Tree's for "needy" kids

[dustysky]

I keep reading and every time I almost change my mind and think "yes you guys are right, its Christmas let them ask for what they want" my mind clicks back to the fact that the kids are not filling out the form but the parents are.

I started this thread because we have been that family on the tree. Without a long drawn out story I will just say that for major medical reasons my husband was put in the hospital, for two months I made no money as I was a stay home mom (at the time), this all happened just before Christmas.

When I was asked what my kids wanted I would not have dreamed of putting huge gifts on that application for *help*.

Because our situation was very drastic we ended up in the news paper, people came out in droves, the school wanted to help us etc.etc. I had to turn people away and most of the gifts we sent back to salvation army or a church because I refused to keep gifts that would either not be used or did not fit my children's interests.

So when I went out with my daughter last week and saw the gift tree FULL of tags asking for the type gifts mentioned here I could not help wonder why the parents (again not the kids) would have felt it ok to ask for these huge gifts.

I have not seen anyone bash or insult a child here, not sure how that debate was started.

 

[dustysky]

As for the lady/famil who got the *odd* gifs given to her, again when we had that time in our life, one family stopped by with a bag and a basket. In the basket was a used candle, an old comb, some old bath salts. In the bag was odd ball food items such as yours.

The lady went on to say that she was sorry that she could not get us new gifts but she HAD to help in her own way.

Maybe the family that picked you thought if you were in this situation then anything would have helped and that might have been all THEY could afford yet they still wanted to be part of helping for the season.

 

[Fitswimmer]

This whole topic reminds me of the family in NO that were given a house by a church group. The family flipped the house and kept the money they made from selling it. It was a gift freely given, but the whole thing left a bad taste in more than a few people's mouths.
I agree that if you're going to use these trees to donate, check out who is sponsoring them. You want to make sure that what you are giving is going to go to the people you intend it to. I don't think that's being a Scrooge or anything, it's just common sense when you deal with any charity.

As far as kids asking for expensive items, they are going to do that because they want what other kids have. However, someone should be checking what they ask for so it's at least realistic. If they ask for PS3's or Wii's-they're getting nothing because they're gone! Someone should oversee the list to make sure there are a few things on there that are reasonable so the child gets something to unwrap. Last year I bought a Nintendo DS game for a little boy and a Bratz doll (boy, are those UGLY) for a little girl. I assumed the little guy already had the player, or why would he have asked for the game?

 

[kdibattista]

I keep reading and every time I almost change my mind and think "yes you guys are right, its Christmas let them ask for what they want" my mind clicks back to the fact that the kids are not filling out the form but the parents are.

I started this thread because we have been that family on the tree. Without a long drawn out story I will just say that for major medical reasons my husband was put in the hospital, for two months I made no money as I was a stay home mom (at the time), this all happened just before Christmas.

When I was asked what my kids wanted I would not have dreamed of putting huge gifts on that application for *help*.

Because our situation was very drastic we ended up in the news paper, people came out in droves, the school wanted to help us etc.etc. I had to turn people away and most of the gifts we sent back to salvation army or a church because I refused to keep gifts that would either not be used or did not fit my children's interests.

So when I went out with my daughter last week and saw the gift tree FULL of tags asking for the type gifts mentioned here I could not help wonder why the parents (again not the kids) would have felt it ok to ask for these huge gifts.

I have not seen anyone bash or insult a child here, not sure how that debate was started.

Maybe because it what their children asked for... maybe the parents don't know how much those things cost or what they are... maybe the parents want their children to have a good Christmas for once... maybe, just maybe, on the off chance that there IS a Santa Clause who can give them something to be proud of....to give them something that they can go into school the next week and brag about.

 

[golfgal]

Maybe because it what their children asked for... maybe the parents don't know how much those things cost or what they are... maybe the parents want their children to have a good Christmas for once... maybe, just maybe, on the off chance that there IS a Santa Clause who can give them something to be proud of....to give them something that they can go into school the next week and brag about.

I really hate to be a party pooper but the reality of the situation is that if someone were to donate an Ipod, Wii, etc. there is a VERY good chance that kid will never see that gift. It is really, really sad to say but true. That "gift" will be sold and the cash used for other things, most likely NOT for the child. Again, that is reality after years and years of working with a Christmas toy charity. Again, MOST of the 1000+ families we served do have good intentions and the gifts do go to the kids but those families expecting things like an IPod or Wii are not intending on giving them to the children.

 

[shep]

This past weekend we went shopping for 2 needy families with the youth from church and we had 5 children and $100 for each, needless to say they learned how much things cost & how much you get for the money. The boy(6) I helped shop for had clothes on his list & we managed to spend $55 on clothes & $45 on toys at Wal-mart. When asked the children shopping what THEY wanted for Christmas they quickly realized that their things were over $100 each...Ipods, DS's, game consoles....,

 

[Mono~rail]

I'm not sure how to say this, but I'm going to give it a try. I'm not going to buy anything for "needy" people (babies, kids, teens, adults, or elderly) at Christmas that I can't afford to buy for my own family under normal circumstances. I want to donate items to Toys for Tots and Angel Trees, but they specify that it must be new items. I have some gently used toys with all the pieces and accessories that I could donate, but they don't want those.

I just give donations to the SA bell ringers instead.

We survive just fine with the used stuff that I buy at flea markets, garage sales, thrift shops, and consignment shops. DD14 is the best dressed in her class wearing her second hand name brand clothes and shoes that we pick up at various places. I don't buy new clothes for my own DD so I'm not going to buy brand new clothes to donate to charity.

I like shopping at thrift shops because the shops support a charity. By shopping there, I'm getting a baragain, and I'm donating to the charity.

 

[kdibattista]

I really hate to be a party pooper but the reality of the situation is that if someone were to donate an Ipod, Wii, etc. there is a VERY good chance that kid will never see that gift. It is really, really sad to say but true. That "gift" will be sold and the cash used for other things, most likely NOT for the child. Again, that is reality after years and years of working with a Christmas toy charity. Again, MOST of the 1000+ families we served do have good intentions and the gifts do go to the kids but those families expecting things like an IPod or Wii are not intending on giving them to the children.

I choose to believe the good in people. If that makes me a sucker then I can live with that.

 

[barkley]

But, honestly, didn't you ask for the "cool" stuff at Christmas? Doesn't mean you got it... but you at least asked for it, I'm sure.

no, i did'nt. probably a large part of that is because like with most kids the 'santa' factor was pretty apparant by around 3rd grade so i knew that putting something on the 'letter' was'nt going to result in changing my parent's mind set/purchasing habits.

my own kids and most of the kids whose lists i'm aware of (friends, neighbors) are'nt nesc. loaded with high end products either.

 

[Mono~rail]

I choose to believe the good in people. If that makes me a sucker then I can live with that.

I don't think it makes you a sucker. We are all free to give and donate where we want to.

I think I'm jaded from seeing so many who have abused public assistance and other programs like that. I've had plenty of co-workers who received public assistance, and their kids have better Christmases than mine ever will. A group of them saw me coming out of Goodwill one day, and when I worked a shift with them they attempted to make fun of me.

 

[golfgal]

I choose to believe the good in people. If that makes me a sucker then I can live with that.

It doesn't make you a sucker and it is fine if you want to donate what ever to whomever but this whole thread is about kids on these trees wanting these items and many people actually think the kids are going to see the Wii under the tree and there is a very high chance that kid WON'T have that Wii. I would hate for someone to go into a donation situation thinking that what they give is what that kid will actually get.

 

[taximomfor4]

In my humbler early adulthood, when it was just dd and I, I put her on the Church's giving tree. DD was 2 1/2. I just listed hat and mittens, and a sweater (our little one-room cottage was chilly and the heat kept going out).

She got hat, mittens, sweater, and a sweat outfit.

As much as that helped us out that year, I no longer buy for Giving Trees. My sister's friends (who purchased Christmas for their kids) just wanted their kids to get MORE stuff. They put their family on many, many giving trees. Their whole circle of acquaintances did it. How pathetic. I guess if I saw an angel requesting a hat, mittens, and sweater, I would grab it. but I don't see that type of angel often.

Heck, when I was 14, I babysat and earned the money to fill my siblings' easter baskets because otherwise, there would have been no easter baskets that year. Older kids on the giving trees, while still deserving a happy christmas, are old enough to understand when Christmas is less-than-profitable.

Beth

I know what you're saying. I actually feel badly for the kids. I think someone should guide them to put down things more reasonably priced. I have to guide my 7yo DD is making a list with things in a vast price range.

Honestly I won't pick one from a tree in a store. We have one at our church and both DH and I do stuff through work so it's a little more controlled.

What honestly gets me more than the extravegant gifts are the kids that ask for boots or a coat. That just breaks my heart and honestly I'm more apt to pick that child and get one of those plus some extras.

 

[MELSMICE]

I always thought of a Christmas "wish" list as a list of things your hoping & wishing for. Not necessarily all needs.

My DD's put some expensive items on their lists. Each of them also wrote something to this effect at the bottom, "Mom & Dad, I know these are some big ticket items, but you asked what I was wishing for at Christmat time so that is what I wrote. I don't expect to get them all though." They also listed slippers, pj's, etc. - necessities.

We are fortunate enough that they will be extremely surprised on Christmas morning that most of their "wishes" have been fulfilled. I just feel that this is what Christmas is about - the hope, the wish & the surprise.

I see nothing wrong with any child putting what they're wishing for on their list. I try to get everything that the our "adopted family" is hoping for. It just makes me feel good at Christmas knowing that I am fortunate enough all year long & I can make someone's holidays a little brighter.

That being said, our adopted family didn't ask for big ticket items - the 16 year old boy wants cologne, a basketball, movie tickets & some pj pants. To me, this kid just want to fit in. He wants to be able to hang with his buddies & maybe have a date with a girl. I splurged & bought him Fierce from Abercrombie. Is it extremely & outrageously overpriced - you bet it is - but doesn't every male teen want to wear Abercrombie cologne?

The 9 year old girl wants Bratz dolls (found them on sale at Target so got 3 of them) She likes board games - found Deal or No Deal on sale at Penney's. Hilary Duff CD - all young girls like Hilary Duff. She wants pj's - who doesn't love new Christmas jammies!!! She loves arts & crafts so I got her a giant art kit.

Did they ask for more than one thing - yep. Was it a big deal - nope. I hope they have a great Christmas & feel just as fortunate as we do on Christmas morning.

 

[maddiemouse]

It doesn't make you a sucker and it is fine if you want to donate what ever to whomever but this whole thread is about kids on these trees wanting these items and many people actually think the kids are going to see the Wii under the tree and there is a very high chance that kid WON'T have that Wii. I would hate for someone to go into a donation situation thinking that what they give is what that kid will actually get.

Speaking ONLY for myself, when I give something in ANY donation situation, it is for my own spiritual benefit. If I give a dollar to a panhandler on the street, and he uses it to buy a beer, that in no way diminishes the benefit that I get from the act of giving. In the situations being discussed on this thread I have no idea whether or not the kids will recieve any items donated, and neither do you . In the long run, it doesn't matter IMO.

 

[kdibattista]

It doesn't make you a sucker and it is fine if you want to donate what ever to whomever but this whole thread is about kids on these trees wanting these items and many people actually think the kids are going to see the Wii under the tree and there is a very high chance that kid WON'T have that Wii. I would hate for someone to go into a donation situation thinking that what they give is what that kid will actually get.

With all due respect... you DON'T know that the child won't get a high ticket item that was donated. Unless you donate it, personally deliver and then do a follow up investigation, you don't know.

I'm not saying that I am going to buy these things... I couldn't afford them if I wanted to. But I don't think it's greedy for a child to WISH for those things on Christmas.

I have to stop... this thread is sucking all of the Christmas spirit I have right out of me

 

[disneymom3]

As for the lady/famil who got the *odd* gifs given to her, again when we had that time in our life, one family stopped by with a bag and a basket. In the basket was a used candle, an old comb, some old bath salts. In the bag was odd ball food items such as yours.

The lady went on to say that she was sorry that she could not get us new gifts but she HAD to help in her own way.

Maybe the family that picked you thought if you were in this situation then anything would have helped and that might have been all THEY could afford yet they still wanted to be part of helping for the season.

That is a very good point and a better perspective than I had had. Thank you.

I'm not sure how to say this, but I'm going to give it a try. I'm not going to buy anything for "needy" people (babies, kids, teens, adults, or elderly) at Christmas that I can't afford to buy for my own family under normal circumstances. I want to donate items to Toys for Tots and Angel Trees, but they specify that it must be new items. I have some gently used toys with all the pieces and accessories that I could donate, but they don't want those.
.

I used to be bothered by this too. My kids have often gotten gifts I have picked up at a garage sale or Once Upon a Child. They rarely get new clothes from a store. But I have realized that some people use these charities as a way to get rid of junk they don't want. The Goodwill in our town is a perfect example of that. Truly, a lot of that stuff should have been thrown away. The charities that are providing gifts for the needy probably just don't have the time to sort through used toys to make sure they are in good condition and not just junk. What could be more sad on Christmas morning than getting a toy that had broken parts or was missing pieces.

 

[barkley]

That is a very good point and a better perspective than I had had. Thank you.


I used to be bothered by this too. My kids have often gotten gifts I have picked up at a garage sale or Once Upon a Child. They rarely get new clothes from a store. But I have realized that some people use these charities as a way to get rid of junk they don't want. The Goodwill in our town is a perfect example of that. Truly, a lot of that stuff should have been thrown away. The charities that are providing gifts for the needy probably just don't have the time to sort through used toys to make sure they are in good condition and not just junk. What could be more sad on Christmas morning than getting a toy that had broken parts or was missing pieces.

i understand why the charities only want new items but some carry it an extreme such that it prevents them from receiving as many donations as they could. we've got a local holiday drive that only accepts new-AND they have to have the price tags still attached to prove that they are new (or you can prove they are new by showing receipts for the items at the donation sites). i've had items i would have liked to donate but they are'nt 'acceptable' by this charity's standards-some were toys that i purchased at the kb outlet, the avon books or the clearance table at toys r us earlier in the year thinking i'de gift my kids with them or use them as bday party gifts for classmates. i have'nt kept the receipts, and some don't come with price tags attached. our kids have also gotten duplicate gifts from people that don't include gift receipts (and the tags have been peeled off)-all brand new items but unacceptable by this group's standards.

one year when dd was a baby i was going through her closet and bureau (pulling out the stuff she'd outgrown)-and came across a box of brand new baby clothing that i had forgotten was there (winter stuff that people assumed dd would grow into but she was such a little thing there was no way it was going to fit and by the time the next winter rolled around she would be too big). the tags were removed because when i packed them away i planned on laundering them before the first wearing. no receipts for them. the local charity would'nt even consider looking at them. i ended up locating a local women's shelter that catered to women with infants-they were thrilled to get warm baby clothing let alone brand new items.

 

[Becky2005]

Just to tack onto the "new" vs. used stuff for the donations.

Couldn't it also be for allergy reasons. For example, we have cats. If I were to donate something used...even cleaning it, cat hair tends to get in the most unusual places. There is no way to know if it's going to a house with someone who has a severe allergy to cats/dogs, etc...

 

[CathrynRose]

Just a quick question... would you be in such an uproar if it were your child who put those high ticket items on their Christmas list? Would that deter you from getting anything for them because they had the nerve to wish for something so big?

Just curious...

Great point. I certainly didnt call my kids greedy for requesting such items on their list. Why is it any different?

Although - I did ask if they were out of their mind.

These are kids we are talking about. Maybe they have a blanket and a warm coat - or maybe theyre willing to be cold, cuz they want an iPod SOOOO bad. You dont have to buy it for them, but the name calling of kids??? Good greif!!!

 

[Mono~rail]

For whatever reasons they don't want used stuff. Used stuff is good enough for us here in this household. I'm not going to buy "new" stuff for charity when we don't buy new stuff for ourselves. If that makes me a greedy grinch then so be it. I just give $1 to every SA kettle I see.