Trouble? at school

[Laura66]

One of my best friends is a kindergarten teacher. These first months are always a bit rough. Children are learning the rules, and how to behave as part of a group. It is not too unusual for children to still be learning self control at this age. I don't think the OP needs panic about her daughter's behavior yet. She does need to get with the teacher to get some specific strategies that she can employ that will help her daughter adjust to school this year. I am sure that by the end of the year, the class will have made loads of progress and will be humming along nicely. I don't think it is fair to label her child as trouble just yet!

I think what rubbed people the wrong way how the op presented the question. We all love our children and want what's best - so she's no better or different than any other Disers.
She was also insinuating that her daughter should not be punished or corrected for her disruptions like other students in the class because her daughter is gifted. Not giving a thought as to his this affects the other student who are trying to learn.
If she would have had a different attitude or worded her post differently and asked for help or ideas to help keep her daughter occupied or disciplined I believe many of the answers would have come across as more friendly.

 

[JVL1018]

My daughter also was way ahead in K. Reading chapter books, adding and subtracting etc. She was one of the oldest in the class due to the cut off, so that had something to do with it I'm sure. She is not gifted. She is bright and works hard.

I would not move her ahead. Why not let her be at the top of the class?

I don't see why you wouldn't "punish" her for misbehaving in class. She's supposed to be sitting and not bothering other kids and she's not. Tell her she has to.
I don't mean punish like yell at her, but have consequences.
I'd go with positive rewards over negative.
Ask the teacher if she can have extra work to do whenever she's done first. Or if she can have a book in her desk to pull out while she waits.

 

[dimimi]

oooooo i like that idea i will bring it up at the next conference... this will keep her with her friends and still let her learn that sitting and listening she needs to work on. or maybe just see if they can make sure she isnt sitting there doing nothing... maybe if when she finishs her work they give her something else to do? like another work sheet... i will bring that up. great idea

I would schedule a conference, don't wait until the next one. She should not be given "another worksheet" but be challenged. I am curious how old she is? When is her birthday? Sometimes people keep their kids back a year, but they were really ready to go to Kinder.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I think it's important to find out from the teacher exactly what the disruptive behavior looks like. Is she talking to other kids around her? Is she getting out of her chair and walking around? Is she disruptive to the entire class or just a few kids around her? Then you can talk to her specifically about what is and is not permissible during class time. It's nice that she wants to help the other kids, but the teacher may not want her to do so. It's important that she understands the importance of following the classroom rules, even if she finishes her work early.

I also think it's important to find out how early she usually finishes her work. Is she being asked to sit for five or fewer minutes while the other kids finish? Or, is it closer to 10 minutes? Most of the kids in my preschool class want to be busy or entertained every minute of the day. The minute they finish something, they're calling out, "Look! I'm done!" If the staff members are working other kids, we will ask them to wait for a minute until we can get to them. It's not an easy skill for some kids to learn, but it's very important in a classroom setting. Sometimes they just have to wait for a minute or two. They may end up doing nothing for those few minutes and it can be hard for them to adjust to that concept.

I've been mainstreaming a few of my special needs preschoolers in a typical pre-kindergarten class. A lot of the kids in that class are very attention-seeking, especially when they've finished a project. The teacher is very good about trying to get around to everyone, but she also reminds them that sometimes they have to sit quietly and wait. She does keep a supply of scratch paper at each table. She sometimes says, "If you're done or need my help, you can draw a picture while you're waiting." That gives the kids something to do with their hands while they're waiting.

 

[Sanchez]

Can I ask what posts like these hope to accomplish in an otherwise helpful and productive discussion? I mean other than the obvious snark and what appears to be amusing yourselves?
I could go into why it would appear that way, the socioeconomic factors and variables that come into play into the particular population that this board attracts, but I don't think you are honestly interested in why it might be.. you just want to make people feel bad.
I worried for a very long time about approaching anyone to help my son. That's a big regret of mine. We didn't want to be *that* family, we didn't want to appear to be bragging, we didn't want to think the teacher was rolling their eyes when we left the room. I feel like I failed him for a good three or four years to be honest, and that sucks. And then it dawned on me that we wouldn't roll our eyes at a child with a learning disability, we'd advocate for them.
My daughter has so much trouble with math that it took hours and hours and hours of extra help to get her to just barely pass. Why is it ok to talk about that but not say "hey, my other child learns differently and isn't thriving in this environment, what can we do?".
I'm sitting here with the test scores. We had the province wide testing, we see where he is. He had additional testing. It doesn't lie.

Do you know that I have actually said to my son "Don't tell the other kids you tested so high. Don't use the word "gifted". They'll think you are bragging."
I think it's sad I have to tell him to hide who he is because other people will take it the wrong way. I'm all about teaching humility, but I didn't feel good saying that.
Maybe the OP's daughter is advanced, maybe she's gifted, maybe it will even out in a few years. Who knows? But why be derisive and rude?
I realize these are rhetorical questions.. I seriously doubt I'll get an answer. I just don't understand.

I am not sure why you need to understand but assume your comments are a veiled attempt to claim the moral high ground and prove your intellectual superiority. What do I hope to accomplish?

I see this discussion, and those like it, neither helpful nor productive. I simply find it humorous that so many jump in on these threads to proclaim the brilliance of their offspring. I have no idea whether any are as brilliant as their parents claim but find the sheer volume of brilliant children on the DIS to be unbelievable.

These parents are either telling the truth, lying, embellishing, or simply mistaken. This is an anonymous forum and I believe that lies and embellishments are common. Further, the terms gifted and advanced are entirely overused. Parents are led to believe, by use of these identifiers, that their children are of superior intellect. Finally, we all see the best in our children and want to believe that they are the best and brightest.

You fail to see any humor in that and I understand your position. However, your assumption that this is an attempt to mock children is incorrect. I fully support academic achievement and value education but I do not see the point in making such claims. I am more educated than most and deal with complex concepts every day. I work with and against people of high intellect and understand that most people simply do not have it.

My comments simply reflect the humor of the situation. If you feel that your child is gifted and advanced then so be it. If you feel it important to make such claims then so be it. Most parents eventually find that their claims are overstated. Whether you are the exception or the rule my comments are of no consequence. I have no idea as to whether you are telling the truth, but I sincerely doubt that everyone here is telling the truth.

 

[olwyngdh]

Hey Guys I normally dont post on the community board but with my vacation just about planned I have made my way over here.

Anyhow.. I am having an issue with my DD. I am a single military mother. Because I am gone alot I have done alot to make sure my DD has every advantage I can give her. Which meant pre-school and then lots of time at library, zoo, muesums and such with Mommy when I am home. My house TV stays on Disney JR or PBS...

Well she started Kindergarden this year and she is way tooooo advanced for the class. They are counting to 25, she is counting 200+ (i normally make her stop then lol cause i got the point). She is spelling simple words and reading alot more then her class. Shapes and colors she has got that. She is even doing simple addition and subtraction.... Her class is still baby steps..while is running.... She is also the olderst in class since she has a december birthday

so my problem... she is getting board in class and getting in trouble. She finishes her work and wants to help others or wants to play and talk. She has + marks in everything but listening and following directions...

What can I do for her? I dont want to punish her, but i dont know how to fix this and the teachers keep telling me I should talk to her and work with her on listening and following directions.

i see you are in VA--if you are at Langley, you are very lucky. York County Schools are excellent in dealing with advanced and gifted students. If other schools in the state follow their pattern, the teachers make recommendations for testing and they send a form home for you to fill out that asks all sorts of questions that you will wonder what on earth they have to do with giftedness--like describe your child's sense of humor. If other schools follow the same pattern York County did, testing is in Jan or Feb, and then those students who score in the range start PEP (Primary Enrichment Program) in April and May--I think it was 4 half day programs. The teachers in YC are also all well trained in working with gifted kids--my daughter's 2nd and 3rd grade teacher had previously taught at an all gifted elementary.

Boredom and talking is classic behavior--just be glad she isn't grabbing all the other kids math papers and finishing them so that they can get on to the next thing. Or looking at a kid who was tipping back his chair, in spite of the teachers warnings, and telling him when he fell "Darwin's law--if you're dumb, you die."

Yeah, Kindergarten was fun in my house too. Chin up there Mom, you will survive--and so will your daughter. Just hope when you PCS you don't end up in a dingleberry of a town like we are in now where I had a choice between homeschool, private school, or a suicidal 4th grader. We PCS again next summer, and I can't wait. I want her back in school even though I know it is going to be an adjustment for her after having so much control over her time and education.

 

[Colleen27]

These parents are either telling the truth, lying, embellishing, or simply mistaken. This is an anonymous forum and I believe that lies and embellishments are common. Further, the terms gifted and advanced are entirely overused. Parents are led to believe, by use of these identifiers, that their children are of superior intellect. Finally, we all see the best in our children and want to believe that they are the best and brightest.

I think that is at the heart of it, but I think most reasonably educated parents are aware of that and simply use the label because it is the label that is applied. My "gifted" daughter is above average academically but not truly exceptional - a quick learner who reads a lot and works hard, not an innate genius. However, in a learning environment where the classroom is suited to the average and slightly below average and it takes a label to get any deviation from that norm, "gifted" is the label that is applied to kids like her. So "gifted" is the term that gets used in conversation on topics like this one, not because I have any sense that my daughter is uniquely talented or any more skilled than any other bright American kid from an educationally nurturing environment, but simply because it is expedient to use the commonly recognized term.

There is no reason to think that, in a self-selected group like we have here on the DIS that are above average in both education and income, you wouldn't have a disproportionately large number of academically advanced students. After all, the children of posters here are by and large among an educationally advantaged group - the overwhelming majority are growing up in the conditions most conducive to achievement and their performance is likely to reflect those advantages. Is that truly "giftedness"? Well, that's a semantic can of worms. It may not fit the classic image of the genius or prodigy, but in modern educational parlance gifted doesn't just refer to the exceptional. It often refers to all students that need enhancements above and beyond the standard curriculum.

 

[pigletto]

I am not sure why you need to understand but assume your comments are a veiled attempt to claim the moral high ground and prove your intellectual superiority. What do I hope to accomplish?

I see this discussion, and those like it, neither helpful nor productive. I simply find it humorous that so many jump in on these threads to proclaim the brilliance of their offspring. I have no idea whether any are as brilliant as their parents claim but find the sheer volume of brilliant children on the DIS to be unbelievable.

These parents are either telling the truth, lying, embellishing, or simply mistaken. This is an anonymous forum and I believe that lies and embellishments are common. Further, the terms gifted and advanced are entirely overused. Parents are led to believe, by use of these identifiers, that their children are of superior intellect. Finally, we all see the best in our children and want to believe that they are the best and brightest.

You fail to see any humor in that and I understand your position. However, your assumption that this is an attempt to mock children is incorrect. I fully support academic achievement and value education but I do not see the point in making such claims. I am more educated than most and deal with complex concepts every day. I work with and against people of high intellect and understand that most people simply do not have it.

My comments simply reflect the humor of the situation. If you feel that your child is gifted and advanced then so be it. If you feel it important to make such claims then so be it. Most parents eventually find that their claims are overstated. Whether you are the exception or the rule my comments are of no consequence. I have no idea as to whether you are telling the truth, but I sincerely doubt that everyone here is telling the truth.

Gotcha.
I'm just going to carry on sharing information or experiences where I find they might be helpful and participating in discussions that interest me. I have no problem with an interesting discussion or a differing point of view. I did take issue with the snarky one liner and what the point of it was, and still do. I guess we will have to agree to disagree on a few points.

 

[hsmamato2]

By reading these boards, it would appear 90% of the population is "gifted."

That said.... kids progress at different rates, no matter how we label them.... in my own case, I was working on an entirely different level from other kids at 4 1/2 yrs, and in kindergarten.(not a great idea in hindsight) the best advice I can give is to echo some pp's.... a big part of school is learning how to behave socially- this is your opportunity to help your daughter learn that.
As far as getting tested for ADD, please just let your daughter grow.... knowing how to read doesn't equal maturity- and not knowing how to sit still in a classroom does not equal a medical disorder. Some people are better at sitting and conforming, for others, it takes time to learn.
(soapbox alert) whether you think your kids are 'gifted' or not...they all need consistency,training,and a set of boundaries to learn to work within- these things don't hinge on IQ level- this is your chance to work with the school to provide this.(off soapbox)

 

[hsmamato2]

forgot to add.... I can't even remember being in school without an extra book or two (or 3) in my desk or backpack to read.... right up through 12th grade. I love the idea of scratch paper for those who are done earlier..just draw or read till the rest of the class is ready to proceed......

 

[SLP958]

I am one of those parents who does not buy into the advanced/gifted/bored retoric.

Besides academics, school teaches cultural and societal standards. So, if the teacher says sit quietly if you are finished, that is what you do. Not following rules is not following rules. It does not matter if you know more than everyone else, the rules still apply to you.

I would do what the teacher asked and discuss with you DD the importance of doing what her teacher says.

 

[Laura66]

Just putting it out there - with full disclosure that I am a horrible speller.

A lot vs alot
Bored vs board

Just sayin . . .

 

[ronandannette]

I am one of those parents who does not buy into the advanced/gifted/bored retoric.

Besides academics, school teaches cultural and societal standards. So, if the teacher says sit quietly if you are finished, that is what you do. Not following rules is not following rules. It does not matter if you know more than everyone else, the rules still apply to you.

I would do what the teacher asked and discuss with you DD the importance of doing what her teacher says.

I'd like to suggest something very simple after having re-read and thought about the opening post. Perhaps the whole gifted/ADHD thing is just a rabbit trail we've run down. I'm going to guess that this little girl, an only child with a semi-absentee Mom who seems determined to maximize their "quality" time, is just completely used to being the centre of attention. Also probably used to having situations perfectly tailored to her own "bent" and is having difficulty adapting to the expectations of a group dynamic. Heck, she could even be disrupting the other kids just because she is so enamoured with their value as playmates - I know my "only" sure did this when he started school after being used to spending most of his time alone with me.

The answer here is to gently but firmly discipline her behaviour so that she submits to the authority of the teacher and conforms to the "rules" of the classroom, and the sooner the better. Accommodating her comfort level at this point will only delay her learning to cope in the real world and potentially hamper her growth academically and socially going forward. And yes, I stand by the use of the terms discipline, authority and conformity.

 

[mnrose]

Early reading and being able to count are NOT signs of giftedness. My son, who IS gifted, could do NEITHER well until he was in first grade. He could count to 20, but not beyond. Yes, you read that right. Well into first grade. In November of first grade, he struggled to sound out the word "NO." And, while he could not reliably count to 100, he DID understand the concept of area when he was 5 (he asked me what 14x14 was...the number of tiles on each side of a room in our house...he said if he knew that he would know how many tiles there were in the room). In retrospect THAT was a sign of giftedness. But, I was so busy worrying that he was "behind" that I missed it. LOL!

Anyway, the moral of my story is that no one can accurately assess giftedness, or lack thereof, at a young age. If you try, you can be misled in either direction. There is a reason that most school districts won't bother trying to assess this until children are in second or third grade, some even later. (The exception is the rare...very rare...child prodigy who can read by the age of two and do solve complex math problems before kindergarten....these children come along, but rarely)

I would say that OP needs to get her child's behavior under control. Like it or not, learning how to properly behave in class is a requirement in ALL grades, and moving her up a grade, where the expectation is even more serious, isn't going to help. If anything, it will exacerbate the problem as she is with children who are more mature than her.

Also, my children are now teens, and the one thing I already regret is not making them more comfortable with BORING work when they were younger. Being able to manage the frustration of BORING or seemingly pointless work is something we all must learn to do. It is the rare "real world" job that is exciting and stimulating 100% of the time. I loved my job, but there were still aspects of it that were less than exciting. Yet, that work was important to my employer, whether or not I found it personally stimulating. LOL! And, I didn't have the option of saying "I don't want to do that. It's boring."

 

[NewRVLady]

I'm going to guess that this little girl, an only child with a semi-absentee Mom who seems determined to maximize their "quality" time, is just completely used to being the centre of attention. .

how in the world do you get this from her post?


I think a lot of kids are smarter, maybe a lot. But knowing a truly gifted child, my nephew, I KNOW what a parent has to do to help this kind of child in the school system.

My brother had after school activities, reading lists for N (nephew ) at a very young age. He read 50 books every summer-between 2nd & 3rd he had read his 3rd grade ENGLISH primer the summer before-as one of the 50! Talk about bored.
In middle school he got into robotics, computers, musical instruments to help.
In 7th grade scored almost a perfect SAT score

He was bored silly in the advanced HS Freshman classes, and enrolled in a special HS for gifted students-a boarding school-best decision they ever made.

Now studying Artificial intelligence, computer robotics at a prestigious University.

 

[msjprincess]

how in the world do you get this from her post?


I think a lot of kids are smarter, maybe a lot. But knowing a truly gifted child, my nephew, I KNOW what a parent has to do to help this kind of child in the school system.

My brother had after school activities, reading lists for N (nephew ) at a very young age. He read 50 books every summer-between 2nd & 3rd he had read his 3rd grade ENGLISH primer the summer before-as one of the 50! Talk about bored.
In middle school he got into robotics, computers, musical instruments to help.
In 7th grade scored almost a perfect SAT score

He was bored silly in the advanced HS Freshman classes, and enrolled in a special HS for gifted students-a boarding school-best decision they ever made.

Now studying Artificial intelligence, computer robotics at a prestigious University.

She's in the military and is sometimes deployed.

 

[ronandannette]

Hey Guys I normally dont post on the community board but with my vacation just about planned I have made my way over here.

Anyhow.. I am having an issue with my DD. I am a single military mother. Because I am gone alot I have done alot to make sure my DD has every advantage I can give her. Which meant pre-school and then lots of time at library, zoo, muesums and such with Mommy when I am home. My house TV stays on Disney JR or PBS...

Well she started Kindergarden this year and she is way tooooo advanced for the class. They are counting to 25, she is counting 200+ (i normally make her stop then lol cause i got the point). She is spelling simple words and reading alot more then her class. Shapes and colors she has got that. She is even doing simple addition and subtraction.... Her class is still baby steps..while is running.... She is also the olderst in class since she has a december birthday

so my problem... she is getting board in class and getting in trouble. She finishes her work and wants to help others or wants to play and talk. She has + marks in everything but listening and following directions...

What can I do for her? I dont want to punish her, but i dont know how to fix this and the teachers keep telling me I should talk to her and work with her on listening and following directions.

how in the world do you get this from her post?


I think a lot of kids are smarter, maybe a lot. But knowing a truly gifted child, my nephew, I KNOW what a parent has to do to help this kind of child in the school system.

My brother had after school activities, reading lists for N (nephew ) at a very young age. He read 50 books every summer-between 2nd & 3rd he had read his 3rd grade ENGLISH primer the summer before-as one of the 50! Talk about bored.
In middle school he got into robotics, computers, musical instruments to help.
In 7th grade scored almost a perfect SAT score

He was bored silly in the advanced HS Freshman classes, and enrolled in a special HS for gifted students-a boarding school-best decision they ever made.

Now studying Artificial intelligence, computer robotics at a prestigious University.

Did you read it?

 

[JanaDee]

I'd like to suggest something very simple after having re-read and thought about the opening post. Perhaps the whole gifted/ADHD thing is just a rabbit trail we've run down. I'm going to guess that this little girl, an only child with a semi-absentee Mom who seems determined to maximize their "quality" time, is just completely used to being the centre of attention. Also probably used to having situations perfectly tailored to her own "bent" and is having difficulty adapting to the expectations of a group dynamic. Heck, she could even be disrupting the other kids just because she is so enamoured with their value as playmates - I know my "only" sure did this when he started school after being used to spending most of his time alone with me. The answer here is to gently but firmly discipline her behaviour so that she submits to the authority of the teacher and conforms to the "rules" of the classroom, and the sooner the better. Accommodating her comfort level at this point will only delay her learning to cope in the real world and potentially hamper her growth academically and socially going forward. And yes, I stand by the use of the terms discipline, authority and conformity.

Bingo

 

[esk]

OP, a PP brings up a good point...not all school districts are the same and military kids will have their ups and downs. We haven't resorted to home schooling yet but we know many who do.

When we were in New Mexico, in a "dingleberry" little town, my daughter was labeled a "genius" by her K teacher because she knew her colors I went uh.....not a genius, just knows her colors. But that was the level of education at that school. Then we PCS'd to somewhere with a better education system and my kids are learning a lot more, in my opinion.

With kids that move around a lot, you may find that sometimes your DD is slightly ahead of the class and sometimes a little behind, depending on the quality of education at your last duty station. Some of it may depend on your preschool also...my DD was one of the oldest in preschool (just missed the K cutoff) and the teachers there started teaching her to read because she wouldn't nap (she was 5)...but at another base, the preschool wasn't allowed to teach reading.

Anyway, hopefully you are still reading the boards, if not responding...and keep in mind, this is probably just the beginning of questions and decisions about your kids education...it gets more complicated the older they get!

 

[h518may]

Also in that vain of reading what mom said, mom NEVER used the word gifted to describe her DD. Mom just said that the DD was given Advantages before starting K. Actually in post #11 mom says her DD wasn't ahead because she was gifted, but because mom had worked with her.(sorry started this post without quoting her first)

Sorry that has bothered me since the beginning of the thread. It was the second poster that said the little girl was gifted.

Now I truly think mom was willing to listen to reasonable help for her DD, but like usual around here the she got very little of that and a lot of people telling her all the stuff she is doing wrong.



Now for mom if you are still reading, playing school with her might help. Also I remind my DD to listen to the teacher and sit still in class as we wait for the bus in the mornings, every day.

Another thing the teachers around here send home behavior reports every day, so my DD likes to know hers says GOOD DAY on it. With my sons school they just give each child a color on the behavior chart like blue is best, green is ok, orange you did something to go down a color(like talking in class), yellow was two things, and red was a call home. For us blue and green were ok, orange we talked about and only one in in a month( figure everyone can have a bad day). We never got past that in K. So maybe the teacher could do something like that for her. For my son it helped to see where he was with the colors, and if they went down a color they had the ability to work at bringing the color back up.

Just some ideas.