The trip is off

[blessedby3]

Why not open them a savings account at the bank and have them put money in there to keep safe for WDW? They cant drive yet, so wont have access to the money unless you take them to the bank to get it out.
I think cancelling a trip because of your reasons is a bit over the top. Sounds like a quick reaction and an out for DH.
My kids have to save their own money for their souvineers when we go. They can spend it on snacks, toys, arcade, etc. They know that if they spend it all at home and dont save, that they wont have money to do what they want at WDW. We also give Disney Dollars to the kids throughout the year and those can only be spent at Disney.

 

[churchpilot]

I agree with an earlier response--using sarcasm is never productive and why does your husband have unilateral power to cancel a family vacation? We can all hear your frustration with your step-childrens views on money, but positive responses and positive enforcement will go so much further with children of that age. Catch them doing something good and respond accordingly. We all get run down and frustrated, but don't give up on your dream of melding your family with a Disney World vacation. Those memories (at least for the older two) will last forever! Good luck.

 

[la79al]

I'm ridiculously SAD that you and your daughter are going, but you're not going with your stepdaughter. Bleah. Once I got older, my dad started taking his second family without telling me, to Disneyland, and even as an adult that rankles. Is your daughter paying her way?

We have already taken the stepkids to DW twice. My DD and I are going in December because my sister is taking me for my birthday. DD will be free, including airfare because she is under 2. So DD gets to do things with her mom, just like DSS and DSD get to do things with their mom.
I would really really like to get to take both the girls next year (and DSS too). They are good kids and good big siblings but this is really driving me crazy right now. I think I have figured out a solution (thanks to some suggestions on here) and will be sitting down with the kids tonight to discuss it.

 

[taitai]

It sounds like your whole family needs to sit down and have a conversation about money...where it comes from, how hard it is to get, why we need to save, what it pays for, responsibilities, etc. It does not seem that anyone has a clear understanding of this and it is a great lesson to teach your kids.

Expecting 8 year olds to pay for family vacations is unreasonable in my opinion. Canceling a WDW trip over ice cream is also unreasonable. Clearly, there is a lot going on here beyond the ice cream and pool.

I think the idea of setting up savings accounts and having the children put in a portion of any money they win or earn is a great idea. That is their savings for big ticket items. Maybe they will choose to spend it on Disney souveniers or maybe they will choose to spend it on a video game. It is their call. They need to learn that every choice has a consequence.

However, they are young, it is summer and they can't spend their entire lives with delayed gratification. Let them keep a portion of their money out of the bank to spend as they see fit. If they blow it all on ice cream...well, they better really enjoy that ice cream. When they want something else and know that they spent all their cash on an ice cream, they will learn.

Cancelling the trip over an ice cream was a knee-jerk, childish reaction.

 

[MoniqueU]

I agree with an earlier response--using sarcasm is never productive and why does your husband have unilateral power to cancel a family vacation? We can all hear your frustration with your step-childrens views on money, but positive responses and positive enforcement will go so much further with children of that age. Catch them doing something good and respond accordingly. We all get run down and frustrated, but don't give up on your dream of melding your family with a Disney World vacation. Those memories (at least for the older two) will last forever! Good luck.

I agree with this. I keep coming back to this thread because I am just stunned by the meaness, shildish, selfish behavior of the parents here. I am not trying to flame but I can't remamber the last time I expected my kids to prove to me how much they wanted a family vacation. We simply made the plans and went with the adult anticipation of knowing we would get some nice time with our kids. IF they were super excited great. If not we made the best of it and didn't pusish them for not proving how much they wanted something. My DS 16 leaves fof DC on Saturday fot a 9 day trip that he got for scoring so high on his SAT's. He hasn't expressed one iota of excitement and doesn't even want to take his camera or his cell phone. It is no big deal to him. It cost alot of money and is a big deal to us for him. Do we expect anything from him in return? A thank you would be great and I am sure we will get one from him but thats about it. I don't make him prove something to me or have him out there washing cars and counting quarters and giving up movies so he has more spending money. I am the adult, I make the sacrafices for my children not the other way around.

 

[Tinkmom75]

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2179467

I understand teaching the value of a dollar and think it is great, but this seems overboard. My DD is very responsible with money my DS11 is not, however he really wants a DSI now and I see this a a great opportunity to teach him delayed gratification and how to work for what you want.

You and DH seem to have serious hang ups about $$ and It almost seems as if you resent your stepkids for having money and doing what they want with it. You are watching every penny right now since you may have to go back to work. It's understandable to be frugal, but come on they are kids. I can understand wanting them to save, but this seems to go beyond that to some other issues. I hope this works out for the best.

 

[DawnM]

What a nightmare.

Kids can't go to the pool or get ice cream without Disney being cancelled?

WE are the parents and WE pay for the trip, period. Asking a child to bring money from their mom's house to your house for a trip you are proposing doesn't seem right to me.

Divorce is a horrible thing and even more horrible when children are involved. Pulling a vacation out from under them just makes things worse.

Either go or don't go, but I think it is unfair to pull strings back and forth with the kids.

Dawn

 

[kevschickee]

What a nightmare.

Kids can go to the pool or get ice cream without Disney being cancelled?

WE are the parents and WE pay for the trip, period. Asking a child to bring money from their mom's house to your house for a trip you are proposing doesn't seem right to me.

Divorce is a horrible thing and even more horrible when children are involved. Pulling a vacation out from under them just makes things worse.

Either go or don't go, but I think it is unfair to pull strings back and forth with the kids.

Dawn

I agree!!

I think it is even worse that you are going with YOUR DD and not the step kids. That is awful mean of you it really is. I would feel so guilty. How fair is it???? They went to the pool and got ice cream they are kids its what they do. I hope you reconsider and take the step kids with you and not just YOUR DD. Seems kind of mean step motherish to me

 

[MoniqueU]

I agree!!

I think it is even worse that you are going with YOUR DD and not the step kids. That is awful mean of you it really is. I would feel so guilty. How fair is it???? They went to the pool and got ice cream they are kids its what they do. I hope you reconsider and take the step kids with you and not just YOUR DD. Seems kind of mean step motherish to me

That too. Your daughter is good enough to go but not the ice cream eaters and SS that want to go to the pool?

 

[la79al]

That too. Your daughter is good enough to go but not the ice cream eaters and SS that want to go to the pool?

You are totally right! I guess I should tell my sister she can not take DD and I to DW. And then after that, I should call the stepkids mom and tell her since I am not allowed to do anything with my daughter without her children, she is not allowed to do anything with her children with out my daughter. Or better yet, why don't I just say- hey DD and I get to go to DW, screw the stepkids and not worry about trying to figure out how to get the family trip back on!

 

[okeydokey]

If you are paying for all the trip exp[nses and they are just saving for their own junk, then so what if they spend all their money ahead of time. Then they just can't get extra junk.

 

[kevschickee]

You are totally right! I guess I should tell my sister she can not take DD and I to DW. And then after that, I should call the stepkids mom and tell her since I am not allowed to do anything with my daughter without her children, she is not allowed to do anything with her children with out my daughter. Or better yet, why don't I just say- hey DD and I get to go to DW, screw the stepkids and not worry about trying to figure out how to get the family trip back on!

Think about it through the kids eyes. They are siblings to your dd so yes you should say that unless the step kids can go. My god this post was just awful act like the adult you are for a second. How will the step kids feel when they find out their sister got to go and they didn't.

 

[EthansMom]

Sorry, but I think your reaction was a bit strong for the kids' infractions. At 8 and 12, kids don't really understand the concept of saving for something that is a year away.

Some things I would do differently:

Give the kids a chance to EARN money at your house instead of expecting them to come up with money from some other source. When they do a job/chore, pay them half the money in cash and record the other half in writing (like a homemade passbook). You hold the money recorded in the passbook and that is their long-term savings.

Have realistic expectations for the kids' savings. I would never tell my kids they "have to save for WDW" because they have no concept of how saving $3 here and $1 there can help add up to the thousands of dollars that a trip to WDW costs. Instead, I would tell my kids that their savings is for their spending money at WDW. If they don't save any money, they won't be able to buy any toys or souvenirs while at WDW. Also, set boundaries as to what they will need to spend their money on... just toys/souvenirs or are you going to include candy/snacks too? So far, my kids' spending money is for their toys/souvenirs and Mom and Dad buy all of their snacks/treats.

Also, these kids are young enough that you can (and should) say "No". "No, you can't go to the ice cream stand. There's ice cream in the freezer." "No, you can't stay late at the pool." I have a DS7 and there's no way I'd put up with him TELLING me that he's going to get an ice cream.

I hope this helps!

 

[robin09]

You are totally right! I guess I should tell my sister she can not take DD and I to DW. And then after that, I should call the stepkids mom and tell her since I am not allowed to do anything with my daughter without her children, she is not allowed to do anything with her children with out my daughter. Or better yet, why don't I just say- hey DD and I get to go to DW, screw the stepkids and not worry about trying to figure out how to get the family trip back on!

I'm sorry that you are feeling the heat here and reacting to it... but you knew your were inheriting stepchildren when you got involved with hubby. When StepKids MOm had them, I gather she had no idea that she would have to deal with another woman's child. YOu knew that going in, plese love those kids and show them love and acceptance. It seems as if they are a burden to you, and I personally know how that feels. Lighten up and enjoy all the kids. I thik It's great that you are trying to get the vacation back up, but please for the sake of all the kids (they are siblings) lighten up.

 

[aja319se]

IMHO I think that everyone is being a little harsh. The OP is actually discussing two seperate trips, one with the entire family and one that her sister is taking her on for her birthday. Being part of a mixed family is hard and we do not know all of the dynamics of the situation. I think the OP was trying to vent about the entire family trip not her birthday trip. Good luck with your DH and working thru the budgeting with the children.

I have started a disney dollar fund for my children where they can earn money by doing chores. My family & friends have also gotten in on the act and let the children earn as well. I also contribute if I see them doing an unselfish act. (i.e. my dd was sick and my ds without being asked got her a drink in her special cup with a straw).

 

[Mouse House Mama]

The kids are 8 and 12. You expect them to do nothing until the trip? IMO they shouldn't have to worry about budgeting for a trip at this age. I think that you are your DH are way over the top. You are annoyed because your DSD went through $5 in 24 hours?! How far do you think $5 goes these days? She's 8! I too would also be paying for the swimming. I don't make my kids pay for activities. Of course everyone is different. Are you making your DD save every last dime too? I am sorry but I think you are way over the top here.

 

[ancestry]

While I think this whole situation stinks of bad parenting on several levels (mainly on the husband's level), I have to stay that it isn't possible for things to always be equal amongst step-siblings. To expect that everything is always equal between step-siblings is ridiculous!

I'm in a mine, yours, and our situation. I have kids from my first marriage, my husband has one from his, and we have kids together. Thus I have a step-daughter, he has step-kids, my kids have step-siblings, etc. etc. The playing field isn't equal on all accounts and there is no way to make it equal. One child gets a large amount of money in child support, other kids get none. One child lives in a single parent household and the others live with two parents. Bottom line is life isn't equal. In some sitautions some of the kids in our extended group have an advantage. In other cases other kids have an advantage. Things can not be kept equal at all times nor should they be. Every household (there are three primary and four in actuality involved in my situation) has different circumstances.

 

[Tinkmom75]

I also think the other trip is entirely legit. The stepkids will probably be at their mom's at that time.

I don't think the icecream pool issue is all that legit though, and from some of the other posts I think it is a much deeper issue about money and how to run the family. You guys (you and DH) need to figure out how the family is going to run. Honestly, from what you've posted previously, I can see your DH saying to heck with it, all you do is complain about $$, complain about having to go back to work, complain about stepkids. Maybe you don't want to go on this trip cause you can't be a SAHM that much longer. Well sometimes we can't have everything we want. You sound sarcastic here too. Time to grow up and be an adult.

 

[tlens]

You are totally right! I guess I should tell my sister she can not take DD and I to DW. And then after that, I should call the stepkids mom and tell her since I am not allowed to do anything with my daughter without her children, she is not allowed to do anything with her children with out my daughter. Or better yet, why don't I just say- hey DD and I get to go to DW, screw the stepkids and not worry about trying to figure out how to get the family trip back on!

Sorry but you marry a guy with kids, you treat those kids as if they are your own. Not when it's convenient.

The money thing is over the top. It sounds like you are a little tight with the purse strings there. Would it have killed you to pay for the late night swim? I'd rather my kids be doing something fun with their friends than sitting stationary in front of video games.

Don't you remember being a kid yourself. Ice cream from the ice cream parlour always tastes better, even if it's the same brand as what you have at home. I'm not saying buy them ice cream everytime they ask for it, but a treat now and then is warranted.

When we go to Disney, we tell the kids they each have $50.00 for souveniers. If they want more than that, they need to save up and bring their own money. Once the $50.00 is gone, it's gone. To cancel an entire trip over this is stupid.

 

[badblackpug]

Okay, seriously, without going crazy here... You are over-reacting about the money thing. (by the way, you definitely have an issue with money in your family) sit down with the step kids. Explain to them that they will be expected to pay for their own souvenirs and arcade games and such. Talk to them about how to save money. Such as skipping an extra swim here and there, or buying an extra ice cream here and there. Offer them ways to earn money, but you must allow their money to be theirs. Even if they blow it. They will learn a lesson in saving if they get to WDW and don't have any spending money. Maybe their mom doesn't want them to bring their money to your house because she thinks you should foot the bill for them when they are with you. I am not agreeing with this, but don't reciprocate with the same attitude. Any money they earn is theirs to do with as they please, after all they earned it. Offer to keep money for them and keep a register of deposits and withdrawals so that they can see money add up and dwindle away. I agree a better way is to help them open a bank account.

I agree with you on your trip with your sister. There is no way to keep things equal. Although your daughter is too young to know it now, there will be times that they will get to do things with their mom in which your daughter will not be included. She, too, may feel left out, but there is no way to make things entirely equal.

I think you need to let cooler heads prevail. You need to let the kids know what things they will be financially responsible for. Swimming, ice cream, souvenirs, and then let it go. A gentle reminder such as "that is $5 you could save for you trip." and "remember, if you don't bring any spending money to WDW, we will not be giving you any, and you won't be able to get any toys or souvenirs," is sufficient. After that you have to let it go, and maybe, let them learn a difficult lesson. I do agree that to an 11 and 8 year old a year seems like an eternity.