Things your parents did to save money

[patsal]

I'm a teacher and I work with kids through scouts. I don't think a child's "respect level" has so much to do with how much he's given as the attitude the family instills in him or her.

I'm thinking about one girl in my scout troop -- an only child of two parents who both make a good salary. She lives in a large beautiful home, she has more clothes than any kid should have (all name brand), she travels, she has hobbies, and when she turns 16 I'm sure she'll get a brand-new car. She appreciates 100% of it, she takes good care of her things, and she gives generously to those who have less. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least a dozen other families who've instilled similar values in thier children.

Then I know other kids who've been given just as much, and they think they're entitled to more, more, more. I know kids who have nothing and think people should give them more, more, more.

I think it's not JUST about what the kids are given. It's about HOW it's given. It's about how the family interacts. It's about whether kids are taught to take care of their things. It's about whether kids are required to work for things. It's about whether kids are required to wait a bit, or whether their desires are instantly gratified. It's about whether kids are taught to be respectful in non-materialistic situations. It's a whole spectrum of behaviors that come together to form an attitude of entitlement or an attitude of gratitude.

While I agree with this, I have to say that I have two children. Both raised in the same home with the same set of expectations. I am constantly amazed at how different my children are. My DS still is ticked about not having a car given to him on the day he turned 18. It is all I can do to keep him under my roof until he graduates. He was well taken care of , but not overly spoiled. Now he is a total brat with no attitude of gratitude, just give me, give me, give me. We do not indulge it and life has been he**. DD is sweet, grateful , hardworking and very giving. I believe it has as much to do with individual personalities as it does with how they are raised. As for DS I am sad to say I am counting the days until June 26th!

 

[MrsPete]

While I wasn't told to be out at 18--I was Feb. baby I was told that after high school I had to go to college or have a full time job. If I went to college I would not have to pay rent while I lived at home for the summer, if I got a full time job I had to pay rent.

I see that as a whole different story. Your parents were requiring you to do SOMETHING productive after high school -- either work or go to school. They weren't going to allow you to sit around and build up lazy habits; or rather, if you chose to do it, they weren't going to subsidize it.

I intend to do the same thing with my daughters: Once they graduate from high school, I expect them to attend college full-time and work steadily towards a degree. If they choose NOT to do that, then they need to work full-time and pay their own way in the world. During college summers, I will not charge them rent -- I know they need to save that money for school. I want them to work enough to make them appreciate the value of a dollar, but I also want them to enjoy being teenagers, enjoy their college years, and not feel that education must always come second to earning another dollar because the rent's due soon.

But my parents expected us -- once we were high school graduates -- to pay rent regardless of whether we were going to school. They made it clear that we had a "free ride" until high school graduation, but after that we had to be adults and pony up rent /utilities /grocery money. They didn't help us with cars either. None of that "but I'm trying to earn a college degree" business. They thought that we wouldn't appreciate a degree if we weren't paying every last cent of it ourselves.

I want my girls to learn independence, but my parents went TOO FAR with that concept. I went without textbooks sometimes, I didn't always have food, and I lived in apartments that weren't safe (they found a dead DEA agent in the dumpster at one place I lived). And the whole time the five of us kids were going through this, our parents were very loudly and proudly patting themselves on the back for their excellent child-rearing skills: they weren't letting us grow up expecting people to just give us everything. We were -- no, are -- still a bit resentful, and all of us didn't grow up with good budgeting skills. Moderation, that's what was missing.

 

[Planogirl]

As for saving money...

I remember us rarely using the window units we had but instead relying on fans. Those things did little but push the hot air around! We lived in Georgia for one year while my Dad was in the Air Force and he was often away and the pay came haphazardly. My mother couldn't afford the high electric rates that A/C would have caused.

My mother also sewed quite a lot when I was younger. And she sometimes made corned beef hash! I don't know if that stuff is inexpensive or not but it should be.

 

[RangerPooh]

My dad repaired everything, and did the usual tinkering withthe cars as well.
She would stretch hamburger helper with extra noodles to the point of no flavor at all! she also sewed a lot of our clothes.

This was the case in our house. To this day my mom (and occassionally I) do make the hamburger helper with extra noodles. When you're really broke it's just noodles, meat, and tomatoe sauce. But hey it does the trick. My mom is still frugal enough that when she finally had to throw out a pair of old jeans (not sure if they were hers or my dads) she made skirts out of the pant legs for my DDs, lol.

 

[patsal]

I see that as a whole different story. Your parents were requiring you to do SOMETHING productive after high school -- either work or go to school. They weren't going to allow you to sit around and build up lazy habits; or rather, if you chose to do it, they weren't going to subsidize it.

I intend to do the same thing with my daughters: Once they graduate from high school, I expect them to attend college full-time and work steadily towards a degree. If they choose NOT to do that, then they need to work full-time and pay their own way in the world. During college summers, I will not charge them rent -- I know they need to save that money for school. I want them to work enough to make them appreciate the value of a dollar, but I also want them to enjoy being teenagers, enjoy their college years, and not feel that education must always come second to earning another dollar because the rent's due soon.

But my parents expected us -- once we were high school graduates -- to pay rent regardless of whether we were going to school. They made it clear that we had a "free ride" until high school graduation, but after that we had to be adults and pony up rent /utilities /grocery money. They didn't help us with cars either. None of that "but I'm trying to earn a college degree" business. They thought that we wouldn't appreciate a degree if we weren't paying every last cent of it ourselves.

I want my girls to learn independence, but my parents went TOO FAR with that concept. I went without textbooks sometimes, I didn't always have food, and I lived in apartments that weren't safe (they found a dead DEA agent in the dumpster at one place I lived). And the whole time the five of us kids were going through this, our parents were very loudly and proudly patting themselves on the back for their excellent child-rearing skills: they weren't letting us grow up expecting people to just give us everything. We were -- no, are -- still a bit resentful, and all of us didn't grow up with good budgeting skills. Moderation, that's what was missing.

I went away to college, if I lived at home and went to a local college I would have had to have transportation which I could not afford and I would have had to pay rent. It was much less work to live on campus and only come home for about 6 weeks in the summer. However, what you describe sounds horrible! I am glad my parents made me stand on my own two feet, I am definately a stronger person for it!

 

[Judy in Texas]

WOW, for those of you that had parents that said they had to be out by 18, what did you do to pay your rent? Are you still in that job or have you gone on to bigger/better things? Are you still working or SAHMs?
Did you end up with an education higher than HS and were you able to eventually purchase your own homes? I really don't mean this in any disrespectful way, I just cannot imagine having my mother do this to me or telling my kids to move out/pay rent when 18.
Did you feel different from your friends that your parents wanted you out of the house?
My family didn't have to cut corners when growing up and think it is great reading some of your posts about how frugle your parents were and then seeing the number of trips you all take at the bottom of your posts. That must make you smile, I think it is great!

In high school all my friends were heading off to college; but, I didn't feel that was an option. My mother and I also had a rocky relationship that never got any better. My two brothers and I each left home very soon after graduating from high school. For me, it was two weeks later. One brother and I joined the Air Force and the other brother joined the Army. We all used our GI Bill benefits to eventually graduate from college. We have all done quite well for ourselves.

 

[dislal]

We did the Powdered milk at my house too!! Gross!! That is why I didn't drink much milk growing up.

Government cheese, I didn't eat much cheese growing up either, I can only eat the good stuff now!

I can remember I was about 9 when the cabbage patch kids were popular, and I wanted one so bad. That christmas I got a doll made out of pantyhose, I was so sad and I never did ask for one again and never got one.

We always had a big garden and mom and dad would spend many weekends canning.

They had a meat slicer and would buy big things of meat and cut all of our meat that way.

He grew his own grapes and made jelly, grape juice, and wine.

He grew cabbage and made his own saurer kraut.

My dad and brothers always hunted so we had a lot of deer meat.

I remember our house being so cold in the winter we had a fireplace and a kerosene heater that you had to carry into the bathroom to get a semi-warm shower. My shampoo was always frozen in the bottle if you left it on the outside wall. (very old house that I don't think was insulated) I was about 13 when I got an electric blanket for christmas one year I was so happy with that.

My mom used coupons for EVERYTHING no coupon we weren't buying.

She saved all the labels and bar codes off of every product she bought, we had a whole closet full of garbage bags of them and when she would get a rebate form, us kids would spend hours helping her find the right codes for them.

The only vacation I remember when I was growing up we went to Niagara Falls in a pickup truck with us kids and one of my brothers friends rode in the back of the truck all the way then we went to a campground and slept in the back of the truck.


I guess I better stop now I could go on and on and on.

I think both of my parents were big cheapskates, but they taught me alot about how to live within my means, but I don't think I am as cheap as they are, even though my kids might disagree.

 

[quentina]

While I agree with this, I have to say that I have two children. Both raised in the same home with the same set of expectations. I am constantly amazed at how different my children are. My DS still is ticked about not having a car given to him on the day he turned 18. It is all I can do to keep him under my roof until he graduates. He was well taken care of , but not overly spoiled. Now he is a total brat with no attitude of gratitude, just give me, give me, give me. We do not indulge it and life has been he**. DD is sweet, grateful , hardworking and very giving. I believe it has as much to do with individual personalities as it does with how they are raised. As for DS I am sad to say I am counting the days until June 26th!

I was thinking the same thing....oldest (12) used his own money to buy Christmas gifts for one of MY friends kids (bad financial situation), middle one is 7, she is trying to take care of things and seems sincere in her thanks.....youngest (5) WOW, he has a bad attitude, spends more time in time out than in time in and destroys stuff. Both him and my middle one are in counseling....they were adopted at an older age and had some bad circumstances. I hope I can get through to my little guy.....otherwise, I worry he will make some bad choices and get in some trouble. Next year, he is elegible for some activities (football).....hoping to channel his energies into something like this (I haven't found anything else that works).

 

[estherhead]

Great thread! So many of these brought back memories. We were dirt poor till I was 6 or 7 and then we were almost dirt poor till I was about 15. Then we were low low middle class. Now I'm just low middle class.

A few I didn't see were picking fruit at local orchards. We did this every year. Peaches, grapes, strawberries, etc. Then hours & hours of canning & freezing. Never went to a public pool. We swam in local lakes. Homemade bread, homemade yogurt, etc.

I also didn't see carpooling. Today carpooling means 2-4 adults get into a car to go to work. To me in meant at least 2 adults and 5-7 children in a giant stationwagon (you know with the window in the back that rolled down?) More times than I can count we had many more than that. We once fit 16 in a 7 passenger van.

But I do have to confess that my dad was an appliance repair man and I don't remember living without a microwave or air conditioning (I'm 35.) He would find broken down ones & repair them for free so we always had cool appliances.

As for working, we were allowed to live at home as long as we wanted, course we weren't poor by then, but my parents started their own HVAC business when I was 3. Sooooo many of my childhood memories are learning work & money there. I had my own desk with an adding machine and everything by 4. I learned inventory, accounts recievables & payables, sales, installation, etc. And I still work there.

I HATED powdered milk & split pea soup with the $.30 ham hock but my grandpa and I both cried when we ate my grandma's last jar of peaches (she had died a year earlier) and knew that was it. We would never have her special recipe again. And sorry, Del Monte, but you don't know it. Cause it had the loved we shared as we picked them stirred in.

I'm editing this to say I didn't work for my parents at 4. I "worked." Just so you didn't think this, it was educational & family time, not child labor. When I re-read it it sounded bad & in reality it was awesome & totally balanced.

 

[MrsPete]

I went away to college, if I lived at home and went to a local college I would have had to have transportation which I could not afford and I would have had to pay rent. It was much less work to live on campus and only come home for about 6 weeks in the summer. However, what you describe sounds horrible! I am glad my parents made me stand on my own two feet, I am definately a stronger person for it!

I think it made me a stronger person . . . but it also made me resentful. There were other things too: Refusing to fill out my federal financial aid paperwork until the very minute before the deadline, knowing that I'd miss out on certain things for which I was qualified, knowing that being straight-out-of-high-school I couldn't send in the paperwork without their information. It was all done punishment style -- but I hadn't done anything wrong!

Thing is, I KNOW there was just no money in the house. I KNOW that they didn't have the money to help me pay for college . . . but it was the kick-you-in-the-butt-and-pretend-we're-doing-it-for-your-own-good attitude that hurt so much. If they'd said, "Hey, we know college is going to be rough for you financially, and we're really sorry that we can't help -- what can we do to support you? What can we do that doesn't take dollars?" I would understand that.

 

[Vivianne]

We grew up in NYC. We were five girls. Being the youngest, I remember my oldest sisters working and contributing to household expenses/rent...whatever you can call it. My parents moved away from the U.S. when I was in my last year of high school. Three of us returned to NYC and lived in an apartment and split all the expenses evenly.

Each one got married one by one and we all worked straight after high school. I don't resent it at all. What I got out of my frugal childhood was self-reliance and independence. I own my own home and pay my way. DH lets me manage our money and I try to be careful about it. I can laugh about the past and appreciate the good times we had. It was a struggle but that's life. It is what it is. Both my parents are deceased and I know they did their best for us. They were children of the depression and had it much worse than we did. We live in an era of abundance but also of scarcity. We don't know what the future holds but at least I can be frugal when the need arises. There but for the grace of God go I.

 

[AuntMinnie12]

--Thank goodness we never did the powdered milk thing....we had a milk man that brought milk twice a week.

--G'ma made "orange noodles" = Campbell's tomato soup, add American cheese slices while cooking....then pour over noodles.....cheap and yummy.

---Frequently ate Creamed Chipped Beef over toast....AKA = S.O.S or Sh*t on a Shingle.....is that just a Midwest thing?

 

[patsal]

Thought my parents were the only ones who refused to fill out a FAFSA because their earnigs were no one else's business. Kind of a shame too since they would not have been expected to pay anything based on their income.

 

[Cindy B]

Wow, that sounds so harsh. I guess you learned to be independent early on though.

I sure did. I had my own apartment at 17, working full time at 18 and full time college at 18. I was in school from 8-2ish and working from 3-11pm.

As for school, if I didn't pay for it myself, I didn't go. I worked and paid for school. My parents refused to fill out the FAFSA because my dad thought it was "nobody's business what I make".

My sister didn't go to college outright of school. She signed up for early entry into the Air Force and she is still there now over 20 years later.

 

[Sgstuckey]

As for school, if I didn't pay for it myself, I didn't go. I worked and paid for school. My parents refused to fill out the FAFSA because my dad thought it was "nobody's business what I make".

QUOTE]

My dad felt that same way!

 

[Halbleib1]

We did the Powdered milk at my house too!! Gross!! That is why I didn't drink much milk growing up.

Government cheese, I didn't eat much cheese growing up either, I can only eat the good stuff now!

In my family we liked the cheese. It was the best food the government gave out. My mom would make homemade egg omlets out of it as well as toasted cheese sandwhiches. Now instead of giving it out to families in need last I heard they dump it in the ocean because according to the government it is cheaper to dump it than give it out. The powdered milk was awful as well as the peanut butter. The peanut butter was always really oily and gross. Good to bake with though.

 

[Sgstuckey]

We also did the powered milk & frozen oj concentrate with extra water. We had a 1/2 acre garden with just about anything you could imagine. We froze, canned, and stored all the extras. We had chickens for a while, too! The only meat we ate was the chicken and occasionally turkey burger if that was on sale. By the end of the winter/spring, it was slim pickings most years.

 

[marcyinPA]

We never took a vacation. Ever. I vowed when I got married and had kids that we would vacation somewhere every summer. It might be the beach for two nights, or Disney for a week. It didn't matter, as long as we spent a couple of days together as a family without the distractions of home.

 

[js]

Thank you to those that answered me regarding your being out of your home when turning 18.

 

[Cindy B]

WOW, for those of you that had parents that said they had to be out by 18, what did you do to pay your rent? Are you still in that job or have you gone on to bigger/better things? Are you still working or SAHMs?
Did you end up with an education higher than HS and were you able to eventually purchase your own homes? I really don't mean this in any disrespectful way, I just cannot imagine having my mother do this to me or telling my kids to move out/pay rent when 18.
Did you feel different from your friends that your parents wanted you out of the house?
My family didn't have to cut corners when growing up and think it is great reading some of your posts about how frugle your parents were and then seeing the number of trips you all take at the bottom of your posts. That must make you smile, I think it is great!

As for my apartment, I worked and paid rent. The apartment was in a decent but semi sketchy area but I had no problems. I'm 39, so of course I am in a better position than where I was at 18.

As for friends, most thought it was great that I had my own place at 18. they would come over to my place.. I did have a no drugs rule though.

I purchased my first home with my husband at age 20. It was a condo and while most of my friends were still at home I was paying a mortgage, taxes and all that.

I was just saying to my husband today that I never went clubbing or did any crazy things that most 20 year olds were doing. I was busy paying my mortgage, working and going to school.

Truth be told, I didn't finish college the first time. I graduated December 2008 with two bachelors degrees and I also picked up an associates along the way. These degrees helped my get my current position