her wardrobe.

ITA and this is how it is in my house. My dd knows what we allow as far as appropriateness and as long as it falls under that, she is allowed to pick out whatever she wants, it doesn't matter if I'm paying, she's the one wearing it. I want her to express herself with her own style and be comfortable in what she wears, not what style I think she should. I'll give her an opinion, like what color I like or what I think looks best on her, but its ultimately her choice.

 

[ccgirl]

Yes, I see a lot of little kids in suits that don't stay put. At WDW earlier there was a toddler at the pool in what I assume was a "looks different when wet" situation. The material was so thin you could see right through and the crotch sagged down to her knees. Fortunately within 10 minutes she was changed into something much better! (It was a bikini but it fit and it covered)

My DD12 wears swim shorts and rashguards, with a swim top underneath. One-pieces like the one shown above that a previous poster found in girls 16 do not work because they don't have any built-in support, even at size 16. She doesn't want her belly to show. Most tankinis still show some. So yes, it has been a challenge finding something. She now has an assortment of swim tops, shorts, and rashguards in lime and aqua that she can mix and match.

As for those complaining about "padded" swim tops for little girls...often even by the age of 8 girls are getting a little 'pointy' and padded is better than a clinging single layer!

The other problem is that different manufacturers make their clothing different. A 10 in one manufacturer may fit my DD but a 10 by another manufacturer may not. That's why I make her try the clothes on.


May I ask what rash guards are? Have never heard of them. Thanks.

If done in a nice way, pointing your child toward something that IS appropriate and flattering isn't going to cause lasting damage. I wouldn't say to my daughter "That outfit is hideous, it makes you look fat", that would just be mean. Instead, if I said "The green one looks better than the yellow one because (insert whatever the reason is, stated nicely)" and explain what is better about it, then she can understand how the cut of the outfit works. I watch what not to wear all the time, and though they do make some snarky comments, they always explain the type of cut that is flattering to the persons body style and WHY.... we moms can do the same with our children in a nice way and not leave them remembering us as insulting them 40 years later.

This. My DD was wearing a bathing suit from last year that she clearly grew out of. I very nicely told her that was last years suit and she should wear one of this years that she has grown taller since last year. I didn't say anything about her gaining weight, I just said she looked taller. After switching she looked in the mirror and said, "you are right mom, I do look taller in this suit." I would never tell her she looked fat.

Now my DD is able to pay for her own. I won't refuse most stuff, some yes, but if I just don't like it, and she has the money, yep, she gets it. NOw, if it totally inappropriate then no she won't. We also don't freak out over most stuff that kids wear, so that when we do say "no" she knows that we mean it.

PS, Just a question, but why is showing your stomach such a big deal. This must be a new thing. I grew up with very strict parents and so did my friends, yet we all wore 2 piece bathing suits. There is nothing more annoying that trying to pull down a one piece and go to the bathroom. NOt to mention, even my own mother told me that I looked better in a 2 pice than a one piece. NOt directed at you, just asking in general, I have seen it posted a few time from different people that the don't show their tummy's. Just never understood that one.

If it's appropriate as in, doesn't show off too much I will let her get her style, which is so not my style. But, if there are no profanities on the clothing, and it is the appropriate size I will let you buy it even if the style is not for me. I don't pull down a 1 piece to go the bathroom.

BTW, I don't care whose buying. So long as she is under my roof, if I feel it is inappropriate she is not wearing it.

I don't get it either. What is the deal with covering the tummy?
I won't buy my DD's sexy string bikinis but normal cuts are acceptable.

This is subjective. What one finds "acceptable" another one may not. I don't really care what other parents let their children wear though. Only care about mine.

I don't buy things that I think are indecent or offensive, but certainly I'll let dd buy things that I don't especially find attractive. I'm not the one wearing them, she is. She's going to be an adult in a few short years. I think it's OK to let her have a little control over her wardrobe.

I agree with this. As long as it's the right size and respectable she can have it, even if I don't particularly care for the style.

 

[Anjelica]

Yes we have to let our children make their own fashion mistakes - I caved and allowed my daughter to get a Justin Bieber shirt but I made her carry that to the register while I held some of the other clothes - but I have no issue laying down the law if she wanted something that was wayyyyy to revealing.

It is our responsibility to help guide her to make the correct decisions but at the end of the day she is still a child and sometimes "NO" has to be used regardless of her preference.

 

[luvmy3]

May I ask what rash guards are? Have never heard of them. Thanks.

Rashguards are those shirts with built in SPF.

http://www.rashguardshirtco.com/

 

[ccgirl]

Rashguards are those shirts with built in SPF.

http://www.rashguardshirtco.com/

Gotcha. Thanks! I have those for my DS3 and my DD8 does have 1 as well. I just never knew that's what they were called. I learn something new every day on the DIS. Thanks for the clarification, and the link, I appreciate it!

 

[scrapquitler]

you said you were at a water park, maybe you were sitting at a fast slide. I am a man and on one slide it would about take your shirt off and your pants went to no man land, talk about a wedgie

No, not near the waterslides. It was in front of the pool with the fountains, the water slide exits are not right there. I thought of that possibility, too, but we were a few hundred feet away from t here.

 

[scrapquitler]

I think we're misunderstanding one another. Of course I don't buy clothes for my child that I find inappropriate in that too much skin is showing, it's too tight, the saying/logo/design sends the wrong message, etc. However, I have bought things my daughter loved where the color, design or style wasn't my favorite (but still appropriate). That's what I'm talking about when I say I pick my battles.

From previous posts you made it sound like you wouldn't allow your daughter to have something that she loved if it wasn't your first choice.

No, that's not what I meant at all. I meant that if it looks BAD, inappropriate or is ill-fitting I won't let her buy it.

 

[NotUrsula]

If done in a nice way, pointing your child toward something that IS appropriate and flattering isn't going to cause lasting damage. I wouldn't say to my daughter "That outfit is hideous, it makes you look fat", that would just be mean. Instead, if I said "The green one looks better than the yellow one because (insert whatever the reason is, stated nicely)" and explain what is better about it, then she can understand how the cut of the outfit works. I watch what not to wear all the time, and though they do make some snarky comments, they always explain the type of cut that is flattering to the persons body style and WHY.... we moms can do the same with our children in a nice way and not leave them remembering us as insulting them 40 years later.

The absolute BEST thing that you can do to make a kid see reason on the issue of cut, color and style is to have her go shopping with someone of your generation who is NOT you. I remember that my sister was at her wit's end with my niece on these issues, and I was visiting and offered to take her shopping. She listened to everything I said and 10 years later has told me more than once that she still takes that day's advice into consideration when she shops. It worked because I was a neutral third party.

There are all kinds of issues between kids and their parents that make this difficult. The best solution I know is to have that advice come from some other adult.

 

[jeepgirl30]

My DD11 loves Justice suits too. She is a true tween, age and size. She isn't a regular but not quite a true plus either. She has a tummy and is very proud of it! LOL.

I buy her tankinis and they are constantly riding up so her tummy sticks out. I try to encourage her to pull the top down but she rolls her eyes. She doesn't care at all. She is not the least bit self conscious. Good for her!

Me on the other hand, I'm constantly folding my arms. I HATE bathing suit shoping.

She does have friends that wear bikinis and I feel bad but I am afraid to buy her one. I tell her we do not feel it is age appropriate for her, we never mention her size.

 

[luvmy3]

No, that's not what I meant at all. I meant that if it looks BAD, inappropriate or is ill-fitting I won't let her buy it.

Isn't that subjective? I can see inappropriate, or ill fitting but what you may think looks bad, she may think looks great. I let my ds come out with me and he looked bad . He had on a pair of madras shorts, a striped shirt and his baseball socks pulled up over his knees. But he picked out his outfit and didn't see anything wrong with it. I admit that as he gets older I hope he develops a little better fashion sense, but as long as he's happy in what he's got on, thats all that matters to me.

I have a friend who picks out all of her kids clothes, and I mean not only at the store but every morning for them to waer. She does it to keep up appearances, she's more concerned with them projecting a certain image, and how they reflect on her, than she is with them just being themself. I think its pretty sad.

 

[Poohforyou]

Isn't that subjective? I can see inappropriate, or ill fitting but what you may think looks bad, she may think looks great. I let my ds come out with me and he looked bad . He had on a pair of madras shorts, a striped shirt and his baseball socks pulled up over his knees. But he picked out his outfit and didn't see anything wrong with it. I admit that as he gets older I hope he develops a little better fashion sense, but as long as he's happy in what he's got on, thats all that matters to me.

I have a friend who picks out all of her kids clothes, and I mean not only at the store but every morning for them to waer. She does it to keep up appearances, she's more concerned with them projecting a certain image, and how they reflect on her, than she is with them just being themself. I think its pretty sad.

I agree, if I only let my DD11 wear what I thought looked good we'd have too many rough mornings for my taste. She doesn't care if her top and bottom compliment each other. She just picks things in her closet and goes with it. Since there isn't anything in her wardrobe that is revealing or inappropriate I figure if she doesn't care than why should I. If it's a special occasion I'll veto her choice if necessary.

 

[bumblebee]

My relatives have such a difficult time finding bathing suits for their tweens. I'll have to recommend Justice to them.

I'm not a parent, but if I have kids I'd let them pick what they wanted for clothes as long as there was nothing inappropriate (no swears, crude phrases, etc.) on it.

 

[Debbie7452]

The absolute BEST thing that you can do to make a kid see reason on the issue of cut, color and style is to have her go shopping with someone of your generation who is NOT you. I remember that my sister was at her wit's end with my niece on these issues, and I was visiting and offered to take her shopping. She listened to everything I said and 10 years later has told me more than once that she still takes that day's advice into consideration when she shops. It worked because I was a neutral third party.

There are all kinds of issues between kids and their parents that make this difficult. The best solution I know is to have that advice come from some other adult.

This is what we did when my niece-12 was in this situation(Her Grandma was the one upset about her dress, not her Mom). My DD-19 took her shopping and talked to her frankly about why showing so much skin might be misunderstood by some of the boys. My niece was incredibly receptive and picked out an adorable tankini. Well, her Mom hated the suit and was upset about any attempts to get niece to keep herself covered up. She bad mouthed the new tankini and it hasn't been worn! We were shocked. Since when is modesty a bad thing?

 

[golfgal]

I've been giggling to myself all afternoon about this thread. DD16 and I were out shopping and she said she wanted a 1 piece bathing suit for our annual camping trip. The kids spend most of the time playing in and around a raft and jumping into the water, climbing into the raft, etc. so a bikini doesn't really work so well for that. Well, trying finding a one piece for a 16 year old-they are all for 8 year olds or grown women. I kept telling her "remember what it is for" "it doesn't have to be pretty". We found one a Dick's Sporting Goods.

 

[Pigeon]

This is what we did when my niece-12 was in this situation(Her Grandma was the one upset about her dress, not her Mom). My DD-19 took her shopping and talked to her frankly about why showing so much skin might be misunderstood by some of the boys. My niece was incredibly receptive and picked out an adorable tankini. Well, her Mom hated the suit and was upset about any attempts to get niece to keep herself covered up. She bad mouthed the new tankini and it hasn't been worn! We were shocked. Since when is modesty a bad thing?

Honestly, if a relative were trying to impose her particular notions of modesty on my kid because of how Grandma felt, I would be very annoyed. That's up to the parents, period.

 

[Debbie7452]

I've been giggling to myself all afternoon about this thread. DD16 and I were out shopping and she said she wanted a 1 piece bathing suit for our annual camping trip. The kids spend most of the time playing in and around a raft and jumping into the water, climbing into the raft, etc. so a bikini doesn't really work so well for that. Well, trying finding a one piece for a 16 year old-they are all for 8 year olds or grown women. I kept telling her "remember what it is for" "it doesn't have to be pretty". We found one a Dick's Sporting Goods.

I sympathize with you. Glad you found one. My DD-17 needed a one piece for a trip to Notre Dame this summer. Our instructions said the bathing suit had to be a one piece. We actually found a Jr. size one at JC Penney but that was a long time ago and they only had the one style of cute, fashionable looking, but still modest. I'll bet they ran out quickly. I wasn't sure it existed at all!

 

[Debbie7452]

Honestly, if a relative were trying to impose her particular notions of modesty on my kid because of how Grandma felt, I would be very annoyed. That's up to the parents, period.

Well, my DD was trying to smooth over the rift between Grandma and the Mom(her daughter) over the issue and niece was happy and pleased with the shopping trip which was the point I was trying to make. From Grandma's point of view... the parent's should be teaching it...what do you do if they neglect to do so? Grandma speaks her mind when she thinks something is inappropriate.

By the way, we have normal, average views on modesty. I have no problem with bikinis as long as everything important stays covered!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, I don't know if this has been said before...
I don't know what type of region the OP, and some other posters, may be in... But, I live in the South, where many weeks and months are spent in bathing suits. And, where, frankly, the income levels are very limited.

In other words... many kids would be in a hand-me down.. something they found on sale at WalMart/Kmart... which would simply NOT stay in good shape, be well designed, etc... and after a few weeks of wear, would indeed not be a quality, well fitting, supportive, garment....

So, yes, this is an issue. At least where I live.

I would not, and simply could not, wear that type, low-quality, of suit, or it would look horrid.. ill fitting.. not shape-supportive, etc....

Unfortunately, when one is looking a low-cost swim-suits... Yes, the design, fit, etc... are severely lacking.

And, in my area, this would def. be the norm.

I was SO lucky, I found a nice Tankini that is not a thin 2X4 shapeless piece of fabric (on sale at Penney's)... And, I actually found an excellent LaBlanka, very, very nice... for like $4.00 at a second hand store.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Honestly, if a relative were trying to impose her particular notions of modesty on my kid because of how Grandma felt, I would be very annoyed. That's up to the parents, period.

Yes, exactly...
Grandma and Auntie (or anyone else) would not be welcome to take my child aside and impose their personal feelings. Not okay.. at all.

 

[UTMOMOF6]

Try this site "limerikki". They have the cutest suits ever! I can't post a true link yet because I don't have 10 posts yet.