The trip is off

[marlynnp]

I think the OP got exactly what she deserves.

She wants to be unrealistic and domineering about the step children saving their money - of which none comes from an allowance from the OP and husband. Then complains to the husband about their spending??? And since it's not the husband's favorite place to go I don't blame him for cancelling since it's obviously causing so much friction.

 

[princess momma]

You are totally right! I guess I should tell my sister she can not take DD and I to DW. And then after that, I should call the stepkids mom and tell her since I am not allowed to do anything with my daughter without her children, she is not allowed to do anything with her children with out my daughter. Or better yet, why don't I just say- hey DD and I get to go to DW, screw the stepkids and not worry about trying to figure out how to get the family trip back on!

You should tell your sister you can't go without your stepkids. They are your family. I just can't believe you would consider going without them.

 

[hentob]

You and your husband have some very, very deep issues.

He really enjoys holding money over your head. Now he is playing these mind games with the children

I remember you from this thread:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2117497

I told you that you were in a SAD situation back in March. It is just getting worse. Now the kids are being treated like garbage. Pathetic.

I feel so badly for any children that are caught up in this kind of life.

Can you get some counseling? Are you really going to live like this for the rest of your life?

Those poor children

 

[RobinFabulous]

I have all sorts of snide remarkes, but I'm going to keep those to myself.

You obviously have a problem with budgeting. The money the children bring from their mother's is theirs to do with what they please. How do you know she didn't say take $5 for icecream? They are children.

If YOU want to teach them to budget, sit down give them an allowance for use at your home. Say $5... Explain that $1 is for swim, $1 is for icecream and the other $3 is for saving. You have to teach children to save, they don't inherently know. I'd be all kinds of mad if I gave my DD money to use when her dad takes her to chuckie cheese (which I know he does every other week) and then her step mother got mad that she spent the money I gave her to spend.

If it's causing problems have them leave the mother's home money there, then do as I suggested and teach them to budget with their allowance at your home. They're kids. My 7 year old has no clue about money, nor should he. I give him money for school and he spends it, his 11 year old sister is more careful and cane save, but she's older and has been taught

 

[hentob]

I think the OP got exactly what she deserves.

She wants to be unrealistic and domineering about the step children saving their money - of which none comes from an allowance from the OP and husband. Then complains to the husband about their spending??? And since it's not the husband's favorite place to go I don't blame him for cancelling since it's obviously causing so much friction.

Yup. And she knows her husband is quite mental when it comes to money, so she actually tried to get those poor kids in trouble

 

[marlynnp]

You should tell your sister you can't go without your stepkids. They are your family. I just can't believe you would consider going without them.

That's ridiculous. They can go on a trip with other family. I'm sure the ex-wife isn't going to be taking the OP's daughter on her trips.

 

[gonzo76]

I think the OP got exactly what she deserves.

She wants to be unrealistic and domineering about the step children saving their money - of which none comes from an allowance from the OP and husband. Then complains to the husband about their spending??? And since it's not the husband's favorite place to go I don't blame him for cancelling since it's obviously causing so much friction.

Agree with bolded part. Op, you are being way too harsh and ridiculous..

 

[kevschickee]

That's ridiculous. They can go on a trip with other family. I'm sure the ex-wife isn't going to be taking the OP's daughter on her trips.

the difference here though is the kids were told they were going to disney as a family. Now they aren't because of money and such. Now their sister is going with their step mom. So it really is different then if their mom was taking them somewhere

 

[tlens]

For the most part it's unanimous. I wonder if she'll learn anything from this or just decide that we don't understand, she's right and we're all wrong.

This is all kinds of messed up.

 

[kevschickee]

For the most part it's unanimous. I wonder if she'll learn anything from this or just decide that we don't understand, she's right and we're all wrong.

This is all kinds of messed up.

I highly doubt she will learn anything

 

[gonzo76]

Why would your stepson have to use the money he won while at his mom's? I don't understand any of this. Start giving them an allowance.

 

[princess momma]

That's ridiculous. They can go on a trip with other family. I'm sure the ex-wife isn't going to be taking the OP's daughter on her trips.

There is nothing ridiculous about it. She married a man with kids, which makes those kids her kids. Well, that is if she wants them to be a family, but it sounds like she doesn't give a crap either way. She just wants to go on a trip.

Of course the ex won't be taking the OP's daughter on vacation. The ex-wife didn't make the choice to bring that girl into her family. The OP knew she what she was getting into.

It's all about priorities here. She'd rather have a vacation than make those stepkids welcome in her family. I can't imagine how they must feel. I wouldn't be surprised if they don't exactly love their stepmother.

 

[marlynnp]

You and your husband have some very, very deep issues.

He really enjoys holding money over your head. Now he is playing these mind games with the children

I remember you from this thread:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2117497

I remember that. I didn't post on that one but I seriously wondered about how that was worded.

How about if the scenario was something like this....

OP & DH know they're going to have a baby. OP really wants to stay home. DH goes over budget and says well with both of us working the $s I made were covering the cost of ABC and the $s you made were covering XYZ.
Now, what we can do is use $xx.xx of our savings to pay for XYZ as long as you can stretch it out for and then you're going to have to go back to work because we can't live on only my income.

Now that doesn't make the guy sound so unreasonable, does it???

 

[iheartnmr's]

Do you never spend any money on these kids? They'll need to play in the front yard all summer? What's wrong with giving them an allowance? You want them to learn responsibility with their money so you decide to withhold money? That is some screwed up logic. I also think it's sad and pathetic they need to bring money from their mom's house to your house so they can have some entertainment other than opening up the freezer and running through a sprinker (of course water cost $$ so maybe that's not allowed either).

I'm seething at this. No wonder they disrespect you. You aren't giving them any reason to respect you.

 

[Oh Hia]

I haven't read through all the responses but the money the kids have at their mom’s house is money from their mom and they shouldn't have to save any of it for a trip that doesn't include their mom. Asking them to bring that money to your house and put it away for a WDW trip is very petty.

This problem is very easy to solve......If you and your husband want them to save money for a trip to WDW then you and your husband should give them money to save.

As far as the girl blowing through $5.00 in 24 hrs, are you serious? You do know that she is only 8 right?

I believe that there are much bigger issues at play here.

 

[hentob]

I walk into the house and tell DH I am tired of this whole money thing. He asks what is going on and I tell him and he calls the kids into the house and tells them the trip is off. He tells them if they have more important things to do with their money then he has more important things to do with his money too.

Ya know, the more I read this, the more I am thinking your husband is an abusive and horrible man. He actually blamed canceling a vacation on the children, even though he really did not want to go

Why didn’t you tell your husband off a few months ago when he refused to give you “spending money” during the summer? That was so nice you went and ratted out your poor step children to a psychotic excuse of a man

Gosh. I am shaking just thinking about how traumatizing that must have been to your step children to be made to think they ruined a family vacation just because they wanted a late swim and an ice cream

la79al, I hope you can see that you are in an abusive situation. You just displayed behavior typical of an abused person…you tried to deflect the abuse on to somebody else. Sadly, you deflected it to children. You need help. You really do.

 

[EthansMom]

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with the OP going on a trip with her daughter. Not everything has to include all members of a family.

But I do think the OP (and her husband) reacted a bit strongly to the kids regarding their spending/saving. By expecting the kids to bring money from their Mom's house for the trip, it almost seems as if their Mom is helping to pay for the trip with the OP's family. IMO, the kids' spending money for the trip should come from money they've earned at Dad's house, not spending money that is given to them by Mom.

And if the OP and her husband have a problem with how the kids are spending money while at their Dad's house, then they need to say "No". There is nothing wrong with saying, "No, you don't need to be spending yours/your Mom's money that way," and having them take the spending money back to Mom's.

I think there's a lot more going on here and the OP and her husband need to set some boundaries/rules. The kids seem to be getting a lot of spending money from their Mom; the OP (and her husband) seem to have issues with the kids having so much spending money and/or how the kids are spending THEIR money.

I'm the child of divorced parents. My parents rarely gave me money to spend while I was at my other parent's house (even when I was older). If I needed spending money while at Mom's, she would give me some. If I needed spending money while at Dad's, he would give me some. If I needed a large amount for something special (a trip for school or the like) then they'd usually both give me part of the money I needed.

 

[Tinkmom75]

Originally posted by marlynnp:

I remember that. I didn't post on that one but I seriously wondered about how that was worded.

How about if the scenario was something like this....

OP & DH know they're going to have a baby. OP really wants to stay home. DH goes over budget and says well with both of us working the $s I made were covering the cost of ABC and the $s you made were covering XYZ.
Now, what we can do is use $xx.xx of our savings to pay for XYZ as long as you can stretch it out for and then you're going to have to go back to work because we can't live on only my income.

Now that doesn't make the guy sound so unreasonable, does it???

ITA, we've only gotten her side of the story and she sounds pretty unreasonable, petty, and overdramatic. I can't take anything she says at face value.

 

[hentob]

I remember that. I didn't post on that one but I seriously wondered about how that was worded.

How about if the scenario was something like this....

OP & DH know they're going to have a baby. OP really wants to stay home. DH goes over budget and says well with both of us working the $s I made were covering the cost of ABC and the $s you made were covering XYZ.
Now, what we can do is use $xx.xx of our savings to pay for XYZ as long as you can stretch it out for and then you're going to have to go back to work because we can't live on only my income.

Now that doesn't make the guy sound so unreasonable, does it???

I felt that the minute she said "I am watching my step kids this summer and I am really hoping my husband offers us spending money like he did last year" was a sure sign that he is very controlling. She was scared to ask for money. He had to "offer it" to her.

And, this guy is beyond unreasonable. Any man that cancels a family vacation and blames it on his children is awful

 

[3princesses+aprince]

I have not read through all of the responses, but seeing how I have a 12 yr old Stepson i'll put my 2 cents in!!!

We just went to Disney world and He and my 3 dds had banks that were for there Disney spending money. My girls did great, but he kept dipping into his. Dh just told him that if he uses his spending money on other things then he will not be able to buy himself any souvies. The trip itself was being paid completely by us of course and everything we did like mini gold and renting boats and surrey bikes was all paid by us too. Their money was for what they wanted to buy.

A few months before the trip he kept taking some money out. But once it got closer he started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and ended up being very good with the money.
Next summer is too far away to tell an 8 and 12 yr old not to buy ice cream or swim because of the trip next year. They live for the moment, as they should.
Let them be kids

And one more thing, you may or may not want to hear! But because I know sometimes it's tough with stepkids, i'll say it.

If they bring money from their Mom's house, I wouldn't tell them to put that away for your family trip, if they bring that, they should be able to spend it as they wish , and trust me, once the trip is closer they'll be glad to put their money away for it.

I would go with allowance at your house for helping around the house. Set a dollar amount every week, but don't hand it to them, put that money away for their spending money.

And don't cancel the trip, your dd will miss out too! If they don't save their money, they won't buy souveniers !

We just came back from our first trip a few weeks ago. I had my kids start saving up right before Christmas, we're going back next year, and I won't even start the saving that far away, they just were not into it, it was too far away. I'll probably start 3 months out, they can use holiday and bday money.
Good luck