Tree's for "needy" kids

[mickeyfan2]

Actaully some of us think calling poor children greedy for wanting more than survival items is judgmental.

Well then you better reread this thread, since NOBODY said that.

 

[chobie]

Well then you better reread this thread, since NOBODY said that.

Right you just called them greedy for hoping for big ticket items.

If its a rich kid asking their parents for big ticket items it's okay. If its a poor child asking strangers its greedy. They should just know their place, I guess.

 

[kdibattista]

Just a quick question... would you be in such an uproar if it were your child who put those high ticket items on their Christmas list? Would that deter you from getting anything for them because they had the nerve to wish for something so big?

Just curious...

 

[mickeyfan2]

Right you just called them greedy for hoping for big ticket items.

I said they were greedy for only wanting big ticket items and not listing other less costly but not gruel. It is a giving tree not a demaiding tree. I put them back on the tree because of this. I don't know if anybody picked them. I guess to ask for too much and get nothing is far better than giving the giver a few ideas in many price ranges.

But since you are so good at judging please continue to judge away.

 

[DisneyCP2002]

I hate to say it but this is one reason I've now limited myself to my church's angel tree. We select a child from the tree whose parent(s) are in prision. This year all the girl(age 4) wanted was a baby doll. I happily got her a baby doll with clothes & stuff to go with it. Had they put the clothing size would've gotten clothes too.

 

[chobie]

I said they were greedy for only wanting big ticket items and not listing other less costly but not gruel. It is a giving tree not a demaiding tree. I put them back on the tree because of this. I don't know if anybody picked them. I guess to ask for too much and get nothing is far better than giving the giver a few ideas in many price ranges.

But since you are so good at judging please continue to judge away.

I'd say calling poor children greedy takes the prize when it comes to judging.

And since I'm so good at judging then I get to make the call.

If course if anyone just joining would like to go back a few pages, all I said was that I thought labeling these kids greedy was a bit harsh. Those were my exact words.

 

[mickeyfan2]

If its a rich kid asking their parents for big ticket items it's okay. If its a poor child asking strangers its greedy. They should just know their place, I guess.

Great job at judging again. Only you said this not anybody else.

Parents can do whatever they want with their money. If they want to go into debt to give their kid(s) the best Christmas ever that is their choice. Just being rich does not preclude you from being greedy.

A Christmas list for a stanger should include wants and needs. A Christmas list for a person who knows you well can be only wants, since they know your needs.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Just a quick question... would you be in such an uproar if it were your child who put those high ticket items on their Christmas list? Would that deter you from getting anything for them because they had the nerve to wish for something so big?

Just curious...

If I felt they were being greedy then yes.

 

[chobie]

Great job at judging again. Only you said this not anybody else.

Parents can do whatever they want with their money. If they want to go into debt to give their kid(s) the best Christmas ever that is their choice. Just being rich does not preclude you from being greedy.

A Christmas list for a stanger should include wants and needs. A Christmas list for a person who knows you well can be only wants, since they know your needs.

Right back at you. Telling poor children what they can or can't ask for and calling them a name for daring to dream for more is as judgmental as you can get.

I'm not the one calling strangers names, you are...you win!

 

[chobie]

If I felt they were being greedy then yes.

But you know your kids, you don't know these other kids. It's one thing to not want to buy big ticket items for these poor kids, and it's another thing to call them greedy for daring to dream.


But, I'll concede for the sake of the season. If defending poor children from being called greedy by strangers makes me judgmental, then I'll wear the title of the Queen of judging with pride.

 

[barkley]

Younger DD's class collects money for a needy Christmas family. There were 3 children in this family. I was given the girl to buy for. A Dora comforter and sheets and Dora toys is what the little girl asked for. I felt those gifts were great ideas.

Then I read what her 2 older brothers wanted Xbox games, Cube games. So, unfortunately I started thinking (not good) why does this needy family have not 1 but 2 video systems. Are these the most needy families my dd's parochial school can find? Surely there's families out there that need clothing, and blankets and toys and books. I want to find THOSE families.

Our church has an Angel tree. Those gifts go to homes for unwed Moms, the elderly, prisoners. We bought diapers, wipes, shampoo, soap etc. I know those are needed items.

Christine

o.k.-i know by virtue of this reply i will likely come across as jaded and uncompassionate but i have to be honest. after a multi decade career of working with individuals who 'qualified' income wise for these types of programs i have to say that a significant population of 'eligible recipeints' are far better set than those of us who are fortunate enough that our earned income reaches the 6 digit figures.

i served many families who by virtue of public assistance (cash, fee free medical services and food stamps, housing and utility programs), social security and other tax exempt funding sources recived monies that exceeded their monthly rent, utilties and transportation expenses by 1000%. while their income was not what you would consider 'liveable'-by virtue of recieving housing assistance and other funded programs-they ended up with far more expendable income than the average american. i witnessed 'charitable programs' pay for letterman's jackets, new prom dresses/tickets, ski and grad trips, high end summer camps (the identical ones dh and i with a respectable income struggled to send our children to for one week-clients recieved 3 or 4 week free camperships to) and many other items that many consider 'luxuries' deemed for 'disadvantaged clients' as something that going without may be detrimental to their self esteem.

i am not speaking of individuals who live in substandard housing-i am speaking of those who my own landlord would rent to in a very nice subdivision through public programs and receive less than 5% of the rent (from the renter)than i am currently paying (the 'client' would be paying out 5% of their monthly net income vs the close to 40% dh and i pay). i am not speaking of students who attend under-funded public schools, i am speaking of those studens who attend private schools that cost the 'public' in the quadruple digits to attend (sans uniforms, registrations, books...).

it has never been my intent in this thread to discourage donations-only to advise donors to be educated to evaluate the donations they are asked to make.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I'd say calling poor children greedy takes the prize when it comes to judging.

Painting with a wide brush again!!!

And since I'm so good at judging then I get to make the call.

I am glad you finally admitted it.

If course if anyone just joining would like to go back a few pages, all I said was that I thought labeling these kids greedy was a bit harsh. Those were my exact words.

You made many generalizations. Who knew they were abused, had parents in prison, lived horrible lives or were in foster care. That was a huge assumption. The gruel comment was a great one.

BTW there were no lesses gifts asked for. That is where the greed came in.

How do you know it is a once in a lifetime request? Again an assumption.

Greedy seems a bit strong to me. Most of these teens have had horrible lives -in an out of foster care, untold abuse, parents in prison etc. I can't blame them for asking. It seems a bit Dickensian to say because they are poor they should only be asking for a bowl of gruel.

However, to be fair, I'm not going to go out an buy a more expensive gift for someone else's kid then I will for my own. But if I could afford to get that , and I knew the source for the Angel tree was repuditable and not a scam, I would do it.

I have seen some of these teens who have had rotten lives and I'm willing to bet that a random act of kindness of someone buying them an expensive gift might help some of them to be motivated to give back to society some day and return that act of kindness. Yes, it is also kind to give anything, be it second helping of gruel or an IPOD, I'm not belittling those (including myself) who choose to give the lesser expensive asked for gifts, but I think greedy is a bit harsh. JMHO.

I just have a problem with lableing kids as greedy because maybe just once in their life they want something nice.

 

[kdibattista]

it has never been my intent in this thread to discourage donations-only to advise donors to be educated to evaluate the donations they are asked to make.

I guess I'm a sucker (and I can live with that) because I don't want to be educated to evaluate my donations. I give because I want to give... however I choose to do that. I don't want statistics or facts or whatever else you can throw at me. Others can certainly utilize that information is they so choose... I choose not to. Christmas is not Christmas to me without the gift of giving. Giving to others is MY gift to myself. There is no greater reward then knowing that I may have made a child smile... whether I got them a winter coat or an IPOD or both.

Others choose to place labels on those kids... I choose not to... I'm sure they get enough of that in everyday life.

 

[chobie]

I already conceded. I'm judgmental for not thinking poor kids should be called greedy for wanting something nice.

If you think calling these children greedy is not painting them with a broad brush or is being judgmental, that's fine. We'll all make up our opinions.

You are right I should have clarified those kids I was talking about. In my old town, which was very poor, I did meet many of those kids on the Angel tree as they were classmates of my children and students of my husbands and many of them were indeed what I described.

Anyway, Mickeyfan, I much prefer you attacking me then poor children you don't know. So keep up the good work and Merry Christmas!

 

[Robinrs]

After reading this thread I cannot tell you how saddened I am to read these responses...

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
Matthew 24:40

Merry Christmas, everyone!

 

[barkley]

Painting with a wide brush again!!!


I am glad you finally admitted it.



You made many generalizations. Who knew they were abused, had parents in prison, lived horrible lives or were in foster care. That was a huge assumption. The gruel comment was a great one.

BTW there were no lesses gifts asked for. That is where the greed came in.

How do you know it is a once in a lifetime request? Again an assumption.

just again as an 'fyi'-the income eligiblitly standards that qualify people for these programs are not as harsh as many would think. in the area i served there were individuals who worked in 6 figure per contracted period jobs that qualified for public assistance (federal-not just limited to our area) for their leave periods each year. they routinely applied for every assistance program they qualified for and their children 'wished' for high end items and componants 'hedging' that someone would 'come through' for them.

if an individual truly wishes to serve those in need-seek out the agency that provides necessities not wishes.

 

[RAZ24]

kdibattista-I wasn't sure if your post was directed at me. My children aren't on the list. I would hope that if I was one of these needy families I would not ask for such expensive gifts for my children. I would be more interested in coats, clothes, boots, and yes, some toys.
My point to my post is that 'I' want to help those that can't put a decent meal on the table for their children, not the family that just can't afford the bigger ticket items. Does that make sense? And I don't even know if that's the case.
My DH and I have been helping a single Mom out. She has 3 children of her own and now her sisters 3 teenage children as well. They needed coats because there Mom never bought them any. They need a bunkbed so they can all have beds. They need help with food and gifts for Christmas. We will continue to help this Mom. They are a family who can use the help, but would never ask.

kdibattista-totally misread your post. Thought you meant if my family needed help.

 

[chobie]

Nevermind.

People should give or not give whatever the feel comfortable with and children, even poor ones, should be allowed to dream big. That's what makes our country great.

 

[mickeyfan2]

just again as an 'fyi'-the income eligiblitly standards that qualify people for these programs are not as harsh as many would think. in the area i served there were individuals who worked in 6 figure per contracted period jobs that qualified for public assistance (federal-not just limited to our area) for their leave periods each year. they routinely applied for every assistance program they qualified for and their children 'wished' for high end items and companants 'hedging' that someone would 'come through' with them.

I know that. The SA AAF program is based on many requirements. Income is just a small one. A death in the family, medical problem, loss of job and many more play a part. I find your honest answers from somebody who actually worked in this area very enlightening. I love to give to others but I don't give blindly. If others want to that is up to them. Both ways fall under the bible quote above.

 

[Arielle22]

My Church's tree only has the age and gender of the child, no specific requests. We just turned in the 2 presents today at Mass. We got a My Generation doll from Target and a Cabbage Patch doll.

DH was the recipient of this type of program when young so he wants to make sure I don't buy anything I wouldn't give our dds (as if I would!). When my younger dd saw the My Generation doll she said I should have gotten 2 so she could have one. I hope the recipent likes it as much.

This year my brother and SIL became foster parents. Their foster daughter is 12 (mine are 11 and 13). It is tradition when we gather on Thanksgiving that the nieces make up Christmas lists. There are 8 siblings in my family but only 6 nieces and 1 nephew. So we all buy for all the children. My brother explained to his foster daughter that she could put whatever she wanted on the list, that we needed lots of ideas for all of us. She put down only gift cards for 2 stores and socks. Seeing the socks listed broke my heart. Needless to say she will be getting many presents, including a handheld video game, an Ipod as well as the gift cards. I laid claim to the socks. My 13 yr old is a sock fanatic so I know where to find the cute socks.

My feeling on donations at any time of year is that I give for the best reasons and what the recipents do with the donation is on their conscience.