This has been bothering me...

[ccgirl]

Is it smart, No!! should they do that sort of stuff NO. Is it your business NO

This. It's kind of like saying should people on welfare keep having kids???

 

[Megan_J]

I agree, not to mention the fact that there's probably a lot more going on there than just hey, I shouldn't eat this, so I won't. Many ppl. choose food as their drug of choice, and if that's the case; breaking the bad habit of making bad food choices, ect. is much more in depth, than just saying, that's not good for you, so don't do it. I completely believe that ppl. that have these kinds of issues with food, are in the same boat as alcoholics/drug addicts ect.

Hopefully at some point, ppl. with those issues can get them truly resolved, but you saying, hey you shouldn't eat that piece of cake, is like you telling an alcoholic that they shouldn't have that drink.

If I had a condition that could kill me I would make the choice to change. I have been changing my own eating habits lately, and while it is difficult I know that it is going to make me a more healthy person. I think some people can't find that connection.

 

[beaucoup]

We are all going to die at some point. If that's what they want to eat, their business & their body.

 

[FireDancer]

If I had a condition that could kill me I would make the choice to change. I have been changing my own eating habits lately, and while it is difficult I know that it is going to make me a more healthy person. I think some people can't find that connection.

That is because you have that thing that is becoming less and less evident in modern society...self control.

I did a complete overhaul of my eating and general health habits back in early 2004 and didn't find it all that hard really. It was weird at first because it was new but it really wasn't that hard to do. I just concentrated on the long term benefits as opposed to the short term gratification and it only took about 3 months to ween myself off of almost all of my previously bad habits. Now my habits just seem like normal and while they are quite different from many of my friends it is just second nature to do my own thing.

Good luck making whatever changes you are making. The old habits get replaced by new habits pretty quickly and once your new habits feel normal it is much easier to just keep up with them. At least that has been my experience.

All that being said I really don't care if other people want to adopt good habits or bad habits, it is their body not mine. The only thing that annoys me are the people who give lip service that they want to change but their actions don't back it up. Crap or get off the pot so to speak.

 

[justanotherdiser]

You are describing my mom to a T. I sympathize with you. I feel like when she complains (which is all the time), she is wanting me to solve her problems. She is diabetic, has COPD, bad legs/feet, bad vision, had a heart attack last year, etc. I've gotten 2 calls in the past month from Lifeline b/c she has fallen. She won't take her medicines when she is supposed to, won't take her insulin, and walks around with her sugar in the 300-500 range. Almost every sentence that comes out of her mouth is a complaint, groan, whine, etc.

My DH, DD, and I are going out of town this weekend, and she told me yesterday that home health told her that if the swelling in her legs doesn't go down by Friday, then she is going in the hospital. I (selfishly, yes I know) teared up while telling my DH b/c it seems like whenever I have anything planned, she suddenly has a crisis. I worry about her excessively.

Yesterday, I realized what has happened. My grandma (her mother) was an excessive worrier. She died when I was a teenager about 15 years ago. I realized yesterday that I have assumed the role of my grandma. My mom has always wanted someone else to solve her problems, at least that is the impression I get. I have developed high blood pressure and high anxiety, and I believe that it is in part b/c of dealing with my mom's issues. She just got home health a few weeks ago, and she doesn't know that it was partly b/c I called her dr w/o her knowledge and told them exactly what is going on. The dr told her that if she doesn't turn things around immediately, it will snowball to the point that she is blind and has a leg amputated.

FTR, we have offered to have her move in with us or help her move closer (she lives an hour away, and I work an hour away in the opposite direction). She refuses. It is difficult to help her b/c of the distance, plus working full time and having a husband and child. I'm also an only child.

 

[tlbwriter]

My DH, DD, and I are going out of town this weekend, and she told me yesterday that home health told her that if the swelling in her legs doesn't go down by Friday, then she is going in the hospital. I (selfishly, yes I know) teared up while telling my DH b/c it seems like whenever I have anything planned, she suddenly has a crisis.

Well, look at it this way. If she's in the hospital, you'll know someone is there to watch her 24/7. It might actually be good timing. You won't have to worry about her being alone.

 

[acejka]

Sounds like you need more work to concentrate on

 

[justanotherdiser]

Thanks tlbwriter.

It's not that I mind helping her, however there are several things she could do which would make things a lot simpler for me and DH (mainly reducing clutter and she has numerous inside animals that she can't clean up after). But she is the 'family matriarch', or at least she thinks she is, lol, and is very resistant to change..

Well, look at it this way. If she's in the hospital, you'll know someone is there to watch her 24/7. It might actually be good timing. You won't have to worry about her being alone.

 

[Megan_J]

Sounds like you need more work to concentrate on

What I do is mind dulling most of the time.

 

[Agri]

That is because you have that thing that is becoming less and less evident in modern society...self control.

I did a complete overhaul of my eating and general health habits back in early 2004 and didn't find it all that hard really. It was weird at first because it was new but it really wasn't that hard to do. I just concentrated on the long term benefits as opposed to the short term gratification and it only took about 3 months to ween myself off of almost all of my previously bad habits. Now my habits just seem like normal and while they are quite different from many of my friends it is just second nature to do my own thing.

Good luck making whatever changes you are making. The old habits get replaced by new habits pretty quickly and once your new habits feel normal it is much easier to just keep up with them. At least that has been my experience.

All that being said I really don't care if other people want to adopt good habits or bad habits, it is their body not mine. The only thing that annoys me are the people who give lip service that they want to change but their actions don't back it up. Crap or get off the pot so to speak.

But for other people, changing their eating habits is as easy as quitting smoking for a smoker, alcohol for an alcoholic, drugs for a drug addict. A lot of people have been *raised* to eat a certain way. When you grow up eating hamburgers and ho-hos, food that is good for you isn't going to taste as good and it certainly won't feel like its worth the effort.

Another parallel that can be drawn is that its like a person who is good in math telling someone who isn't that a math problem is easy. What is easy for someone is frequently a monumental task for someone else.

I really sympathize with people when their whole family has the same bad habits. That usually means there is little to no support when one member tries to make healthy changes. Frequently they'll be antagonistic towards the person trying to make positive changes.

My grandmother suffered from eating disorders, my mom suffered from eating disorders...Guess what? I do too. My grandmother would buy a whole box of krispy kreme doughnuts and eat the whole thing. Then promptly head to the bathroom to throw it all up. Growing up, my meals were healthy - protein, starch, vegetable. However, I grew up with my mom constantly trying a different diet and my grandmother doing the same. While *I* wasn't being subjected to the diets and crazy eating patterns, I was around them all the time.

As for the OP, just tell your co-worker that you prefer not to discuss it. Whenever she brings up something you do not want to talk about, just repeat that you do not want to discuss it. Eventually she'll stop talking about it with you because it won't be much of a conversation.

You don't have to listen to it every day and you don't have to be so involved in her life - you've chosen to listen to it and get caught up in her drama.

I've seen lots of people doing irresponsible things that they shouldn't be doing, but I don't tell them what they should be doing instead. If I worked with someone who smoked and then complained about a persistent cough, I'd keep my thoughts to myself. The only people I worry about is me and my mother, who is also diabetic, and I only worry about her because she isn't always mindful of what she eats since she had brain surgery. Before I became her caretaker, what she ate was her own business.

 

[NikitaZee]

Another parallel that can be drawn is that its like a person who is good in math telling someone who isn't that a math problem is easy. What is easy for someone is frequently a monumental task for someone.

I agree with this. It is not that big of a deal to change habits that are not a hurdle for you to overcome. I don't have a problem with food, so depriving myself of this or that food is not a problem for me. Same with alcohol - not a weak spot for me, so no problems changing habits. For others, it seems like they can never get it under control. Almost like an on/off switch - those that have the switch set to 'on' will always struggle, those lucky enough to be set to 'off' will not. Not that it cannot be done - just that it is a battle to be fought.

 

[DISvirgin1]

As for the OP, just tell your co-worker that you prefer not to discuss it. Whenever she brings up something you do not want to talk about, just repeat that you do not want to discuss it. Eventually she'll stop talking about it with you because it won't be much of a conversation.

This exactly. I worked with a woman who was always complaining about being short of money - and would ask to borrow form other coworkers and not pay them back BUT she had a horse that she boarded, and always had enough for large Starbucks coffees throughout the day. Eventually I made sure I was too busy when she wanted to talk, and woudn't stay in the breakroom if she was there. You can't change her, but you can change the way you deal with her. Good Luck!

 

[nmmom95]

I work with somebody who has diabetes and who eats a lot of food that she isn't supposed to. She'll eat a peice a cake and then complain about how her blood sugar is too high. Duh, you ate a peice a cake! She's pretty clueless even after I told her of things she should probably avoid. She has a brother in law who just got stints put into his heart about two months ago and he sits there talking about how he eats fried chicken and mac and cheese.

All of this has got me thinking about whether or not people should be allowed the same medical procedures over and over again even though they are not changing their habits. For example, should somebody be allowed to get stints in their heart yet again even though they still eat crap?

The bolded part above is the part that drives me crazy. I have posted before that I am on the kidney transplant list. Since mostly the list is based on wait time, you could have someone who did not take care of themselves, and has no intention of changing their habits get a transplant before someone who does everything they are supposed to do. I lost my kidneys due to a rare autoimmune, but diabetes is a leading cause of kidney disease. People like that drive me crazy. Believe me, dialysis is not fun. I would have done anything to prevent my renal disease and these people can't put down the Twinkies long enough to improve their health. Sorry, rant over.

 

[scrapquitler]

I have two or three co-workers who are diabetic. They eat cake and other things that I wold have thought was a complete no-no but they count their carbs and keep it all in balance. (sometimes their count is off but not regularly).

One for instance loves fried fish and eat it every Thursday night with her family, so she keeps her carb count low that day so that she can have the fish.

My Mom is a Type 1 Diabetic. She can eat pretty much anything she wants, within reason, but she has to plan for it and adjust her food intake for it. Most diabetics these days count carbs, and if they want to have something sweet and carby (like cake, icecream or even candy) they CAN, but then they compensate for it throughout the day either by adjusting their insulin rate or lowering the carbs in the diet.

Just because you see someone who you know is diabetic and they are eating something that you think is 'off limits' doesn't mean it is off limits.

 

[FireDancer]

But for other people, changing their eating habits is as easy as quitting smoking for a smoker, alcohol for an alcoholic, drugs for a drug addict. A lot of people have been *raised* to eat a certain way. When you grow up eating hamburgers and ho-hos, food that is good for you isn't going to taste as good and it certainly won't feel like its worth the effort.

I can't speak for those people, just myself. I find it easy to change habits if it is something I truly want to change.

 

[Nancyg56]

This. It's kind of like saying should people on welfare keep having kids???

Not really the same thing IMO.

I can't speak for those people, just myself. I find it easy to change habits if it is something I truly want to change.

I think that is why eating disorders are so difficult to understand. My DH will decide that he is not going to eat something and that is it. I decide that cake and me are going to part ways and that darn cake just keeps calling me............and calling me..............and calling me. I am not saying that ignoring basic health principles is excusable but that for some it is harder than for others.

 

[Disney Doll]

OP, I've been a nurse for 28 years, so let me give you some words of wisdom:

Most people are their own worst enemies. In terms of health, I have cared for more people than can count who were in the situation they were in because of terribe choices. Those same people generally liked to try and blame anyone ro anything else for their predicament other than themselves. It is always "the doctor, the nurse, the doctor's receptionist" and so forth. The "I've had a bad day" is always a good one too, in terms of then being able to "reward" themseves with something that is bad for them.

You're not going to change this woman, so the best thing you can hope for is to shut her up about her myriad health issues. I would probably say "You know Mary, you talk a lot about your health issues and your diabetes but I notice that you don't really do much to help yourself, so of course you're going to have issues. Did you ever think of going to someone who could help learn to manage your disease?".

That will tick her off and she'll stop talking to you for a couple of days (ah....blessed relief!). Then, once she starts talking to you again and starts with the "poor me" stuff, the thing to do is say "This is a pointless conversation since you don't wish to change yoursef" and then have another topic at hand to jump into.

Do this enough times and she'll stop. Don't engage....cut her off and be done.

 

[Agri]

OP, I've been a nurse for 28 years, so let me give you some words of wisdom:

Most people are their own worst enemies. In terms of health, I have cared for more people than can count who were in the situation they were in because of terribe choices. Those same people generally liked to try and blame anyone ro anything else for their predicament other than themselves. It is always "the doctor, the nurse, the doctor's receptionist" and so forth. The "I've had a bad day" is always a good one too, in terms of then being able to "reward" themseves with something that is bad for them.

You're not going to change this woman, so the best thing you can hope for is to shut her up about her myriad health issues. I would probably say "You know Mary, you talk a lot about your health issues and your diabetes but I notice that you don't really do much to help yourself, so of course you're going to have issues. Did you ever think of going to someone who could help learn to manage your disease?".

That will tick her off and she'll stop talking to you for a couple of days (ah....blessed relief!). Then, once she starts talking to you again and starts with the "poor me" stuff, the thing to do is say "This is a pointless conversation since you don't wish to change yoursef" and then have another topic at hand to jump into.

Do this enough times and she'll stop. Don't engage....cut her off and be done.

Um, your example responses are the opposite of "don't engage." They're argumentative and rude and anyone saying those to someone should expect more comebacks and drama. I'd also think its not exactly a good thing to say those things to a co-worker.

To "not engage" with someone, you simply tell them that you do not wish to discuss it and leave it at that. You don't ask them if they've ever bothered to get help and you don't make the assumption that they don't wish to change themselves. You politely refuse to discuss it and leave it at that.

 

[luvsJack]

One of her sisters told me that she doesn't care what happens to her and that she'll eat what she wants to eat until she dies. I think she may be eligible for a Darwin award.


She can't grasp what carbs are and never counts them.


The problem is that I am alone with her most of the time, and the only way of escape is either going to the bathroom or calling my boyfriend. LOL

I would do what the pp suggested and turn it back on her. Or maybe say, "if you are having that much trouble getting it under control, maybe you need to ask your doctor about a nutrionist or someone that can help you learn what to eat."

But, like I said, food habits are hard to break. As someone who needs to eat healthier, I can say with 100% certainity that it was easier for me to quit smoking than it is to really completely change how I eat.

 

[marcyinPA]

I wonder if the "live and let live" folks will feel the same way when (if) we have government run healthcare for which we are all paying for? It's easy to say let people do all the unhealthy stuff they want, but when it comes down to it, do you really want to pay for the person who has diabetes and eats a ton of crap anyway? The person who chooses to ride their motorcycle without a helmet and crashes their bike? The person who smokes two packs a day and has cancer and won't quit?

Do we all want to pay for all of the unhealthy lifestyles out there?

I think it is our business. It does affect us all---in the wallet.