The trip is off

[tlens]

I wonder though if her 12 month old (who will be 2 at the time of the trip if it happens)will have any souveniers bought for her in front of the other kids.

 

[hentob]

Next summer is too far away to tell an 8 and 12 yr old not to buy ice cream or swim because of the trip next year.

I agree.

 

[Tinkmom75]

Originally posted by hentob:

I felt that the minute she said "I am watching my step kids this summer and I am really hoping my husband offers us spending money like he did last year" was a sure sign that he is very controlling. She was scared to ask for money. He had to "offer it" to her.

And, this guy is beyond unreasonable. Any man that cancels a family vacation and blames it on his children is awful

I think maybe she is not telling the truth and he is fed up with her antics She is always complaining. If I were him, I'd take all 3 kids and leave her at home.

 

[hentob]

Originally posted by hentob:

I think maybe she is not telling the truth and he is fed up with her antics She is always complaining. If I were him, I'd take all 3 kids and leave her at home.

That could be very true. The fact that she tattled on those children leads me to believe she has deep mental issues.

But, if what she is saying is true (her DH telling the children the trip is off b/c they spent some pennies), then these children are living a sad life.

 

[leighe]

It seems to me that the OP is almost jealous of the stepkids having so much money at their mom's house.


Also - it stood out to me that her DH just cancelled the trip. Booking or cancelling a vacation is definitely something DH and I would discuss together!

 

[MoniqueU]

I'm sorry that you are feeling the heat here and reacting to it... but you knew your were inheriting stepchildren when you got involved with hubby. When StepKids MOm had them, I gather she had no idea that she would have to deal with another woman's child. YOu knew that going in, plese love those kids and show them love and acceptance. It seems as if they are a burden to you, and I personally know how that feels. Lighten up and enjoy all the kids. I thik It's great that you are trying to get the vacation back up, but please for the sake of all the kids (they are siblings) lighten up.

Quote, you said it much better then me. I don't have stepkids but I imagine I would treat them the same or better then my own kids just like I treat my kids close friends who I love and are a huge part of my life, some neat, some are slopply, some are friendly, some are mouthy, some are grateful, some aren't. No kids are perfect. You don't sound like you have bonded with your stepkids or have much respect for them. They are family and they are siblings and they do deserve to be treated equal. I get that it is 2 seperate trips, but yes I think the kids deserve to go on the planned disney trip even if they don't have souveneir moneyl And then with the attitude of the OP I can see her buying her DD a mickey bar and then telling her steps that sorry if you hadn't of gone to the pool last summer and gone to the ice cream stand you could of had a mickey treat.

 

[princess pooh]

This is just sick. I can't even believe how mean you and your husband are. They're kids, and you're punishing them when they don't understand what they did wrong. And to make them feel responsible for losing out on their vacation for spending a few dollars! Those kids deserve so much better.

I'd probably get banned if I said what was really on my mind, but you need to grow the hell up. Tattling on your stepkids like that when you know how controlling your husband is with money...you should be ashamed of yourself

 

[RobinFabulous]

Another idea.... If you don't feel comfortable just giving them an allowance, have them earn it. Do a chore chart... Taking out the trash is 50 cents, unloading the dishwasher is 75 cents, vacumning the living room is 50 cents. At the end of the week say okay you made $3, we'll match that for your savings, here's your $3 to spend. or even not match, but maybe half.... There's lots of lessons to be taught here

Good luck!

 

[CTPinkPrincess]

I just don't even know where to begin with this. The thought of those poor kids being told that NEXT YEAR'S Disney trip was cancelled because they spent $5 on swimming and ice cream makes me want to cry...Doesn't anyone remember how long a year seems when you're that age?

And are the kids expected to just sit on the front steps all summer, because God forbid they spend any money to have some fun? I realize everyone's financial situation is different, but if $5 is going to make that huge a difference in your financial situation, maybe some additional things need to change in addition to the trip being cancelled.

 

[braydensmom]

I havent read through all the posts yet, but Im wondering why you expect them to bring money that their mom gives them for allowance to your house? And why would their mom be giving essentially you money to be taking your husbands children on a trip?
My ex gives me $100 when I take our son to Walt Disney World to buy a toy or clothing as a gift from him, and I do the same when they go on a trip, but I would not ever expect that he is going to do that, nor would he expect me to do that.
I just don't get the dynamic here in regards to money for the children while in your care???

 

[Scornelius]

Heartbreaking.

 

[DonaldDuckFamily]

Heartbreaking.

I totally agree. It doesn't appear she has any motherly type bond with children. I would hate to think if my son's step mother treated him that way.

 

[kbeverina]

Well, I for one totally agree with you--they should save every penny they get!

They will need it for therapy.

 

[MariDisney]

I didn't realize this OP was the same person from the other money related thread. I did read that with interest, but I don't remember if I posted. Now having read this second issue, I respectfully think that this entire family may benefit from counseling with a professional experienced in blended families. There seem to be so many huge issues, I doubt advice from an internet board will help much.

 

[stella27]

My heart is breaking for those kids. The more I read and the more history I read, I think I would be saving MY money to see an attorney, because there is no way anyone could stay married to a man so controlling and stingy. He reacted out of meanness to his children wanting to do the summertime things that kids do. And she ratted them out to their dad just to get him on HER side instead of theirs. It really sounds like she sees them as competition for husband's approval and she is scrapping with them over the few pennies he bothers to toss out - just to watch them all scramble.
It's making me sick to think about.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

l. I ask him where he is getting money for the late swims. He tells me he will just bring money from his moms house. I don't even answer him, I just walk away. I ask her where she got money for ice cream because just last weekend she blew through $5 she brought from her moms house and then asked us for money to go to the pool. .

I cannot get over the fact that you "just walk away" from a child when he/she is speaking

Also the fact that the girl "blew through $5.00" in a weekend. ( your words, not mine) How is spending 5 bucks over the course of weekend "blowing through it"?

It may be my interpretation, but it seems like you and your DH don't go for squat when it comes to his kids. You both will someday regret it. Kids remember.

 

[leighe]

I cannot get over the fact that you "just walk away" from a child when he/she is speaking

Also the fact that the girl "blew through $5.00" in a weekend. ( your words, not mine) How is spending 5 bucks over the course of weekend "blowing through it"?

It may be my interpretation, but it seems like you and your DH don't go for squat when it comes to his kids. You both will someday regret it. Kids remember.

Exactly! There are much bigger issues here than ice cream and Disney trips. Maybe she is so resentful of the stepkids because her DH is so controlling.

 

[fussymonkey]

Originally Posted by la79al
l. I ask him where he is getting money for the late swims. He tells me he will just bring money from his moms house. I don't even answer him, I just walk away. I ask her where she got money for ice cream because just last weekend she blew through $5 she brought from her moms house and then asked us for money to go to the pool.

I just "blew through" $5 at lunch, and I'm a grown-a$$ woman who knows the value of a dollar. Seriously, the kid spent $5 in a weekend and you think that's some kind of spending spree? Just...wow. If you didn't want her to go to the ice cream stand the appropirate response is "Not today honey, there's ice cream in the freezer, I'll bring some outside for you and your friend(s)" (or, in our house its "ice cream is a sometimes food, have some fruit"). When your DSD wanted to swim, how about, "Not tonight, kiddo, Dad and I were hoping to do a family movie night". You can say no in a gentle, loving way without sarcasm and passive-agressiveness.

I'm with everyone else; I don't get why the kids have to resort to spending thier mom's money at your house, why you are sarcastic with children, why you'd cancel a trip over spending money and why you'd ask children to save for something a year away. Not one of those things make sense.

I have a friend who is a therapist and she always says the only thing a step parent can be is a good host. I don't really agree with her, but i see her point: you have to love those children, make the comfortable and secure, but you don't get to 'parent' them. Their spending habits are between the kids, thier mom and thier dad. Seeing my friends take on the challenge of step parenting, I have a real appreciation for those who do it well, who love the children and create a deep bond between thier own child and thier child's siblings, who do all in thier power to foster a great relationship between their spouse and his kids... its not easy, but its what you signed up for. Remember what your sow, you reap- do you want your DH's third wife treating your DD like this someday?

 

[rie'smom]

It seems to me that your husband wanted an excuse not to go to WDW and found one. Your OP totally blows my mind. You're going with your daughter,so you won't miss out and neither will she. Are you making her save money too? Is she limited to 2 Pampers a day? It makes about as much sense as asking 2 children to save towards a vacation. If they only had to save for souveniers I could understand it.

Whenever I read these step kids posts where the kids are treated unfairly, I get so ticked off. It makes me so grateful for my wonderful husband. He has always treated my son as his own and has never called him a "step". He has only referred to him as "my son".

Just remember what goes around comes around. You know what they say about payback?

 

[braydensmom]

This makes me really wonder what the heck the mother to the SK is thinking? Does she know about all this crap that is going on? Does she realize that she is apparently financing her children to go on a trip with their father and his wife?

Hey maybe their mom will pay you for childcare of her children while they are in your care throughout the summer???

While I agree with children helping out around the house and recieving an allowance or reward, I am guessing that the mom is sending spending money with her children to spend as they like while visiting their dad, which is very generous of her. If you do not agree with them buying an ice cream when you have ice cream at home, thats one thing, but going for swims and being active shouldn't really be discouraged.


All I have to say is kudos to their Mother for putting up with the behaviour from you and your husband... This is just all to ridiculous and its sad that the children are getting the brunt of whatever issues there are here.